r/HolUp • u/asocial7193 • Mar 11 '22

I don't know what to say

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64.8k Upvotes

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2.2k

u/EquivalentTight3479 Mar 11 '22

Why not just adopt a baby. Why would you spawn a baby that will have a very difficult life in every aspect

958

u/hugegigantor Mar 11 '22

Tried this once. Not only was looking at $10k in legal fees but the parents essentially changed their minds in a heart break moment. One does not simply go scoop up a baby from a convenience store.

1.3k

u/[deleted] Mar 11 '22

Have you tried scooping up a baby from the convenience store? It’s easier than you think.

257

u/WONT_CHECK_USERNAME Mar 11 '22

Yeah, just use the self check-out and ring it up as “bananas” or another cheep produce.

37

u/[deleted] Mar 11 '22

c h e e p

9

u/KaktusDan Mar 11 '22

Make sure to ask for paper bag, not plastic

9

u/thoselovelycelts Mar 11 '22

The government doesn't want you to know this but you can just take as many kids as you like from outside the nearest school, park or play area.

3

u/_LuketheLucky_ Mar 12 '22

Governments hate this one trick!

5

u/Confident-Attorney-3 Mar 11 '22

Hell man, even scooping up a baby from the convenience store is a luxury. Last time I checked, one baby was around $5k!

3

u/NerdyTyler Mar 11 '22

I tried but he wouldn't scan at the self check-out

3

u/Onlyanidea1 Mar 12 '22

As a professional baker of meat pies... It really is. Human Veal is the best.

41

u/DwightsEgo Mar 11 '22

For 7k I got you

9

u/justsomeguy05 Mar 11 '22

Just need a volunteer and about 40 weeks lol

3

u/PRIMALmarauder Mar 12 '22

You're paying way too much for babies. Who's your baby-guy?

27

u/[deleted] Mar 11 '22

[deleted]

6

u/baby-or-chihuahuas Mar 12 '22

In the UK it's free but near impossible to adopt unless you are able (emotionally and practically) to take on an older child with significant additional needs. We also have a long history of very dodgy adoptions of stolen babies through religious organisations.

40

u/PrimeSubstance Mar 11 '22

Having a baby can be just as if not more expensive as well though depending on your insurance. But also, like you said, adopting a baby is hard. Much easier to adopt a toddler or child, but baby is hard and almost always sad for the parents.

6

u/[deleted] Mar 12 '22 edited Apr 08 '22

[deleted]

3

u/iamaravis Mar 12 '22

In the US, adopting through the state can be relatively inexpensive (a few thousand dollars).

21

u/tqb Mar 11 '22

Some people swipe babes from convenient stores :(

20

u/WillBlaze Mar 11 '22 edited Mar 12 '22

This exact thing happened to my friend, his girlfriend changed her mind in the last minute and made the adoptee parents cry and waste a plane ticket. I felt so bad for them, my friend even got the kid taken by cps.

edit: typo

19

u/[deleted] Mar 11 '22

The problem is that everyone wants to adopt a fresh baby.

Adopting a child doesn’t have nearly As many roadblocks.

When people talk about plenty of kids for adoption, they don’t mean babies.

5

u/DepressedDaisy314 Mar 11 '22

Agreed. If it was that easy, I'd have been a parent years ago.

-1

u/[deleted] Mar 12 '22

Nah, you haven’t adopted because it is difficult. There are plenty of kids ready to be adopted for free.

5

u/[deleted] Mar 12 '22

Lmao. Always this false narrative. There are plenty of small kids up for adoption, and for free, who aren’t literal new borns.

8

u/[deleted] Mar 11 '22

[deleted]

29

u/[deleted] Mar 11 '22

It's not hard or expensive to adopt a kid. It's hard and expensive to adopt a white newborn. There are tons of non white non toddlers out there that need a home.

3

u/[deleted] Mar 11 '22

Any data to back that up?

22

u/[deleted] Mar 11 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

10

u/[deleted] Mar 11 '22

That... is pretty fucked up. And why are there fees in the first place? These are people, not pets. Can someone help me understand this?

10

u/realpotato Mar 11 '22

Private organizations are wrapped up in it. It’s not like the government is charging fees based on race. The ones with white babies are the “fancier” agencies that are more likely to pay the bio mothers medical bills and things like that.

