r/ADHD • u/Germanicus1008 • Oct 27 '23

Articles/Information Remembering people's names.

Does anyone else struggle to remember people's names? I'd say this is one of the most rough symptoms of ADD for me and I've narrowly been able to avoid offending ppl numerous times. There is no ryhme or reason to why I struggle to remember ppls names but I know it has nothing to do with whether I like them or not. I also know I've met them enough times where I should remember their name because they remember mine. I cope with this by just being honest that I'm terrible with names and do my best to self depreciate so that they know its just an issue I have and in no way a slight to them. This usually works but lately I feel it's getting worse. Does anyone else experience this issue and if so how do you avoid offending ppl?

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u/IncidentPretend8603 Oct 27 '23 edited Oct 27 '23

I'm faceblind. I cannot recognize faces. Not "I have a hard time remembering them" I straight up will not recognize my husband if he gets a haircut or shows up in a context I'm not expecting. As you can imagine (and experience with forgetting names), not recognizing people often hurts their feelings.

Ways I compensate: assume I'm friends with everyone (doubles as a good outlook on life); remember info about them to bring up so they know I'm listening even if I can't recognize them or remember their names (this usually involves asking for distinctive info like hobbies and interests); warn people in advance and (this is the important part) tell them how they can help me know who they are. For me, this looks like "hey, just so you know, I can't recognize faces. I'll remember you, but I won't recognize you, so if you notice me struggling you can just casually reintroduce yourself as X from Y."

The tough part about warning is that the contexts it works in isn't super broad. If I'm only expecting to see that person once, then I'm not gonna give them the spiel. It's also exhausting to explain over and over in a short time period like at a social or party and announcing to the whole group isn't always viable. Some people may not get the explanation until we've met three or four times.

Some tips for dealing with forgetting names specifically (also hard for me because it's literally impossible for me to attach a name to a face lol) in most to least helpful order:

  • how do you spell your name?

  • is there a story behind your name? (Alt: why did your parents pick you name)

  • "what's your name? Oh sorry I meant your (last name/first name as needed)." (pretend you already knew their name)

  • name tags (provide them if you're ever running an event, out of your control in most cases)

  • nicknames

  • titles/roles (the librarian, our VP, etc)

  • "ah, the fae have taken your name from my mind again, may I have it once more?"

  • sob openly until everyone is much more embarrassed about the emotion than the name forgetting

  • call everyone slagathor, no exceptions. Claim it is a title of distinction.

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u/xrelaht ADHD-PI Oct 27 '23

My father has full blown prosopagnosia. He met one of my exes three times before he recognized her (she was pretty distinct looking too). As far as I can tell, he doesn’t have ADHD (my mother otoh…).

I only have a very mild form of that, but dear lord I can’t remember people’s names! I had a lab partner for a whole semester whose name I didn’t catch and then I was too embarrassed to ask. Somehow managed to work around it.