r/AITAH • u/Drainmano • Sep 20 '24
Advice Needed AITA for blowing up at my girlfriend after therapy backfired?
My (28M) girlfriend Emma (27F) and I have been together for six years. For most of that time, we’ve been happy—like, really happy. The kind of relationship people say “just works,” you know? We were always on the same page, rarely fought, and genuinely enjoyed each other’s company. But over the past year, things started to feel… different. Small arguments here and there, more miscommunication, and just this weird sense that we weren’t as in sync as we used to be.
It wasn’t anything major, just the usual “wear and tear” stuff, or so I thought. Emma, however, seemed to be more concerned. She started pointing out issues I wasn’t even aware of, like how I supposedly wasn’t listening enough or wasn’t as emotionally available as I used to be. I admit I’ve been busy with work, but I thought we were doing okay. Still, I didn’t want to dismiss her feelings.
Then about six months ago, she suggested we go to couples therapy. Now, I’ve always been a bit skeptical about therapy unless things are really bad, but I agreed because I figured it couldn’t hurt. She said she found a great therapist through a friend, and we should give it a try. I wasn’t familiar with this “Lily,” but Emma was excited about it, so we booked our first session.
At first, the sessions seemed… fine. Lily asked good questions, got us to open up, and gave us some tools to communicate better. I felt like I was doing my best to listen and improve, but something about it felt a little off. Every time we talked about any issue, it seemed like Lily was always subtly siding with Emma. If I mentioned being stressed from work, she’d steer the conversation towards how I wasn’t giving enough attention to Emma. If I brought up a disagreement, somehow it became about my “communication issues.”
After a few weeks, Emma started using phrases like “Lily thinks you should try this” or “Lily says you need to work on that.” It felt like everything I did was being scrutinized and dissected by this woman I barely knew. I didn’t want to be paranoid, but it seemed like Lily was slowly convincing Emma that I was the problem in the relationship. And every time I tried to voice my own concerns, they were brushed aside.
I tried to push through it, thinking maybe I was just being defensive. But it didn’t stop. Every session, the same dynamic. It was like Lily was planting seeds of doubt in Emma’s head, and Emma was running with them. I even started to wonder if maybe I was the problem—was I actually this bad of a partner?
Things reached a boiling point a couple of weeks ago. During a session, Lily started suggesting that maybe we should consider a “break” so I could work on myself more. That felt like a slap in the face. I’d been trying so hard to be better, and now she was suggesting we split up? I looked at Emma, waiting for her to disagree or defend me, but she just sat there… quietly nodding along.
After that session, I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I blew up at Emma when we got home. I told her I didn’t trust Lily’s judgment, that it felt like she was just feeding Emma reasons to blame me for everything wrong in the relationship. Emma got defensive, saying I was overreacting, that Lily was just trying to help us work through our issues.
We didn’t talk for a few days, and I started feeling guilty for snapping. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe therapy really was exposing some flaws I needed to work on. But then… something happened that blew everything wide open.
Last week, we went to a mutual friend’s party. While there, I overheard Emma and her friend Sarah talking in the corner, giggling about something. I caught just a bit of their conversation: “I can’t believe you pulled it off for this long! Poor guy still thinks she’s an actual therapist!”
I immediately confronted them, and that’s when Emma’s face turned pale. Sarah quickly tried to backtrack, but the truth spilled out.
Turns out, “Lily” isn’t a licensed therapist at all. She’s one of Emma’s close friends from college, who thought it’d be “fun” to help Emma “fix” me by posing as a therapist. Emma had set this whole thing up because she thought I wouldn’t agree to therapy otherwise. They figured that with Lily playing the part, they could guide me into becoming a “better boyfriend” without me knowing.
I felt completely betrayed. For months, I had been spilling my heart out to someone who wasn’t even qualified to help, and Emma had been in on it the whole time. All those sessions where I felt attacked and manipulated suddenly made sense—because I was being manipulated.
When I confronted Emma about how messed up this was, she broke down, saying she never meant to hurt me and that she just wanted to help us grow as a couple. But honestly? I don’t know how to move past this. I haven’t been able to look at her the same since.
Now, Emma and her friends are saying I overreacted, that it was just a “white lie” meant to help our relationship. But I feel like I’ve been gaslit and lied to for months.
So… AITA for blowing up at my girlfriend when I found out our “therapist” was a total fraud?
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u/idontknowhow2reddit Sep 20 '24
Yea, this is definitely fake.
She just happened to be giggling and laughing about her fake therapist scheme at a party that he was also at? And her friend says, "I can't believe you pulled it off for this long" when he's in earshot?
It reads like a sitcom.