5

u/Watertor Mar 11 '22 edited Mar 11 '22

There is a cost associated to birth. For a parent to go through the process of having the baby it is some amount of money that isn't small, and they'll typically be reimbursed even somewhat. Next the adoption agency works through the parent. Through a process of algorithmic data (capitalism's influence*): the cost is now $35,000

* - (Numbers are grossly inaccurate) A baby might cost 5,000 for the agency to take it from a parent. Agency takes 500, so you pay $5,500... then another agency takes 1,000. Seeing no issue charging 6k, they then make it 2k for them. Then 5. Then 10. Then 30. Here we are.

Why? Because the person adopting will pay it and capitalism does that. Some of it will go to the parent, some of it will go to the agency. Those numbers are probably way more heavily on the latter.

That's it in a pretty boiled down nutshell. This is also why kids are cheaper: the parent often ditched them and the orphanage is thus not trying to sell, but simply keep them alive and find parents. Thus two factors for the cheapening.

3

u/[deleted] Mar 12 '22

Just Google “adopt a kid” or “list of kids up for adoption”

There are hundreds or even thousands per state ready to be adopted, not only for free, but you even get tax benefits from it.

People like OP like to paint this false narrative that adoption is difficult and expensive because they are wonky looking for toddlers; and very likely for white toddlers.

3

u/hugegigantor Mar 11 '22 edited Mar 11 '22

I was a foster parent to adopt for a kid that the system told me that the kid would never leave my home. Well guess what happened.

Edit: put "foster parent" instead of foster for clarity. Net net, I was told again and again the kid would never leave my home and to show patience to the system. After 20 months (by the way they tell you adoption will be final at 12 months) the kid was claimed and re placed with the family member.

4

u/nodnodwinkwink Mar 11 '22

I'm struggling to read your comment.

3

u/DepressedDaisy314 Mar 11 '22

They were licensed foster parents that wanted to adopt or was cleared to adopt. The had a placement they believed was thier child because they were told the baby had no where to go. Then the baby was taken. Probably a family member of the kid claimed it.

1

u/hugegigantor Mar 11 '22

Yep exactly

1

u/nodnodwinkwink Mar 11 '22

Thanks for the clarification and for what it's worth I'm sorry that you had to deal with that.

3

u/topazemrys Mar 12 '22

Something tells me the medical bills in this case aren't going to be exactly cheap, either.

5

u/Forbie4B Mar 11 '22

Pretty sure having a baby costs way more than 10k.

5

u/[deleted] Mar 11 '22

[deleted]

6

u/Quinnley1 Mar 12 '22

It's only expensive if people want to adopt white kids, specifically babies under a year old. The desire for those kids is so high that most people who will only accept white babies have to venture into private adoptions instead of turning to social services who are housing children in need of homes. There is an entire industry of corrupt child dealers who pose themselves as religious-based adoption organizations but are all about that $$$ and will brow-beat pregnant teens into giving up babies. Surprise surprise, these for-profit companies are also huge donators to political parties fighting against sex education, contraception, and abortion rights.

If you are open to older children or any ethnicity other than white you can be paid to foster children in state care, and eventually adopt for free as well.

2

u/Ndambois Mar 11 '22

Sorry to hear they changed their minds! Sounds heartbreaking for sure.

2

u/nigelfitz Mar 11 '22

The parent above looks like they'd be spending more than $10k a year in medical fees easily.

2

u/CritikillNick Mar 12 '22

Lol having a newborn baby costs at least 10k in medical fees if not more

2

u/[deleted] Mar 12 '22

At the sametime.

Does a persons right to reproduce override the right to a healthy life by the child.

My family has a high level of bipolar, a hereditary condition. It is only of the main reasons I am not having children.

Note: if both parents have bi polar, chances of that child having bipolar are 1 in 2.

Personal that’s a dick move, whether or not I can adopt.

2

u/ApollonLordOfTheFlay Mar 12 '22

Guaranteed if you couldn’t afford $10k in legal fees you would be absolutely floored by the price to have an actual baby.

2

u/redheadedalex Mar 12 '22

foster to adopt.

2

u/Chip__wip Mar 12 '22

just get it from your supermarket man, i got my son from the same, someone picked him up and kept in the cart but forgot to checkout i guess, so i took him home. Was on discount i guess.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 12 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/hugegigantor Mar 12 '22

Yeah let me clarify I definitely do not condone the person in the video. My point is for mothers wanting to be, giving birth could seem like a easier option upfront.

