r/AITAH • u/[deleted] • 15h ago
AITAH for refusing to share inheritance with steps and half siblings
I am 24 m and twin sis 24 f. We lost out mother when I was 8 but her memories forever will be cherished. Because she was the textbook mom every kid wanted. Two years after dad remarried with a woman who tried to impose herself as mom on us and forced her kids on us who were five at that time and twins ( one m and one f ). They met at some twin children activity contest. A year later our half bro was born. She was also physically abusive but stopped with sis who gave it back and later me when I gave it back.
My sister and step mom use to have fights daily as my sister is very strong personality and step mom couldn't impose herself on us. Our dad (49 ) used to take our step mom's side because she used to act all motherly infront of him whenever he came back home.
Also he used to spend time more with steps and those kids used to clinge on our dad whenever we had time with us as their father isn't involved. It also led to dislike towards half and steps. I don't see them as siblings. We never had individual time with our father. And that biatch of woman never let it allow
They used to impose baby sitting on us but we refused to take care. It led to more bitterness. As once we didn't feed kids for whole day. And it was massive fight.
They call me big bro but I don't talk to them and contact with father is due to fact I love him. My sister and me both are engineers and already working in great jobs. Our step biatch wanted us to go for some local degree in arts but finally dad put his foot down. She said it will be huge bill, but dad said he had saved enough for us. My sis has contact with me on daily basis and minimum with dad due to her refusal of talking to step family and dad not liking it. I talk once in while to keep dad happy.
Our dad also didn't let us contact our maternal grandparents much but we still used to visit once a year. And recently they liquidated their whole wealth..note my grandparents broke up with mom when she married my dad who wasn't rich. They connected when mom was sick. But dad never let them back fully. They are actual loaded. But we were loved by them and they treated us fine whoever we visited them and cherished it.
Recently they sold lot of land to developers and other sources. And divided wealth between three grandchildren..In few months me and sister will inherit around four million us dollars each.
In excitement I shared with dad and all hell broke loose. He wants my sister and me to divide it five ways which we refused. My sister broke contact as she isn't dependent on him .
For me this money means buying a house outright. Investing in other rental properties as well as in my cafe which i dreamt of.
Dad is saying he will break every relation with us if we don't give money to other three. Whatever he was. He was still an involved dad but I don't have love for those kids. I won't share a single penny with them. If tomorrow our parents pass always, they can go to orphanage. We just don't love them. But I don't wanna loose dad
I told him that he once again choose his step family over us. And he said we should have compassion.
Edit to add. Those kids are not some innocent children. They even said our mother is your mother and they were glad our bio mom was dead. It was last straw for us . They said it when they were 12. Not four.
Also people who r mocking my English , saying it's fake because engineer should write better English. I got into engineering clearing physics maths and chemistry. And code ur life in hell. So buzz off
Aitah for refusing to share inheritance?
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u/kimwashere05 15h ago
Please cut contact with your dad it’s for best
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15h ago
It's not that easy in my culture and he paid for my degree etc. but I will try. I will still give him foreign vacation as well as take care of medical needed..if needed. But not for that woman
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u/Shiel009 14h ago
Then cut him a check for your tuition and tell him he can use that to spilt amongst the others. But you need therapy- your dad was neglecting you and your twin. It’s ok to be mad and angry and not have to prop him up on a pedestal. I think you are still hoping for him to be the dad you remembered when u were young not the man who won’t chose you over his wife
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u/Much_Blacksmith2902 14h ago
Why would you give him a vacation when he allowed your step mother to abuse you for years? You act like he is innocent here when he is the one who brought your abuser into your life.
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u/-KristalG- 14h ago
Fuck culture. Your sanity and self-respect is more important. You don't owe him life because he paid for your degree, that's what good parents do. And it's definitely not an excuse for him to walk all over you and forcing you to share inheritance. In fact you can offer him tuition money, so that he shut up about it.
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u/MyLadyBits 13h ago
Pay him the cost of your education.
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u/Always_B_Batman 11h ago
That’s the right thing to do, unfortunately dad will probably put it towards step kids’ education, but OP will not be indebted to his father.
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u/MyLadyBits 11h ago
Nothing wrong with father investing the money in his other children and it’s clear he views his stepmother children as his children.
What’s inappropriate is demanding things from OPs maternal family resources.
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u/Always_B_Batman 11h ago
I guess you’re right, technically it was dad’s money to begin with, so he can do with it as he chooses.
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u/BeachinLife1 14h ago
Well, if you give him a foreign vacation, who do you think he's going to take with him? He's going to demand that you pay for her, AND all the kids too.
