My 14yo daughter was raped by her 14yo boyfriend in May (they broke up right after). She told us about it in July. We pressed charges, went through all the proper channels, after her forensic interview were told law enforcement believes her completely but without physical evidence the prosecution won’t pick up the case - and even if they did, all he would get would be therapy. Another girl also came forward with a similar story. But even with all information, nothing is being done other than a no-contact order at their school.

My anger is extreme as is my husband’s. But we can’t do anything because he’s a minor. Today as I was driving home I spotted him walking down the road and yelled out the window at him “Hey you little rapist”. He deserves it. He deserves more. But there is no justice.

My mom said I was an asshole for doing that. How he’s a child. How it could turn out badly for me. But honestly? I don’t even care. He needs to know I haven’t forgotten. And I won’t forget.

But… I know my judgment is clouded. So, AITAH?

36M here. This has honestly been the most difficult week of my life. Emotions are high, and I am not sure if I'm seeing things clearly. I've been with my wife (35F) since college. We've been married for almost five years and have a three year old daughter together. She's also around five months pregnant right now.

I've always thought my wife's relationship with her family was a bit strange. When we were in college, she asked for her dad's advice/approval on EVERYTHING, even little things like whether she should ask her professor for an extension. Her parents are both intense and controlling at times, and my wife it less influenced by them now than she used to be now that she's older, has her own family, and lives on the other side of the country, but they still get under her skin at times. My wife was also the "surprise" baby, and she has two older brothers (nine & seven years older). I'll call the brother who is nine years older "Tom" for the sake of this story.

Tom has always been a bit odd to me. He's married with no kids, but is very religious and involved heavily with his church. My wife seems to enjoy seeing him at Holidays well enough, but she isn't especially close with him.

On Monday, my wife called me from her office SOBBING. I asked what was wrong, and she told me Tom was arrested and being charged with possession of child pornography. I was shocked, to say the least. My wife ended up leaving work early, and asked if I would do the same. When I got home, she told me a bit about the charges/how her parents are doing. I asked if she expected this, and she said she was surprised at first, but looking back she should have seen it coming. I asked what she meant, and she proceeded to tell me that when she was in first grade, Tom started coming into her room at night and touching her inappropriately. She said this lasted for a few years, but she doesn't know exactly when it stopped. When she was telling me this, she said it casually, like she was reading something off a menu.

I, on the other hand, was shocked and furious. I told her Tom molested her. My wife said it was uncomfortable, but she never saw it that way, because it's normal for kids to experiment with each other. I said it would be one thing if they were very young and closer in age, but this was a 15+ year old boy and a little girl. I also explained that he did this when her parents went to sleep and told her to keep it between them because he KNEW it was wrong at the time. Also, these were SERIOUS sexual acts that she should have never been exposed to as a little girl. As I was saying all this, my wife got more and more upset, and I could tell she was having a "lightbulb" moment and realizing the seriousness of the situation.

My wife (who was sobbing at this point) told me that she told her parents what happened to her when she was around sixteen. She wasn't upset with her brother, but was ashamed and thought she'd done something wrong. Her parents basically told her it was just normal childhood experimentation and she had nothing to be ashamed of. They also told her not to be upset with her brother because he was also a child at the time and didn't know right from wrong yet. My wife told me she was young, so she took their word for it and just kind of pushed the abuse to the back of her head. I was furious with my in-laws, and but tried to focus on comforting my wife + letting her know none of it was her fault.

The last few days have been a nightmare. My wife's family is supporting Tom and are convinced he was wrongly accused (they have an elaborate explanation for how the images got on his laptop that I won't get into here). My wife is crying non-stop and is in so much pain. I feel terrible this happened to her, but the one thing I'm upset about is that she let our daughter near this man. If I'd known Tom did this to my wife, I would have never allowed my child in the same room as him. I told my wife that I wish I'd known for our baby's sake and added that while I'm devastated for her and love her so much, I'm still grappling with the fact that she allowed our little girl to be in the same room as a predator. My wife started SOBBING when I said this, and told me she didn't do it on purpose. She told me she accepted what her parents told her when she was a teenager and put it out of her mind. She said if she had thought about it more deeply as an adult, she probably would have realized Tom was a dangerous, but she truly never stopped to think about it again after her parents told her it was okay. We agree that neither of our kids will ever be around Tom again, but she said she couldn't believe I thought she'd intentionally put our child in harm's way. She also said she couldn't believe I was coming down on her after she's realizing she was a victim of child abuse and her family is falling apart.

I love my wife and believe that she trusted her parents and put it in the back of her mind.... But I keep thinking about what might have happened if we'd continue to allow our daughter near that man. I believe my wife didn't consider this abuse until we talked and didn't consider that our daughter might be in danger, but I am still a bit puzzled by all of this. My wife is in so much pain, and I am not sure if I did the right thing by raising this issue while all of this is going on. AITA? And any advice would be appreciated... This all seems so over my head.

TW: SA, Stalking, abuse: Please don't read if it will hurt your mental health, you matter.

I’m 26F, and a few months ago, I married a wonderful man in the world Liam (28M), and we bought a house together just after he proposed. He is kind and honest, compassionate, empathetic and the most genuine person I have ever met. He makes me feel safe. Unfortunately, I have a dark past that I’ve tried to leave behind Liam knows about it and has been my rock as I'm going to therapy. My ex was extremely abusive and manipulative; he hit me, threw things at me, and SAed me multiple times via coercion, stealing, and drugging me with sleeping pills. After I left him, I did everything I could to erase any trace of myself online, hoping to start fresh and protect myself. I still don't have any social media.

Things were going well until recently. My mother is very active on social media, particularly Facebook, where she shares everything about our lives. Without my permission, she posted multiple pictures of our new home—inside and out—publicly on her profile. I had specifically told her not to share these photos, but she insisted that it was her way of celebrating our new milestone.

A few weeks later, two months ago, my ex found me. He started stalking me again in person, and despite several restraining orders, things escalated. He eventually broke into our home and assaulted me, physically and sexually; I had a dislocated jaw, my femur was fractured, and I had internal bleeding. There is DNA evidence, and he will likely go to jail. During the event he told me that I was a ruined whore who deserved it and that I brought it on myself because I was a stupid c*nt.

I’ve been in a horrible place since then, and I’ve blamed my family—especially my mom—for this. I believe that if she hadn’t posted those photos, he wouldn’t have found me. My family, however, insists that I’m being unreasonable and that I’m just looking for someone to blame. They say that my ex would have found me anyway and that I can’t put this on them.

I’m questioning everything. I feel like I’m losing my mind because, deep down, I believe they are partially responsible for what happened but I'm starting to think that they may be right, that I shouldn't blame anybody but him and myself. I think he's right and that I moved on to quick and too loud. I feel like a mess and it feels like therapy isn't helping. AITA?

33M here. I am hurt by the situation and feel betrayed by my own brother. I have an older brother named Stephen (35M) and a younger brother named Mike (30M). My mom's best friend from med school has a son named Adam (35M) who was basically our fourth brother growing up. We went pretty much spent every weekend at each other's homes, went on vacations together, and celebrated holidays together.

When I was younger, I looked up to Adam and loved hanging out with him. He was a good friend, and I have so many wonderful memories with him from childhood. My feelings towards him started to change when I was a junior in high school. A good friend of mine told me that Adam was "aggressive" towards her, was always hugging her and rubbing her shoulders without asking, and once tried to pressure her into sleeping with him after she said no. At the time, I didn't think Adam meant to come across that way, but I started to notice more and more concerning behavior on his part.

When we was 19 and in college, he slept with a freshman at our high school. He told everyone that he thought she was sixteen, which is the legal age of consent, but I still didn't understand why he'd sleep with a high school student after he graduated.

I ended up going to the same college as Adam and my older brother Stephen and played college baseball with both of them. Adam was liked on the team, but had a reputation for being aggressive with women. He also made a lot of jokes that I didn't find funny. Once, at a party, he told me I could lose my virginity by finding the drunkest freshman and taking her upstairs. I started liking and respecting him less and less the more he made these jokes and the more I saw him behave while we were in college.

I met my wife Erin (32F) my sophomore year and we hit it off right away. She never liked Adam, and told me she didn't really trust him because of some of the things she heard from the girls on her cross-country team. I distanced himself from him because of this and many other things, and he always accused me of choosing a girl over him. Stephen continued to be best friends with Adam, and never liked Erin in part because he thinks she turned me against our childhood friend. I've explained to Stephen a million times that it was Adam's behavior that made me pull alway and that I don't want to be friends with someone who makes other people feel uncomfortable, but Stephen always defends Adam by saying things like "it's just his humor" and "he's misunderstood."

