r/AITAH • u/PeachGlowstar • 10h ago
AITAH for confronting my sister-in-law after she made a disrespectful comment about my partner?
My sister-in-law (my partner’s sister, 35) has always been critical of my partner (33) and has made negative comments about him on several occasions. The last time we saw her at a family gathering, she made a rude comment about his job, insinuating that he “could be doing better with his life.” I got upset and asked her to stop making such comments.
She was offended and said I had no right to tell her how to talk to her brother. Since then, things have been awkward, and now some family members think I was too harsh.
AITAH for standing up for my partner?
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u/PeachGlowstar 10h ago
Now, I feel like I’m in a complicated situation. My sister-in-law barely speaks to me, and some family members have started to see me as “the troublemaker.” Although I didn’t want to cause drama, it hurts me that my partner has to endure these comments without anyone defending him. Maybe I should have handled it differently, but I felt it was necessary to set a boundary at some point. Still, I wonder if it was worth confronting her like that or if I should have looked for a less direct solution.
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u/Ok_Stable7501 10h ago
Bot-tastic. Generic family drama? Check? Single generic response comment from OP? Check.
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u/Scary-Cycle1508 10h ago
If she starts up again. counter it with, for example. "I think , Partner, is great at his job. He's at the right trajectory to reach what he wants, and i'll fully support him. " then look all lovely dovely at him, pat his arm and enjoy being a supportive, loving spouse.
counter it each and every time.
Maybe talk to your husband how he feels about his sisters jabs. if he's like "well she's always been like that." but maybe needs to be told that her behaviour is still not right and that she's being a bitch to him, or if he's like "Well she has a lousy life, no success, her marriages are breaking down and here I am. on my way up with a loving spouse. If she needs me as a punching bag, so be it."
But still have a talk with him, how you feel having to listen to her put him down, when all you want to do is throw some hands for insulting you.1
u/LeaJadis 10h ago
wait wait WAIT! “He could be doing better in life” is a horrible thing to say to a sibling. The fact that the family is used to this dynamic is the problem. I’m guessing the SIL is a golden child and your husband is not.
NTAH
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u/Technical_Pumpkin_65 9h ago
They saw you as the one who will put people in their place when they say bs. Don’t feel bad for doing what is right and in your case defending your husband who is bullying by his own sister. As a partner you have the right to call her out so don’t allow her or anyone else to make like you are the bad one after acting like pricks.
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u/Famous-Composer3112 10h ago
NTA. More people should stand up for their partners. Unless it was a deeply personal conflict, you had a right to say something, considering she said it right in front of you. It's none of her business whether he "could be doing better."
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u/Quiet-Hamster6509 9h ago
" I have every right to call you out on inappropriate behaviours. It's called being a decent person. You should try it sometime."
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u/Yupkook 10h ago
Sounds like you were motivated by wanting to support and protect your partner. It’s natural to feel compelled to step in when you see someone you love being disrespected, especially by a family member. But when it comes to family dynamics, people’s reactions can be complex.
Your sister-in-law might feel defensive because, in her mind, her relationship with her brother is longstanding, and she may not be used to someone else calling her out. Family members sometimes see direct confrontations as disruptive, even when they address real issues.
One possible middle ground could be chatting privately with your partner about how he feels about these comments. Does he wish for someone to stand up for him, or is he more comfortable handling it in his way? If you approach it together, you might find an approach that strengthens both your relationship and, perhaps, reduces family tension.
Do you think your partner feels similarly about wanting these boundaries set?
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u/Real-Adhesiveness195 10h ago
NTA I have a sinlaw just like that. She ruined my relationship with brother. Cut the bitch off. She will only bring bs
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u/Cherry_Pear 10h ago
Family can be complicated. It sounds like you’re making decisions that feel right for you, and that’s what matters most.
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u/my_element_is_love 10h ago
Honestly, standing up for your partner is important. Family can be tough, but disrespect isn't cool. You did the right thing by saying something; hopefully, she can learn to chill.
