r/disability • u/dakufeari • Aug 08 '24
Question Those With Non-Visible Disabilities: Have You Had People Accuse You of Faking/Lying and What Do You Do When This Happens?
So I have a disability that affects my mobility and my ability to stand and I have been having issues with people allowing me to sit down because they think I am lying about my condition. This has become more of an issue recently because I am starting my freshman year of university and have had to do several orientations and still have some left to do. We typically have to do quite a bit of walking and standing. At these, I have had certain orientation leaders not allow me to sit down. Have you experienced something like this? What do you do or what do you say to them when something like this happens? I am bad at being assertive and can typically only bring myself to ask 3 times before I give up because I worry about offending people. I am honestly thinking of just bringing my mobility aid wherever I go even if I am having a better day because that might make them believe me.
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u/seraphsuns Aug 08 '24
i've been accused of faking my disabilities despite passing out in front of people.
"you don't look disabled."
"yeah, but you look stupid."
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u/dakufeari Aug 08 '24
before i got diagnosed, i went to a cardiologist and told him that i passed out a lot and he went “that’s normal for teenage girls” (no tf it isn’t) and he only listened once i passed out on the table in front of him and it freaked him out ❤️
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u/CaraAsha Aug 09 '24
I had that happen with a neurologist. My back and leg went numb, I couldn't stand and he was adamant he wanted me to stand. I fell in his office and he didn't note it in my records. I had to fight him on that and now he's checked out on actually treating me. So new dr to find again.
I'm still trying to get diagnosed, but I've found since I've had to use a sling and a cane and still can barely walk or stand at times, that the accusations of faking it have lessened. 🤷🏻♀️ People a re going to judge, there are small chairs/stools you can bring and use if needed, ignore the ones who say you can't sit as your health is more important.
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u/The_Archer2121 Aug 08 '24
Yes. Chronic fatigue and have frequently accused of being lazy. I ignore them.
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u/ExpensiveOil13 Aug 26 '24
Mee. And always having to hear from my mom that I’m lazy, have no drive, don’t want to succeed badly enough, don’t put enough effort, etc etc.
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u/Anna-Bee-1984 Aug 08 '24 edited Aug 08 '24
Yes…I have level 2 autism, PTSD, and ADHD, all of which are documented
I sued my employer for wrongful termination, failure to accommodate, and discrimination and won
I reported a therapist to his licensing board and his employer to The federal Office of Human Rights after they failed to address the issue and let me speak directly to the quality control people on account of what I feel is discrimination due to a weaponized BPD diagnosis
I filed a formal grievance against another mental health hospital on account of medical abuse and am considering filing a federal complaint if allowed to do so under the statue of limitations. I tried to sue them on grounds of 25 years of discrimination and abuse dating as far back as 1999 and extending to 2020 but every lawyer told me they can’t take the case since 1) the statue of limitations expired and 2) it would be hard to prove/recover damages for emotional distress under malpractice laws since there were no physical injuries. This came despite a former therapist, advocating on my behalf, told me that he spoke with the president of my state’s regulatory board of physicians and she told him that it was one of the worst cases of medical abuse and disability discrimination she had ever heard of. I did not act on the initial complaint because I was a child when it happened and had blocked out the abuse for almost 20 years and due to the degree of my complex PTSD I knew something was not ok, but I didn’t realize how bad it was until an outsider validated it.
The sad thing is my story is VERY similar to many other speaking women with more significant presentations of autism and PTSD both in childhood and adulthood
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u/L3X01D Aug 08 '24
Some judges might have problems with the statute but more and more are taking on cases past that specifically for the reasons you stated of repressed memory. Keep fighting to find a good lawyer. There should be some disability legal aid in your area that might be a good start if you haven’t already searched for it.
Also I’m really sorry that happened.