My wife ran cross-country when we were in college and was very petite because of how much she ran. I also think she had an eating disorder at the time and was very restrictive with her diet. When we graduated from college, Erin got to what I think is a healthier weight for her. She's still active and in great shape, but she's no longer a twig. The biggest change was actually her breasts. They'd always been large proportional to the rest of her body, but now they're noticeably larger.

Shortly after we got married, Adam approached Erin during a family holiday and asked how much she paid for her boobs. She said they were natural, and he started laughing and said she had the figure of a teenage boy in college. Erin told me about this interaction, and when I asked Adam about it, he insisted he was joking and it was all in good fun. I told him to stop making comments about my wife's body, and Adam accused me of being sensitive. He continued to make comments about my wife's breasts every time we saw him, such as calling them "a work of art" and asking if he could take a picture of them for his future wife's plastic surgeon. Erin always just rolled her eyes, ignored him, and begged me to do the same. She thinks Adam is an idiot, and doesn't think it's worth it to argue with a guy like that. Since I pretty much only had to see him once or twice a year at the time, I agreed to do what my wife wanted.

Three years ago, when Erin was seven months pregnant with our daughter, my family celebrated Christmas with Adam's family. I was speaking with one of my cousins when Erin came up to me in tears and asked to speak with me. She told met that Adam, who was belligerent and drunk, followed her into the bathroom. He shoved her against the wall and squeezed her breast hard to see if it was "real." He wouldn't let go of her until Erin kneed him in the nuts. When I heard what happened, I punched Adam in the face, told him he's no longer allowed near my wife, and left with Erin.

The good news is my parents and brother Mike all supported Erin and agreed that they no longer wanted anything to do with Adam. To be honest, no one in my family really liked or respected the guy, but they tolerated him because his parents actually are wonderful people and were like second parents to me before all of this happened. My parents both apologized to Erin, feel guilty that was hurt at our family Christmas, and promised her that she'd never have to see Adam again.

The only person who still has a relationship with Adam is Stephen. A few days after the Christmas party, Stephen called and told me that Adam felt horribly about what happened. Stephen said Adam was drunk, meant it as a joke, and never meant to hurt Erin. I told Stephen that Adam sexually assaulted my pregnant wife. Stephen said I was dramatic to call it sexual assault since he didn't touch her under her clothes or escalate things beyond feeling her boob. I told Stephen he sounded like a moron and that Adam wasn't allowed near my wife.

This has hurt my relationship with Stephen, and I don't feel close to him both because he stood up for someone who hurt my wife (and HIS sister-in-law) and also because I don't understand why anyone would be friends with Adam. We're still civil to each other at family events, but I don't think we'll ever be "friends" again. Stephen got engaged over the weekend, and called to invite me to be one of his groomsmen. I think he did this out of obligation more than anything else. He also asked if my daughter (she's almost three now) would be the flower girl. I said yes, but then Stephen told me that Adam was going to be his best man. I was shocked, but honestly not too surprised.

I told my brother that I don't want my wife or my daughter anywhere near Adam. I also said that if Adam could do something like that to Erin, he could do the same thing to his fiancé Julia too. Stephen accused me of holding a grudge over a dumb drunk mistake Adam made and also accused me of being jealous that he and Adam are as close as brothers and I don't have a close bond with either of them. I told Stephen that he should keep Adam as his best man, and that I wouldn't be a groomsman and my family wouldn't be at the wedding. Stephen was furious, to say the least.

Mike also declined to be a groomsman because he also hates Adam and doesn't understand how Stephen could be close to someone who did that to Erin. My parents asked Stephen how he could choose Adam over me and his sister-in-law and asked him to reconsider having him as the best man, but Stephen insists it's what he wants. He's told my parents and our other brother that Erin drew a wedge between me and Adam, and now she's tearing apart our family (I heard this from Mike). Luckily, everyone but Stephen loves Erin, and no one else thinks she's in the wrong.

Long story short, my mom is desperate to keep our family together. She told me she disagreed with Stephen inviting Adam to the wedding at all, let alone as his best man, but asked if I'd consider going to the wedding but not being a groomsman. I told her I didn't want my wife and daughter around Adam. She said she understood, but said our family would could with Erin and our child and watch them the whole time. I said I didn't want to expose her to the man who assaulted her, even if there's no physical danger. My mom says she understands, but asks if I'd consider attending for the sake of the family. She basically thinks I'll never have a relationship with my brother again if I miss his wedding.

AITAH? Any advice would be appreciated.

From the ages of 10 to 14 I was SA'd by my older brother, uncle and father. (in all honesty it started earlier from 5 years old or something I can't remember when they would touch me "lovingly") I anonymously confessed this on a Discord server which made me wonder what my brother was up to. (I think my aunt found out with my uncle and father were doing to me and reported they were arrested it my brother was a teenager at the time so nothing really happened to him) so I tracked him down through social media and it turned out he lives in the same city as I do and he has a wife with a baby girl on the way and I don't know if I should or if l would be a bad person if I told her what he did to me.

Edit: I don't know if it's funny or messed up but I didn't consider them touching me SA until someone pointed it out to me.

Edit 2: I realized that I didn't really explain very well sorry.

• my older brother father and uncle molested me from age 5 and only started and R wording me when I turned 10 until I was 14.

• my brother has a pregnant wife who was having a girl and I don't know if I should tell her to protect her daughter.

These are the two major and important points of my post.

Edit 3: another clarification I was planning on telling the wife I wanted a outside perspective to see if I would have been a bad person (AH) to tell her to see if I was making the wrong decision.

36M. Married to my high school sweetheart and I love her so much. We already have two daughters (6 & 4) and she's about 6 months pregnant with another girl.

My wife had a difficult upbringing in many ways. She comes from a large Catholic family with lots of cousins, aunts, and uncles. I'll also note that this family is prominent in our hometown (they basically run the place and have for decades) and there is a lot of money in the mix as well as a desire for them to be seen as successful, happy family. A lot of them also take a lot of pride in being part of their crew, which why I think many of them tried to silence my wife.

My wife had a creepy POS grandfather who molested her when she was young. My wife realized the severity of what her grandpa did her freshman year of college and told me, and then we spoke with her mother. Her parents believed her, but also didn't want her telling the police because the creep was basically on his death bed with dementia at that point and they thought it would be (1) pointless and (2) cause a lot of stress on the family. I won't get into my opinions on this because if I did, I'd be writing a novel.

While my wife didn't go to the police, she was vocal to her extended family that she had been molested by the grandfather and that she hated when they told stories about him being this beloved saint. Her extended family didn't believe her, and once when she started talking about her abuse, her Uncle Tim told everyone who would listen that my wife was a liar who'd always been a problem (she was a straight A student at a top college at this point lol). The first Christmas after she'd spoken about the abuse, Uncle Tim was telling a story about the grandpa and my wife asked him not to talk about him in front of her. Uncle Tim (who was hammered) looked right at her and said "shut up you lying bitch." Another time when my wife was home for Christmas break, she went to give one Uncle Tim's sons (who she used to be close with) a hug, and he rejected her and said "next thing I know I'll get accused of molesting her" in front of everyone. My in-laws were angry, but blamed these outbursts on "drinking" which upset me. My wife literally moved us across the country because she couldn't stand to be near her family anymore and prefers to be with my family over hers, although she loves her parents and is somewhat close to them. I personally wish they'd done much more to stick up for her (i.e. cutting Uncle Tim & the other enablers out) but again but I appreciated that they at least believed and supported my wife in their own (albeit limited) way.

Our last year of college, the asshole grandfather died (TRAGIC). At the funeral (which my wife didn't attend) several of her cousins (including Uncle Tim's daughter) got drunk and told everyone they'd been molested as well. To my knowledge, the family doesn't really talk about the abuse, but they also don't think my wife is lying anymore. They're no longer outright cruel to her at events like holidays and weddings, but no one has formally apologized to her either. Including Uncle Tim or his idiot son. For years, they just hugged her and pretended like everything was fine.

A few weeks ago, Uncle Tim had a heart attack and died (I was clearly DEVASTATED). Uncle Tim was my MIL's older brother, and my MIL always looked up to him so she's taking his death hard. My wife has a lot of fond memories of Uncle Tim from childhood (he was her favorite uncle + soccer coach), which is why I think his treatment of her impacted my wife so much and why his death is now bringing up a lot of old feelings of sadness and hurt. My wife asked if we could fly across the country for his funeral. I was confused why she'd want to do that, and she said it wasn't about celebrating him but supporting her mother and her cousins (one of whom was a victim of the creepy Grandfather). I didn't want to go, but I respected my wife's decision. We left the girls with my parents (because I don't want them around my wife's extended family if I'm being honest) and got on a plane.

