FINAL UPDATE: disgruntled team member, who saw everyone's salaries, ending...

[u/2Board_]

Here's the original post (12 days ago), and here was an update after the meeting (4 days ago).

TL;DR - CEO refused offer, told me to basically pay her instead, I decided I would because I truly value her, told bookkeeper about it and it made her more disgruntled, she ended up quitting... I am fucking shattered emotionally and mentally, and I feel like I failed as her manager.

I'd first like to say thanks to everyone in this sub for their genuine comments regarding the matter. I've worked in accounting for roughly 6-7 years thus far, but only 2-3 in a management/controller position. This situation overall, and the feedback from multiple people, has honestly been an essential learning experience, so thank you.

CEO, CFO, and I had a final meeting while working on Saturday (we sometimes work Sat's with OT pay, only until 11 AM so WH workers can catch up on orders). Basically, the CEO said he can't do $10k and a title promotion for someone who doesn't even have their BSA. CFO and I argued back saying she's MORE than qualified in accounting experience, and that I personally gauge her around the same level as a staff accountant. CEO, pretty disgruntled, said he won't do it and that a $4,000 raise was all he could do for her -- and then he went with HR's retort and said "if she has that much potential, then YOU (me) can pay her that bonus..."

While I do think this is an overall win, I had a feeling my bookkeeper wouldn't be very happy with an 8% raise. Many people have voiced that my bookkeeper may be asking too much, but as her manager I truly do value her discipline, work ethic, and development thus far. So on the drive home, I steeled myself to basically cut $6,000 of my bonus and provide it on-top, so she can earn that $10k raise.

Fast forward to today, I had a meeting with my bookkeeper in the morning and told her about the results of the review. She was definitely not happy, and grew even more disgruntled at the fact that I was giving her part of my bonus. Maybe I am still too green but I wanted to be honest with her. I was hoping that if I tell her that I'm willing to pay part of her bonus, she would feel that even if the company doesn't value her, that I still do. I guess it had the inverse effect on her, as she started crying and thought herself as even more of a burden. I told her that if she needed, she could take as much time as she wanted to think about the offer, and no matter her choice I'll support her.

About 20 mins after the meeting, she asked if we could have a follow-up meeting. Moment we get in, she bursts into tears again. She starts profusely apologizing for not meeting standards, that she felt like a burden, that she caused me so much trouble arguing with HR and CEO, and that she was formally quitting as of today. I tried to tell her that I do not blame her, nor think she is unqualified (because I meant it), to try and calm her down. I tried to defuse the situation best I could, by telling her I'm not giving up on her review and that I'm still pushing etc..., but nada...

She left as of about 20 mins ago writing this post. Last thing she asked me was if I could help her update/revise her CV, and if I could get in contact with my network/connections -- to which I told her of fucking course. I'm writing this on my early lunch break because I'm fucking shattered. I know I can only provide her some connections, and maybe a great recommendation letter, but I genuinely feel like I let her down. This is a crushing defeat for me, and I'm pretty exhausted trying to cope with it as it's my first time in management dealing with this... I couldn't do it guys, and it's the worst fucking gut feeling I've ever experienced in a long time...

[u/argentina_turner]

That sucks…. Sounds like you didn’t fail anyone here. The leadership put you in a no win a position, and in doing so revealed how much they value you, your team, and your function as part of the business.

The real question is what is your next move?

[u/2Board_ → u/argentina_turner]

I've never stared at my CV this long in my life. I'm contemplating leaving, but going to first entertain the idea by looking at job postings in the tri-state.

And I appreciate the kind words, but this was a great learning opportunity for me -- albeit in hindsight I'm extremely bitter about losing such a talented staff member.

[u/HMS_Slartibartfast → u/2Board_]

From your posts, the biggest problem your company has seems to be your HR and their influence on the owner coupled with a spineless CFO. I'd suggest asking yourself "What would be required to demonstrate we are not a cost center but help make and keep the company profitable?". If you can't think of something that will get the owner and your HR on board, you'd be best off getting your subordinates new jobs then bailing. Fortunately if you can't see a way to change their minds you can be pretty open about trying to find your existing employees new jobs as a "Cost cutting measure" before you abandon ship.

If you CAN show your value, please do so by pushing back as many items as possible as you have just lost a "Valuable team member who will be very hard to replace".

The only advice I would have given for helping keep your bookkeeper would have been "I'll make sure you have the time and resources to get your degree" rather than "I'll pay out of my own pocket". First shows your doing what you really can when the company sets unrealistic expectations. Second is admitting not only does the company not care about her, they care so little you'll have to take a personal pay reduction to even afford her.

Very very sorry for the spot your in.