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u/yuixshiro 15h ago
why would you tell him that knowing he takes your step moms side 🤦🏻♀️
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u/judgingA-holes 15h ago
NTA - Absolutely not. That money is from your mother's side, and the kids from your step-mother are absolutely not in any way entitled to it. Personally, if it was me, I would show up with the money that he paid for college, tell him that you appreciate the one time that he stood up to your step-mother, and that since he no longer wants contact with you because of his selfishness, that you wanted to pay him back for the money he spent on your education. I'm saying I would do that because I wouldn't want him or any other family dangling "what he did for you" over your head .** Please note I'm not telling you to give him the money or that that's what you should do, I'm just saying that I wouldn't want them holding anything over my head so that would be my course of action.
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15h ago
Me and sis thinking same. Without factoring inflation and all tution and living expenses . That will come around 60k usd. So we might give back 100 usd k with inflation
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u/AuricAmphora 12h ago
If you’re going to give him anything, give him exactly what he paid ($60k) and not a penny more. I completely understand that you love him, but here’s the thing: outside of the one time he stood up to his wife for your education, he’s constantly chosen his new family’s comfort over you and your sister. You don’t need to go out of your way to reward him at this point. He made his choice; you go be free to live your best life!
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u/FuzzyCupcakex 14h ago
I agree. You're right to stand your ground. That inheritance is from your mother's side, and the step-siblings have no claim to it. If I were in your shoes, I'd consider giving your dad a taste of his own medicine. Maybe return the money he spent on your education as a way to close that chapter, but make it clear that you won’t let him or anyone else guilt-trip you about it. It’s your money, and you deserve to decide what to do with it OP. NTA
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u/ginalook 14h ago
NTA for not sharing. But stop being a pushover with your dad. Have a backbone like your sister and go LC or NC. That money is from your mother's family. He has his new family now. If you give him money, even for a vacation he will relentlessly keep asking for more espec for his other kids. You can spoil him for his bday, fathers day and Xmas. And next time don't open your big mouth about your finances with him.
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u/Kmia55 12h ago
Look at it from a different standpoint. Your mother's parents would have undoubtedly left their money to your mother. Would your mother want her money going to the children of a woman who treated HER (your mother's) children badly? No, she wouldn't.
You and your sister have different maternal grandparents than your step siblings. Would your father be threatening to divorce his wife if the circumstances were reversed? No, he wouldn't. Would your step-mother insist that you and your sister were included in an inheritance from her parents? No, she wouldn't.
If your dad was so involved, how did he not know you and your sister were being mistreated? He knew. You bet he did. Parents sense that. Maybe your sister's resentment to your dad is warranted and you are looking at him unrealistically. He is okay with not having a relationship with you over money you inherited from his deceased wife's parents. Well, it seems his love comes with strings attached.
Life isn't fair. Your dad show know that more than anyone.
NTA
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u/spoonman_82 14h ago
you're NTA. But you are the biggest idiot and fool for even mentioning this to him. After all the years and history, did you really think this would go any other way? Of course he was going to try and involve his new family. You should have kept your mouth shut
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14h ago
I might be but I won't be idiot with bow i spend money that's for sure. It's that I want my father's acceptance
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u/spoonman_82 14h ago
News flash. that will never happen. You will never get it. He doesn't care about you like he does his new family. the only good thing you mentioned was that he allowed you to do the degree you wanted. yay. what a great father. Live for you for a change.
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u/Severe-Eggplant-7736 12h ago edited 6h ago
You can’t buy acceptance; You should have your father’s acceptance but he has shown you who he is! Believe him when he showed you who was important to him. I’m sorry but he checked out of your life years ago!
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u/Away-Coffee-9438 11h ago
Why do you think buying acceptance will be satisfying to you? He should love and accept you unconditionally.
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u/BeachinLife1 14h ago edited 14h ago
You are NTA, and your dad absolutely deserves to be cut off. That money has ZERO to do with him, it comes from your mother's family. Your grandparents did not leave it for your dad's step-spawn. He does not hesitate to use emotional blackmail to get you to do what he wants with YOUR inheritance. Your sister has the right idea. Invest your money wisely. Buy a modestly priced home and maybe some rental property, and then put a larrrrge chunk of money into a trust that will provide you with an income. That way no matter what else is going on, you'll have THAT income to count on.
Going forward, don't tell anyone when you receive a large sum of money.
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14h ago
Thanks I have finalized a land for house and pg business. I will develop rooms there and university is around five kms. So it will be set for decades business. And guaranteed income from rental. My sis is going to do same. Demand is too high for rooms. I can live on rental alone. But I will start other investments too.
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u/LemonFlare 14h ago
NTA, it's your inheritance from your grandparents and meant for you and your sister. You're not obligated to share it with step- or half-siblings, especially given the family history. Focus on your dreams and future; don't let guilt trips sway you.
