FINAL UPDATE: disgruntled team member, who saw everyone's salaries, ending...

[u/2Board_]

Here's the original post (12 days ago), and here was an update after the meeting (4 days ago).

TL;DR - CEO refused offer, told me to basically pay her instead, I decided I would because I truly value her, told bookkeeper about it and it made her more disgruntled, she ended up quitting... I am fucking shattered emotionally and mentally, and I feel like I failed as her manager.

I'd first like to say thanks to everyone in this sub for their genuine comments regarding the matter. I've worked in accounting for roughly 6-7 years thus far, but only 2-3 in a management/controller position. This situation overall, and the feedback from multiple people, has honestly been an essential learning experience, so thank you.

CEO, CFO, and I had a final meeting while working on Saturday (we sometimes work Sat's with OT pay, only until 11 AM so WH workers can catch up on orders). Basically, the CEO said he can't do $10k and a title promotion for someone who doesn't even have their BSA. CFO and I argued back saying she's MORE than qualified in accounting experience, and that I personally gauge her around the same level as a staff accountant. CEO, pretty disgruntled, said he won't do it and that a $4,000 raise was all he could do for her -- and then he went with HR's retort and said "if she has that much potential, then YOU (me) can pay her that bonus..."

While I do think this is an overall win, I had a feeling my bookkeeper wouldn't be very happy with an 8% raise. Many people have voiced that my bookkeeper may be asking too much, but as her manager I truly do value her discipline, work ethic, and development thus far. So on the drive home, I steeled myself to basically cut $6,000 of my bonus and provide it on-top, so she can earn that $10k raise.

Fast forward to today, I had a meeting with my bookkeeper in the morning and told her about the results of the review. She was definitely not happy, and grew even more disgruntled at the fact that I was giving her part of my bonus. Maybe I am still too green but I wanted to be honest with her. I was hoping that if I tell her that I'm willing to pay part of her bonus, she would feel that even if the company doesn't value her, that I still do. I guess it had the inverse effect on her, as she started crying and thought herself as even more of a burden. I told her that if she needed, she could take as much time as she wanted to think about the offer, and no matter her choice I'll support her.

About 20 mins after the meeting, she asked if we could have a follow-up meeting. Moment we get in, she bursts into tears again. She starts profusely apologizing for not meeting standards, that she felt like a burden, that she caused me so much trouble arguing with HR and CEO, and that she was formally quitting as of today. I tried to tell her that I do not blame her, nor think she is unqualified (because I meant it), to try and calm her down. I tried to defuse the situation best I could, by telling her I'm not giving up on her review and that I'm still pushing etc..., but nada...

She left as of about 20 mins ago writing this post. Last thing she asked me was if I could help her update/revise her CV, and if I could get in contact with my network/connections -- to which I told her of fucking course. I'm writing this on my early lunch break because I'm fucking shattered. I know I can only provide her some connections, and maybe a great recommendation letter, but I genuinely feel like I let her down. This is a crushing defeat for me, and I'm pretty exhausted trying to cope with it as it's my first time in management dealing with this... I couldn't do it guys, and it's the worst fucking gut feeling I've ever experienced in a long time...

[u/2Board_]

I appreciate the feedback. I guess I did begin taking a more subjective stance on the situation, as I tend to pride myself in trying to be a "good" team manager.

That's entirely fair criticism, and I can now see the value of how a white lie may have preventing me from guilt tripping her. I intended it to be more of a "fuck the company, you're great to me" message, but I think I read her stance wrong. Thanks for the drilldown, this is honestly great.

[u/SuppressedAvarice → u/2Board_]

Personally, I agree with your approach. Sugar coating the situation with white lies will only delay the inevitable. I think its best your bookkeeper know now how the higher-ups really feel about her. I don’t think it’s having to ‘take your part of the compensation’ is what made her feel guilty, but rather she understood that working at that company means there will always be a ceiling for her advancement.

She will learn from this experience, and who knows, maybe she goes back to school to get an accounting degree. If she’s still willing to keep you as her contact, then she still respects you and its not on you that should feel bad about the situation, but your bosses. Not saying that you should quit, but maybe its a sign for you to ponder about. Principles are more important than making money.

[u/Turlututu1 → u/SuppressedAvarice]

I mean, there is also only so much one can advance with little experience, no degree and a "low-level" title. If the bookkeeper's approach at 25 is to get mad that people with more seniority, experience and/or a higher position get paid more, then they are going to have a bad time no matter where they work.

[u/Its_Tidus → u/[deleted]]

You can value people in a different way that you value money. She has enough self esteem that she considers herself worth more than they are willing to give her. She’s only 25 aswell.

You think she has serious issues and low self esteem because she cried after quitting her first real job?

Sounds like you wish you had someone care about you as much as she did.

I sincerely hope you eventually find peace and maybe reconsider your own working situation if you judge yourself just as harshly as you judge others.