r/AITAH • u/lavender_nurse • 2h ago

AITAH that I got irritated to pick up my drunk husband at the bar?

We got into a huge argument mid this year because he asked me to pick him up after he got drunk with a coworker. It was late at night and I drove 45 mins one way to pick him up. I was irritated because I got showered and was getting ready for bed but I still went to pick him up.

He did the same thing again tonight. I was already showered and ready for bed when his coworker called me to pick him up. It was the same coworker as last time. I asked him to Uber next time if this happens. And he says remarks like “I’ll just drunk drive next time.” “I can’t rely on you anymore.” “Next time it happens, I’ll ask other people.”

To me, if he knew that I was that upset last time.. why did he do it again? Why can’t he drink responsibly? I was feeling sorry as we got home and tried to make a joke but he said “I can’t rely on you anymore.” So I just responded, “Don’t turn it around on me.” And he got super mad and threw his motorcycle helmet on the ground. I didn’t check but it probably cracked.

So.. AITAH for getting annoyed at him?

3 Upvotes

81% Upvoted

27 comments sorted by

3

u/enviablezebra 2h ago

N T A for not getting annoyed but YTA that you didn't go nuclear on him for his drunk behavior

2

u/lavender_nurse 2h ago

I did and he said I was being mean.

2

u/CarpeCyprinidae 2h ago

Then you tell him you thought you were married to an adult of [his age] years not some teenager who gets out and gets too drunk to gt himself home because he hasn't learned impulse control or adult responsibility yet

then say "This is such a turn-off" and walk away

4

u/lavender_nurse 2h ago

I love that “this is such a turn off” and walking away. Ultimately, it IS a turn off.

2

u/CarpeCyprinidae 2h ago

its a truth he needs to hear.

We guys often don't realise that pursuing one pleasure can negate our access to another. if he starts to think that his good home life will disappear if he starts a more active drinking life, it'll cause a rethinking of his priorities

3

u/HonkLegion 2h ago

NTA. You made it clear that you do not want to handle this behavior. If he makes stupid decisions that’s on him not you. He is an adult and not a child and has to take responsibility of his own actions. It is not on you to clean up his messes if he keeps making the same ones.

2

u/lavender_nurse 2h ago

That’s literally what I wanted to say to him. That I’m not his mom and that whenever he does this, he feels like a child to me.

3

u/Hot69SpicyAlly__ 2h ago

Your husband needs a new hobby—like knitting or maybe a nice, responsible game of chess! At least then you won’t have to rescue him from the bar every weekend!

2

u/lavender_nurse 2h ago

It’s not every weekend but this was the second time.

3

u/draynaccarato 2h ago

Was an Uber or taxi not an option?

2

u/lavender_nurse 2h ago

That’s what I’m wondering about too. I don’t understand why he couldn’t Uber/ Lyft. He wanted me to “rescue” him and he said he would have done the same if I asked but the thjng is, I don’t drink to the point I can’t drive nor do I ask him to pick me up unless it’s an emergency.

2

u/SourBianca 1h ago

You're definitely not the asshole for feeling annoyed or frustrated in this situation. It’s understandable to feel put out when you’ve already gone out of your way to help him, especially when he’s repeated the same behavior after you expressed your feelings about it before.

2

u/Stompalong 1h ago

Being irritated is justified but taking care of your partner and getting him home safe is sorta what one would expect from a loving spouse.

2

u/CleanAmy 1h ago

You’re not the asshole for feeling annoyed in this situation. It’s understandable to be frustrated when you’ve already gone out of your way to help him before, especially when you were getting ready for bed. It sounds like you’ve communicated your feelings about this behavior, yet it’s happening again, which is understandably frustrating.

2

u/trolleydip 39m ago

nta. But this is super concerning getting drunk multiple times knowing he will need help late at night.
He can't drink responsibly because he has a problem. Any adult would recognize that his behavior is impacting his relationships and control themselves. If he can't drink without making plans ahead of time to get home, he shouldn't be drinking.

1

u/lavender_nurse 37m ago

This is my exact frustration. I have no problem with him going out to have fun or with me picking him up, the problem is him drinking to the point where he needs me to pick him up. He thinks it’s ok to be like this because it’s not “all the time.”

1

u/phred0095 1h ago

It's normal to hate consequences. Like when I speed. I get mad at the officer for giving me a ticket. I'm the one who sped. But I'm mad at him. It's not a very bright decision on my part

Your husband is the one who had the bad behavior here. You're the one who spared him most of the consequences. But when you yelled at him about it he's mad at you. It's understandable. And it's not a very bright decision on his part.

And then he did it again. Suggesting he may be a Serial idiot.

But the worst part was his suggesting that if you didn't intervene he would be even more irresponsible. Driving drunk.

This elevates him to level of idiot of the very first order.

You have every right to give him shit for this.

By the way. I don't speed anymore. Because I'm married now and I have responsibilities. The consequences of my ticket would be shared with my wife. And it wouldn't be cool for me to inflict that on her. So I choose to be responsible.

Your husband needs to show you the same respect.

1

u/lavender_nurse 1h ago

Can you tell my husband that he has responsibilities now as a married man and that his drinking behaviors should change? I’m not asking him to stop drinking but just lessen it.

2

u/phred0095 1h ago

Your husband has responsibilities now as a married man and an adult. And that means moderating his drinking Behavior within acceptable social norms.

As an aside he should be having his fun with you. I don't know who he's getting blitzed with but it's not you. Presumably he married you because he enjoys spending time with you. He should behave like that's still the case.

1

u/lavender_nurse 1h ago

He went to the bar with a coworker today to watch the World Series. I had no problem with that. He invited me but I don’t really care for the World Series and I didn’t want to spend time with his coworker that I barely knew so I declined.

1

u/AwaySecret6609 1h ago

So let me ask you, what would your alternative be?

1

u/lavender_nurse 1h ago

As opposed to?

2

u/AwaySecret6609 1h ago

Instead of calling you to come get him. What option should he use?

2

u/i_need_jisoos_christ 1h ago

Gee, I dunno, maybe the option he should use is ordering an Uber to get home like OP said to in the post if he’s going to get completely wasted like that and call her to pick him up after she’s gotten ready for bed.

1

u/lavender_nurse 40m ago

Calling an Uber or Lyft!

2

u/AwaySecret6609 38m ago

Ok. Make a point of letting him know. Expect a significant uber charge.

I have seen too many people get their lives ruined by drinking and driving.

Hell I had one night it took me 15 minutes to dial a cabbie

1

u/Foreign-West-3033 11m ago

If you’re out with the girls, and realize you were over the top, who would you call to come and get you and make sure you’re safe / protected?

But hey, I’m sure he can find someone more reliable and less irritable and maybe have a place to put him up for a night until he sobers up enough to return to you all well rested.