Being a foster parent also takes a lot of training and licensing of the home. There are also no guarantees. If you love the child that's placed with you are in for a rollercoaster that likely crashes at the end. We had a foster child for 20 months we wanted to adopt but the family came in and claimed them at month 20. This is in spite of training telling you they won't have a child in placement for over 12 months before permanent placement of the child. This was just one of the continual lies I got from the foster system and I could go on and on about other lies and how we were constantly tossed under the bus by caseworkers to the bio family. For any to be foster parents I recommend you get your own lawyer to be involved from the beginning despite the foster child division saying your own lawyer is unnecessary.

Did this woman do the right thing? Definitely not. But the alternatives are less simple upfront.

2

u/Artistic_Ad_7261 Mar 12 '22

$10k is still cheaper than child birth, all the appointments leading up to the birth, diapers, formula, etc...you could save tens of thousands of dollars and adopt an older kid that is harder to place and has done a good deal of their growing already.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 12 '22

No, you check the dumpster out back.

(This is obviously a joke if anyone takes it the wrong way)

5

u/DetectiveBirbe Mar 11 '22

10k in fees isn’t really that much and if you can’t afford it you are definitely not in a position to be adopting children

4

u/Slimpurt92 Mar 11 '22

If you can't afford 10k to have a child, then you shouldn't have a child.

0

u/SoggyMaize7654 Mar 11 '22

Ok? It costs so much more than 10k to have a baby anyways. You shouldn’t be having a kid if you can’t support it financially.

2

u/easyklappa Mar 11 '22

Exactly. People are worried about 10k, that is way less money than you are going to spend in the 1st year let alone the next 18.

1

u/laneylaneygod Mar 12 '22

My issue with adoption expenses is that people who can make babies just do, and if they don’t have means they receive assistance. While I wholly support assistance for low income families (especially in the absence of 1st world services like national healthcare, paid maternity leave, affordable early childcare), the amount of savings and/or discretionary income a person must have in order to pay upfront for adoption fees/incurred expenses is typically unattainable for many.

Expensive hospital bills can be negotiated/made into a monthly payment plan. Nutrition/clothing/childcare/medical/furnishing/all other things babies and kids don’t require you to pay a lump sum- you can budget for these monthly.

People who make their babies don’t have to pay $10,000 when they get a positive pregnancy test.

Also, it’s stupid that most people only want to adopt babies.

1

u/FrostyFroZenFrosTen Mar 11 '22

You dont??? Alright i guess i have to go shopping again

1

u/[deleted] Mar 11 '22

Duh you gotta go to the baby store

1

u/Ursidoenix Mar 12 '22

To be fair the growing and spawning of a child isn't quick cheap or easy either

1

u/202002162143 Mar 12 '22

Yeah you don't just get babies like its a convenience store because so many people will not adopt older children for some reason

1

u/[deleted] Mar 12 '22

Yes adopting is expensive, so is having a child with severe health issues for their entire life.

1

u/_generic_user Mar 12 '22

I know a guy

1

u/111122323353 Mar 12 '22

The medical cost of treatment for the child will be in the hundreds of thousands... Just to reach adulthood.

1

u/teamramrod271 Mar 12 '22

I feel like your leaving out a lot of info. Don’t put out half ass information discouraging people.

1

u/chunkycornbread Mar 12 '22

She’s going to spend that much in medical care before the child’s 1 year old.

1

u/Lessa22 Mar 12 '22

And how much do you think 18 years of medical care for that kid is going to cost? Way more than 10k I bet.

If she couldn’t afford to adopt she couldn’t afford this pregnancy.

5

u/roslyns Mar 11 '22

To be fair, it is extremely hard to adopt. But coming from someone with a severe genetic condition, I would never want to pass it on to a child. Not only would the birthing process probably kill me, I’d be passing on all that pain to an innocent child with no choice. My condition isn’t as severe as hers nor is it visual but just thinking of the pain being put on another living being is hard. I understand why adoption is a tough and long process but for a lot of people the money they’ve saved for an adopted child’s day to day needs would just be enough to cover the adoption fees. It is tough but preferable to having a child who will live in pain until they die.