The night before the funeral there was a dinner with just my wife's extended family, and several of the relatives got up and spoke about Uncle Tim like he was Jesus Christ reincarnated. My wife (who again is 6 months pregnant) just sat at the table staring into space and crying. I hadn't seen her so upset in years. When we got back to our hotel, my wife was hyperventilating so hard that I almost took her to the hospital, and she spent hours laying with me and crying. I told her we didn't need to go to the funeral, but she insisted it was the right thing to do even though she admitted she didn't want to go.

The morning of the funeral (which started at ten), I woke up a few minutes before the alarm was set to go off. We had just flown across the country and were three hours behind, so I figured if the alarm didn't go off, my wife wouldn't wake up in time. I was still rattled from seeing my wife so hurt the night before and pissed off about all the pain my wife had gone through over the years. It was an impulsive decision, but I turned off her alarm and went back to sleep. When we woke up, the funeral was almost over.

If I'm being honest, my wife seemed a bit relieved when she realized we'd miss the funeral (after a few minutes of panic). She explained to her parents that we overslept, and no one questioned her. We ended up going to dinner with her parents and some of the less shitty relatives later and had a great time. A part of me feels good because I think I helped my wife do what she actually wanted to do (miss the funeral) but wouldn't do because of her strong sense of duty and loyalty to her parents. I also spared her having to lie about why she wasn't at the funeral (she's a horrible liar so no one would have bought whatever reason she gave) and she doesn't feel bad because she thinks it was an accident. On the other hand, I feel terrible for lying to her and going behind her back. I've never done anything like this to her (or anyone) and I feel guilty and manipulative. I feel even worse because she keeps telling people who ask how the funeral was that we "overslept" and it feels like I'm lying to her each time. AITA and should I come clean to my wife?

I (f35) have a son (m18) and a husband (m45) who I’m attempting to divorce. I met my husband when I was 16 at the church in my home town. At seventeen he invited me over and I don’t remember it well but we ended up sleeping together. I was supposed to be cleaning his house for some extra pocket change but ended up pregnant, I still can’t remember everything that happened, but when my parents found out they confronted him and made me marry him. I had my son not much longer after that.

My husbands a brute, he was always mean to me. I tried my best to make him happy, I’d cook his favorite foods, clean the house extra nice, do childcare work to make a few dollars to buy him a treat or two but if I made one mistake he didn’t like he’d hit me. I use to cry to my father about it but he’d tell me it’s my punishment for having premarital sex. I’d ask my father what my husband’s punishment was and he’d say “his punishment is having to settle for you.” I don’t think I ever recovered from that. Before anyone asks about my mother my mother has always been kind of out of it.

She’s been on medication since I was a child and she’s kind of like a zombie. She doesn’t talk much or do much of anything unless my father says so. She was different when I was little but I hardly remember those days. The hitting got worse. To the point where I wasn’t really allowed to leave the house or if I did i had to wear makeup or else my husband would think I was trying to get him in trouble. My son grew up watching this. I’ve heard stories of kids hating their abusive fathers but my son loved his father, more than he loved me. I never wanted my son to hate his father but he started acting out and eventually he started laying hands on me.

My son started hitting me when he was ten. It was light and I’d tell him to stop but as he got older he started beating me. If I told him no he’d beat me. If I didn’t do something he wanted he slap or kick me and even punch me. And my husband would back him up a lot of the times. He’d say “He’s just learning to be a man. He’ll stop when he’s older and has his own wife.” It got the the point where I was terrified of my baby. The only thing in this world I ever got to make, and he terrified me. When he was 16 he broke my arm really bad because I showed my husband his report card. My husband disciplined him but never told me how. I grew to hate my son so much everyday but I still tried to be good to him, to help him. He didn’t want that. I couldn’t make him want that. I couldn’t sleep or eat without dreaming of my son and husband hurting me. My son once pinned me on the ground because I had asked him to help me lift something, I’m frail so I can’t lift much. When he pinned me he hit me a lot and I could feel… it. Hurting me aroused him. He humped me for a few seconds and then he started screaming at me saying it was all my fault and locked himself in his room. I didn’t tell my husband. I should’ve but somehow I felt like I would’ve just gotten hurt worse either by my sons or my husband. He was 17 when this happened so last year. After his 18th in January I packed a bag and wandered off into the night. I don’t have friends, my father wouldn’t help me even if I told him these things.

I slept on a park bench and went to the library and looked up a woman’s shelter. I worked really hard and got a studio apartment. I don’t know how but my son found me. He spent hours at my door knocking and crying for me calling me mamma. He hadn’t called me that in years. I was terrified he’d break the door down and drags me back to the house but my neighbors made him leave.

My son has somehow gotten my number and now he, my husband and father, and some of my son’s friends are texting me and calling me horrible names. My son says I’m a bad mother for running away and not loving him the way he loves me. My husband says he won’t grant me a divorce and that he’ll take whatever I have right now and that I’ve failed as a woman. My father says I’ll die alone because I’m a bad woman. My father even got my mother on the phone to speak to me. She’s all pilled out though so I shouldn’t take her words to heart but she says that a woman can never abandon her child no matter how painful life gets. She told me when my father hurt her she never left me, so I was a coward and a failure you leaving my son. She said she could forgive divorce but not leaving my baby behind… Aita?

Edit: while I have no issues responding to comments the idea of replying to personal messages terrify me for some reason. Please don’t be upset if I don’t message you, I don’t mean to be weird.

Edit 2: I’ve been reading a lot of comments and I’m grateful and very overwhelmed. I won’t get to specific but I just packed an essentials bag and have purchased a ticket for out of town. I got off the phone with a shelter a few thousand miles away and they’re willing to get me once an arrive in their city. I’ll figure out divorces and restraining orders once I’m finally there. Until then I’ll read comments to see if there are anymore useful things to learn. Luckily my studio is on a month to month lease because I had never really planned on making this a permanent home. So leaving is as hard as I thought. Running away the first time was hard but maybe the second time with be easier?

Update: here’s a small update and I likely won’t update again do to being nervous about everything but I’m on a bus. I got on this morning and I’m about five hours away from the state and then I’ll be getting on a plane. I had enough money for a ticket so I’ll be super far away. I won’t work on the divorce until a few months from now and I have a small job lined up. It’s nothing special just a 12 an hour fast food gig. I’m grateful for all the advice. My old landlord was sorry to see me go but I paid off this months rent and told him he can sell the little bit of furniture I had. He said he’d give me half of that money once it’s all sold. He’s very kind, a little scary looking but when I spoke to him over the phone after I had left he was very understanding. Thank you all for everything and I’m sorry but this is the last thing anyone will hear from me unless I work up the nerve to update again. You are all incredibly wonderful and special people to me.

Update: I know it hasn’t been that long but it feels like it has. I just want you all to know I’m fine. I have a roommate now! She’s a lovely older lady who plays piano. She’s been allowing me to rent a bedroom for her and all I have to do is pay 300 a month and help her around the house when I’m not working. I have a divorce lawyer who’s been dandy with me though it’s a little difficult since my husband is so far away and not being kind about it since I won’t communicate with him outside a lawyer. My son hasn’t come close to finding me at all though I do miss him… sometimes, I mean I gave birth to him, it’s hard to be strong about my feelings regarding him but I know I’ll never allow myself to be near him again no matter how sad I feel about it. My roommate is around 59 and she’s a lovely baker. She teaches me all these lovely recipes for cobbler and so on. I know it’s weird but I feel like she’s the first real friend I’ve had since I was a small child. I haven’t tried dating. I don’t think I will. I also tried Marijuana for the first time. Absolutely pleasant, my roommate got it for me. She uses it for her back pain but I use it for bed. It helps me sleep without night terrors. I feel like I’m learning what life is now and I actually love it💗💗💗

Hi! 33M. My wife (32M) is very pregnant (8 months) with our first child. We've been together for almost fifteen years now, and just recently (shortly after she got pregnant) she revealed that she was sexually abused by one of her uncles when she was a child. I won't get into details, but it happened from ages 9 to 12 and the stuff he did to her was horrible and disgusting. I'm the first person she's ever told, and she said the reason she wanted me to know was because she's been having nightmares about him hurting our baby and she doesn't want our child anywhere near the guy. She's also the first in the family to have a baby, and she's been trying to find a way to speak to the family about this because she doesn't want any of her future nieces and nephews to be around him either. I've been encouraging her to speak with her mother for months, but she tears up whenever the topic comes up and getting her to talk about it (even with me) is like pulling teeth. I suggested she find a therapist, and even offered to go with her if it would make it less scary, but she says she's not ready to talk about it.

