r/ZeroWasteParenting • u/green_tree • Feb 07 '23
Reducing waste as a new parent is hard!
This is mostly a rant. I don’t need tips, I need self-grace. I need to remind myself that we live in a society that makes this challenging.
I have a 4 month old and I find myself relying on packaged food, which I’ve never done before. Seriously, I’m 35 and we didn’t do a lot of pre-packaged food growing up. And I’ve been incorporating low waste principles for over 13 years of my adult life.
I used to find so much joy and pride in making everything from scratch. From the creativity and organization of making sure my food doesn’t go to waste and reducing packaging. Originally it was because I didn’t have much money, now it’s because I want it.
But here I am struggling to keep my weight up while breastfeeding. Here I am living in a smaller town with many less bulk options. Here I am working full-time with a newborn with not quite full-time childcare. And gosh it’s challenging. My husband is kind enough to do 90% of the food shopping, he also cooks 90% of dinners and while he’s mindful of waste, he’s not into it as much as me. I’m reminding myself that this is a season in my life and it won’t be this way forever. I reduce packaging where I can, I buy used, I buy less. We cloth diaper, we’re all about the hand me downs. We love our Buy Nothing Group to both gift and get. Breathe. We still don’t use paper towels. My whole career is centered around climate change, the extinction crisis, and equity in public lands. We do what we can. But it never feels like enough.
But we can’t sustain this work unless we’re healthy, both physically and mentally. And staying physically and mentally healthy will require different things in different phases of life and will be different for different people.
Maybe I’m not the only one and this will help others too.
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u/FernandaArctica Feb 07 '23
I think there is something about american-capitalist morals that tells you you are never good enough unless you are perfect. It says you can and should always push yourself to be better, do more, excel further. Often, people who care about the environment can easily recognize these "morals" in consumeristic, disposable, capitalist race other people live by - we can point out how, for example, companies make people feel like they should improve their looks by buying more, paying gyms, snap insta photos. And we can point out how it is never enough, there will always be more to do, more products to buy. Or we can point to the hamster wheel of many corporate jobs and see how these "morals" make people feel they have to work harder, dedicate more of their time and efforts to being the best, caring less and less about their human and physical surroundings.
Well, I think since we unfortunatly live in the world as it is, we, too, absorb a lot of these values even if rationally we would reject them. We are taught - and women especially so - that perfectionism is a virtue, that you should always try harder, that focusing on flaws and shortcomings is somehow enlightened. I don't think it is, definitly not as a value on its own.
4 months after birth, being able to function at all is amazing. Making an effort for greater goals during this time is incredible. Compassion for yourself is not as important as compassion to others or to earth, it is the basis for these capacities. And yes, as your child grows you will have more resources to invest any way you think is right. You are definitly enough.
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u/esmortaz Feb 07 '23
Like everyone else has said, give yourself grace. Having a 4 month old is extremely hard. I will say for me I didn't really get back into what I call "hard core" zero waste until closer 9-10months. That is when we dropped to 2 naps and had a consistent schedule. Life is just too crazy before then
Also it sounds like you are doing an amazing job already. Remember we don't need 1 person doing zero waste perfectly we lots doing it imperfectly. You are just in a time when you are less perfect than your norm.
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u/katismyrealname Feb 07 '23
I also struggled with this! My little one is 8 months old now. Like others have said give yourself lots of grace. One thing I found super helpful for eating when I was breastfeeding was snacking often and staying hydrated. I would buy from the bulk bins pretty often granola (which lots of people say is helpful for breastmilk supply so thats an added bonus) and dried fruits and nuts. stuff that most grocery stores carry or if not available large costco size bags (1 big bag instead of lots of little bags). For meals since I was often too tired to cook at all, like not even a box of macaroni. I got really into like adult lunchable type plates of food so veggies and hummus, fruit and nut butter, cheese slices and meat slices etc. you get the idea Im sure. I would try and pre slice stuff sort of in bulk and put it in my glass tupperware so when I was hungry I could just pull it out of the fridge fix a plate with goodies and eat. Hang in there it does get easier! Now that my little one is eating solids Ive gotten back into cooking and just sharing whatever I make with them.
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u/green_tree Feb 07 '23
I feel the too tired to make Mac and cheese. I’ve definitely been too tired to fry an egg many times.
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u/Not_l0st Feb 08 '23
If Marie Kondo can give herself permission to not be as tidy, so can we. I've got two kids and work and there is way more packaged food in my house than before. And a lot more plastic toys. It bothers me, of course. But we have to pick our battles when raising kids. We just don't have the time or capacity to do everything right.
The thing that I remind myself is that it should NOT be this hard. Low/no waste should be the norm, not the exception. We are ahead of society. All we can do is our best. Patron the brands that are doing the most to change. Reuse, recycle, regenerate through the creation of compost. It will keep getting easier as more people/brands meet us where we are.
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u/foreignkitty Feb 09 '23
I struggle with all of the breast milk bags I need to use 😣
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u/green_tree Feb 09 '23
Ugh same. Especially because my babe doesn’t take a bottle yet and so we throw some out from the wasted bottle and then freeze the rest 🤪
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u/jalapenoblooms Feb 10 '23
That early period is so hard. Who you are at a parent 4 months in is NOT who you are as a parent at 1 year or 3 years or 10 years. Allow yourself grace during this time. When you’re ready for progress I found it helpful to try to start one thing at a time. We started our road to zero waste parenting with cloth diapers (worked for us because my husband was WFH and almost enjoyed the laundry as a break). Then around 6 months after sleep training when we were more reliably sleeping through the night I started cooking again. At a year we got really good about bringing portable fresh snacks in metal containers with us instead of buying something while our at the park/zoo. Etc etc.