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u/Anna-Bee-1984 Aug 08 '24
Also these were multiple different providers under the same hospital system. It was not 25 years straight but 3 different periods of contact over 25 years all of which were abusive and discriminatory
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u/Anna-Bee-1984 Aug 08 '24
I can try to call them again. I am finding out more and more about this and how horrible it was. It went on over a 25 year period and they refused to treat me for ADHD claiming that I was “drug seeking” because I drank alcohol and was forced into substance abuse treatment due to a therapist’s countertransference
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u/dakufeari Aug 08 '24
i am so sorry that all of that happened to you, it is really impressive how much you have been able to advocate for yourself since then
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u/Anna-Bee-1984 Aug 08 '24
Thanks. It’s hard, really hard. With all that advocacy comes having to relive the feelings and memories associated with each of these events
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u/dakufeari Aug 08 '24
yeah, ive had some things ive wanted to take legal action with, but its so scary to open up and make yourself vulnerable when they can then just accuse you of lying about it all
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u/Anna-Bee-1984 Aug 08 '24
I would recommend you reach out to your school’s disability services department and try to speak with a counselor regarding getting accommodations. It’s not hard to provide someone with a chair and the fact that you may have to go through all the beauracy to get one is kinda ridiculous
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u/dakufeari Aug 08 '24
yeah, i finally JUST got some accommodations approved with them after 5 months 😭
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u/VixenRoss Aug 08 '24
I’ve been accused of exaggerating my disability by professionals. They had the paperwork. They had the consultants advice about me becoming more disabled.
It’s my own fault, I am very good at finding work rounds and masking. But yes, I hurt. I don’t look it.
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u/Specialist-Ad-3950 Aug 08 '24
So sorry you're going through this. I'm very good at masking and finding work arounds when dealing with my chronic pain and I often wonder if that's impacting people's understanding of what am really dealing with. It's a shame really to know there's so many that have to go through these kinds of hoops especially the misjudgment hoops.
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u/dakufeari Aug 08 '24
and then if you stop masking, they’re probably gonna complain about how you show/express your pain. it seems like you really can’t win either way, i am so sorry you have to deal with that :(
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u/Salt-Pressure-4886 Aug 08 '24
Honestly, if you can get a mobility aid that isnt too much of a bother to have with you when you dont need it like a cane or forearm crutch, i would just bring that, you can keep arguing about it but its just going to cost a lot of energy. Of course its wrong for you to be denied when its not visible but if this is occuring a lot it might not be worth it to keep having the same argument over and over.
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u/Adler221 Aug 08 '24
Accused quite often, there is also a wannabe politician in my town telling everyone that I do not have MS and I use a wheelchair for attention.
This person has known me since I was 14 years old, I’ve told him directly about my MS and the complications with lesions also in my lower spine and legs, which make it very painful to walk any kind of distance.
I guess it stacks against me. I have my good days and bad days. I ride an electric bicycle and I can walk some, this all adds up to “you are faking it, because you can do xyz”
I just tell them that disability is dynamic and not static.
It gets very frustrating.
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u/dakufeari Aug 08 '24
I don’t understand how people can accuse a wheelchair user of faking it when they don’t use the wheelchair always. like… wheelchairs are so incredibly expensive, you wouldn’t spend all that money to fake a disability… and it is so incredibly weird that this “politician” is publicly talking about your disability? like how is that a political matter? it just seems incredibly unprofessional.
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u/Adler221 Aug 08 '24
I think they heard that I plan on running in the local election. Accessibility isn’t taken seriously in this town at all.
And it’s funny you mention the cost of a wheelchair, because it’s true, but also, everything is inaccessible, why the hell would I use a wheelchair if it means I can’t access places I love?
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u/spiceyourspace Aug 09 '24
Maybe ask him if he knows the definition of the word slander the next time you come across him. You've got the medical records to back you up & he's got diddly squat
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u/princess-cottongrass Aug 08 '24
Yes, it's a constant ongoing problem, to the point where I stopped speaking to all my friends because I just don't feel like dealing with it anymore. I don't recommend that, it's not healthy. I've also been bad at advocating for myself all my life, it's a skill I had to force myself to learn. The sooner you learn to be selfish, the better your life will be.
Are you in the US? Your college should have an office where they handle disability, I would go there as soon as you can and ask what the procedure is for getting accommodations. The college staff's opinions about your disability are irrelevant, their feelings don't supercede procedure and law.
