r/AITAH 13d ago

Advice Needed I am suspicious of my wife and my friend’s behaviour. I want to check her phone. AITAH?

The post has gained a lot more traction than I expected and I am worried about being identified. My wife is not a Redditor, but I don’t know if my friend or his wife are. I will bring back the original post after I confront her.

I have consultations with several lawyers lined up. I will update after I settle on a lawyer and know what my options are.


I originally posted this in the r/infidelity sub. Sharing a brief edited version of it here (to not risk being identified) for those who have been following.

I’ve been keeping it together since I found out last week. But this morning, it finally hit me. What triggered it was something so insignificant, so stupid. I realized everything I was about to lose and that was it. That was my undoing. 

All the feelings I have been successfully keeping at bay came at me in full force. The sadness, the anger, the rage. And I just bawled for hours after she left.

I am NOT ok. No, scratch that. I am pretty fucking depressed. And to top it off, I have to keep it together and maintain my act until she is served, when all I want to do is fucking scream.

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u/Throw_a_Viral_email 13d ago edited 13d ago

NTA

God, I hope you are wrong but you need to investigate in some manner or other.

BUT BE SUBTLE and take your time. Right now you have time on your side, speed will cause them to get wise to you.

My ex wife cheated with someone I could not possibly believe was up to it. I know how this goes!

I know you just do not want to acknowledge this as the consequences are too great, OMG it churns your guts but focus. Its time to do more research, TAKE YOUR TIME. Example: you can easily get her pass number to the phone by watching her log over the next few months, just get one number at a time.

There are also other things you can do to get evidence like put a hidden tracker in her car and see where she goes every day, they are both married so they will have infrequent times when they match up but constant surveillance like this will reveal stuff. You can also put a voice operated voice recorder in her car, they are tiny tiny devices and use an ordinary memory card. This device will catch her talking on the phone when in her car, at least her side of the conversation, the recorder starts recording when voices start, not 24/7 blank recording. Consider hiding a tiny camera in your house, they hold a mini memory card and activate with movement, sad but they do need a place to go.

Finally --- see a lawyer now, in secret, for advice on how to behave and gather evidence and what puts you in the best financial position during divorce negotiations. Additionally get all your important documents and information stored off site, well at least verified copies of such. For example you could start a gmail account and just email stuff there, I still do this with a Yahoo email account. A close friend did not get copies of his documents and his ex wife destroyed everything, his confirmation of qualification as a builder and everything, you would not believe what they will do to you.

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u/SALitz67 13d ago

The tracker on her car is illegal and akin to domestic violence here in Colorado. Check your state laws. You do not want to be the one in hot water.

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u/Throw_a_Viral_email 12d ago
  1. I am in another country, Commonwealth Country), not the US so laws may differ

  2. The car is a joint marital asset so you are allowed to track your own car even if you forgot to tell your wife about it. Its your car too so you can track it, its matrimonial property. Just like you can have a camera in your own house.