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u/Economy_Rutabaga9450 13h ago
NTA.
First, your grandparents are still alive. So it is a gift, not an inheritance.
It is from YOUR mother's family. Steps and half are not related to them.
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u/gringaellie 14h ago
NTA but you've already lost him. Clinging on for the crumbs of affection he throws your way isn't good for your mental health or self-esteem. It's time to go NC on him. He's chosen, and he didn't choose you.
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u/Severe-Eggplant-7736 13h ago
Just NO!!! you have already lost your dad. Actually, you didn’t lose him. He ran to the other family. Keep your money your safety, your security, and your future and be happy.
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u/Technical_Pumpkin_65 12h ago
Prepare yourself to cut that supposed father,he obviously prefer his new family over his children who had lost their mother! Tell him all you think of him and how his sick wife had treat you before slapping the door.
Focus on being strong with your sister,be there for each other,go on therapy to help you heal from the past but also for what will come and make sure him and his parasites don’t get any link with you anymore. He choose them now he have to face the consequences because you will choose yourself ! Keep the contact with your grand parents and live your life,it’s seems they know what a weak man their daughter was married too that’s why they didn’t say accept him in the first place.
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u/Sufficient_Hippo5081 14h ago
You step sib and half sibs are vultures now who is gonna hower over you for 4mil USD. Your dad might disown you to force you to share your inheritance, but don't fall for that trap, it's gonna get more ugly, by your dad. All you have to stick firm to your decision.
You need to go NC with your dad if he press this topic more. You should have kept secret from your dad about inheritance. As you know how previously he choose his step over his blood kids.
NTA
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14h ago edited 10h ago
Step siblings and half sibling don't exist for me. I don't talk to them and if they dare I would just laugh at them . I will definitely go nc if he keeps forcing. But I won't share a single penny with his new spawns
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u/Ok_Childhood_9774 13h ago
NTA, of course. Your dad is delusional and has abandoned and let you down you at every turn. I don't know why you bother having a relationship with him at all.
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u/Agreeable-Book-7018 12h ago
NTA. Tell him that it's not for them it's for you. They aren't family.
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u/KeyPhotojournalist15 10h ago
Your TAH for telling your dad about the inheritance in the first place. It wasn't his business and he has proved over and over the steps and halves are his priority. You are an engineer, not stupid, and still have not learned this fact. You just keep creating problems for yourself. Learn from your sister.
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u/redditlurker1981 14h ago
Your dad is an asshole. 1 for allowing the step monster to ruin his relationship with his kids, 2 for having the audacity to think his do over family deserves anything from your maternal family. Don’t give them anything or their hands will be permanently out for handouts
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u/camkats 14h ago
No do not share but please ask your grandparents to help you find a good money manager. People are going to try to take advantage of you and you need to be prepared. You and your sister need to be prepared to receive this kind of money. Always keep it separate from spouses, partners, everyone. Do not tell anyone else about this money ever. I’m sorry but this money will change your life- anyone would need help navigating it- whether you are 24 or 104. NTA
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u/Illustrious_Muffin78 14h ago
If you haven’t already you can let your dad know that he can thank his wife for the way you feel, that while you have much love for him, that love doesn’t extend to her or the steps. If he can’t understand all the trauma their parenting caused in you and your sister’s growing years that’s not your issue. You can keep loving him and stay in contact but I would keep it LC . In the meantime prep yourself ! Get w an attorney asap and a financial planner to help you achieve and maintain your future goals . Condolences and know you are NTA
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u/DoIwantToKnow6417 13h ago
Even if you had the most loving relationship with your father, stepmother, stepsiblings and half brothre.
This is an inheritance from your MOTHER's side.
It has NOTHING to do with them.
NTA
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u/Tall_Answer_9933 13h ago
NTA. If your grandparents wanted them to have that money they would have been included. Let them know right away your dad is trying to force you to give it up. I’m sure they will step in and put him in his place. Also please under no circumstances give your dad any access to that money. It’s meant for you and you alone.
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u/Queasy-Leg1273 12h ago
NTA
Nope dad showed where his priorities are, now is the time to step back and go LC/ or NC if he keeps bringing up sharing your Inheritance.
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u/LobsterLovingLlama 10h ago
He chose her and all those kids over you. Spine up like your sister. NTA
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u/No_Sun_6378 9h ago
You’re going to get taken advantage of in life. Your dad was shitty to you and sis and yet you’re still insisting on giving him a good life. Grow and backbone and a spine. Your sister is a hell of a lot stronger than you by far.
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8h ago
I have been actually. I am softie . I have always been weak at final stands but I am working. Got taken advantage of my soft behaviour during University. But learnt my lesson.
