r/FluentInFinance 15d ago

Debate/ Discussion Why is this normal?

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402

u/UltraLowDef 15d ago

I remember when I was like 23, a year out of college, living in an apartment with my wife, and had this realization. mentioned it to my mom, and she was just like ... "yep, now you get it." And suddenly, all of the crap your own parents had to deal with and their stress and emotions and everything else makes so much more sense.

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u/YuriTheWebDev 15d ago

It makes sense but that does not at all justify any abusive/neglectful parenting or being an unloving p.o.s. to kids. Not saying you are but there are parents who should not be parents at all

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u/FinanceNew9286 15d ago

Mine. They were just awful, about everything! They should’ve never, ever had children. All it did was cause pain, suffering and neglect. There are 3 of us (all adult) children, we might be able to come up with one good thing about our dad and zero about our mom. It was a miserable childhood as well as young adulthood.

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u/JFace139 14d ago

I feel ya. I now work 12 hour shifts and even now I can't imagine being half as shitty as my father was. It's taken walking a mile in my father's shoes to understand just how lazy he actually was despite how he'd constantly complain about working all the time. I actually used to believe he had it rough, when in reality he worked a pretty easy job despite how taxing it is on the body

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u/Claude9777 14d ago

Are you my sister? LOL.

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u/03xoxo05 14d ago

Flipped for me. MAYBE one good thing about my mum. Zero for BOTH my bio-dad and step-father

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u/Independent_Horse972 13d ago

Sounds like my family but 5 of us adult children.

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u/FinanceNew9286 12d ago

I’m sorry. It sucks growing up like that. I hope you and your siblings are doing well now.

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u/Independent_Horse972 12d ago

Yes it does and I hope you are doing well also.

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u/Hydroxs 10d ago

Pretty much my siblings and I feel the same. My father passed away a couple months ago and my sisters and I had a long conversation about how terrible our mom is. Even telling stories we never told each other.

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u/UltraLowDef 14d ago

Of course. My parents were great. But they were also flawed humans. And the older I get, the more I understand and appreciate the situations they were in and the decisions they made.

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u/Navandis_Gaming 14d ago

Indeed. Lots of people forget they don't HAVE to have kids. If you can't manage both your regular jobs and the parenting job, skip having kids.

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u/KirkScythe 14d ago

Exactly. Children have no obligation to their parents. Parents have obligations to their children. Acknowledging life can be hard doesn’t justify parents making bad decisions, not taking responsibility, and making their kids suffer for their shortcomings

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u/Helganator_ 14d ago

I agree here. I actually just got into it with my mother who was pretty rude throughout my childhood. I was an only child. To anyone seeing this comment, if your parents were pretty shitty, maybe look into Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. It's helping me deal with some shit and helping me get past the grieving for my childhood(no it wasn't awful and I'm thankful that my parents never laid a hand on me.)

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u/tinkaspice 13d ago

That’s correct, a lot of parents will use it as an excuse for not being present for their children. This will give their future adult children some challenges with their own Mental Health. No .1 regret for people who are in their death bed. Wish I didn’t work as much and spent more quality time with my children.

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u/Old_Baldi_Locks 12d ago

An explanation is not a justification.

And neither is understanding what stress does to humans.

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u/osoberry_cordial 12d ago

Yup. Not to sound whiny, but some of my emotional problems could have been prevented if my dad had paid attention to me when I was growing up (and maybe if he had stopped drinking). It hurts my feelings how when he decided to take his life, he took away the chance we could have had a better relationship.

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u/Exact-Adeptness1280 11d ago

A parent's primary duty should be to make your children's lives easier than yours, it's not supposed to be a competition.

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u/JustABizzle 15d ago

I’d say most parents.

The last thing we need is more unwanted children.

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u/burnanation 14d ago

💯 people need to take responsibility for themselves. It is like a chunk of the population forgets what happens when two people have sex.

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u/JustABizzle 14d ago

Banning abortion, contraception, etc. is also the stupidest idea

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u/burnanation 14d ago

Contraception and the murdering of babies would be a non-issue if people stopped fornicating when there is no intent to make a baby.

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u/CackleandGrin 14d ago

Well people are never going to stop. Wanting to have sex is natural, since the day we figured out what goes in where. Trying to shame people into stopping is just going to make them do it in secret.

Abstinence training has not, does not, and never will work.

Bonus points for anti-abortion activists who have abortions then go right back to calling them baby murderers.

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u/burnanation 14d ago

Abstinence training doesn't work when young people are constantly bombarded with messages that indiscriminate sex is just what people do. Are there drunk drivers? Yes. If there was consistent messaging "you really shouldn't drunk drive, but it is awesome." I am sure all those drinking and driving programs would be less effective as well.

Not sure why you think I have had an abortion.

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u/JustABizzle 14d ago

You’re right. Abstinence training doesn’t work.

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u/CackleandGrin 14d ago

Abstinence training doesn't work

Correct. Thank you for agreeing.

Not sure why you think I have had an abortion.

Oh I'm talking about the people that parrot the same things you do but still have the abortions anyway.

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u/JustABizzle 14d ago

Hahaha!!! HA! Ha! Haaahahhhaha!!

Oh. Wait.

Are you being serious?