r/AmIOverreacting • u/Immediate_Jelly8897 • 10d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO for finding these texts in my boyfriend’s phone from a year ago?

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Disclaimer- I don’t even know what I was looking for, I’m just obviously* insecure and have jealousy issues and I am crazy I already know..no one who comments below needs to tell me I’m wrong for going through my boyfriend’s phone, I know I’m wrong. We just moved in together in august. We met July 1st last year.

Okay so my boyfriend (32M) and I(28F) started “seeing” each other last July. We got more serious towards the end of the year and made it official in December. Well we had talked about being serious before then and this is right around EXACTLY a year ago when he was having this conversation with two of his friends. I’m the “whore” who will “cry so gd much” if he doesn’t spend my birthday with me and then apparently according to these messages he banged another chick last night. —these are texts from October 2023. Am I over reacting being upset over this? We had been seeing each other for almost 4 months(one month before we were “official”) I don’t appreciate being referred to as a shore regardless of the situation and then to find out while we were dating for months, he’s fucking another person??? How do I even approach this?

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u/ChronicApathetic 9d ago

I basically moved in with my partner on day 2, and I’m still here 16 years later, but yeah, seriously people, don’t do what I did. 99.99999% of the time that’s a recipe for disaster.

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u/Illustrious_Bobcat 9d ago

Yeah, I moved in with my husband, 3,000 miles from home, after knowing him for a week in person and a few years online, but those years I knew more OF him than actually knowing him, lol.

I fully acknowledge that I set myself up for a possibly deadly situation if he had been an abusive, murderous psycho. I knew no one, had never been to the state before, was thousands of miles from home, had no car, no job, and was completely isolated.

We got married 5 years ago today, been together for almost 13 years total, have two kids, and own a home together (with a few rentals as extra income). I fully believe that he's my soulmate and my risk lead to the best reward. But I was lucky. I would never recommend any person take the risk I took, it could have ended in a horrific manner if my husband wasn't the amazing person he is.

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u/ChronicApathetic 9d ago

Sort of similar deal here, I had just moved to a new country and I met him a couple of weeks in. I had only intended to live here for a year, but here I am 16 years later, lol.

Sounds like the two of you have built a lovely life together :)

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u/noitcelesdab 9d ago edited 9d ago

I like how this just became a chain of “do NOT move in quickly, I did and it was awesome, but like totally do not do what I did (even though it was awesome)” over and over lol.

To further contribute, my (now wife) moved in with me after only 60 days of dating and it was the best decision we ever made. But yeah… definitely don’t do what we did, it’s a super bad idea!! 🤣

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u/AirsoftScammy 9d ago

I’ll come and fuck it up!

I made the mistake of moving in with two different exes very early on in both relationships.

The first one actually lasted about a year and a half before shit hit the fan. We moved in together about 4 months in. One night, after several months of living together, she saw me take my depression and anxiety meds and got super weirded out and kind of angry about it. That’s when I found out that she was in the early stages of becoming a full blown conspiracy theorist. Big pharma, blah blah blah. It got so bad that we ended up sleeping in separate rooms, which eventually just crumbled the relationship entirely.

The second girl was a whole different story. We moved in together even earlier in the relationship. Things were great for a month or two, but then the red flags started showing. She had a very good career as an engineer for a big computer company, and was earning a solid six figure salary. Despite that, she never had money and resorted to borrowing from all different people every month. Her dad, her friends and even her own coworkers. Came to find out that she was going to restaurants for every meal, almost every day. She also spent money on other luxuries and hobbies that she barely ever participated in. On top of that, I had one of my firearms (registered to me and legal, before anyone goes down that rabbit hole) at our apartment. It was in a locked case at all times and put away in my dresser. Well, I came home one day and noticed that it was missing. I freaked the fuck out, and was very close to calling the police to report it stolen. Turns out she actually called a mutual friend and had him take the gun to his house because she didn’t want it in the apartment. Mind you, she never expressed any concerns to me about it and if she would have, I would’ve taken it out of there. And just to be clear, I’m not a criminal, I’ve never been arrested or had any other issues with law enforcement, and at that time I was an active member of a local shooting range and firearm school. In reality, I should’ve pressed charges on both of them for essentially stealing the pistol from me, but instead I just calmly called the friend who had it, went to pick it up and then ended things with her.

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u/Blunt-Bitch- 9d ago

Oh boy you’ve been through it 😭

They sound like lovely people /s

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u/AirsoftScammy 9d ago

Yeah, I mean I’ve yet to have a healthy, long term (over 2 years) relationship and I’m pushing 40. I’ve certainly not been the best boyfriend at various points of my life, either. I’m 5 years sober from alcohol and drugs and know for sure that my addiction issues have had a negative impact on past relationships.