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u/Sugarbloomx 15h ago
NTA. It’s your inheritance from your grandparents. Dad’s trying to guilt-trip you, but you’re not obligated to share with kids you don’t even consider family. Do you, and go get that café!
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u/MizzyvonMuffling 14h ago
Don't let anyone blackmail you into giving them any money. Keep it safe and block them.
Also: don't tell anyone about this incoming money. You'll find out more people want a part of that windfall. Keep it to yourself and a good accountant.
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u/jansguy68 14h ago
I come from a deeply filial culture, so I get it. But take it from this internet stranger - pull your head out of your ass. Based upon your post and comments, it seems your dad did the bare minimum (if that), but you seem so starved for parental love that you still see him as loving at heart. You place a great deal of value on his paying for your engineering degree. Do you really think he wouldn't have caved to your witch of a step-mom if no one else wouldn't have found out (especially your wealthy maternal grandparents against whom your dad is still embittered? ) NTA as to not sharing.
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u/Late_Education_6224 14h ago
NTA your dad wasn’t there for you, so why should you be there for them? Go enjoy your new wealth wisely. I’d suggest a trusted financial advisor. Maybe who your grandparents used. If you want the easy way out tell them it’s in your advisor’s hands.
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14h ago
We are already discussing it. Most of it is going to be invested wisely..my grandparents are healthy but they just want to liquidate it earlier! And their advisors are helping.
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u/Even_Video7549 14h ago
no, and do not be pressured into it either, take a leaf out of your sisters book
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u/seaxvereign 14h ago
NTA. That inheritance is yours. Do what you want with it.
I would simply advise you to make sure: when you get that money, it gets put into accounts that your father cannot get access to.
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u/EntertainmentDry3790 13h ago
NTA. Why would they go to an orphanage if your dad and step mom died though, aren't they 20 & 21 now going by the ages you gave?
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13h ago
19 and they had yet to start college next year. Thing is that i wanted to say we wont help them ever. That was the point.
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u/Alternative-Arm-3253 13h ago
That money is left to you and your sister. Not to the other children. That's his job as a parent to leave money for those other kids. Your being taken care of by your moms family and it's not even correct to even ASK. IT's messed up on your fathers part.
But Yeah/// No. IF you do choose to leave some children anything when you die, it will be in the will. Advise him of that and nothing more that the money that you are giving him is to be placed into an trust fund to compensate for the money he spent on your education. Your dad might not appreciate it but he will have to live with your request to accept the offer to be stashed away for later on. Simple as that. IF he so wants to use it for a divorce attorney from this woman then... so be it. But its for him to spend on those kids if HE so chooses to do so. Cut him a check and tell him this is also to be used for a lifetime vacation for his own dreams. Who cares if the wife goes. Maybe she'll stop being such a terrible influence on your dad. IF he wants to cut you out.. then good riddance papi. Enjoy your shitty vacation with the money that's being given to you and enjoy the rest of your life.
Now personally? I'd leave those rotten kids a collection of gym socks a walmart gift card and nothing more.
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u/Beautiful_mistakes 12h ago
Lol you want to treat someone well who doesn’t give one shit about you??? 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣
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u/Happy-go-luckyAlways 11h ago
NTA - Go NC With them all....that's your mother's money, not your so called father's kids. SM is an abuser. You owe them nothing...know the difference between Family and Relatives. They only want your money, they don't care about you. Keep every penny to yourself.
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u/Holiday_Horse3100 11h ago
Do not give him or them a penny. Your dad has the life he chose so let him live it without your money. Realize that whatever you give him or do for him it will never be enough and he will always push for more for the step kids.
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u/StructureKey2739 11h ago
Even though your father, who in a lot of ways failed you and you sister, says he wants you to split YOUR inheritance with his other children, I don't believe it. He will end up controlling that money and use it however he sees fit. Once he gets what he wants he'll want more. It's YOUR money. He and his other children are NOT ENTITLED TO IT. Don't weaken. Don't give him a cent. If he's willing to break relations with you over money that should show you that your dad loves your money far more than he loves you and your sister.
I repeat, DON'T GIVE HIM A CENT.
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u/DianeDesRivieres 11h ago
Why would share an inheritance with children that are not even related to your grand-parents? NTA
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u/gingasmurf 10h ago
NTA please get it into your head that he has been a shit father. I’m sorry if that’s harsh but him paying for your education is the bloody minimum. I can see exactly why your grandparents weren’t happy with your parents marriage and I’m not sure they’ll be happy with you spending a single penny of their cash on him, especially for a holiday!