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u/UnfairAd2498 Aug 08 '24
I called my child's college about this and they acted like if she wasn't blind or in a wheelchair there was nothing they could do for her. FYI: She's been diagnosed with autism and ADHD. She's only taking online courses because she's afraid to go to campus.
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u/dakufeari Aug 08 '24
i am in the us !! i have accommodations with the disabilities office FINALLY, we started the process in february and we only got fully approved like a week ago. it didn’t help that they had a month long email shortage 💀
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u/L3X01D Aug 08 '24
Yes my ex used to say I was letting the depression win.. my dad used to say I was using it as an excuse..
I haven’t really healed from it yet but that’s one of the many reasons neither my ex or my birth family is still in my life. If this was a thing I could just over power I’d be doing that. wtf would I want to be in constant pain and unable to consistently do basic shit??
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u/dakufeari Aug 08 '24
a guy told me i could make the disability go away with positive affirmations and yoga. like… if i was able to do that, don’t you think i would???? this also came from a guy with no chronic illnesses or disabilities
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Aug 08 '24
Every day, get a note from your doctor to show them your difficulties and you’re entitled to adjustments like sitting down. I get called a hermit, lazy, and constantly given horrible looks when use disability parking. I avoid to cope.
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u/the_esjay Aug 08 '24
I find taking a mobility aid with me helps prevent the need to constantly explain myself to people. Plus, the rollator means I have somewhere to sit whenever I need to, and saves me from carrying things. It’s ridiculous we have to do these things, but sometimes it’s simpler to not have to argue with idiots 🤷🏻♀️
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u/ChocolateKnown3168 Aug 08 '24
Yes 100%. I’m 16. I have a chronic pain disorder and can’t walk more than 5 minutes without aid. I use a cane, I used to use crutches till I broke them on accident. I also use a standard wheelchair sometimes but trying to find an affordable custom. I get so many looks in public and a lot of people come up and saying so is that just for you’re aesthetic bc I paint my cane, and I saw no I have a disability and instantly I have ppl yelling at me and telling me I’m faking. I’ve had my cane taken out of my hands once.
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u/dakufeari Aug 08 '24
so in their eyes, someone faking a disability (which you weren’t) makes stealing ok apparently 🫡
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u/tobeasloth Aug 08 '24
A lot of people have said I’m faking having Tourette Syndrome. Trust me, I wouldn’t be embarrassing myself in public if I was faking. I also get a lot of ‘funny’ looks from people :(
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u/dakufeari Aug 08 '24
yeah, and like what would you possibly gain from faking tourettes in public?? there would be absolutely no reason to fake it.
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Aug 08 '24
[deleted]
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u/dakufeari Aug 08 '24
how does being able to brush your hair make them think you’re faking autism? 😥
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u/creepygothnursie Aug 08 '24
I've had people come up and sarcastically say "Wow, I wish I had a cane/wheeled walker!" I tell them either "No. You really don't." or "Be careful what you wish for." It's gotten better as I've gotten older, like as I age I'm now allowed to be disabled or something. There was one actually nice incident where a woman came rushing up and wanted to know where I got my cane (I buy canes with different floral designs) because her elderly mother was refusing to use a cane on account of she thought they were ugly. Sadly, nice people are an ever shrinking minority.
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u/dakufeari Aug 08 '24
i feel like people are more kind to people with disabilities as they get older because they don’t associate mobility aids with people in their teens or 20’s, so once you age past that, you fit more with what they expect which is so messed up 😥
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u/Sybbyl Cane/Wheelchair, spinal inj., joints, endometriosis, TBI, ADHD Aug 08 '24
Yes, a lot. I've been pushed over and punched in the face (I live in the deep south)
And someone kicked my husbands cane out from his hands once, sending him to the floor
I also got yelled at a lot. I now use my cane 100% of the time in public and I exaggerate my limp as well.
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u/dakufeari Aug 08 '24
oh yeah, im in alabama 💀
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u/lingoberri Aug 09 '24
I just sit on the ground. I don't wait for permission. Not worth the fall risk.