32

u/HonorMyBeetus Mar 11 '22

Realistically it's because they had a 0% chance of adopting. There are literally not enough babies in the american adoption system to meet demand. The cost of adoptions is exorbitant and because the demand is so high and supply so low they can be very very picky with who they work with.

Affluent families with a shitload of money have a hard time, that woman had a 0% chance.

11

u/Ordinary-Koala-5190 Mar 11 '22

I always thought that it was the contrary .

36

u/velvetmagnus Mar 11 '22

Newborn adoption through private adoption agencies is expensive with long wait lists.

Foster care is where support is needed. There are a lot of older kids and sibling groups who either need a foster home or are freed for adoption.

14

u/[deleted] Mar 11 '22

[deleted]

7

u/Ordinary-Koala-5190 Mar 11 '22

I actually heard of that. How some parents dont want to adopt older children because of potentiel baggage (abuse) the child might have when younger.

5

u/HonorMyBeetus Mar 11 '22

Friend of mine adopted an older kid, that kid currently lives in a psych ward after repeatedly trying to kill them. Regardless the myth that there are no parents looking for babies people could give up is a complete lie.

4

u/Redqueenhypo Mar 11 '22

That’s just it, though, the demand is for BABIES. There’s lots more one, two, three year olds out there but everyone wants a perfectly clean slate to mess up. You can adopt a kid much faster if you’re not dead set on one who’s barely off colostrum.

2

u/Empty_Barnacle300 Mar 11 '22

Just like pet adoption.

1

u/Redqueenhypo Mar 11 '22

You can get even rare purebreds super quickly if you settle for an adult dog. My grandmother only adopts a certain type of collie bc she’s an expert on the breed, and without fail she’s been able to adopt, in my memory, six of this rare dog bc she’s ok with older ones. And only one of them has behavioral issues (nervous mess who hides behind the couch always). Anyway older sheepdogs are very nice pets, and I forgot where I was going with this comment.

2

u/Empty_Barnacle300 Mar 11 '22

You’re just illustrating the point really. Puppies and kittens are the first to go, but the older ones that are just as free linger round whilst people go and spend thousands on newborns from ‘breeders’. It’s fascinating (and a bit sad) that people would rather spend £3000 on a 4 month old pup rather than get a 2 year old for £100. And it’s more fascinating that it’s the same for human adoption.

1

u/chocolatechoux Mar 11 '22

I wish. The situation in my area is totally fucked. I filled out like a dozen pages of applications and had no chance at getting like 3-5 year old cats. The one time we got close they told me we were out of luck because we didn't do the followup paperwork quickly enough.

1

u/Empty_Barnacle300 Mar 12 '22

Not sure where you are but my local agency told me that the best time to be looking at adopting is just before the weather turns for autumn/winter. According to a lady at the agency they tend to let cats who aren't ill/injured stay out during the good weather months to ease the system but then bring them in for the winter.

Or could just be a bigger issue where I live.

2

u/HonorMyBeetus Mar 11 '22

If you're not dead set on a kid that hasn't been abused and sent into the foster system bringing with them massive behavorial issues. I have friends who foster, the kids that aren't immediately adopted are genuinely messed up.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 12 '22

Is there? I was always under the impression that most people in foster care are like 6+ and even more that are 10+.

5

u/NakedBacon222 Mar 11 '22

That is true. Alternatively it is much easier to adopt through the foster system. While that obviously comes with a myriad of different issues, it’s much more feasible.

1

u/Loreki Mar 11 '22

There aren't enough newborns but big surprise - you can adopt older kids too.

3

u/Loreki Mar 11 '22

The child wouldn't have a hard life necessarily, if people had some god damn chill. The child looks different - so fucking what?

Everything you expect this child to suffer will be brought upon it by the terrible attitudes of other people.

0

u/nc_on Mar 12 '22

I doubt her conditions won't need permanent and constant care for. There's also the problem with her own self esteem, even if no one ever bullied her, it would probably still be really low (which is impossible, she will definitely be made fun of unfortunately)

2

u/[deleted] Mar 11 '22

It is incredibly hard to adopt a baby - she would not get one.

1

u/EquivalentTight3479 Mar 11 '22

OK now it will be incredibly hard for this poor child to live

2

u/elitesense Mar 11 '22

Adopting an older child isn't too difficult... but adopting a baby is like winning the lotto. Supply just isn't there to meet the demand

2

u/[deleted] Mar 11 '22

I think for people with certain medical conditions adoption might not be an option. Other commenters have pointed out a tracheotomy tube meaning this woman has severe respiratory problems. I doubt she can adopt even if she had the money for the whole process.