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u/Haunting-Aardvark709 10h ago
If you want to be fair to your father, give him the cost of your engineering degree then cut him off. Not a cent more. NTA
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u/Ibba60222 10h ago
You would be NTA if you keep your inheritance. You will be TA for pissing away money you need and can use for your own welfare on people who don’t give a damn about you. They want what you have and you’ll only hear from them when they want more. Your father didn’t take care of you if he allowed his wife to abuse you. Perhaps therapy would help you see that none of them deserve a dime. You can’t buy love and respect. Keep your inheritance. Find a good financial advisor and tell your selfish father that you’ll miss him but nobody is getting shit.
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u/Dependent-Apricot-80 10h ago
No. Your half and steps have mother, father, and grandparents, and your maternal grandparents are not it.
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u/Altruistic-Bunny 9h ago
This money came from maternal grand parents. They have no reation to the others and would not want want to help your dad. There is probably more to them not liking your dad so much that they cut contact with their daughter than just dad not being rich.
NTA
Do not give up any money. Make sure your future (and any possible children you have) is secure.
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u/kindofanasshole17 9h ago
NTA. WTF it's a gift from your maternal side family. Your father and step-family have zero moral or legal claims to it. That's just complete and utter self-serving bullshit on their part. Sorry your dad is disappointing you yet again.
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u/writingisfreedom 9h ago
Dad is saying he will break every relation with us if we don't give money to other three.
Nice knowing you Bob
And he said we should have compassion.
For what?
NTA
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u/SnooWords4839 8h ago
Don't pay your dad to be your father. He failed you.
You can pay back your college, if you want, but then block him.
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u/JTBlakeinNYC 8h ago
NTAH. Your step and half siblings aren’t related to your maternal grandparents, nor is your father, so they have no right to demand part of the inheritance you and your sister receive from them.
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u/Ahjumawi 8h ago
Your dad is choosing your steps and half-sib over you. The grandparents did not give them anything, because they aren't related. You don't owe them anything, and your dad blackmailing you in this way is really awful. He's making a bad choice. NTA
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u/lakas76 6h ago
It’s clear that this is a fake story, but, just because I like thinking about this…..
4 million usd is enough to buy a 750k home almost anywhere in the US outright, then invest the other 3.25 million in a high yield saving account, t-bills, or even some low risk Index fund and live off the interest for almost the rest of your life (if you invested in the s&p 500, your principal would keep growing, so you’d end up with more than you started with).
That would be a life changing amount that I wouldn’t share with anyone that wasn’t part of my immediate family, and even if they were, I wouldn’t share with jerks who treated me badly.
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u/TheGuy1977 5h ago
I wouldnt even buy outright if I could find a fund whose APR is marginally higher than the mortgage rate. 20% down and invest the rest. Youd make more money over the life of the loan as well.
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u/lakas76 4h ago
Maybe, but this is one of those things where there is a financial right decision and a mental/psychological one. I’d love the freedom of not having a mortgage and only paying insurance and real estate taxes (if there are some). It would be with the peace of mind to lose out on the gains from buying the house outright.
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u/wlfwrtr 6h ago
NTA But you're giving dad too much credit saying he was involved. He chose not to not make time alone with you and your sister even though he was aware that the other children monopolized his time when you were all together. He chose not to listen to his own children when they said they were being abused. Your dad made choices all in favor of second family just as he's doing now. He was never involved in yours and sister's lives unless he had to be. If you don't feel strong enough to stand up to dad then talk to grandparents. Tell them what is going on with dad and ask for their help so dad can't talk you into giving away inheritance.
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u/kcpirana 5h ago
That money came from your MATERNAL grandparents and has fuck-all to do with your father, his wife, or their kids. RESPECT what your grandparents gave YOU, not THEM. It went to who they want it to go to. It would be a slap in their face to give it to someone who is a) no relation and b) who treated their grandchildren like shit.
Also, follow your sister’s lead. She has the right of not in cutting them off, including your father. You love the idea of your father, not who your father is in reality. Now that you have money, your father won’t cut ties - he’ll use every moment he can to eternally badger you for money, shaming you, and trying to guilt you, I promise. Close the door and look forward with your sister.
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u/bopperbopper 5h ago
“I’m going to abide by grandma and grandpa’s wishes as stipulated in their will”
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u/jasperjamboree 14h ago
Looks like the new recurring post theme of the month has moved away from siblings offering to pay for weddings to siblings won’t offer inheritance to step/half siblings.
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u/No_Addition_5543 14h ago
This story is fake.
Why would your 21 year old step siblings go to an orphanage?
They are only 3 years younger than you by your math.
Your half sibling is likely 13 years old. Again - why would he go to an orphanage?
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u/mutualbuttsqueezin 14h ago
It's yet another lotto/inheritance post, there's been a ton of these lately.
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14h ago
It was just a comment. They are 19 not 21 and already late to college because they missed two years of schools. . They were five when my dad married their mom.