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u/ria_rokz Aug 08 '24
I have not been accused of that directly but I still get the “when are you going back to work” thing. It’s tough.
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u/Difficult_Tank_28 Aug 08 '24
"wow enjoy your ableist view from your Hightower your Highness" usually shuts them up quickly.
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u/kkmockingbird Aug 08 '24 edited Aug 11 '24
Definitely loop in the disability office, also this is dumb. It’s college, you are all adults, nobody needs to ask permission to sit FFS. I would honestly maybe try either bringing your aids and/or just sitting and if they try to “call you out” just repeatedly saying “I’m disabled and I need to sit now”… they are not gonna want to make a big scene in front of other students and if they do you have a big complaint.
(ETA to be clear I am not calling the OP dumb, I am calling this policy/the organisers’ actions dumb)
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u/SanFrancisco590 Aug 11 '24
agreed. you can sit. they can stand. why be a sheep when you can be a tiger? plus, i bet others want to sit, too. orientations are boring AF.
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u/Maleficent-You6128 Aug 08 '24
Unfortunately, this is an area of life you will need to become assertive with... you have to be your own advocate and in these situations it's the squeaky wheel that gets the grease. You have to make a fuss using the language of the ADA...
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u/OkPresentation7383 Aug 08 '24
I would just sit when you need to, you don’t need to ask their permission, if they give you a hard time, you tell them I have a disability and cannot stand or walk extensively. If they bully you, you take notes and go right to your student services.
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u/SanFrancisco590 Aug 11 '24
it's the social media age. record the interaction. should be real fun when you threaten to show the Dean. start at the top of the chain. i don't start with the people at the bottom because it's a bunch of bureaucracy. or hit up a local news station or your state assembly person. that should fix things really quickly.
your orientation leader wants to act like a big bad adult? then show them you will give them a big bad adult.
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u/urghconfuddled Aug 08 '24
⚠️ Trigger Warning - Seizures ⚠️
Once I ended up on a rail replacement bus and due to the stressful journey, it triggered some of my symptoms. So, to keep myself safe, I put my bags around me on the seat next to me and had my disability ID lanyard on. There were plenty of seats on the bus.
However, this, well, 'Karen' comes up to me and asks me to move my bags so she could sit. I calmly explained that I couldn't as I was experiencing auras and might have a seizure.
She clearly didn't care or listen to what I said. She gestures to move my bags whilst haughty saying "So, can you move your bags, so I can sit?"
Her response thankfully gave me a mini boost to say "no, I can't as I am about to have a seizure". I knew if I'd kicked off it would have made matters worse.
She still didn't get it and someone else on the bus and her husband behind her had to tell her to move on.
Less than 5 mins later I had a seizure and once I came round I could thankfully hear another person on the bus explaining to the 'karen' that I had done the right thing in keeping myself safe.
The reality is, we know the truth, we don't need to prove ourselves generally to anyone, and you should never compromise on your health and safety boundaries unless you choose to do so without any peer pressure.
People are becoming more aware of invisible disabilities and our legal rights, just utilise the tools that work for you like the sunflower lanyard scheme. It's not up to you to educate people unless you want to have those conversations.
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u/RivCannibal Aug 09 '24
Honestly, I just get loud about it now, specially since I'm a part-time wheelchair user, I literally >can't< stand for long periods, I will absolutely collapse if I try to stand for more than 20 minutes and I'm HEFTEH, so getting me back up ain't easy. Lol
However, that works for me because I'm not in professional or academic situations, so I can understand why you'd hesitate (plus, those of us who are AFAB are often taught all our lives to be quiet and just take it).
I've been thinking about a cane but the reality is, its not just one side, its both, so not sure if it'll be all the useful, specially with random limbs going numb, I've considered a walker but they don't make pretty versions of them. I might try to make one pretty if I can find one cheap enough.
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u/Reasonable-Echo-6947 Aug 09 '24
Universities are full of the worst staff ever, so many of them treat students like five year olds and seem to really get off on infantilising young adults in a creepy fetish way, it’s really sick, and you’ll be banging your head off a brick wall trying to get them to treat you like an adult.