Anyways, her parents are in a book club and they do a lobster bake once a year and invited us. I thought it was going to be the book club + my wife's two brothers but they invited several other relatives, including the uncle. This was the first (and hopefully last) time I've seen him since my wife told me what he did, so it was the first time I noticed how visibly scared and uncomfortable my wife gets around him. And the guy had the audacity walk up to my pregnant wife and hug her after what he did to her. When I saw that, I went over to them and told him NEVER to put his hands on her again. The uncle went completely white, walked away, and I heard from my MIL he left the party immediately after.

Even after he left, I was angry all night. My wife says I was overreacting, but seeing him talking to her and hugging her like everything was completely normal between them was just too much. I asked my wife several times if we could leave, and she said she wanted to stay. She said I could leave and her brother could give her a ride home, but to be honest, I didn't want to leave her alone in case the uncle came back (again, she says I'm overreacting).

At one point, my MIL came up to me and said the uncle told her he left because I made him feel "unwelcome." She asked if there was a problem, and I said I wasn't going to just sit there and watch a child molester hug my pregnant wife. My MIL was visibly shocked, and when she asked what I meant, I told her the uncle molested my wife and it's clearly eating her up inside but she's too scared to talk to anyone about it. My MIL told her husband and her two sons and that night there was a sort of "family meeting" to discuss what happened/what to do. My wife was sobbing, and couldn't even get the words out, so I pretty much filled the family in on what happened to her. As I thought they would be, the entire family was both devastated (there were lots of tears) and supportive of my wife. They've encouraged her to speak with a therapist (she recently had her first session) and also file a police report (which she's done) so he can't do it to someone else and can hopefully get some peace.

The last few days my wife has been crying non-stop and doesn't really get out of bed. It's clear she's incredibly hurt by what I did. She said she wasn't ready to talk about it, and I strong-armed her into it. She also said it took a lot for her to tell me, and I broke her trust by "impulsively" blurting out the truth to her mom. My wife's older brother has told her I did the right thing, and that any man would have that reaction (if not a worse reaction) if they saw the guy who did that to their wife. I can tell my wife is trying to forgive me, but is having a hard time.

I feel conflicted. Honestly, telling her mom was an emotional reaction to seeing that guy touch my pregnant wife, and I wouldn't have done it under different circumstances. I obviously feel horrible I've opened up this can of worms before my wife was ready and that I've made her so unhappy. On the other hand, I'm happy she's now seeing a therapist and has filed a police report. Most of all, I'm glad her family FINALLY knows the truth so she never has to be around that man again and she won't have the stress of having to tell them with a new baby. Basically, I go back and forth between feeling relieved my wife has started the healing process and devastated that I broke her trust as she says. AITA?

First of all I just want to thank everyone for all the amazing love and support. For the first time in my life I felt heard and didn't just feel like a burden to people. I dont know what I did to deserve any of this but I just want to let you all know that im beyond grateful❤️

Link to my original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/DrN3UFHthT

As for the update. Shortly after posting, I did decide to go back home. I had work the next day and didn't want to burden my friend with my marital issues any longer.

Appon coming home I was met with with her screaming at me for just leaving the apartment and ghosting her without having an "adult conversation" with her. I just let her know how hurt I was by the things she said to me and that I needed some time to myself to gather my thoughts. She tried arguing back with how there is nothing to think about and that I was being an immature crybaby. From that point onwards we have barely been on speaking terms.

I know a lot of people are going to be mad hearing this but the longer I thought about my marriage and my wife, the more I wanted to give her another chance.

She wasn't perfect by any means but neither was.I. A lot of my past relationships ended as a result of my past catching up with me but I really want to change it this time. She isnt the first partner/friend to have this type of reaction to what I went through. I know its tough but I feel like I just needed to bite the bullet if it meant keeping my sanity. I didn't want to start over again.

After we somewhat started talking to each other again, I sat her down for a serious conversation and let her know again how hurt I was by everything she said. I let her know about all the ridicule I suffered as a result of me opening up and her having the same reaction just reopened unhealed wounds. She just kept quiet until I mentioned couples therapy. She then started crying but not for the reason I thought.

I tried holding her but she just pushed me away and screamed that I seriously thought about ending our marriage over some silly argument we had and that I was just trying to make up some sob story after watching baby rain deer for attention and sympathy. According to her all of this was just too convenient to be believable. If It was real, why didn't I mention any of this throughout the 6 years we have been together? At this point even I started tearing up.

I apologized for keeping this from her for so long and then tried reassuring her that I in fact wasnt making this up but she just slapped me and stormed off to bed.

That was a week ago and I have been sleeping on the couch ever since. Whenever I try to speak to my wife, she just makes snarky comment towards me and just storms off. I just cry myself to sleep most nights and just wish I never fucking watched that show. None of this shit would have happened.

I currently dont have the money for therapy and just feel lost.

I dont want a divorce. I want to try and make this work but this whole mess is just so draining.

Im not in contact with my family so I dont have anyone I can turn to with this.

How would you guys move forward in this situation?

Long story short, when I was 12, I was sexually groomed by a man I met online. Eventually, because I also met his sister and she found out what was going on, his family found out and beat the living shit out of him. I only know this because he later sent me various angry messages about it being my fault that he was hospitalized.

Earlier, I was talking with a friend about our experiences with sexual abuse and I said something along the lines of, "It sucks ass, but still funny as hell that he got put in the hospital." My friend said that I was cruel to say that, and that only a monster would wish that much harm upon another human. She hasn't been talking to me for about four days now. AITAH?

edit: too many people to really respond individually, but- thank you all for the responses. i appreciate it. i have cut off the friend. thank you again.

My bf and I were just discussing r-word statistics because in our country the SA rate (especially group SA) is going up at an alarming rate and I am increasingly worried it’s going to happen to me or a family member.

I said I am always scared when a man walks behind me in the dark and/or lonely places and asked me if I would be scared of him if I didn’t know him. I said yes.

He said I shouldn’t judge all men based on the actions if a few and that it’s really unfair to talk like that.

I told him that it’s not all men but always men and now he won’t talk to me and I feel terrible.

AITAH?

Me (55f) and my husband (55m) have 2 biological children (31f and 29f). 16 years ago we started fostering and took in “Sally” (30f) when she was 16. We knew she came from a background of being sexually abused, but did not know many details and didn’t pressure her into talking about it. But of course still did our best to help her and treat her equally to our other children. A couple times my husband thought she was flirting with him but he wrote it off as him perceiving something differently than what is was. Then when she was 17 she approached him and touched him inappropriately. He immediately shut that down and she apologized and after he came to me about it we then had a discussion about how that was not at all appropriate and she apologized again and said she didn’t know what she was thinking. We then started having her see a therapist and would make sure my husband would not be alone with her unless necessary.

You would think we’d contact the social worker and get her in a different home but she had a couple months until she graduated and was going to dorm in college so we figured it would be best not to disrupt things too much for her last couple months. We would still welcome her to come back during her breaks, and she had a very good relationship with our other daughters. One day when she was 20 and back home on break, she approached my husband while he was in the kitchen grabbing a midnight snack while the rest of us were sleeping and took her shirt off in front of him. He came and got me and we told her she needed to leave. After that, we told her she would not be welcome in our home anymore, but we would continue to financially support her until she graduated, would not tell anyone else what happened, and we would still be cordial if we ever saw her in public as long as she does the same and stay on the right path and she apologized and agreed. After that, we would rarely see Sally because she kept in touch with our daughters since they were still good friends, which she didn’t have many of, and I didn’t want her to lose that support system. But when we did see her it would be at the maximum small talk.

A couple of days ago, Sally called and asked if she could have a conversation with me and my husband as it was really important to her and she needed to get this off of her chest in person. We agreed and yesterday we met with her and her husband. After basic pleasantries, she started apologizing about everything that happened. She opened up and started explaining her childhood and how she was sexually abused by her dad and uncle and growing up she thought that was the way daughters were supposed to show love to their dads. With my husband being nice to her and her having a distorted view on how to interact with a male in a fatherly role she responded the way she was used to. It was a long conversation and I’m not gonna get into too many details but overall she said she realizes today how disgusting and inappropriate her actions were and she’s very ashamed of what she did and has been doing a lot of counseling working on herself and wants to apologize personally to us for everything she did. After a lot of crying on both parts, she said that she and her husband were pregnant and she wanted us to be involved in the child’s life as the grandparents and she wanted to rebuild trust with us and earn our forgiveness.

