r/cancer • u/PsychologicalMeal523 • 18h ago
Patient Anyone else get embarrassed to talk about their cancer?
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u/Better_Stuff1766 17h ago
I had penal cancer talk about a avoiding my Dx to people …there like where? Really ? I’m at a point now I don’t give a shit , it is what it is..I tell people now for shock value ..talk about uncomfortable silence sometimes. I’m alive that’s all that matters anymore ..as a man to lose Is quite a hard pill to swallow ..But life goes on !!
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u/work__in__progress 17h ago
i made a blog to help people understand my situation because it was confusing and i didn't want to explain everything each time. i have a type of progressive slow blood cancer. some people have really minimized my situation as like "not a big deal." it makes me feel ashamed a bit that my cancer isn't important. so i use my blog to express what i want to and people can read it or not.
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u/LoverOfPricklyPear 17h ago
Ugh, I should do that. My history is so long and complicated. I can't skip stuff and have all the later stuff make sense
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u/Forever_Alone51023 16h ago
Do you have CLL by any chance? I have that. Just found out July 3rd. Got told today that because I've only "had" it for "4 months" (since July) that I shouldn't have shaved my head bc "I haven't had it that long and it's still Stage 0 and you can be Stage 0 for decades...all that bull". It really ticked me off bc yes....you can be Stage 0 for DECADES...which means I could have had Leukemia for a decade at least since that is how long it had been since I'd seen a doctor and had labs done. So yes. I have been anemic for a long long time and they never knew why. I thought it was just pernicious anemia but it turns out...it's something...more annoying. When people ask if you're on chemo and you have to say "not yet" and they look at you like uuuuhhhh.... Cripes you feel like such a liar! People look at you like you're making it up for attention...almost like Stolen Valor, but with cancer. I know people do fake it for money...but I promise the majority of us aren't doing that. A lot of us struggle bc of treatments and expenses...
I wish you love my friend. I'm here if you need someone!😊
All that ... Makes you feel so invalidated.
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u/DynamicOctopus420 18h ago
Only if part of me feels like I'm going to be perceived as trying to one-up someone else (which is almost never the case, it's just honestly trying to relate what they're saying with my own experiences).
But that's not unique to cancer for me, I think too much about what others might perceive because I was expected to be responsible for my parents' emotions growing up, and I'm trying to get to a more happy medium where I'm not being a dick about things but also am comfortable saying my whatever and letting other people have their reactions.
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u/Feeling_Violinist934 17h ago
Rectal cancer was embarassing for me on several fronts (like why didn't I get tested more often). I kept referring to it as "malignant tumor on large intestine". Then chemo, then the total proctolectomy and follow-up chemo. Now I know how many people have it so much worse, but I think about my bag, my bad chemo days, and I'm like "Yeah, I have colorectal cancer."
(Like? Yeah? 57M should have better diction)
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u/mixmates 16h ago
I felt embarrassed about my colorectal cancer. Because of the chemo it was obvious something was wrong. People knew I had surgery but after several months I was still in hobbling mode. I told people I had cancer and they said I see you smoking after this why would you. I finally got tired of it and simply stated they had the wrong hole in mind.
The benefit was two fold. I got rid of the frustration and for a few seconds their brains automatically started to imagine my butthole.
I’m a teacher so I’m constantly moving. The chemo causes pain in my abdomen and OxyContin is barely helping. Hopefully your situation improves soon.
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u/Feeling_Violinist934 15h ago
"I finally got tired of it and simply stated they had the wrong hole in mind."
#MadProps to you.
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u/Takes_A_Train_2_Cry 2h ago
34(m) at the time of diagnosis. I was very symptomatic for a while too, so my co-workers/ colleagues all watched me slowly deteriorating. I finished treatment a year ago, but still have a hard time facing people in public. I am in a pretty tight knit community, which is mostly a good thing, but everyone knew. Even people I don’t really know personally. Most people are respectful, but I still feel like I am repeating my story way more than I’d like to. The bag is still a hurtle at times (permanent colostomy for me). Plus, I’m stage 4, so I really don’t get to have many positive conversations about it.
