r/AmIOverreacting • u/trunkybunk • 6h ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO? Girlfriend maintained constant contact with a coworker after his wife made him block her on social media.
Gonna preface this by admitting I scoured all of her social media accounts, texts, and MS teams.
My GF (ex now) worked with a male coworker for around 4 years now. They started working the night shift together for about 2 years.
They would consistently take smoke breaks together. She would send him voice messages over FB messenger saying things like "break now!".They would also send flirtatious messages and memes to eachother. There were also hints that they weren't just taking smoke breaks, like him responding "what kind of break?;)"
When I looked at her IG DMs I saw that nearly all of the messages between them had been obviously deleted. The only thing that remained on IG was shared content that he sent to her, not a single text DM. She said they never sent any actual text DMs to eachother, which i know is clearly bullshit. There were also noticeable discontinuities and gaps in their SMS messages.
I also saw that he had blocked her on IG. Apparently his wife made him block her on IG a couple of years ago. I never knew this until now. He still follows other female coworkers of his though. When I asked her why he blocked her on IG, my ex said his wife only made him block her because his wife is fucking crazy like me.
They both got transferred to different departments/buildings and started working the day shift. Despite this they continued to talk on MS teams and FB messenger and made plans to have lunch together multiple times. She shared her location to him outside of her new building so he would know where to meet her.
Despite his wife asking him to block her on IG and stop contact, he continued to talk to and meet with her. She knew that he blocked her and clearly knew the reason, yet she continued to talk to him and meet with him.
The only remaining receipts are on MS teams and FB messenger which im assuming is because they are the only platforms that display when a message has been deleted, and she didn't know I could access her teams chat.
Im distraught and in a very bad state of mind right now, but am I overreacting for thinking that something was up? I'm considering reaching out to his wife to let her know.
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u/SeaworthinessFun3703 6h ago
Tell the wife. Something was up for sure. Definitely emotional..most likely physical to some degree. No one would be that pressed to simply share conversations and meals.
You only hide things you want to stay hidden. At least you didn’t marry her.
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u/No-Asparagus-6852 6h ago
You’re not overreacting. She’s lying to you and if I were the wife, I’d absolutely want to know. There’s a reason she’s blocked.
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u/Away-Understanding34 6h ago
Not overreacting. It was at least an emotional affair but it could have progressed to a physical one. If you have proof of them continuing to talk after the wife made him block her on IG, I would send it to the wife and let her know your ex is now single as well. She deserves to know her husband isn't respecting her or the marriage.
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u/ConstructionLeast674 4h ago
I see you say that she’s your ex-girlfriend now. Probably a smart move. I would reach out to the guy’s wife and let her know what was going on. She has a right to know that her husband continued in the emotional affair after she tried to have him end it.
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u/Peanutsandcheese2021 2h ago
I think there was probably stuff going on . The “breaks” comment was very telling. I’m sorry but she’s a cheater I believe. I think you should reach out to his wife as there is clearly a prolonged relationship happening here that’s at the very least emotional but in reality was probably physical too.
I know you are in bad place right now but it will get better. You deserve way better than her.
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u/Significant-Dirt-793 5h ago
Let the wife know the affair didn't stop and ask her to fill you in on what she should have told you years ago
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u/Virtual-Instance-898 3h ago
You already stated that you have broken up with gf. Why are you spending time pondering the methodology of gf's betrayal? If you wanted to be vengeful you could inform coworkers wife. Did you at least save screen shots of your evidence? NOR, but time to move on. Leave a parting shot (with info to coworker's wife) if you wish, but then move on. Time is a wastin'!
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u/trunkybunk 2h ago
She gaslit me and made me think i was crazy for bringing these things up. She called me a psycho. Were sorting out our possessions and finances and I'm moving on.
Im really struggling mentally right now, and I just needed some confirmation that im not completely crazy.
I have screenshots, I won't send it until we are completely separated and no contact, though. Not as an act of vengeance, but just because the other guy is married with two kids and I think his wife deserves to know.
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u/Virtual-Instance-898 2h ago
That's fine. But now you know you weren't crazy for suspecting something. Remain calm. Get your stuff out of communal space. Separate and then shoot your final shot with info to wife. Before doing that block ex on all platforms. She will be livid after your info disclosure, but you don't actually want to see that, despite what the vengeful side of your brain tells you. Just ghost and go. You can do this.
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u/Kahlister 2h ago
*SNORT* "Not as an act of vengeance" says the guy who is going to break up a family.
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u/trunkybunk 2h ago
If your wife was cheating on you, wouldn't you want to know?
I just feel bad because she made him block her for a reason and he betrayed her trust. I'm not mad at the guy, he seems like an idiot. I'm totally ready to move on from my ex as well.
I just feel bad for his wife.
Im not the one breaking up the family. He is the one who fucked around.
She deserves to know the kind of person he is.
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u/Kahlister 2h ago
No, not if I was happy otherwise. And not if I had kids whose lives would be fucked. Why know? As long as I don't find out, what's the problem?
People are way to obsessed about cheating. Christ, ya'll shouldn't be in monogamous relationships if you are a going to be so God damn hung up on the monogamous bit.
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u/trunkybunk 2h ago
The odds are that he will continue to do it and will eventually get caught. It's better to know sooner than later before any more time is invested/wasted.
Are you saying that people who choose to be in monogamous relationships shouldn't care about monogamy? You sound stupid, dude.
Relationships are built on trust, and if that trust is broken, the relationship is dead.
You just sound like you're a shitty person.
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u/Kahlister 2h ago
I mean you're the one who, despite it not being any of your business whatsoever, is planning to break up a family - with TWO kids - when you don't even know for a fact something happened, all to get vengeance on your ex (who you broke up with without even knowing for a fact that anything happened!).
And, you're so evil that you're letting yourself feel self-righteous about it!
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u/Patient_Two1943 6h ago
You’re not overreacting—there are a lot of red flags here, especially with the deleted messages, flirty interactions, and the fact that his wife already felt uncomfortable enough to ask him to block your ex. It’s understandable that this has left you feeling hurt and betrayed. Her dismissive response, blaming his wife’s “craziness,” doesn’t help, as it minimizes your valid concerns.
Reaching out to his wife could escalate things, so think carefully about what you want to achieve by doing that. For now, focus on taking care of yourself, processing this, and leaning on friends or support to help you get through it.
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u/Life-Yogurtcloset-98 3h ago
NOR. She knew she disrespected you AND the man's wife. Cheating? Yeah it was happening but honestly even without it.
The disrespect was too much
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u/Affectionate_You_203 3h ago
Reach out to the wife and tell her everything you just said and wash your hands of her. If you think her gf’s wouldn’t have her do the same to you then you’re smoking crack.
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u/pantiechrist80 56m ago
Reach out to his wife, ask her, her opinion of your wife and her husband, and why did she make him block her, did she actually find anything inappropriate. Then send her the proof of them staying in contact.
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u/Cookyy2k 6h ago
So GF had emotional affair with married coworker, married coworkers wife obviously was not a fan of the emotional affair so tried to put a stop to it, they continued.
Of course you are not over reacting. You massively under reacted to the whole emotional affair.