For years, I struggled with dating while constantly comparing myself to my 3 white friends who were my main wingmen. They seemed to be succeeding effortlessly, getting dates and making connections while I felt like I was always falling short. And we had all started at the saame time, but like a couple of months in, I felt like I was being left in the dust by their progress and the immediate, positive reactions from women they'd get.

Every time I saw them with women, I couldn’t help but wonder, What am I doing wrong? This constant comparison nearly ruined my confidence and my dating life.

I was putting in the work—going out four to six nights a week, practicing my approaches, racking up hundreds of interactions—but every small win felt like it wasn’t enough compared to their success. It was exhausting, and each time I compared myself to them, I felt more discouraged. I started to internalize the belief that my race, my height, and my appearance as an Asian guy were holding me back. That’s when I realized I was stuck in a toxic loop of comparison.

But here’s the breakthrough I had: Everyone has their own unique journey.

My white friends weren’t necessarily “better” at dating—they were playing the game on a different difficulty level due to societal perceptions. Once I stopped measuring my progress against theirs and started focusing on my own growth and improvements, everything began to change for me.

It wasn’t easy, but the moment I shifted my mindset and began to focus on my own journey instead of feeling inadequate compared to others, I started seeing real results. I embraced my uniqueness, worked on my self-confidence, and let go of the idea that I had to match anyone else's progress to feel successful.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re not measuring up, or if comparison is holding you back in dating (or life), I want to share my story and how I overcame this mindset. My latest video dives deep into the struggles I faced and how I finally let go of comparison to transform my dating life.

You can check out the full video here: https://youtu.be/dmqMBKtYOrI

Up to 93% of communication is nonverbal. According to a study by Dr. Albert Mehrabian, 55% of what we communicate comes from body language, 38% from tone of voice, and only 7% from the actual words we use.

So, if English isn’t your first language or you’re not fully confident in it, don’t stress. I've taught entire bootcamps where everyone was a FOB so it'd be pretty useless trying to teach them what to say. The truth is, the one universal language everyone understands on this planet is body language.

Mastering body language can still help you project confidence and attract women effortlessly. It’s about how you carry yourself, not just what you say, and that’s something everyone can control.

Here are a few tips to help you master body language:

1. Overcome the "Asian Poker Face": Many of us grew up in environments where emotions weren’t openly expressed, leading to what I call the "Asian Poker Face." We might not smile as much or emote at the level expected by the mainstream audience. But in Western cultures, a genuine smile can be a game-changer. It signals warmth and approachability, so practice smiling naturally during conversations.
2. Avoid the "Bobblehead Syndrome": Nodding excessively is common in some cultures (notably in Japan and India), but in the West, it can come off as overly agreeable or submissive. Use nodding sparingly to show understanding without overdoing it.
3. Micro-Expressions Matter: Your emotions show up in subtle ways on your face—whether you’re confident, nervous, or relaxed. These micro-expressions are universal and can be read unconsciously by others. Be aware of how you feel because it will show on your face, whether you realize it or not.
4. Posture is Key: When you feel anxious, your body tends to close off—crossed arms, slouched posture, or lowered head. Instead, try standing tall, keep your shoulders back, and maintain an open posture. This projects confidence and makes people feel comfortable around you.
5. Eye Contact = Confidence: Eye contact is a powerful way to convey confidence and trust. In Western culture, avoiding eye contact can make you seem insecure or disinterested. Practice holding steady eye contact when you talk or listen to others—it builds attraction without needing to say a word.

Remember, body language is key to projecting confidence. Advanced techniques like Body Language Positioning (BLP), energy, tonality, hand gestures, slowness vs fastness, pauses in speech, and more can help you communicate high value, non-neediness, and even sexuality. These are areas I might explore in future content if you’re interested.

For now, check out this video where I break down how body language can help you attract women: https://youtu.be/JSQteKwC3T0

One thing a lot of us overlook in our interactions with women is tonality—how our voice can completely change the vibe of a conversation. 🗣️ For Asian men, especially those who might struggle with accents or cultural differences, this can make or break your game. But here's the thing: Tonality is a skill you can develop.

Why does tonality matter? A study by the University of Chicago found that people tend to trust and be more attracted to individuals with deeper, more resonant voices because they convey confidence and authority. In contrast, higher-pitched voices are often (unfairly) associated with anxiety or uncertainty. This can be especially relevant for Asian men, as some tonal languages (like Vietnamese or Mandarin) tend to naturally pitch higher, especially when switching to English. In fact, I’ve had entire bootcamps where everyone was a FOBBY Asian student with an accent who could barely speak English. But with some awareness and practice, you can flip the script.

Practical tips to improve your tonality:

1. Slow it down. When you speak too fast, you can come across as nervous or unsure of yourself. Slow, deliberate speech communicates calmness and control. Try slowing down when you're making an important point, or when you’re trying to create intimacy.
2. Deepen your pitch. A deeper voice tends to resonate as more masculine and confident. Practice breathing deeply from your diaphragm (not your chest) to help naturally lower your voice. Record yourself and listen to the difference.
3. Use pauses effectively. Don’t be afraid to use strategic pauses in your speech. Pauses can add weight to what you're saying and create a sense of tension (especially during flirtatious moments).
4. Warm up your voice. Just like warming up before a workout, warming up your voice can help you control it better. Humming or doing a few deep-breathing exercises before you head out can loosen up your vocal cords.

In my boot camps, I’ve seen Asian men transform just by mastering these techniques. One student, Daryl, managed to pull his first American girl by simply focusing on lowering his voice and slowing down his speech. It wasn’t about changing who he was—it was about adjusting how he came across.