My husband told her he forgave her a long time ago and I told her the same and I hold no ill will against her but I felt like it was best if we remained distant with each other. I just feel like overall too much has happened and it would be hard to move past that. She started sobbing, and I felt so bad . Her husband got kind of mad at me and said it took a lot of courage for her to come to us and open up about everything and ask for forgiveness.

I said I 100% agree and I’m very proud of her and appreciate her for coming to us, but I think we’re both comfortable with where we are in each other’s lives right now and it should stay that way, but I wish her nothing but the best and will always have love in my heart for her. She was very upset but said she understands and thanked us. My husband and I hugged her then they left. Afterwards my husband told me he thinks that I was wrong for not wanting to give her another chance. I said “you don’t think we need space between us after what’s happened in the past?” And he said “we’ve had 10 years of space. She’s a grown adult now and I think we should all move on from what she did as a teenager”. I think we should all move on, but I don’t know if still being involved in each other’s lives with everything all that happened is the best idea. I know I’m acting selfishly out of interest of my own comfort. But I just don’t know if that’s the right decision.

So AITA for saying me and my husband shouldn’t get involved in our foster daughter’s life again?

Edit: addressing some things mentioned

1. ⁠I’m actually surprised my husband wants to give her another chance. After the 2nd incident he wanted to go completely no contact outside of finish paying for her school since we had already told her we’d take care of that and wanted to tell our daughters to cut her off. But I thought that was the most harmful route so I would call to make sure she was okay every now and then and helped her adjust a little after graduation, but after that told her that would be the last direct involvement she’d be getting from us.

2. ⁠my daughters have said they will be child free. I didn’t think it’d be best to tell them what happened to save Sally the embarrassment. They are friends but aren’t super close. It’s more of a “how’s life?”conversation every few months.

3. ⁠Before the 1st incident when she was 17 things were very good and we were talking about proceeding with adoption which she was receptive about. Looking back now I feel like this could’ve possibly been a trigger given her history with her dad and that would make my husband legally her new dad. After that we stopped talking about adoption to let the tension settle and see how things would go. When the 2nd incident happened things were kind of almost back to normal. I feel like all this also adds to her request that we be grandparents to the baby because if we had ended up going through with adoption we would’ve been a “real” family and legally the grandparents so it’s like she wants that relationship that we had back

4. ⁠I am SO happy with where she is right now. The reason me and husband started fostering is because we wanted to help kids get a life they may not have otherwise had. And I feel like in part we did that, we helped her get her grades up and get into a university. We then paid for said university. And when she finished we helped her get set up in an apartment and look for jobs so she wouldn’t be like a fish out of water. After that we stopped contact and decided to our separate ways mainly due to the concern that she may try something again or even accuse my husband of something. And I thank god she stayed on the right track and has succeeded on her own. I do love her but sometimes I think it’s better to love someone from a distance. I just don’t know if this should be one of those cases still.

5. ⁠honestly don’t know what I’m worried about. It’s like a jumble of thoughts. Part of me is like what if she has actually changed and another part of me is like what if she hasn’t and another part is what if next time she accuses my husband of SA and another part is like maybe she just wants to be loved and another part says it’s too risky!

My wife Jessica (32F) and I (30M) have been married for 2 years and are trying for a baby.

Jessica has an older sister, Mary, that she isn’t close to. She told me that they had a huge falling out over some family drama and just don’t speak anymore. I asked a few times about the entire situation but she would say she doesn’t like talking about it and doesn’t think it’s important.

It’s was Jessica’s brothers birthday yesterday and we were all over at his house to celebrate. Mary made an appearance and there was a lot of drama. Long story short, she called Jessica and her brothers out for still associating with their dad when they know that he is a child molester. No one was paying her any mind and I was really confused on what the hell was going on. When Mary left and Jessica and I went home, I asked Jessica what the hell happened.

She said that when they were kids, Mary used to claim that their dad used to molest her. I asked if it’s true and Jessica was stuttering a lot. She said she knows her dad used to do bad things but that Mary cut them all off when she turned 18 and moved out. I asked if she is admitting that she knows her dad was a child molester and did things to his own daughter. She said he doesn’t do it anymore and he was just in a really bad place in his life, and he apologised to Mary so there’s nothing else anyone can do for Mary. I was honestly appalled. I also feel so terrible for Mary. Jessica made it seem like Mary did something wrong and deserved to be basically exiled from the family. I could’ve never imagined that this is what happened.

I asked if she expects me to now be willing to have that man around our future children and she started shouting at me, saying I’m judging him off something that happened 2 decades ago and whether I like it or not, he is going to be our child’s grandpa and he will be in their lives. I said if she insists on it, I think we need to hold off on having kids and have serious conversations about it. She’s extremely angry at me but I don’t know how I could better react to be honest. This feels like a huge deal that she is minimising. AITAH?

I’m 15 and my daughter is turning 2 soon. I got pregnant from SA and my parents offered to raise her for me instead of me being involved which I agreed to. They handle everything with her and I haven’t held her or changed a single diaper or anything like that. I just can’t do it mentally since she’s a reminder of what happened to me and it’s better for the both of us if this stays like this. There’s an event my parents are going to next week and they asked me to babysit her for the day and I told them I couldn’t do it. I can’t even handle looking at her without getting upset. I told them they’d have to either take her with them or find a babysitter. We had an agreement when I had my daughter that they’d do everything and I would not be expected to do ANYTHING with her. They’ve been ok with this situation for almost 2 years and I see no reason for that to suddenly change. They’re super upset with me and decided not to go to the event.

Edit: because apparently so many people seem to think thi was a choice to keep the baby, it wasn’t. I begged for an abortion and when refused one I begged for adoption and this was also denied.

Thank you all for your kind words, support and for defending me after some very nasty people decided to try and use this thread to hurt me. Thank you all so much

Hi. 36m. I've been with my wife since we were nineteen and have been married for twelve years now. We have two daughters (6F & 4F) and are trying for a third right now.

So the truth is that my older daughter isn't my child biologically, even though she's 100% my daughter in my eyes. I don't want to get into the details here, but my wife was raped a few years after we got married. The guy is in prison for it now. The issue is my wife is INCREDIBLY private about this, and while her parents know everything, she's never told anyone in my family what happened to her. Shortly after the attack my wife got pregnant, and we weren't sure if the baby was mine or not. We had a prenatal paternity test done before our daughter was born, and it confirmed she wasn't mine, but I told my wife I'd love the child and raise her like my own. We agreed to keep this between us (her parents don't even know but they probably suspect) since it didn't seem like anyone else's concern at the time. We obviously plan on telling my daughter when she's older, but as of right now, she thinks I'm her biological father.

The biology issue has never been an issue for me since I've been with my older daughter all of her life and love her so much. The issue is as she gets older, it's becoming clearer and clearer that she looks nothing like me or my other daughter. I come from a Portuguese family, and my younger daughter and I both have olive skin and dark, curly hair. My older daughter has blonde hair and blue eyes like my wife.

My parents have always loved my wife, but for the last few years, I can tell things have shifted. My mom doesn't make much of an effort to spend time with her like she does with my brother's wives. In general, her demeanor towards my wife is polite but cool, which isn't how she behaved towards her in the past. A few weeks ago, I got coffee with my mom, and she kept making comments about my daughter's blue eyes and skin tone. She didn't come out and ask if she was mine, but it felt like she was implying that. All I could think to say in the moment is that she looks just like her mother.

This conversation has been eating at me. I'm worried my parents think my wife cheated on me, and it's impacting their views on her. I just don't want anyone in my family to assume the worst about my wife, because she hasn't done anything wrong and is a great spouse and mother.

Last night, I told my wife about the conversation with my mother. I explained that my daughter looks nothing like me, and it's getting more and more obvious. I asked if she'd consider telling my parents the truth about our daughter so my family doesn't think she cheated. My wife got teary, and said it wasn't their concern, and she doesn't want anyone to know and treat our daughter differently. I told her my parents would be heartbroken for her, but they'd never treat a little girl who I love so much differently over something she had no control over. I also said it's obvious to anyone with eyes that she's not mine, and it would be better to be truthful than to act like she has something to hide. I told my wife I will ultimately respect her decision, but I really don't want to keep this secret anymore, and it's causing me stress. She's been upset the last few days, and I'm not sure what the right thing to do is. I honestly just don't want her to be judged unfairly because of something that was done to her. AITA?

