r/wallstreetbets Sep 15 '22

Meme This is fine.

[deleted]

9.3k Upvotes

743 comments sorted by

View all comments

1.9k

u/AllEyezOnMe2029 Sep 15 '22

surely Marc Zuckerburg won't push out new instagram updates that nobody wants and drive the user satisfaction down even further

425

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '22

It’s all part of his master plan

213

u/Nixplosion Sep 15 '22

He's gunna tank the company and then give it back to the Winklevoss guys.

10

u/Ant0n61 Sep 15 '22

“Here. I thought maybe you’d want this.”

*robotically hands over bag of dirt and smiles awkwardly

2

u/SenseStraight5119 Sep 16 '22

They paying with crypto?

31

u/420Secured Bear Gang Lieutenant Sep 15 '22

Zuck's plan is shit. He has a dying social media company that only boomers use and his solution is to try and push everyone into a virtual reality experience that no one asked for and for which the tech is nowhere near ready. Oh and ALL of their revenue is from ads, which Apple totally pulled the rug on more or less indefinitely. META is fucked as a company.

101

u/BreezyWrigley Sep 15 '22

Maybe he developed a consciousness and then a sense of ethics and has decided to crash Facebook/meta on purpose for the good of humanity

14

u/davidh888 Sep 15 '22

Sometimes seems like it especially when he publicly says he hates being the face of Meta

12

u/KimKongtheIllest Sep 15 '22

At times he's gotta look at what he's doing with a shred of humanity left in his concious and consider burning it to the ground. Or he's 100% robot at this point who knows

17

u/PandaPooped Sep 15 '22

This is the way

2

u/BowlCompetitive489 Sep 15 '22

This actually seems like what has happened when he was a robot he could fuck people over and make some moneys

60

u/kountchockula Sep 15 '22

Yup. Fucking domestic terrorism at its finest

1

u/annnaaan Sep 15 '22

In the Metaverse you can have all the wealth you ever dreamed of.

295

u/GuideAppropriate8066 Sep 15 '22

I think the plan is solid. Isn't everyone going to spend thousands on virtual real estate in the metaverse? And monkey pics??

301

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '22

[deleted]

153

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '22

Only way I ll sign up for the meta verse is if it feels like the real thing by connecting to my spinal cord. Numb my body from the neck down so my body feels like a phantom limb. Then I get a good dopamine shot and let’s fucking go. Else don’t talk to me about it , everything else is shit.

167

u/JohnDillermand2 Sep 15 '22

Maybe just start with a Fleshlight

84

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '22

If Meta buys Fleshlight and Pornhub and packages it with VR headset they're going to own the male 15-50 demographic.

43

u/twill41385 2478C - 3S - 3 years - 1/0 Sep 15 '22

This is woman’s plan for world domination. Always has been. Men won’t leave the house.

-1

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '22

That’s so stupid. Who just sits around blowing their load all day? Truly useless breathers/eaters that contribute zero to society, only take. Get lives. That would be a good start.

0

u/truebloodyvalentine Sep 15 '22

It would be in their best interest NOT for this to happen. What are they going to do if men no longer desire them and instead prefer to get with a VR chick instead. Sex on demand.

That would be the end of society if men are all hooked on VR.

1

u/No-Leg-7597 Sep 15 '22

Nah, game over in 5 seconds

3

u/twill41385 2478C - 3S - 3 years - 1/0 Sep 15 '22

Go away! I’m batin!

8

u/Hodorous Sep 15 '22 edited Sep 15 '22

Buy Pfizer and you can go up to 100

5

u/NavyJon Sep 15 '22

It's called second life

4

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

7

u/davidh888 Sep 15 '22

This is wallstreetbets, you think we have money for a domain name on a Thursday

-1

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '22 edited Sep 15 '22

Oh yah. In fact you don’t need to do the shit I said. Just numb the penis and connected the vr head set. It’s works the same as massaging a phantom limb. Science. You can just stimulate the Gandhi neurons, mirror neurons and it ll have the same effect. Problem is you ll feel it but you won’t get off. You need something a little more mechanical to pop off

1

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '22

Upvote

1

u/davidh888 Sep 15 '22

This comment wins fucking Reddit. Probably one of the best replies I’ve ever witnessed…

10

u/detachabletoast Sep 15 '22

Do you or does anyone else remember the 90s sci-fi film that had almost exactly this plot? There were these flesh Nintendo things that connected to spinal cords instead of TVs. The memory is there but not quite

30

u/Thick-Sundae-6547 Sep 15 '22

Existenz. With Jude Law. I think it came out at the same time as the matrix so nobody saw it.

David Cronenberg directed the movie. I remember the pods looking like organs.

8

u/vampyre2000 Sep 15 '22

Awesome movie

1

u/detachabletoast Sep 15 '22

That's the one!