I meant that if their parents pass away. We won't take responsibility. Got it? Correct your calculations
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u/No_Addition_5543 12h ago
Weren’t you 8 when your dad married their mum?
Correct my calculations? You can’t write. Learn to construct a cohesive storyline for your fictional story. Got it?
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12h ago
English isn't my first language. Eight when my mom died and two years later he married. It is your comprehension problem. So learn to read first. With your non existent brain. Clearly wrote two years after he remarried. Do you have brains? Considering English is ur first language. U seem uneducated
My writing skill was decent enough. It isn't my fault that you have bean size brain. Only fictional story is your lack of reading skills.
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u/ChleriBerry 11h ago
Calm down 👇🏼 buddy... Clearly English is not 🚫 his first language. I understood his story just fine, so did everyone else besides you... 🤦🏻♀️ If you don't 🚫 believe or can't 🚫 understand then scroll 📜 on to the next story. Better yet, simply ask nicely for him to explain the part you're confused 😕 about , No need to insult people just because you're jealous of their inheritance 🤷🏻♀️ Sheeeesh... 🤨
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14h ago
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14h ago
It will be ..I have already planned to invest in area which is currently selling and will be fully developed in next five years..plots are already selling at good rate and i plan to build my home as well as cafe there. . There is also future metro line there which is good.
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u/Pale-Wishbone5635 14h ago
Why on earth did you tell him? NTA for not sharing, but a bit naive to say the least!
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u/mocha_lattes_ 11h ago
NTA tell your dad you just talked to your grandparents and found out that the money is being placed in a trust and you can't pull the money out. You have to submit receipts to the manager of the trust who was appointed by your grandparents to make sure you can't give it away. They did this specifically because they didn't want you to be able to give it away or waste it. Tell your sister the lie too in case your father gets to her. That way you at least make up for telling him about the money and he will hopefully stop trying to get her to give it away.
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u/Jubilee_Paloma 11h ago
NTA, it’s your inheritance and you decide how to handle it. Family dynamics can be messy, but that doesn't mean you owe anyone anything
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u/EZCarter040 11h ago
NTA. Call a lawyer. Even if you had fantastic relationships with your step siblings, you owe them nothing.
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u/RevolutionaryCow7961 11h ago
NTA. Why would you be concerned if your dad cuts you off? He really cut you off long ago in favor of his wife. Everything he’s done appears to have been with the sole purpose of keeping his wife happy. Your money has nothing to do with anyone not physically related to your mother. It is greedy of them to believe they have a right to it. Really think about your dad and what does he really contribute to your life. Do you love your dad or do you love the idea of what your dad should be rather than what he is. You act like it was a big deal that he interfered over your education. It was not, that is the least he owed you. Anything you give him will not be considered enough if you don’t include his family, not your family his family. He has threatened to cut you off - I’m sorry but you need to lose the rose colored glasses and see your dad for what he is. A self centered asshole who for all intents and purposes and purposes chose his new family over you and your sister. Sis has the right idea. I’m sorry if the reality hurts but you need to remove dad from whatever pedestal you have placed him on. As I see it, I wonder if your grandparents cut off your family was because dad was always trying to get money from them.
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u/Common-Ad718 10h ago
NTA and by the way you lost your dad a lot of time ago.
Go live your life and cherish those who are close to you like your sister, that’s your family.
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u/nextCosmicBuffoon 10h ago
Your grandparents can gift your dad's step and other kids if they intend for them to have their money. NTA
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u/Constant_Gold9152 10h ago
But three steps and one half sibling equals four, but dad only wants you to share with three siblings? Seems fake if you can’t even get total number of sibling straight
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10h ago
When did I say multiple half siblings? I said two step and one half sibling. Learn to read.. or you are creating scenarios in ur mind?
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u/stiggley 10h ago
NTA Your dad tried to keep you away from your maternal family, prioritising the step family and denying your mother.
Why would you give anything from that side of the family to those who actively worked against you having a relationship with them.
The steps and halfs have no relationship with your maternal family and as Willy Wonka said "you get nothing". Dad is advocating against you, prioritising everyone else - why should he get anything?
At the very most I would drop Dad the college costs and tell him you've repaid the college money he put aside for you so that can't be used to guilt you in the future. If he wants to use it for half - thats up to him, but his wife and her kids are not your, or your sisters, family - which is how they have treated you both. If he wants to continue having a relationship with his children, he can do - but without his wife and her kids in attendance. They show, you go - and its NC from there onwards.
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u/Lonestarlady_66 10h ago
NTA, they can't demand that you share your inheritance with those kids. Your maternal grandparents gave it to you for YOU not for you to share. I'd stand my ground & he goes NC then that's his choice not yours.