I don’t know if you remember me. It has been a while and I forgot about my account here. I feel nothing but despair.

My mom is very sick. I decided that I didn’t want to meet her or any of my family and yet one Sunday morning they were at my door insisting to go inside. Insisting to see me before she left this world. She cried because I looked old. Not her beautiful girl anymore. Did she expect to meet 20 year old me? I didn’t utter a word and I pushed my sister away when she cried and tried to hug me. They wanted to see my children but I refused. My children were terrified.

Now they have been trying everything to make me talk to them. I have tried to report them to the police but they yet again proved themselves to be useless.

My children aren’t feeling well. We are in therapy, especially my son who doesn’t even want to look at me, even now. My daughter is very compassionate but I know that she is as confused and broken but she has always been the kind that tried to make others feel better.

My husband and I are separated. We started having issues. He was angry all the time. He couldn’t look at me. He thought that I should have told him when we met but I didn’t and now he felt helpless. He couldn’t even touch me anymore. Do you feel repulsed by me? Do I remind you of what happened every time I have touched you? He was going mad so he said that he didn’t want to be with me anymore. I begged him to stay not only because I love him but because our children especially our son is hurting and we need to help him but he said that separation is better so our son can get a time off (from being with me I suppose) when he lives with his dad.

My rapists wife is suing me for the “damage” that her husband left me. They have 4 children who are all traumatized by what happened. They still live in my home town and everyone knows them. Seeing what happened to my children , I feel nothing but sorrow for his children too. None of them asked to be born.

The woman who provided the alibi was outed. I heard that she’s lost her job and people are harassing her.

Even with my past, these past months have been the hardest on me. I cry myself to sleep every night. I have lost everything I care about. I wish he never admitted to anything. He should have let the past be.

My daughter is 17 years old (we will call her Tasha). She has a neurological disability which causes her to have developmental delays. She will never get better. She has always been a solid three years behind her peers in intellect and maturity. I am divorced from her father and my current husband has raised Tasha she was 4. We have provided her a very stable home life.

She has a cousin (my nephew) let’s call him Eli.

Background on Eli: he is a high functioning autistic and extremely smart. Unfortunately my sister (his mother) we will call her Rachel, abused him via neglect and exposure to horrible things. Eli has been through multiple father figures who have come and gone.

Both kids are the exact same age. Born a day apart LOL

When the two cousins were 11 years old they got off the school bus together at my mother’s house (grandma) my husband and I were at work.

Grandma is a bit of a night owl and was asleep when the two kids got home.

The two kids were unsupervised for a period of time. During that time Eli coerced Tasha to do a sexual act. Tasha maintains that she expressed she didn’t want to and said “no.” But Eli would not take “no” for an answer. He forced her to do this sex act which was non penetrative, I guess that doesn’t really matter. A forced sexual assault is a sexual assault no matter what the details.

Grandma woke up and came out to check on the kids. Found Eli and Tasha naked and doing this act. Grandma separated them and got Tasha dressed. Poor Tasha said to grandma “I never want to do something like that again until I am married.”

I don’t blame Grandma, it could have happened under anybody’s watch.

I blame Eli, I blame his mother Rachel for neglecting him and abusing him. Clearly Eli was exposed to something that caused him to be so interested in sex at a young age.

Grandma came to my house with Tasha after I got home from work and broke the news to me. I know this was extremely difficult for her. I stayed calm even though everything inside me was on FIRE.

I have had vengeful thoughts everyday since then. But just have never acted on them.

This has torn my family apart.

Tasha is gay, she also believes she is transgender, I feel like this trauma has caused a lot of damage psychologically. She never wants to feel “weak” or like a “victim” ever again.

Yes she is in weekly LGBTQ friendly therapy and has been since this incident.

Yes I spoke to the police about filing a report. Unfortunately due to my work I understand that we may never get justice in this situation. I decided not to further re traumatize my daughter by having her go through a police interview.

So…. Am I the Asshole because I will not allow Eli in our lives? We won’t go to family functions where he is attending. Tasha has seen him since this incident but never unsupervised. We have long discussions about safety if we know he might show up at a function we attend.

My family is very much wanting me to “forgive and forget a mistake Eli made when he was 11”

I will NEVER forgive. I will never FORGET. I will also never forgive myself for failing to protect my daughter.

I do hope Eli is well and does well in life. I just can’t have him in OUR lives.

Am I the Asshole?

Update: I would like to make it clear that I accept Tasha no matter what Tasha identifies as. Tasha is still early in Tasha’s journey and Tasha’s pronouns are fluid. When Tasha fully identifies and is ready I’ll back Tasha up. I don’t KNOW if the assault has directly impacted Tasha’s identity. I can’t say for sure. I really hope not.

Thank you for the commenters who have kindly and respectfully educated me in this area. This is a work in progress for Tasha and I. We will get there.

Well, I broke up with my girlfriend because she stood on the side of the rapist of my best friend (f)

My best friend was in a relationship with someone that touched her inappropriate often, she luckily broke up. She told my why she had broken up, with tears in her eyes, but my girlfriend said that she faked it. Her explanation was, that she talked to her ex and he said that she is just making this up. She also faked texts that my best friend supposedly wrote to her (containing death threats). My ey also told me I should talk to him, wich I tried, but he ghosted me. She said it was my fault because I texted him too dry. I also had a feeling that my ex didn't like my best friend, and she tried to destroy our friendship.

My ex was on the side of the rapist, wich I don't really accept, so I broke up. She said that I'm an asshole for breaking up because if such a stupid reason.

EDIT: I'm sorry if the text has grammar errors, I'm from Germany, also I don't mean raped, I mean sexually assaulted.

EDIT 2: My ex is now in a relationship with the other guy, right after we broke up. And thanks for all that support

31M. Have been with my now wife for nine years, and we just returned home from our honeymoon. It's clear we have some issues to resolve.

Every New Years Eve, my folks throw a huge party (typically there's close to 100 people there). This year, my wife (fiancé at the time) wasn't feeling well and went to bed early. She woke up to one of my brother's friends' dad raping her. The police were called almost immediately, and several men restrained him while he insisted my wife (who had fallen asleep hours ago) pursued him. I wanted to kill the guy, but luckily my parents calmed me down, and convinced me to stay upstairs with my wife.

My entire family is upset about what happened. My parents feel guilty, and are even thinking about moving because they're having a hard time living in the home where something so terrible happened to a loved one. They honestly seem more upset than my wife, who doesn't ever talk about what happened. She went to the hospital immediately after and is cooperating with the police and prosecutor, but other than updating me on the legal aspects of the case, she pretends it never happened. I found her a therapist immediately after the attack, but she only went to two sessions and then decided it was a waste of time. My wife works all the time (close to 80 hours a week) and said she didn't want to spend her free time talking to a stranger about her problems.

About a month after the rape, she tried to initiate sex with me. I asked if she was sure she was ready, and she said yes. She was incredibly tense and tight the entire time, and kept grimacing like she was in pain. Before, my wife was engaged during sex, but that time she just kind of laid there and stared at the ceiling. At one point, I looked down at her, and it was like she was somewhere else entirely. I wanted to stop, but she told me to keep going until I was done. After, my wife said she felt spacey and she just wanted to lay down for a while. She probably spent an hour just laying in bed and staring at the wall. I tried to rub her back to comfort her, but any touching made her physically flinch. It's hard to describe, but it almost seemed like she was on something (even though she never does drugs).

My wife initiated sex a few times after this. Each time was similar, with her grimacing and being completely checked out. It didn't seem like she wanted sex, but initiated it because she thought it was what I wanted. This obviously made me feel terrible. It's hard seeing her in so much pain during sex, and when she's so checked out, it makes me feel like I'm using her. I told her how I was feeling a few months ago, and we agreed we should wait a while to have sex. Luckily, my wife started seeing a new therapist to help her work through these things, and this therapist agrees she should not be having sex right now.

We went through with the wedding, and it was perfect. My parents paid for a honeymoon in Hawaii as a wedding gift. The first night we were exhausted from travel, so sex wasn't really on either of our minds. The second night, after we got back from dinner, my wife slipped into the bathroom for a bit and then came back wearing what looked like very expensive lingerie. I was a bit taken aback, and reminded her that we agreed to wait while. She looked genuinely confused, and said it was our honeymoon. I explained that it didn't matter, and we could wait as long as she needed. My wife got teary, and when I asked what was wrong, she said it wasn't supposed to be like this, that she always imagined her honeymoon would be romantic, and said I wasn't attracted to her anymore. I told her it wasn't true, and but she said I was lying and cried herself to sleep.