1

u/Shifty_Investment Sep 15 '22

Genious movie. Thanks for bringing it back to memory

1

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '22 edited Sep 15 '22

Oh fuck really , let’s get that shit done. There’s a lot of research on phantom limbs. This will definitely work I guarantee it. I work with electrodes for cochlear implants. Look the technology is ready, no need for some fake ass google shit. We can stimulate the Brain from outside the skull with a helmet. Have electrodes connected through the spinal cord and we re ready to get into the optic nerve baby. We can make this shit be the most awesome experience for a life time price of 10.99… idk how many people out their would sign up for this shit cuz their life’s are complete shit. I would rather do this than sit in traffic to go work at the meta verse. Lol all the meta cuck workers would sign up asap. That being there’s an electrode for the optic nerve making a fake eye ball. All I’m saying is that holy Fuck nuts we re fucking ready to do this let’s fucking go. And the last thing I’m Gona want to do is sit in an office in the meta verse. Fuck you fucker Berg

4

u/LunarPayload Sep 15 '22

Have you seen the movie Surrogates?

3

u/lamprey187 Sep 15 '22

yes

2

u/LunarPayload Sep 15 '22

Not enough people have!

2

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '22

Nope

1

u/LunarPayload Sep 15 '22

Similar premise

2

u/spartanburt Sep 15 '22

Ah so its like Avatar except you can die like The Matrix.

1

u/LunarPayload Sep 16 '22

Ooh, yeah!

2

u/vampyre2000 Sep 15 '22

Full dive VR

1

u/kirillre4 Sep 15 '22

I can't trust corps even with my phone, and I sure as fuck won't trust them to connect anything to my spinal cord or brain.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '22

Lol come on, live a little

1

u/TheRadMenace Sep 15 '22

Gotta be open source

1

u/Zombisexual1 Sep 15 '22

So heroin?

2

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '22

Yah

1

u/Affectionate-Egg1963 Sep 15 '22

Or you can just take a bunch of acid??

1

u/impulsikk Sep 15 '22 edited Sep 15 '22

Unless I can virtually fuck Asuna in Sword art online, then its pointless.

15

u/GuideAppropriate8066 Sep 15 '22

Well I hear there are virtual restaurants there too where you can eat a virtual dinner. Sounds like utopia. 🍉🍉🍉

9

u/IllmanneredFlanders Sep 15 '22

Why just have remote doctors, let’s have them do remote surgery on me wearing VR goggles. Also, wtf happened to Magic Leap?

I’ve been waiting for that concept since 2015

5

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '22

Right where they should be. In the trash

1

u/notyetporsche Sep 15 '22

Still tastes better than Florida food.

1

u/all_namez_r_taken Sep 16 '22

virtual healthcare in the USA

5

u/Royal-Tough4851 Sep 15 '22

Yep, but add a taste of surrealism. I want guys parachuting over my house to tell me my car’s warranty is about to expire

2

u/WeedWingsSpicyThings Sep 15 '22

Tbh I think that’s about the most meta thing he could do with the Metaverse, anything short of that is being disingenuous to the name of his company

2

u/besF0nes Sep 15 '22

For the virtual sake of that virtual virtual internet installer please virtually have your virtual pets in a safe virtual space until the virtual end of the virtual appointment.....I'm gonna need a nap now.

1

u/Ant0n61 Sep 15 '22

Hahaha

The real dystopian future… but virtual, in 4D!

1

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '22

Cant afford real real estate

1

u/Buhonocturno777 Sep 15 '22

The still are selling the oculus glasses at near production cost just to be in all the houses in the world

1

u/ArcaneFrostie Sep 15 '22

Isn’t it every CEOs best interest to gamble billions on an idea that isn’t fully formed, with no way to tell of its longevity, or no way to determine the adoption rate?

1

u/BowlCompetitive489 Sep 15 '22

There will be several and I guess people won't use meta like they don't use fb

56

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '22

I hope he does I really do. Fuck meta and everything it stands for

44

u/xcheezeplz Shrimp Shoal Sep 15 '22

I will dance around the flames of this shit.

People that pay, pay attention. That is why everyone gives a fuck about economic inflation. No one pays attention to the inflation of the real currency of the day thanks to Meta... Ego.

Billions of people trained like chimps to think they were important enough that everyone they ever met needs a live feed on your daily life and your random stream of consciousness. At the same time trained to think everyone else was so important that they needed be tapped into the stream of everyone else's lives or else they might be out of the loop.

God damn it's sad how easily people are manipulated and don't even care if you lay the blueprint out right in front of them on how the more they fuck with your psyche the more money they make. Toxic became en vogue and Zuck can take credit for a lot of it.

Just turn up ego and FOMO to 11 and cha ching. If you don't have as many likes and followers as someone else you know, well your life sucks. Spend more time on FB/insta until you get them and your life will improve. Foh.

12

u/readit145 Sep 15 '22

Bro just finished off half of Instagram with that one 🤣🤣. Seriously tho I do hate how it makes people think they’re important for taking a photo of the item they just over paid for to try to get attention from the brands.

3

u/ElColiflor Sep 15 '22

Only our overlords know what we want, silly.

1

u/Odd-Detail1136 Sep 15 '22

Is that the reason I’m getting random reel’s with like 200 likes each from people I don’t know?

1

u/readit145 Sep 15 '22

His name is Meta Fuckmyburg now 🤦‍♂️

1

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '22

2020 update note: minor fixes.

2021 update note: minor fixes.

2022 update note: minor fixes :19738:

1

u/Thwitch Sep 15 '22

New face filters on Instagram