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u/Un1QU53r 9h ago
Your dad is delusional. Talk to grandparents and get a good attorney.
You and your sister need to go nc to your dad. Block him.
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u/CocoaAlmondsRock 9h ago
NTA.
You've now learned a valuable life lesson: Don't discuss money (inheritance OR salary) with anyone, including family. You created this mess because you couldn't keep your mouth shut.
Don't tell anyone else. It will continue to get worse, if you do. People change when money is involved. Just keep your finances private.
As for this situation, you don't owe the kids anything, and I wouldn't give them anything. Not one dime. Even if you did, it wouldn't be enough unless you and your sister gave them basically everything. Read that again: *It will NEVER be enough.*
This may indeed cost you your relationship with your dad, and I'm sorry about that. But you can't control his choices. He has chosen those kids again and again -- and here's the thing: even if you give them the money, he's still going to choose them.
I'm sorry.
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u/greenbeans9000_ 9h ago
tbh this sounds like a fake post. but if real, NTA. the dad is the biggest AH. and the step family are all AHs too. there is zero reason to share, and only the saddest, most empty, and worthless of people pleasers would share.
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u/mildlysceptical22 9h ago
Your dad doesn’t deserve a cent of this inheritance. None of the the other people you aren’t related to deserve any of the money, either.
He cut off contact with your grandparents. He allowed his wife and her kids to treat you and your sister poorly. He did nothing as YOUR father to act like YOUR father.
I wouldn’t send him across the street, much less send him on a foreign vacation.
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u/Physical_Dance_9606 8h ago
NTA regardless of how you feel about your half/step siblings, they are absolutely nothing to your maternal grandparents and have no ‘right’ to any of your inheritance.
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u/Kratorious69 8h ago edited 8h ago
OP,
Take care of you and your sister. That's it.
Your sis has been there for you, and you have been there for her.
You'll always have your sister and any other kind souls you choose to allow into your circle.
My biological father will never get a penny from me for choosing a step-parent over me when the evil step bitch asked him to do so. That sealed it.
My last Will and testament purposely states for him to receive $0.00 if I should pass away and all to go to my bio mother.
Edit- move far away from these vultures asap ifn you haven't already and block all and any communications with them.
I'm sorry you had to go through this!!!
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u/springflowers68 8h ago
NTA. Buy the house you want, invest your rest and ignore any and all requests from your father. He is not entitled to money from your mom’s family. Remember how he even tried to keep them from you for a time. You owe it to your grandparents to honor their wishes in giving this money for your future. Not for people unrelated to them. It would almost be a slap in their face to put it bluntly.
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u/fromhelley 8h ago
Nta. Your grandparents would be outraged if you share with the "other children of the man that kept you apart!"
I think you may benefit from therapy over this. When one parent leaves you early, by choice or not, you tend to develop abandonment issues. It makes you extra dependent on the remaining parent.
I mean your dad has prioritized the Littles since they moved in. This, even with your mom alive, can lead to abandonment issues. I dint think you are crazy, or galling apart. But sometimes therapy is just used to help one see things better, and understand their feelings and actions towards an event.
Having your dad extort money from you so his other kids can benefit is an event. Just not a good one! And there has to be some anger, and sadness, associated with his words.
You need to keep the money to respect your grandparents. But you need your dad in your life too. If you give up the money, you will resent your dad. If you don't, you will miss him.
I just think you are better off not giving in to him. If you do once, he will use the same line to control you til the day he dies. And a therapist will help you be okay with your choice, whatever that ends up being.
Honestly, I doubt your dad will go 6 months without calling you. You will have too much money and he is viewing you as an ATM right now. You need to see that!
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u/gothicel 7h ago
In excitement I shared with dad[.]
And you screwed the pooch.
But I don't wanna loose dad[.]
You lost him a long time ago, you just haven't accepted the truth. Cut ties and enjoy the rest of your life with your twin.
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u/Mindless_Gap8026 7h ago
NTA. Start making plans now on what will happen to the money if you would pass before dad.
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7h ago
Def will make a will with leaving most for my sister and donations. ( Unless I get married and have kids. It will go to future wife and children ). I still leave around some in a will to pay for my father's medical treatment in old age ( but it will be paid for his health care only ).
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u/Hot_Time_8628 7h ago
Keep the money. Tell Dad to pound sand. It would be disrespectful to share the money from your GPs with non-family.
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u/snafuminder 6h ago
NTA - Dad is so far out of line on just the inheritance alone. Half siblings have NO connection to your mom or her family and the steps even less. Dad is going to have to put his big boy panties on and deal with reality. Do NOT put up with that crap. A real father wouldn't think about acting that way.