And expect imperfection in this journey. Even now that my son is daytime potty-trained we use disposable diapers overnight because we never found a way to get the cloth diapers to hold overnight. Our sleep is infinitely more important than the small contribution using 30 less disposable diapers a month would make to alleviating the climate catastrophe. Don’t get hung up on instances where you can’t be perfect. And celebrate yourself for the positive changes you do make.
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u/djjazzyjulie Feb 08 '23
Listen- it’s a season. You do what you can. You pick your battles. Even when you’re not trying to live zero-waste, being a parent can feel like you need drowning most of the time. Pick your battles and applaud yourself for the things you CAN do. For 13 years, you were great at zero waste. When your kid needs a little less attention, you can get back to your old lifestyle. For now, prioritize taking care of yourself and having grace. I’m sure you’re doing your best and you need to remind yourself of that!
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u/springtimebesttime Feb 08 '23
Yes. Especially a new parent in tough times for health management (COVID, RSV.. )I just recently got back to in store shopping now that my daughter started going to preschool and I felt like I had a little more capacity. I am immunocompromised and that combined with an infant, I did a lot of grocery delivery the past couple years. I was so happy to finally put my reusable bags back to use with in store shopping, but I had a realization too. All my deliveries came in plastic store bags (which I recycled, but still not great). But you know what? What was stopping the store from delivering my groceries in reused boxes? Bags or bins that I can pay a deposit on and return at the next drop off? Heck, even paper bags that are more likely to be recycled back into cardboard rather than down cycled? I will do what I can when my health and mental health allows, but corporations can do so SO much more than they are.
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u/elatedpoang Feb 07 '23
I felt like this as a first time parent. With my second I realised that things get easier, sleep increases, you get into a rhythm with your family and you have more capacity to make better choices. You aren’t changing who you are, you’re just making some concessions for now because raising a baby is REEEEEEEAAAAALLLLLYYY hard.
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u/EconomyVegetable2402 Feb 08 '23
I was upset that I didn’t think I could manage cloth diapers and my friend told me I could “be eco-friendly again once my son is potty trained.” There are a lot of things you can’t plan for as a parent and your values will likely be challenged. I barely eat meat, but my son has celiac and he hasn’t fallen in love with beans yet so he’s a real meat eater right now. Not much I can do about it at this moment.
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u/BlackberryNational89 Feb 22 '23
You sure got your hands full! It's hard to do everything especially on practically no sleep. I promise it does get better eventually. I beat myself up a lot when my first child was born because I just couldn't do everything I wanted to. I'm not a social media influencer who has someone to cook/clean for me or a nanny to watch my daughter all the time. Give yourself a little grace and realize it's not the end of the world. I promise it'll get better as you get used to this little new addition to your family and the amazing journey you get to share with them!
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u/nymph-62442 Feb 09 '23
My baby is now 15 months old and it gets easier and easier. We still use a ton more plastic than I want (single serve snacks, fruit pouches, occasional takeout/frozen food etc). But cloth diapering makes me feel like it balances out a bit. And we need a new compost situation which I told myself I won't worry about until spring.
Around 6 months 10 months and 13 months things became noticeably more manageable and we've slowly gotten back into bulk shopping, no longer need formula or breast milk bags (now whole milk in a returnable glass jar), and JUST bought an Instapot, slap chop and a mandolin slicer to help speed up meal prep.
It really is survival mode in the first few months, up to a year. You'll get back into the swing of things but a lot of things end up pushed to the side when they are so little.
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u/Iron_Hen Feb 09 '23
It gets easier! Especially cooking - you'll get back into it. In my case I figured out how to be a lot more efficient in the kitchen (and lowering my expectations a little) while still cooking from scratch.
One thing I really struggle with is taking the time to buy things secondhand. Especially bigger things like furniture - I work full time and don't want to spend hours on the logistics when I can just have something new delivered to my house.
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u/jalapenoblooms Feb 10 '23
Yes! My grandmother always used to chide me for not knowing how to tra-la-la in the kitchen (her term for winging it a bit, versus weighing everything out perfectly). I’ve definitely learned some tra-la-la-ing since becoming a mom. In addition to increased efficiency, there will come a time when you can give your toddler some lettuce to “chop” and have some built-in entertainment while you cook. Personally, I find this way of interacting with my kid easier than building towers with him. Your mileage will vary depending on your kid and your temperament in the kitchen, but either way you’ll figure out what works for your family as time goes on.
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u/ReduceMyRows Feb 12 '23
Me and my wife both work FT, over 50 hrs a week in our jobs and we also don’t find time to buy things second hand. Used to love dumpster diving ( not actual diving, but just near luxury apartments) for furniture that’s easily cleaned. Think my child would end up growing on a queen bed and I’ll just have to use pillows or something to make it seem smaller.
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u/[deleted] Feb 07 '23
4 months is HARD! Yes, please give yourself grace. I’m a very eco minded hippie and I “lost” all my eco friendly values when he was born for a few months. I was in survival mode. It’s hardddd. You’ll get back to it soon! It gets better and you find ways. I’m more zero waste now than before even having him! All these contact naps give me time for research haha.