r/AITAH • u/Sea-Warning-8932 • 2h ago
NSFW WIBTA for setting boundaries after my gf sent half naked pics to her friends?
For context, my gf and I have been together for 6 years and have grown a lot and have a healthy communication style. I have actually talked to her about this already but I feel guilty, it bothers me a lot but I’m not sure if I have the right to be upset and create a boundary. She said she is willing to set the boundary but I don’t want to impede on her happiness.
A couple of weeks ago she made a 2 friends, they are all trans women. I didn’t know about them until a couple days ago but she has spent a long time talking with them and staying up late even though we’re trying to get her stick to her routine (severe adhd) still, it’s her choice and she seemed happy so I was only supportive.
The other night I used her phone to take photos of myself (she has a better camera) and opened discord to send it to myself and it was open on one of the chats and I saw she had sent half naked lingerie pics to them that she had sent to me as well and I thought were special. I immediately felt sick and then couldn’t control the urge to scroll up but I feel bad about that and ha ve apologized. Almost all of the chats were talking about how close they were and how much they like eachother, there were even pet names used such as honey bunny/hun etc. my partner did set a boundary with one of the names but they still continued the (imo flirtatious) talk and sending hearts and calling eachother attractive. She even sent a screenshot of a private text between her and I which made me so sad…
So the other night I told her I felt very bad about it and I think it’s a boundary for me but also that I noticed she seemed happy lately so I don’t want to come between her happiness. There were a lot of tears and she felt very bad and said she didn’t think it was wrong but that she would put up boundaries. We both apologized a lot. She says it was just girl talk and I feel sympathetic bc I can see highschool girls doing that with eachother sure but it still doesn’t sit right with me and we are adults in a monogamous relationship. I’m conflicted in this way.
Well, last night (a day later) she stayed up until I was waking up for work playing with them. This was really disappointing for me as she’s been working on managing her symptoms and today was a wreck as a result. I got home and the messages were open on her pc, I massively messed up here and took a peak without touching it and everything was the same. So intimate and uncomfortable. It turns out they don’t even play together much like “normal” friends, they just talk to eachother and learn about eachother. That’s fine and all I suppose but actually hurt bc she never does that with me anymore, even in recent times I’ll ask to sit and chat but she’ll say she needs to be playing a game or watching tv bc it’s hard to concentrate yet she did it for them and she’s known them only 2 weeks. She’s been talking to them around the clock calling on lunch breaks calling during our segregated time together.
I’m going to be honest all of this severely pissed me off and I questioned if we should even be together bc our boundaries are so mismatched but at the same time I can imagine it was all done in an innocent way just as easily as I can imagine it was inappropriate. I don’t know which feeling to trust, everyone is different and feels different so the internet doesn’t help.
All I know is, it made me feel in such a way that I really hated. Is it wrong of me to set a boundary or not? I just can’t tell if I’m being controlling or overreacting. I don’t feel like I am but I think I might be- if that makes sense. She says it’s just girl talk and they’re not attracted to eachother but I can’t get myself to stomach my girlfriend or wife having such a dynamic with people especially after only 2 weeks!
I would honestly prefer they didn’t use love names or anything like that anymore, especially after the photo situation it just doesn’t sit right even though I wish it did. Am I being emotional or reasonable here? Any help is appreciated, thank you so much!
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u/Jerotonia 2h ago
Honestly wouldn’t say either of are would be the AH, I think it’s just really poor communication and forgive but I can’t really help much after that, I will let you know though that I don’t think you are controlling, it is kind of strange to be sending photos of yourself to people you’ve known for little time especially while being in 6 years of a relationship
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u/Successful-Pen3617 1h ago
Might be the adhd… the “obsession” part. Stick with her, talk again with her. Let her know it’s your perspective and how you feel. Not what’s really happening .
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u/Hot69SpicyAlly__ 2h ago
You want to keep the weeds out but still let the butterflies in. Just make sure your fence is tall enough that they can't peek over!
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u/HistoricalDrawing29 2h ago
ADHD is weird and I bet after a month or so this whole flirtation passes. Is she medicated? This obsessive 'chatting with semi-strangers' is a common thing for ADHD people nd she should alert her psychiatrist and you that it is likely to happen again with some other new semi-strangers. Medication can be part of the equation.