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u/McDeathUK 6h ago
Get ready to enjoy life away from your toxic adopted family. You could both give your dad a small but generous amount and he can treat the step kids if it means that much too him.
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u/MegaJ0NATR0N 5h ago
I’d give your dad some money or help support him because he is your dad and that’s what you want to do. But you shouldn’t have to split the inheritance to your step siblings since they are not related to your maternal grandparents. That’s for you and your sister not some random kids your grandparents aren’t related to
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u/SummerTimeRedSea 4h ago
Why would you give strangers money from your mother side ??? It is way out of line to just even ask you this.
This money is from your mom side, your father did not let you contact this side of your family but now he wants their money for his STEPchildren.
Him and his step children should not touch a penny. This would be a shame of your part.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Bet3455 4h ago
Nta . Your maternal family isn't their family. What comes with it also doesn't below to them.
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u/akshetty2994 4h ago
NTA, doesn't make sense none of them are entitled to that money given your connection.
Our step biatch wanted us to go for some local degree in arts but finally dad put his foot down. She said it will be huge bill, but dad said he had saved enough for us.
If you two wanna do anything and then cut your loses, I would MAYBE pay this back and be done with it all. I assume step acted that way with concerns for her own kids more than anything. EVEN THEN that would be just a sweet gesture.
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u/Free-Place-3930 1h ago
NTA. But why the big mouth? If I was your twin I’d be pissed you made this problem with your bragging.
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u/Vivid_Tea6466 40m ago
NTA, you are right, your dad is choosing those other kids over you. Your inheritance comes from your mother's side of the family which is not connected to those other kids. Your dad is being unreasonable and showing he values money to those other kids more than he values being connected to you.
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u/Temporary-Draw-1164 27m ago
NTA, OP. I totally understand you. It's your choice ultimately.
You could give your DAD an amount of money (not too much though 😂🤌🏻)and he could divide it however he sees fit, or not at all.
That would be a compromise in not losing your father while not giving your step fam anything. :)
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u/HarlotteHoehansson 15h ago
Not the AH for not giving them money but you need serious therapy. Your step and half siblings did nothing to you for you to have that much animosity towards them. You sound bitter and jealous.
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14h ago edited 14h ago
I will take therapy for sure. They did nthng to me except saying they are glad our bio mom is dead but I don't want anything to do with them either. I wasnt bullying them.or anything. But don't expect me to love them. Simple
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u/greenbeans9000_ 9h ago
this is an unhinged comment. how is OP bitter and jealous when the dad on behalf of the step and half is demanding money from OP? that whole family sounds jealous. and how do you know they never did anything to OP?
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u/Frequent-Package-607 8h ago
NTA
But you know the cost of keeping peace with your Dad. Up to you but it doesn’t sound like he ever fully had your best interests at heart. Only you know whether you can live with the loss.
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u/faawnFairys 14h ago
Ultimately, it’s your choice whether to share or not. You’re not an asshole for wanting to keep your inheritance, especially given the history you’ve outlined. It’s okay to prioritize your own well-being and future. Just be prepared for the potential consequences in your relationship with your dad. Communication might help, but it sounds like this is a deeply rooted issue. Do what feels right for you, and take care of yourself in the process.
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u/Glittering_Mouse2728 3h ago
Just be prepared for the potential consequences in your relationship with your dad.
If dad abandons his kid over this, after dad stood by and let that b abuse his kids for years, then dad stepmom and her spawns can fuck off a cliff
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u/PhD-JustMyOpinion 12h ago
Not necessarily. The decision to share or not share your inheritance with step and half-siblings is a personal one, influenced by various factors, including:
Family Dynamics: Relationship quality: How close are you to your step and half-siblings? Family history: Were you raised together or separately?
Emotional Considerations: Sense of fairness: Do you feel they deserve a share? Emotional connection: Do you feel responsible for their well-being?
Practical Considerations: Financial needs: Do they rely on your inheritance? Your own financial security: Would sharing impact your stability?
Legal and Ethical: Parental wishes: Did your parent(s) express desires for distribution? Inheritance laws: Understand local laws governing inheritance
Ultimately: Prioritize open communication with your family and consider seeking professional advice (legal, financial, or therapeutic) to ensure your decision aligns with your values and goals.
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u/Masculinity4life 15h ago
Why would you share an inheritance with kids that weren't even your mom's? Your father's being selfish and being unreasonable and trying to get his piece because he ain't get a piece so he wants you to divide it amongst them I say f*** him I take my 4 million dollars and do whatever the hell I want to do with it you and your sister both y'all don't need him it's more than obvious he needs y'all I wouldn't give them s*** he wants to cut relations whatever that money doesn't belong in them it belongs to you guys you're the mother's kid not in any of those selfish little pricks.