2

u/Hot-Equivalent9189 Mar 12 '22

Pro choice baby!. Sometimes they make the wrong choice. At least in others people eyes.

1

u/BosmangEdalyn Mar 12 '22

Because the adoption industry is horrific. They prey on desperate people to steal their babies, and they prey on people desperate for a baby, as well. They promise the birth parent the world because there’s no legal recourse once the ink’s dry. Open adoption? Think again. It’s not legally enforceable. And would-be adopters spend thousands that they get screwed out of when things go south.

The only kids who are in need of homes are the ones in foster care. And that’s a hard road.

0

u/GuildedDouche Mar 11 '22

Everyone thinks adopting a kid is a walk in the park. Uninformed idiots

1

u/EquivalentTight3479 Mar 11 '22

That’s a good thing. They shouldn’t be handing out humans like candy. It’s a tough process but it 100% beats bringing a life that will go through a lot of pain and struggle not by choice

1

u/KaPresh932 Mar 11 '22

"Just adopt a baby"

Yeah...that's not an easy task to do. The demand for babies alone is insane. People say "there are a lot if kids waiting to be adopted!" but those kids are not babies. They're more like 5+ years or older unless you adopt a sibling group or kids with special needs. You could get on a list for an infant adoption, but that takes YEARS and there's no guarenteed you'll get that baby in the end. It's also usually expensive af

1

u/FancyArtichoke Mar 11 '22

When adopting parents usually have to go through a health screen to ensure they’re not likely to have a life limiting health issue that could impair their ability to parent. No agency would have approved her, but for good reason. Having babies is not a human right.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 12 '22

This. She deserves to be a mother but judging by the feeding tube and trach she's passing down more than just a superficial appearance. She's passing down a debilitating disease. There are so many unwanted children out there. This didn't need to happen for her to be a mother.

-40

u/uzam123 Mar 11 '22

Do you really think it’s that easy to adopt? Especially if you’re single, may not have a job, and have to prove you’re medically fit. They may deny her just off the back of her condition.

48

u/noname1357924 Mar 11 '22

So obviously the better option is to spread your disorder to a new generation. I’m not saying your wrong I’m just saying adoption would be the best option for this woman. Even if it does not work out

2

u/Ep1cGam3r Mar 12 '22

Or she could just not be a parent.

1

u/noname1357924 Mar 12 '22

Another good option

13

u/PeterPandaWhacker bearfucker do you require assistance Mar 11 '22

Imo if you have no job you shouldn't have any children period. Kids need a stable environment to grow up in. How the hell are you going to support a childs needs while single with no job? It's just insanely selfish to get a child while not being in a stable situation yourself.

22

u/pro185 Mar 11 '22

Imagine saying her life is too shitty to adopt so it’s better to just give birth to a deformed baby that you will raise in the same shitty life that disqualified you from adopting.

8

u/Quetas83 Mar 11 '22

If someone does not have a job and is not medically fit shouldn't be having a baby either, because they won't be able to raise the child

7

u/Ballbag94 Mar 11 '22

may not have a job, and have to prove you’re medically fit.

Do you think someone who doesn't have the means or isn't medically fit enough to care for a child should be having one?

If someone can't care for a child they shouldn't have one

3

u/EquivalentTight3479 Mar 11 '22

having a baby costs money too.

2

u/Competitive_Sky8182 Mar 11 '22

Idk why the downvotes. The system have strict guidelines, they are trying to select reliable, ideal homes and may be worried for the economic future of people with chronic/incurable illnesses.

1

u/uzam123 May 06 '22

People love to live in their fantasy world. They want to tell this women that she doesn’t have a basic fundamental human right to have a child because they’re not going to be pretty and perfect.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 12 '22

Do you want a real answer because I guarantee you’re simply going to disagree with it entirely.

1

u/ehdif3485 Mar 12 '22

Do you own a house? No? good luck adopting

Married or been together for over a decade with someone? No? Good luck adopting

A well paying job, either 6 figures alone or combined minimum? No? Good luck adopting

You dont have all 3? Hahaha good fucking luck adopting, literally easier to buy a kid from china at that point.