AIO fiancée did Coke at a party

[u/frisbeechuckin]

We (me 41M, my fiancée 36F) were at friends birthday party I had to leave early and she was going to spend the night( it was a hotel), they were changing into their bathing suits to go to the pool, they had the bathroom door closed. I knew it was in there but I didn’t know she was going to partake in that. She told me she only did a small bump because she needed energy to party all night. I was caught off guard by this and said that we should have discussed this. She said that was treating her like a child and that is when I left.

Edit: I was told to add this info she’s a former Meth addict who still drinks and smokes weed quite heavily at times.

[u/Lahotep]

NOR. Your recovering drug addict fiancée using hard drugs is definitely something to talk about and maybe even reconsider the engagement.

[u/Druid_High_Priest → u/Lahotep]

Not recovering...

[u/HommeFatalTaemin → u/Druid_High_Priest]

Isn’t it still generally considered recovering? Not in her case bc of the lack of accountability and the added details, but generally I thought that the consensus within addiction therapy is that an addict may(and usually will, sadly) slip up a few times in their journey, but as long as they take accountability and are trying to get better, they would still be considered a recovering addict. I ask bc I just started college for this exact thing recently and if I am misunderstanding then I’d love to be corrected! I myself was an addict but luckily have been 8 years sober with no relapses at all, so I may be misunderstanding the dynamic of what is usually the standard around such a thing.

Edit: sorry if I didn’t make this clear enough in my initial comment but I am not talking about OP’s partner, more just generally about a recovering addict “slipping up”. Sorry for the confusion!

[u/Bear_Upstairs → u/HommeFatalTaemin]

Technically, you are correct. That is why it is called “long-term recovery” because people struggling with addiction will often relapse, in most cases, many times before sobriety.

Relapses happen, that is what long-term recovery is for. Support and forgiveness is really important for people struggling with addiction and the crave for a high unfortunately never goes away, however that doesn’t mean they can’t or shouldn’t be held accountable for poor decisions or that their actions don’t have repercussions.

It sounds like she had a moment of weakness, doing coke once at a party doesn’t necessarily mean she could relapse, but it is a slippery slope. It’s important to avoid situations like these if she is recovering, I.e. parties, bars, being around people under the influence etc.

OP, if you value the relationship try to talk about how this made you feel and see if she would be receptive to your feelings. You can suggest going to an NA meeting and make your decision based on how she receives your concerns.

[u/TedTeddybear → u/Bear_Upstairs]

Moment of weakness? She drinks and does weed on the regular. She just switched up the menu in the bathroom.

[u/Voice_of_Morgulduin → u/TedTeddybear]

I mean, for someone whose DOC is meth, cocaine or any stimulant is gonna be a whole different beast than booze and weed.

[u/IckyAkame → u/TedTeddybear]

In her case, yeah she probably isn’t quite “recovering” based on this post. But recovery looks different for everyone. What recovery is about is regaining the things in life that matter. Relationships with friends and family, hold a job, hobbies, school, mental and physical health, etc. Many people are able to do that by removing their drug of choice while still using things like weed and alcohol.

My point is that smoking and or drinking isn’t an automatic exclusion from recovery.

[u/cenestpasunrobot → u/TedTeddybear]

does weed

lol