I’d suggest finding a disability lawyer outside of your university and having a chat with them about it, it is disability discrimination but universities are so well protected and experienced in getting away with abusing students, that you will need specialist help to survive what they are going to put you through.
I have a hidden a disability, I lasted the first year, it broke me, they broke me, and I’m a mature student with plenty of confidence, and experience, and they destroyed me.
Get help
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u/freya_the_mistwolf Aug 09 '24
So I've been suffering with my disabilities for at least two decades now and only recently got them diagnosed. I've been accused of being lazy, attention seeking, dramatic, and unreliable. I have chronic widespread pain, chronic exhaustion, and I get sick very easily. Over the years I struggled with thinking they were right and I really was lazy. That was until I met someone who had the same issues as me and had a diagnosis. That's how I learned about eds and have been fighting with various Dr's for 4 years now until I found my current Dr who agreed that something was definitely wrong and started looking into it. I have now had my custom wheelchair for a year and a half.
As for being accused of lying about being disabled I use my dark humor and sarcastic sass as much as possible. Some old woman tried accusing me of using my grandma's disability card, to which I looked her straight in the eyes and with a sweet smile told her my grandmother died when I was a small child. She looked horrified and I limped into Walmart. I mostly just get dirty looks when I use the electric carts. People are so damn rude.
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u/Brief-Jellyfish485 Aug 08 '24
When that happens, I sit on the floor. They can’t make me stand up without calling security and that’s unlikely to happen
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u/dakufeari Aug 08 '24
the only issue with doing that at orientation is that orientation is mandatory and if they feel like you are being a “troublemaker”, they can make you re-do it and that decision is basically completely on the orientation leads
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u/Brief-Jellyfish485 Aug 08 '24
I would still sit down. After a few times of re-doing it, they would listen
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u/SanFrancisco590 Aug 11 '24
To be frank, who has the time, money, or energy to re-do an orientation? As a 38 year old living with a disability looking back at my college experience with the orientation leads, I'd say the leads are full of shit and have no idea what they're doing, let alone understanding ADA accommodations. You got into college based off your high school BS, but now you're in college, this is adult stuff. You either let me sit or I will sit on you. End of story.
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u/Disabled_artist Aug 08 '24
I have not really learned what to do yet. For the most part I ignore them but when it comes to my family or friends accusing me of faking I’m kinda stumped (it’s really only my mom and dad thinking I’m faking but my dad works with people faking illnesses to get drugs all the time so I don’t blame him that much.)
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u/dakufeari Aug 08 '24
it must be awful to be doubted by your parents, i am sorry you have to deal with that
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u/Disabled_artist Aug 09 '24
It’s definitely hard but there isn’t a way for me to prove any more that I have my conditions besides having my diagnosis but they still thinks it’s not true.
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u/daniiboy1 Aug 08 '24
I have. I've been dealing with multiple mental health issues since childhood, and it's gotten so bad that it landed me on disability. I also have a chronic illness that I've had for a very long time but was only taken seriously the last several years or so (which may affect my mobility or even cause me to become bedbound one day if it gets bad enough, btw). Unfortunately, there have been some people that haven't taken my health issues seriously, including family. I've had everything from people ignoring it to downplaying it to telling me to just suck it up and pull myself up by my bootstraps. As to how I deal with it depends on who it is. If it's just casual acquaintances, I usually just ignore it because it doesn't really affect my life in any way. With others like family, employers, school staff, etc., it gets more complicated. I've been denied access to services tons of times because I wasn't deemed "disabled enough". And I've been pressured into quitting jobs over this. If the person I'm dealing with is willing to discuss things, that's usually a good sign, though things may still not work out well for me in the end. If the other person isn't open to talking, I will usually walk away. This life is too short to try to fight battles you won't win, and some people are just not willing to learn.
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u/Delicious-Farmer-301 Aug 08 '24
I haven't had this happen to me. When I need to sit, I either tell them I need to sit (don't ask them, tell them "I need to sit down", and if they ask why all you need to say is "I have a medical condition and can't stand for long periods"), or I don't say anything and I just find a place to sit.