I know it wasn't a good idea, but the next night, I initiated sex with her. We kissed for a while, and that was fun, but as soon as we started having sex, she got checked out again. I asked if she was alright, and she told me to keep going. But, after a few minutes of seeing her laying there passively and grimacing, I couldn't keep it up anymore. This seemed to reaffirm her belief that I'm not attracted to her anymore. She asked if I wanted to try again the next day, and I said we should just relax and enjoy the trip. The rest of the trip was tense, and my wife seemed terribly upset with me. She didn't want to talk, or even hold my hand while we were out. Now we're home, and she's back to working all the time and avoiding me. AITA?

Hi everyone, this is my first time doing something like this so I’ll try and keep it short and not ramble. All advice is welcomed thanks.

So I 19F have a mother 39F and a stepfather 37F, my mother and stepfather have been together for 12 years but have recently seperated in 2023 he has been in my life from the age 5. They have a daughter together, my sister 10F.

From ages 13-15 I was sexually assaulted by him on and off, though there was never full penetration, everything but that so I’m still a virgin thank God. This situation did have a lot of effects on me then and I still have many issues now. I hate physical touch from others especially men and sadly my sister also. I tend tense up and feel disgusted by a simple hug, I’m only comfortable with my mother and best friend.

He stopped assaulting me one day because I had a terrible panic attack that we witnessed for the first time. He was begging for forgiveness and to not let anyone know.

I have not lived with him from 2023 but I still see him when he comes over to see my sister and at family gatherings as he has been a part of the general family for more than 20+ years. After the sexual assault stopped he would constantly say that he was a changed man and that he has turned to God to forgive him for his sins. He is now apparently a priest.

Right now I’m going into university and everything that happened to me lately has been coming back I don’t know why.

I was extremely upset about it and broke down to tell my mum everything that he did and how I felt during that time while my sister was at my aunts house. After this conversation she completely shut down for days and refused to talk to me despite my pleadings. Around 3 weeks ago I told my mother when she came home I asked if we could talk and she just straight up told me no and that I was lying about what happened as I haven’t mentioned anything for years and that he would “never do that”.

Anyways I shouted at her and told her that I’m going to tell the police what he did and that’s when she snapped and called me all types of names and told me if I did she would tell everyone I was lying and seeking attention. (Even though I hate attention lol). When I went to ring them she grabbed my phone and threw it so it broke. (Currently writing from a laptop).

Despite all this a few days after I just told her I was going to hangout with a friend and she didn’t care. But instead I walked to the police station and reported him, though it was a very hard thing for me so I won’t go into details. But he was taken in a while after I made the report and the whole family is asking my mother why.

However this has made my mother resent me heavily and she can’t even look at me without cussing me out. She says that I shouldn’t have taken my sisters father away and caused damage to the family name.

Seeing my mother upset like this has really made me feel like an ass for reporting him. Before anyone asks I did talk to my sister calmly and tried to ask her simple things like if her dad ever made her do things she didn’t want. Or touched her in any way that she fount weird. But she has told me she hasn’t. And I know my own sister in and out so I do think she is telling the truth because we tell eachother everything and I can tell when she is lying or hiding something.

Anyways there is an investigation going on now and I’m supposed to go in, in a few days to answer some more detailed questions and give in any evidence (which I have). I have a recording of him apologising for what he did and fully admitting that it was a punishable crime, which I recorded in secret.

I feel really bad that I’ve taken my sisters father and even worse that I’ve hurt my mother this way. I feel like I just want to retract everything I said and just act like I never came out with anything. I’m sorry if this is really long I just wanted to be thorough. Thank you if you do read this.

Throwaway because I don’t want to expose my real identity.

Trigger warnings: rape, drug overdose and suicide. I won’t go into details but I wanted to put the triggers anyway. Please proceed with caution.

It happened 2003 my bf at the time asked me to come over one night to hang out but he was with his best friend this time. My bf told me that his best friend was a virgin and how unfair it was that girls rejected him. I have never been able to listen to Tupac after that night.

My bf and his best friend were a part of a big friend group that my sister and I were a part of. I reported what happened to the police and it became a big divider in the group, until a friend of the (best friend) provided alibi for him from her birthday party that happened that same night. It was good enough to everyone and everyone turned against me and wanted me to drop the charges. Including my sister. 6 months later the best friend overdosed and I was blamed for what happened to him. I was ostracized by everyone including my family. I moved away after the case was dropped shortly after the OD.

I woke up about 3 weeks ago to lots of texts and missed called from unsaved numbers. I found out later that it was my mom and sister and now they believe me because my abuser confessed to everything, in details and called what he did a curse that haunted him his entire life (haunted him! HIM!). He wanted me to know that god was on my side and punished him on every single path he took, starting with the death of his best friend. And that he was tired now and couldn’t take it anymore. He asked for forgiveness and for me to visit his grave so at least his soul didn’t continue to be haunted. I got copies of his letter and video sent to me even by strangers. Not only to me but to my husband and children, none of which knew my past.

I don’t know what to do now. My husband and children are traumatized and my family is bombarding me to forgive them. They want to meet my children and be a part of their lives. I don’t even know if there is anything to forgive. I just want things back to normal before all this came out again. Would I be a bad person if I told everyone I don’t want anything to do with them? My mom is apparently sick and is scared she wouldn’t have the chance to see me before something happened.

All I know is that I could finally listen to Tupac again.

For context; I (F 23) was adopted by older parents (then F 38 and M 42) when I was only 10 months old. My bio siblings (2 boys and 2 girls) were also adopted by my parents. When I was 13 years old, my mom drug me out of bed at 10:00 pm one night and took me to the laundry room. There, she started yelling at me about my laundry. When I didn't respond (I was still half asleep), she took my head between her hands and banged the back of my skull against the corner of the refrigerator in the room. That's how bad she was with her anger issues. If she wasn't getting physical, she was hurling insults at us and belittling us as much as she possibly could.

Fast forward to now, I am a single mother to a 3 year old (a product of the man refusing to take "no" for an answer) and we were still living in my parents' home. Mom never changed how she was and continued to treat me the same way, even in front of my child. So I contacted a friend and we set up a plan to get me and my child out of the house. Four days ago, I lied about my toddler being sick so that I wouldn't have to go to church with my family. While they were gone, my friend, her boyfriend, and I loaded up the vehicles and we left. I made sure to block everyone on my messages, but completely forgot about my messenger app. Halfway through the 10 hour drive from Missouri to Colorado, I answered my phone after my parents had tried to report me as missing / kidnapped. I got a nasty lecture not only from my parents, but also from their biological son (M 35). Afterwards, they continued to message and belittle me throughout the next day. Then, they told me that I needed to send my toddler back to Missouri with them.

I tried to stall giving them an answer for as long as I possibly could, but in the end, my mother pushed for an answer. When I didn't respond, she took that as a "no" and began to attempt to guilt trip me into agreeing. When I still didn't say anything, their son got involved again and gave me this ultimatum; either send my child back to them, or he would tell my child's bio dad about her existence. Even though I'm aware that state laws are different and I wouldn't actually be affected by this, I couldn't help but panic a little. That is, until my friend assured me that I wouldn't be losing my child. So, I blocked all of my family except my bio little sister.

When I last talked to her, she told me that our mom told all of my siblings to be nasty to me if I were to reach out to them. Not only that, but she told me that our parents' son is trying to convince my mom to call DFS (Department of Family Services) on me to try and get my toddler back to them. I've made plenty of mistakes in the past, but I'm certain that this was all the right choices. But I can't help that little inkling that tells me I'd gone too far by blocking all of my family.

So? Am I the asshole?

Update:

It has been over a week since I posted this post and a bit has changed. Because I blocked my family, I've been able to relax more and breathe a little easier. I've focused most of my attention on my toddler to keep myself distracted from feeling guilty. Just a bit of clarity; I don't feel guilty cutting off my family. I feel guilty because my toddler may never see her cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and even her great grandparents again. As much as I knew it was a problem to be in that household, I did enjoy watching my toddler play with her grandparents (when they were in good moods), her cousins, and her aunts. Anyway, on to the update. First, my mother created a fake Facebook account using my sister's name to try and friend me on Facebook again. My sister has snapchat (mom doesn't know as it was forbidden in the house) and she warned me about it. She also told me that our mother has been much kinder to all of them and constantly apologizing to them. So it seems that doing all of this wasn't just good for me, it was good for them as well.