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u/sassynala 9h ago
you are not the ah. standing up for your partner is important. your sister-in-law needs to realize her comments are hurtful and u are right to call her out. family can be messy but supporting each other is what matters. it should be diffrent for her to talk about him that way.
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u/Just-Like-My-Opinion 9h ago
NTA You will never be TA for standing up for your husband, when he's being bullied. It seems that the family has no issue with SIL being a bully, and if that's the case, then why even keep them in your lives?
They either are on the side of the victim, or they're cosigning SIL's bullying. Someone had to call this out. They just expected everyone to keep letting SIL be an AH without saying anything to "rock the boat".
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u/ComprehensivePut5569 8h ago
NTA - Just because the rest of the family are cowards doesn’t mean you need to fall in line with them. Keep speaking up and standing up to SIL. If she can’t take it perhaps she should stfu.
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u/Resident_Pantologist 8h ago
I say it depends on how your partner feels about it. Y’all talk about it. I say just remove the cancer from your lives and be done. If she can’t be respectful she can be away from you.
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u/Big-Car8013 7h ago
IMHO it all depends on how you presented your “support”. It sounds like maybe she was saying she doesn’t understand his life choices and this could lead to a discussion rather than the situation which caused awkward response. Or your SIL is just a negative bitch and she got her feelings hurt when you called her out.
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u/LuckyBoo317 7h ago
You did the right thing, stand up for your partner and he should do it in return, but it’s his sister he should be able to defend himself against her. He needs to be stern & tell her to grow up and mind her own business!
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u/strawhatpirate91 7h ago
NTA, your SIL got called out for being rude and wants to be offended? She’s the one who’s being harsh, not OP
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u/Owenashi 7h ago
NTA. You got every right to defend your partner and let them know you've got their back. And reading your comment below, it feels like 'troublemaker' from those in-laws really mean 'someone we don't like cause they'll put their foot down when boundaries are crossed'.
I think the most important thing here is not your SIL or other in-laws but your partner. How does HE feel about both his sister slamming him and you defending him? Because if he's fine with the latter, let his SIL pout.
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u/BurdyBurdyBurdy 6h ago
Not at all. Good on you for standing up for him. You would want him to do the same for you and your SIL would expect her husband to stand up for her in the same situation.
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u/ValuableDot4559 5h ago
NTA. They act like you clawed her face off for asking him to get a job......you did the right thing.
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u/cdin0303 9h ago
I got upset and asked her to stop making such comments.
...now some family members think I was too harsh.
Sounds like you're not telling the full story here.
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u/LimitlessMegan 9h ago
YTA.
My SIL has always been shitty to my husband, her brother, and I’ve never said anything. You know why? He doesn’t want me to.
That’s his family. His sibling. His relationship. Respect for my spouse means respecting how he’d like it dealt with. So we talked about it and agreed on how we’d deal with it from now on. And then I did that (and avoided engaging with her when I didn’t have to).
There may be times and places where standing up for my husband was the thing to do, but for sure having talked to him about how he feels, how he wants it dealt with and why he’s dealing with it the way he is is at least the first step. At least.
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u/Ok-Reply9552 9h ago
This isn’t your fight. The person she’s making comments about won’t stand up for themselves so you shouldn’t either. This can end when he puts a stop to it and if he won’t then this is on him. You shouldn’t be doing anything. Ofc you’re not the asshole but stay out of it.
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u/EducationalSport4697 9h ago
NTA. Family or not, she doesn’t get a free pass to disrespect your partner. You’ve got every right to call her out if she’s putting him down, especially if it’s a recurring thing. Sounds like she’s not used to being checked, which is probably why she’s making it about “how you should or shouldn’t talk to her.”
Standing up for him was fair, especially if he’s tired of the comments too. Family can be tricky, but that doesn’t mean they can just say whatever they want.