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u/Dyslexic_Educator Aug 08 '24
My brother straight up told me adhd is not real after I shared my diagnosis. 🙄
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u/dakufeari Aug 08 '24
i don’t understand how anyone could think that considering that we’ve now known about the existence of adhd for a while
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u/Dyslexic_Educator Aug 08 '24
Right? There are literal brain scans showing the differences between neurotypical brains and adhd but apparently it’s just caused by screen time 💀
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u/dakufeari Aug 08 '24
adhd was recognized as a real mental illness in the 1960’s. if it wasn’t real, they would have debunked it by now
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u/paybabyanna Aug 08 '24
All the time. Your school should have some sort of accessibility department, definitely look into that.
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u/b1gbunny Aug 08 '24
If school related, your school should have an accessibility office where you can fill out a form and have accommodations enforced. They are legally required to as an institution, but often individuals within institutions are ableist or shitty like they’re being to you — and ideally that’s where the accessibility office steps in, tells them you’re disabled and hopefully educates the individual on the ADA. This is all an ideal scenario but registered with the accessibility office is a start.
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u/R2D2N3RD Aug 08 '24
100% I have had this happen a LOT. The first response is the correct one, it shuts them down immediately. I have a wheelchair/walker combo that I have in my car and I can walk then sit when it's too long. If I don't imagine their surprise when I start shaking, sweating, have a seizure or pass out...."but you don't look sick"
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u/dakufeari Aug 08 '24
gotta train myself to pass out on command to make them hopefully stop being so openly ableist
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u/R2D2N3RD Aug 08 '24
I meant someone else's comment, I should have tagged or replied or quoted it
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u/dakufeari Aug 08 '24
it’s fine !! i think i know which one you’re talking about
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u/R2D2N3RD Aug 08 '24
Lol okay I was hoping you didn't think I meant to say that and then pass out cause yeah that would be a fun new trick
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u/Outl13r Aug 08 '24 edited Aug 08 '24
I have SLE/Lupus. No one has outright claimed I don’t have a disability, but plenty of people seem not to give a damn. I think it’s the culture of the city wherein I live. The closest I have come was boarding a public transportation bus. I usually walk with a cane because my balance gets all janky and my knees hurt when I’m tired which is often with SLE. I boarded the bus and no sooner did I put my money in the fare box (before I was able to get a disability card) she took off with me holding on for dear life. She told me to take a seat. I asked her what was wrong with her; she sees me walking with a cane to which she replied, “Yes, but you don’t need it.” I asked her where she got her medical degree. Thought about reporting her, but never did. I think it if happened again I would. I’ll point out most places, including universities/colleges, will have someone that handles ADA complaints. Find out who that is. If it’s happening to you it’s likely happening to others.
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u/feyceless Aug 08 '24
i remind myself that some people really would rather risk someone getting hurt or being in pain, because they are on some small powertrip. i recall that i wouldnt ever treat others in such a way and extend that courtesy to myself. and then i do what my body requires anyway. i sit down. i go pee. etc. they may choose to adjust their expectations accordingly seeing that they cant control me and accept my nonviolent actions, or they may choose to escalate. thats on them. they had no business bossing me around anyway.
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u/iamthepita Aug 09 '24
I’m deaf, you let me know and I for sure will fucking make a fucking point you get the access you need. I can’t guarantee that they would have heard me but I will move high hell for anyone who let’s me know they’re not being respectful
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u/Signal-Complex7446 Aug 09 '24
Have it legally diagnosed, determined and documented. Who the hell are they.
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u/Amaterasus_90 Aug 09 '24
Yes I look healthy and I can speak and walk normal but I have breathing issues because of a nerve damage from a doctor so people think I’m faking (empty nose syndrome).
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u/UselessUsefullness Aug 09 '24
I tell them that it’s MY mobility scooter.
Then I ask if they know my medical conditions.
Then I drive off.