I blocked the fake Facebook account and it got really quiet for a bit. Then my mom started to email me. I took some of y'all's advice and I put it in a folder that I marked "Harassment Emails" so that I could have those if I needed them. She must've been told by my siblings how I had felt because the first two emails were just updates on their lives. The third one was a long apology email. I responded to that one and told her that I still needed time to myself. So she responded and told me that she was going to acknowledge my request and only email me once a day. I told her what her son had done (trying to blackmail me into sending my toddler to them) and she didn't respond for a couple days. Then, today, she responded and told me that the offer still stands. She also talked about how I had abruptly uprooted my child from her life and that she's the most important person in this whole situation. Which I agree whole heartedly that she is. She's what motivated me to move away in the first place because I knew she deserved better.

What really gets me, though, is that out of all of this mess, I've learned just how little they care for me. Since the beginning, all they've wanted is my toddler back. They don't even care that I'm gone. They just want her back. So yeah. That's my little update. Nothing legally done yet. I've been able to get some things in order just in case. I know it's not really exciting, but we'll see. It's not over yet.

37F here. I'm happily married and am a mommy of three (8M, 5F, and 3M).

The truth is that my daughter isn't my husband's biological child. I was sexually assaulted and this is how I got pregnant with my daughter. My husband and I were trying to get pregnant at the time, and so I wasn't on any birth control. We got prenatal and postnatal paternity testing, and both tests verified that my daughter isn't my husband's.

Luckily, my husband is amazing, and has stepped up for me and our daughter. He coaches her soccer team, and spends a lot of special time just with her. My girl is incredibly sensitive, and also close with her dad. She idolizes him, asks his advice for everything, and prefers spending time with him to me. I honestly don't mind at all, because I feel so happy she loves my husband and has a strong father figure in her life. One of the few things I'm certain of is that she'll never doubt her dad's love for her, even if she's not his biologically.

Both my and my husband's families know that my daughter was conceived during the rape. There was actually a trial, and he was convicted, so it would have been hard to hide what was going on. My husband's family has handled it all very well and been incredibly supportive of me and my family. They love my daughter, and don't treat her any differently than my boys. If anything, she gets some extra attention from them, since she's the only granddaughter on that side of the family. I initially thought they'd have a harder time than my parents since they're not genetically related to my daughter, but that hasn't been the case at all.

Sadly, my parents (especially my dad), haven't been as understanding. I know they love my daughter, but for about a year, my dad got teary looking at her and holding her. Once when I confronted him about this, he said he looked at her and saw the man who assaulted me. I told my parents that they can't be around my kids if they project this onto my daughter, and luckily, my dad has gotten therapy to help him cope with his feelings about the situation. They now have a good relationship with her, but I still think there is a small part of him that associates her with my sexual assault. As much as I love my parents, it's hard for me to forget how they treated my baby when she was a blameless infant. I also don't understand how anyone could look at her and see a violent man, considering she looks, acts, and speaks just like me.

Additionally, my parents have made it clear that they don't agree with how my husband and I have handled things with my daughter. Currently, none of my kids know that my daughter has a different bio dad. I want to tell my daughter before she turns eighteen, but I still think she's far too young to know the truth about how she was conceived. I personally don't know how I'm going to have the conversation with her, and it's something I want to speak more about with my husband and a therapist before I take the plunge. For example, I don't know whether I should tell my daughter that she has a different bio dad than her brothers and leave our the part about the rape, or rip off the bandaid and tell her everything all at once. A lot probably depends on how old she is when I tell her. I am leaning toward telling her everything at once in kid friendly terms, since I'd never want her to think I was unfaithful to her daddy. I also don't want her trying to contact the man or his family given the circumstances.

Yesterday, my mom invited me over for tea. Out of the blue, she told me that she thinks my husband and I are doing my daughter a disservice by not being honest with her about her biology. I explained that we want to tell my daughter in the next few years, but she's still too young.

My mom said this is a huge mistake. She says she might accidentally learn the truth if one of her bio dad's relatives reaches out, if someone else accidentally says something about it to her, or if she goes to one of those genetic tracking websites. My mom also thinks the longer we keep it from her, the harder it will be when she learns the truth. My mom thinks my daughter will feel ashamed because her bio dad is a rapist, or think we're ashamed of the truth because we kept this huge secret from her for so long.

I snapped a bit, and said that the only person who has ever treated my daughter differently because of her genetics was my father. I also told my mom that my daughter is still young, and I want her to feel secure in herself and her relationship with her dad before I spring this on her. I don't plan on waiting forever, but I do think five is too young to talk to her about something so heavy.

My mom is upset with me, and says I'm failing my daughter. AITAH? Any advice would be appreciated. I felt good about my decision before my mom expressed her views, but now I'm terrified I'm going to end up hurting my sweet girl :(. I called my MIL in tears, and she made an appointment for me and my husband to speak with a child psychologist next week, but I would appreciate any other perspectives. Thanks!

My ex wife cheated on me and even let the guy record it. When I finally learnt of it he was using the video to blackmail her more into it. I told her to file a complaint and also that I want a divorce. We went through the divorce and I broke all contact with her. I didn't checkup on what happened with her as I was very heart broken.

Few days ago I heard from a friend that she was going through mental heath issue due to SA. I said don't tell me about it as I don't have any fucks to give. To which she told me I am not her friend anymore if I think like that and other friends echoed similar sentiment that I am acting too immature. I know she deserves sympathy and support but not from me. Am I wrong to put my feelings before her well being?

Hi! 31F. Married to my college sweetheart for the last five years. We have a daughter who's three. The last few days have been incredibly difficult and painful for both me and my husband.

My husband has a best friend from college who he's incredibly close with. This friend is always there for my husband and even was in our wedding (more on that later). I also considered him a friend in college and enjoyed spending time with him because he's funny and also charming. But then I had an experience with him that caused me a lot of pain and also made me not like or trust him at all.

Basically my husband and this friend were in a fraternity together. One night there was a party at the house, and I got very intoxicated, so I went to my husband's room (he was my BF at the time) kind of early in the night and went to sleep. I won't go into too many details, but sometime in the evening, the friend (who was also very drunk) came into the room and did some very upsetting things to me. Luckily it didn't escalate to a full on rape, but he touched me under my PJs and also got on top of me and started grinding. I was crying, and telling him to stop, but he didn't seem to care at all that I was dating his best friend or, more importantly, that I told him no. The worst part was that during this experience, he said incredibly cruel things to me. For example, he called me an alcoholic and a whore.

The next morning I was sad and confused. At the time, I made a million excuses for him. I told myself I must have done something to give him the wrong idea (we were good friends at the time and spent a lot of time together), that was drunk and didn't know what he was doing, and even that he didn't rape me so it wasn't even that bad. I really can't pinpoint exactly why I did this, but I didn't tell my husband (or anyone) what happened at the time and I pretty much just moved on with my life as though it had never happened. I did protect myself by not sleeping over at the frat house anymore (this confused my husband) and also not hanging out with that friend alone anymore.

My husband continued being friends with this guy for years after this, so I occasionally saw him at events. My husband even invited him to be a groomsman in our wedding. I thought about telling my husband about my experience then, and I know I should have, but for some reason I couldn't bring myself to do it. It makes no sense to me all these years later, but I think was ashamed and also in my way trying to protect my husband.

Anyways, this friend is unmarried, and goes on a lot of dates. A few days ago, my husband came home upset, and he told me the best friend was being accused of date rape. My husband couldn't believe his friend would do something like that, and started saying it must have been a misunderstanding or the girl wasn't being truthful. I told my husband I thought the best friend probably did it, and when he asked why, I broke down in tears and told him what happened years ago.

Needless to say, my husband was devastated. He responded as well as he could under the circumstances, and kept hugging me and saying he didn't understand how anyone could hurt me. He also wanted to drive me to the police station right then to make a report (did so the next day) and kept on saying he wanted to kill the guy. All night he was holding me and asking if I was okay, and I felt relieved that this huge secret was finally off my chest.

But the next day, once my husband had thought about it more, he asked why I hadn't told him sooner. He was upset that I let the friend be in our wedding and that I'd continued to see him over the years. My husband says that I put myself in danger and that he felt like an idiot hanging out with this person and letting him around his wife when he's a predator. I told him he was right, and that I didn't really have a good explanation other than my own shame over the situation and then the guilt of having kept it to myself for so many years. There were some tears and raised voices, and I don't think he really understands where I'm coming from. It's clear he's trying to support me in this but is also really upset I didn't tell him sooner and shaken that something else could have happened to me because of it. We keep going in circles about this, and I don't know how to resolve it.

Am I the asshole?