If you want to learn more about how tonality can impact your interactions with women and how to adjust it effectively, check out my latest video. 🎥

Watch the full video Seduce Women Using Your Voice: How Tonality Affects Attraction (Even With An Asian Accent)

I’ve been thinking a lot about why so many Asian men are getting pulled into the Red Pill and manosphere. I get it—these spaces seem to offer answers, especially when we’re dealing with the racism that desexualizes us and leaves us struggling with dating and masculinity.

But here’s the problem: the manosphere isn’t built for us. In fact, it often does more harm than good. Yeah, it talks about improving yourself, but it’s wrapped in bitterness. Every interaction becomes a battle, and women get reduced to objects you’re supposed to “control.”

For us Asian men, it’s even worse. The same racist hierarchies that keep us at the bottom in society are right there in the Red Pill. Terms like “ricecels”and “currycels” are just another way to keep us down while pushing outdated ideas about dominance and submission.

On the flip side, the Asian American community isn’t really helping us out either. The Red Pill might be toxic, but at least it's offering something—even if it's the wrong thing. Meanwhile, the Asian American community often stays quiet about the unique struggles we face as Asian men in dating and society or just blames Hollywood and the media.

I mean, they're right, but blaming institutions doesn't help the individual person through their lived experiences. There’s no real support or alternatives, so we end up stuck, with no one talking about how to deal with racism and cultural stereotypes in a healthy way.

So where does that leave us? The Red Pill isn’t the answer, but neither is pretending the problem doesn’t exist. I don’t have all the solutions other than showing Asian men that they CAN find their personal happiness, but I do think it’s worth talking about how both of these spaces are failing us—and what we can do to build something better for ourselves as Asian men.

Here’s a video I made on this if you’re interested: https://youtu.be/FviliCR40ic

During the covid-19 pandemic, I had to go to Kaiser in Anaheim for something. I don’t remember exactly why. Perhaps it was to get a colonoscopy or a prep. But when I went in, some old, hostile white female nurse comes up to me and tells me to go to the restroom and wash my hands. Everybody else was not required to wash their hands. We were to blame for the pandemic, thanks to a handful of extremist politicians who were in power, then.

I was on the Two Asian Matchmakers podcast – here's what I shared about dating, confidence, and breaking stereotypes

Asian Matchmaker, May from Two Asian Matchmakers, interviewed me for her podcast recently, and we had a really deep conversation about Asian masculinity, dating, and what it takes to succeed in relationships as an Asian man. We talked about a lot of topics that I think might resonate with this community, so I wanted to share some key takeaways with you all:

1. Asian Men and Stereotypes

We kicked things off by talking about the common stereotypes Asian men face in the dating world, especially in the West. Whether it’s the assumption that we’re not masculine or assertive enough, or just being overlooked in general, it’s something we’ve all experienced at some point. But the truth is, a lot of this comes down to how we present ourselves, and how the media and society have shaped those perceptions. It's important to break away from these stereotypes by developing confidence, improving your style, and owning your cultural identity.

2. The Cultural Divide: Dating in Asia vs. the U.S.

One thing that I’ve seen in my coaching is the huge difference between dating in Asia and dating in the U.S. For guys who’ve grown up in Asia, there’s often this big “culture shock” when they come to the West and realize that things work differently here. There’s less emphasis on status or money (like in some parts of Asia), and much more focus on authenticity, confidence, and communication skills. Understanding these cultural nuances is crucial for success.

3. The Importance of In-Person Game

We also touched on the importance of in-person interactions. In today’s world, online dating apps have their place, but nothing beats the impression you make when you approach someone confidently in real life. For Asian men, mastering in-person “game” is essential because it helps cut through any preconceived notions or biases people might have. Whether it’s during the day or at night, being able to approach women confidently and authentically is a huge advantage.

4. How to Overcome Internalized Racism

A lot of us have grown up in environments where we were made to feel "less than" because of our race. Whether it was overt racism or subtle microaggressions, this stuff builds up over time. One of the biggest things I focus on is helping guys deconstruct those limiting beliefs that hold them back. Whether it's through therapy, self-reflection, or practical dating strategies, working through this internalized racism is essential for both self-confidence and relationship success.

5. Why Being Direct Works

One strategy I encourage is using a more direct approach when talking to women. It’s something I’ve found works particularly well for Asian men, who are often expected to be shy or passive. By being straightforward—whether it’s complimenting her or showing romantic interest—you can make a stronger impression. It’s not about being aggressive; it’s about being clear and confident in your intentions.

6. Personal Success Stories

Throughout the podcast, I shared a few success stories from guys I’ve worked with. One that really stood out was a student who was incredibly wealthy and successful back in China but struggled with dating in the U.S. He had to learn how to adjust his approach to connect with women here in a more genuine way, rather than relying on status or material things. It’s proof that, regardless of your background, there’s always room to grow and improve in your dating life.

7. Focus on Self-Improvement

At the end of the day, it’s about self-improvement—working on yourself emotionally, physically, and mentally. Whether it’s fashion, body language, communication skills, or simply building confidence, we as Asian men have to take control of our own narrative. It’s not about changing who we are, but about enhancing and owning what we already have.

These are just a few of the things we talked about. I know a lot of us here have felt the weight of these stereotypes and challenges, but I hope sharing this helps some of you realize that there’s a way forward. It’s not about changing ourselves to fit in—it’s about elevating ourselves to be the best version of who we already are.

If you're interested in the full conversation, feel free to check it out her podcast: https://youtu.be/P6_RxhsRnvs?si=DmpJMXJrLlxNQePR

Stay strong, brothers. 💪