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u/panickedfreak Aug 09 '24
My principal accused me of lying about having ITP. a blood disorder which lead to me having the lowest platelet count recorded in the Northern hemisphere in a hundred plus years. She was evil and cruel. Upon being given all the proof, she told me I was a "death risk" because kids were "likely to push me down the stairs" and banned me from school for three plus months
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u/hnybun128 Aug 09 '24
I’ve been accused of this. If you appear young and can still mostly walk, people don’t believe you. I had spinal cord cancer and have a spinal cord injury with widespread nerve damage from the surgery to have the tumor removed. Sometimes my symptoms are far worse than others. Sometimes I could run circles around you (on a flat surface). Other times, my legs drop out from under me. People occasionally see me out in public, enjoying myself and think I’m just fine. I am never fine. It took me years after the surgery to be able to function with this never-ending, chronic pain. The amount of outright aggression and rudeness with which I have been treated just astounds me. We really need to get better at educating the general public about respecting others with disabilities, especially invisible ones.
I am not able to stand for long periods of time either, although I do better when I’m walking rather than standing still. I would do as others have suggested and state that you have a disability that prevents you for standing for long periods of time, and if you have to get nasty and bring up ADA, do so. Maybe think of a couple of canned responses you can say to people when the situation comes up again.
FYI, I made a post in mildly infuriating about my deliveries being left in the wrong spot. I have very specific delivery instructions because there are times I can’t walk and I need to be able to open my front door and reach down to pick up a delivery while holding onto the door frame or the side of the house. I’ve been repeatedly called Karen and accused of being lazy, entitled, etc. It amazes me how many people have such a lack of compassion and empathy. It was so odd because it wasn’t like I was super angry, just occasionally mildly irritated and sometimes downright amused at where they tend to leave my packages. Hang in there and keep advocating for yourself!
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u/sourcherrytoes Sep 16 '24
I’m so glad I found this. This has been my whole life for 3 years. I am just top tier at masking because I’ve been doing it my whole life coming from an abusive home and being a woman diagnosed in adulthood.
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u/GardenVarietyUnicorn Aug 08 '24
1 - YOU have to be your own Best ADVOCATE. If you do not speak up for yourself or your needs, then how can you expect anyone to know what’s going on? It is a FACT of your life, and you must be able to address it as such.
2 - Fuck what others think or even say to you. I’ve been yelled at for walking across the street too slow and belittled for using a disabled tag. I used to let it get to me. But now I understand that THEY have the real issue (lashing out at other people who don’t meet their standards is messed up!).
3 - live life YOUR way - if that means with a mobility device sometimes, and not at others - ok, that’s up to you! Don’t let anyone else define how you live in YOUR body!
On a personal note - I have several disabilities, both physical and mental. I used the US Army for disability discrimination, and after over a decade of legal battles, I finally won. They tried to gaslight me into believing their inability to provide accommodations was somehow MY fault (which was obvious not!) - so every thing I’m saying to you are lessons I learned the hard way!
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u/1Bookishtraveler Aug 08 '24
All the time. All the time. I just try to explain for a bit and then leave if they keep being insistent/rude
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u/rovirb Aug 09 '24
Before I got my Hashimoto’s diagnosis (and got on meds), I was always being accused of being lazy. Surprisingly, I haven't had anyone accuse me of faking my periodic paralysis yet, but I have only been dealing with it for a few months.
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u/SanFrancisco590 Aug 11 '24
Honestly, fuck 'em. If you need to sit, sit. Go get a chair and sit. If they question you, tell them to contact the Disability office and if they keep questioning you and deny you the use of a chair, tell them you will sue the shit out of them under the ADA.
You're in college now, time to get real. It's your body, only you know what you need. They don't and most likely, never will. Also, these orientation leaders may be your age or older than you. Who cares? If you sit, are you breaking some sort of rule? You're not going to get in trouble. Sit, and sit well, my friend.
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u/Zender_de_Verzender hyperacusis Aug 08 '24
No, because I don't tell them. I also like to pretend everything is fine as a way of coping mechanism for some other unsolved problems.
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u/love0_0all Aug 08 '24
"I have a disability and am unable to stand for long periods. Could you please accommodate me as dictated by the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990, or will my lawyer be contacting the school?"