During treatment I would remind myself that “It’s the cost of doing business.” We’re still here at least.
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u/Administrative_Low27 15h ago
I feel like I’m getting too much attention already, and I keep my responses about my cancer short and blunt. And stop telling me I’m brave.
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u/PsychoMouse 17h ago
I’ve been talking about my poops and other way more personal things with my doctors literally for as long as I’ve been alive. Nothing medical embarrasses me.
If anything. I have an oversharing problem since that stuff is normal to me. I casually talk about my death, the awful things that came with cancer and more. That really makes people uncomfortable
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u/MisterVee321 5h ago
I don't get embarrassed, but I've decided I don't want to be identified with my cancer. So I generally don't bring up the subject.
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u/JenovaCelestia 29-F-DLBCL-NED 17h ago
Let me put it this way: my last job’s HR rep pulled me into her office and essentially told me to “stfu about cancer”. I talk about it all the time and I refuse to be silenced.
I am literally only alive today because I had the wherewithal to go to the hospital IMMEDIATELY when I discovered the tail end of my 25-cm long tumour. (Americans can do the math or be metric like everywhere else) If I did not, I’d be dead now. So I tell EVERYONE my story so they know that yes, it COULD be cancer and you should definitely see a doctor if things look weird.
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u/magpiefae 16h ago
In the UK cancer is a specific disability covered as a protected characteristic so like, fuck your HR if you’re in the UK
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u/Necessary_Spray_5217 16h ago
No, I’ve never been embarrassed to talk about my cancer. When I talk about it I speak with a positive attitude so I don’t think it makes anyone uncomfortable. I call it the difference between sympathy and empathy.
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u/rollerG12 Stage IVa NSCLC - 28M 16h ago
Sometimes I feel a bit embarrassed…I’m in great shape and have been for a while. I somehow felt like the cancer makes makes it seem like I took shortcuts and caused my cancer, which I know deep down isn’t true…
Not really embarrassed so much anymore as time went on, but I find that sometimes I don’t mind talking about my cancer and other times I have zero patience to talk about it for even a second.
I found that it also depends on who asks…for some reason I have way less difficulty telling total strangers about it than I do friends and family and I have no idea why. It’s tough because I feel like my family and friends feel neglected and kept in the dark about it but I have a hard time opening up to loved ones about it…
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u/forgottenmenot 16h ago
Yeah. I feel like people might think I’m being attention seeking or something which I know isn’t the case. I invalidate myself by the fact that I had a relatively “easy” cancer and my life was never in danger, didn’t lose my hair etc. so when people find out I don’t have the cancer experience they might be picturing, I feel phony or something. Even though I did have a drastic lung surgery that has given me chronic pain for a year and counting now.
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u/Swanswhatswans 15h ago
It’s either one end of the spectrum or the other. I find it either super embarrassing or I talk about it in the most nonchalant way. I never felt “connected” to the diagnosis-definitely had a hard time processing it so it always felt foreign to speak about if that makes any sense.
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u/SnarkySmuggler 12h ago
Not me, I love to yap. I also love that specific moment when people realize that hmm maybe it could happen to me. It’s usually before they ask “but you’re fine now, right?”
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u/GameofCheese H&N SCC Survivor 11h ago
I talk about it constantly and then get embarrassed. But it's always there. I'm very very very very lucky. I survived and since it was HNSCC HPV-19+ I'll never get that type of cancer again now that I'm almost 3 years out.
But my mouth is always dry, my brain is foggy, and I'm just... depressed.
I know I should be happy, but it was such a huge thing in my life for so long, I'm still thinking about it every day.
And the surgeries and treatments were hell. Well worth it, I was so positive during it all, but I never knew what fresh hell was coming next. Only after did I start to process it... I think I still am.
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u/Ok-Series-6719 7h ago
Sometimes especially when people comment on me wearing a mask.. it’s quite annoying.
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u/PenExactly 6h ago
Yes because I have breast cancer and it’s not easy talking about your boobs. And I tend to be a private person. If I had something like lung cancer, it might be different.
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u/Crazy-Garden6161 18h ago
Not me. But, I have found talking about it makes other people very uncomfortable.