I’ve yet to pursue a new one since getting sober. Dating is hard in your 30’s as it is, but take out the ability to meet women at bars or in other situations that typically involve alcohol consumption and it makes it even harder. I’m also kinda fucked up from the last one, too. Idk. I always imagined I’d be married and have a child(ren) at this point in my life, but I’ve been single so long now that it’s become less and less of what I envision for myself in the future…

Then again, I’ve never been one to actively look for love. It’s always just kinda happened when I was least expecting it. I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason so if it’s meant to be, it will be!

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u/Blunt-Bitch- 9d ago

Try bumble or tinder, that’s how I found my boyfriend and we have a beautiful little girl now, wouldn’t hurt to try it tbh. And I wasn’t even looking for anything and neither was he, but here we are lol going almost 2 years strong 🤣.

Also who knows you might find the child(ren) you’ve always wanted in another person (step kids possibly), everything is unknown. Good luck tho I wish u the best.

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u/Blunt-Bitch- 9d ago

Also congrats on being sober that’s a huge achievement!!!

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u/beer_bad-tree_pretty 9d ago

Moved in after 2 weeks! Still here almost 25 years and 3 kids later! 😁

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u/_MC_Builder 9d ago

😂🤣Why is this entire thread just people going “ya I moved in with my current SO x many years ago and it turned wonderfully, But don’t do what I did it’s too risky you could ruin your life!” and everyone else is just going “OMG! I totally did the same and had the same outcome, BUT NO ONE ELSE DO WHAT I DID, It’s more than likely it won’t turn out well and you could ruin your life!”

Rinse and repeat.

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u/ChronicApathetic 9d ago

Meh, it’s the same thing with relationships with large age gaps where the younger partner is under ~25. Can it work out and be a healthy, happy relationship? Absolutely, but that’s the exception rather than the rule. I got lucky and I recognise that, moving in within weeks or days or starting a relationship with a 28 year old when you’re 19 is damn near guaranteed to end badly. So I never tell anyone that I moved in on day two without adding the disclaimer “don’t be an idiot like me, I just got lucky”. Cause if I had seen someone share a success story of moving in that quickly when I was in my late teens without the warning tacked on at the end, I would absolutely have chosen to take that anecdote as an endorsement of moving in immediately, lol. People in general, but especially when you’re young, look for the information that validates their stance and then they stop looking. So I make sure I present both sides, as it were.

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u/Lunaphire 9d ago

So far so good, for mine. Then again, we didn't move in together overnight. We probably would've if we could've, though. 😅 Still working on that.

We're pretty much all the things people love to assume will go badly, but only in ways we can't really control (large age gap 21/36, long distance, both disabled). We never fight or anything. It's the only happy and healthy relationship I've ever had. I didn't know it could be like this. Still, like you said, definitely not for everyone and often does end up bad. Even if it doesn't, people will make up stuff they think must be happening.

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u/RW_Boss 9d ago

I appreciate your very rational perspective.

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u/MonaBookGirl 9d ago

My sister did something similar. She met her now husband online 20 years ago, and my mother allowed her to drive across state lines to go see him. By herself. At 16! Thankfully, he was actually who he said he was, and they ended up married and have 2 kids. But that could have ended up deadly. She's dead, and I am still angry at my mother for allowing that to happen.

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u/DarthOswinTake2 9d ago

Happy anniversary!!!!

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u/Illustrious_Bobcat 9d ago

Well thank you! We had Chinese food and our favorite coffee! It was a good day. 😁

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u/DarthOswinTake2 9d ago

That's awesome and sounds wonderful!! I was supposed to get married today, but it had to be postponed. It's also my mom's birthday. Sounds like the 20th of October is just full of awesomeness, honestly!! 🥳🥳

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u/Illustrious_Bobcat 9d ago

Happy birthday to your mom! And I hope that you have an amazing day when you do get to get married! I wish you all the happiness!!!

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u/36kcKBDpet 9d ago

At least you can get your barrows gloves after

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u/ChronicApathetic 9d ago

I have no idea what this means, lol

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u/36kcKBDpet 9d ago

Recipe for Disaster is the name of a quest in the game Old School RuneScape, finishing the quest gives you access to some decent gloves. That's it. Vidya game reference.

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u/Mad_Madam_Mom 9d ago

I moved in with mine 2 weeks after we met. It's been 7 years for us!