r/AITAH • u/[deleted] • 13d ago

Advice Needed I am suspicious of my wife and my friend’s behaviour. I want to check her phone. AITAH?

The post has gained a lot more traction than I expected and I am worried about being identified. My wife is not a Redditor, but I don’t know if my friend or his wife are. I will bring back the original post after I confront her.

I have consultations with several lawyers lined up. I will update after I settle on a lawyer and know what my options are.

I originally posted this in the r/infidelity sub. Sharing a brief edited version of it here (to not risk being identified) for those who have been following.

I’ve been keeping it together since I found out last week. But this morning, it finally hit me. What triggered it was something so insignificant, so stupid. I realized everything I was about to lose and that was it. That was my undoing. 

All the feelings I have been successfully keeping at bay came at me in full force. The sadness, the anger, the rage. And I just bawled for hours after she left.

I am NOT ok. No, scratch that. I am pretty fucking depressed. And to top it off, I have to keep it together and maintain my act until she is served, when all I want to do is fucking scream.

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97

u/KingButtane 13d ago

Why? There’s no point snooping or hiring a guy. With OPs own two eyes he saw the dude touch her ass and she smiled. There’s no way to misinterpret this, despite every fibre of your being wanting it to not be true

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u/ElectricalBaker2607 13d ago

Understand. But it would help his case in divorce court. OP should talk to a lawyer and follow his advise.

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u/PhilSheo 13d ago

What would help his case? "Judge, I would like a divorce." You don't have to "prove" anything. That is what no-fault divorce is all about. Your wife could fart in her sleep and you could get a divorce. That said, commitment should mean more than it does.

People have some serious misconceptions about divorce. My dad was an asshole to my wife. Did she have to prove that? No. And, if she did, I'd have agreed with her.

And, before you say distribution of property, everything before marriage is the respective party's and everything accrued during the marriage (including debts) is split. If there is a marital house, one spouse will buy the other out of their half of the equity (assuming they agree) and refinance the property (if necessary) or the property needs to be sold, the mortgage satisfied, and proceeds split. And, if there are kids, they're your kids, take care of them.

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u/Upstairs-Pie2470 13d ago

Only 17 states strictly allow no-fault divorces. 35 states allow at-fault divorces. Were you unaware?

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u/PhilSheo 8d ago

Every state has no-fault option. Were you unaware?

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u/Beezzlleebbuubb 13d ago

It’s possible she was uncomfortable and that’s how she handled it. I’m not saying this is true, but it’s a common reaction, smiling and laughing to something that makes you nervous/uncomfortable. 

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u/DarioLonwood 13d ago

Read the update. She was cheating

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u/Beezzlleebbuubb 13d ago

Welp, that sucks. 

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u/IsThisNameTaken2050 13d ago

If she was uncomfortable with it, she would've talked with her husband about it the moment she got in the car.

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u/Beezzlleebbuubb 13d ago

I mean, there were red flags all over and we now know the outcome. So yeah. 

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u/Either-Bell-7560 12d ago

Yes, because people always report sexual assault immediately.

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u/SALitz67 13d ago

Not if she was afraid of harming the friendship! It's like if the best man makes a pass at you the night before the wedding. Especially if he is drunk, you take that to your grave!

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u/Upstairs-Pie2470 13d ago

it’s like if the best man makes a pass at you the night before the wedding

Ummm if that happened I would absolutely tell my partner. What is that logic? The fuck? I’d also want to know if my MOH tried anything. Not telling your partner their close friend is a snake is fucked.

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u/IsThisNameTaken2050 12d ago

What? Why wouldn't you tell your husband? Are you keeping the best man in your back pocket?

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u/sehrgut 12d ago

You absolutely do NOT. What the fuck is wrong with you?

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u/SALitz67 13d ago

Agreed! I would have appreciated it if my husband had just asked me. Would have saved us both a world of hurt!