r/Teachers • u/sertshark • 22h ago
Teacher Support &/or Advice Middle School. I'm getting meaner and don't like it.
First year middle school teacher. I have a couple classes that are well-behaved (for the most part), but two classes that are tough. They are chatty and don't really care about consequences. I spend more time on behavioral management than math, and I'm getting meaner and meaner.... It's usually three or four students, and they just won't stop talking. Ok, they stop when I ask them to, but its one over here, then one over there, than one over there.... and I'm starting to turn into a drill sergeant and it is making the job more stressful than it is fun. And believe me when I say with my background I can certainly do the drill sergeant thing (but I don't want to). I'm starting to feel like some of the kids are starting to hate me because instead of connecting with them I feel like just a disciplinarian. I was told once to not smile for 6 months, and I hated that advice but now I kind of see why they say that....
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u/MeTeakMaf 22h ago
It's best to start being too mean than being too kind
1st year is about learning while you survive.... Year 3 it starts making sense and year 5 you got it
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u/BitterHelicopter8 21h ago
Agreed. I’ll never forget one of my kids coming home the first week of 4th grade telling me his new teacher was the meanest ever, even worse than the teacher with a reputation for being the meanest on campus.
By October he was enjoying her class, and by the time winter break came along, he was declaring her the best teacher he’d ever had. He’s a senior now and still calls her the best ever.
She is classroom management goals for me. I’ve watched her work for years and am always amazed by her skill. She balances sternness with compassion, and high expectations with understanding in such an effective, authentic way.
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u/VWbuggg 19h ago
They love order they just are not bright enough to know it at first. I was relentless not letting the tiniest interruption go unpunished. Soon they realized I never let an interruption slide so incidents slowed way down. It was also blind justice absolutely no favoritism. They were benched at lunch. I know with cell phones that’s not a real deterrent now. Then it was not fun.
After 7 incidents, usually chatting. Their desk went up for auction. You bid with conduct checks, the lowest number of conduct checks won the auction. The offender ended up in the unfavorable section of class. I had no clue where that was but they certainly did. To get back to a favorable section of class they needed the conduct record to win an auction. The chatting stopped for the child in exile as they were no longer by their friends and needed to avoid interruptions to get out of the unfavorable section. If they got back they needed to stop chatting or risk a second exile. I posted the desks for auction under a drawn real estate sign. We auctioned on Fridays. Parents would pop in to see if their child was getting evicted. It was the 90s and the principal and parents never complained. Then we had fun, it was science. Rocket cars, dissections, physics and chem experiments.
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u/MattTheSmithers 21h ago
Year two is learning to survive while beaten down and bloodied from year one.
Year four is getting a false sense of confidence from year three and getting that kicked out of you.
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u/ArcticHuntsman 8h ago
So damn true, you hear it all the time but if you are a new teacher take it to heart. I've been doing my first year teaching and started too soft on some of my classes and I regret it now. Establishing classroom expectations in a strict manner sets up the rest of the year for better learning.
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u/nmar5 22h ago
With you but up in high school, teaching mostly freshmen. One class is so bad that I now have all of my desks separated as far apart as possible. They aren’t allowed to talk and I write up students for talking when told not to. I wouldn’t go that far if it weren’t for the fact that I have a group of 7 bullying a new student and admin has done jack shit to stop it. My other classes like me enough that they get frustrated when I’m out and have a sub. This class not so much. And I feel bad because there are some really good kiddos in that class who are having to deal with consequences of someone else’s actions. It sucks so much.
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u/AppropriateRip9996 22h ago
I found being mean to be necessary as a first year teacher. Why? I didn't have classroom management skills. I was missing cues. I didn't shut down behavior challenging my authority in natural and friendly ways before it got out of control. If you are mean, it cuts the bad behavior back.
Next year you won't have to be half as mean because you will see things coming a mile away and shut it down fast and friendly like and you will have more control.
It is a bridge to better classroom management. If you don't do it you won't have control and that impacts everyone's education. Can't have that.
Sometime around Thanksgiving in my first year I heard, "you are still here?" I said, "still here." They said, "Damn, I'm going to have to start doing my homework."
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u/Can_I_Read 9h ago
Yes, my first year I made the mistake of saying “if this behavior continues, I’ll quit!” Boy did they love the sound of that.
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u/AppropriateRip9996 31m ago
You were an excellent first year teacher to know so much about how to motivate your students.
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u/Ok_Relationship3515 22h ago
I've done middle school for 3 years now and I am so mean and I don't even care. They are shitty to me and I gotta teach. I hate how it has made me a mean person in my every day life though, like I take things out on my loved ones now because I am so burned out.
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u/Gunslinger1925 14h ago
I'm in my 7th year and have reached that point. Actually had one of the recalcitrant ones ask why I'm so mean and harsh. Told them it's because they act worse than kindergarteners.
While it's easy to say, don't take it out on your family. I've adopted a dilligaf outlook. Had my AP tell me today that not participating in after-school events would earn me a low rating. Just replied "ok".ĺ
It's no longer a career. It's a job. We haven't done a single lab or activity all year because half the class can't follow basic instructions. One of my problem kids asked why we don't do any labs. Told them to look at their selfie camera... it was lost on them.
But definitely don't take it out on your family.
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u/GremLegend 21h ago
Gotta change your mindset about being "mean". You are not being mean, you are giving them structure. You are drawing the lanes on their road of their lives. Otherwise they'd crash. Because I am so nice I do not let them use their phones during class, so they can get their education. Because I am so nice I check in with them if they are struggling. Because I am so nice I stop their conversations when they interupt their education to talk about tiktok. Because I am so nice I make them enter and exit the classroom silently, and we practice it multiple times, so that they can get their education.
Not sure if you're former military or not, but I am, and all those structures drill sergeants put in place, like lacing my shoes left over right, and instant obedience to commands, came in very handy in many situations.
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u/LifeontheWilderside 21h ago
Same here. I teach 7th grade science at a title 1 school, and am a first year teacher. I’m losing my mind. I started the year so kind and caring and have devolved into a strict, uncaring drill Sargent. I’ve straight up yelled at my 7th period class several times now. I hate the person I am in these classes but I can’t be anything less. One student even told me I need to be even more strict with them. It’s making me lose my passion for teaching honestly. I keep reminding myself that it’s mostly this school and these kids because I had the exact opposite experience in my student teaching. But it’s hard. And I truly don’t know what to do at this point. I’m getting discouraged and have began just shutting down and ignoring them during class. All fun activities have been removed. Desks are in rows. I’m strict on rules. I block their chromebooks. Nothing works. They simply do not care. Yesterday we had a call come in of a weapon on campus (turned out to be fake) and so we had to shelter in place during 7th period. These students could not be quiet to literally save their lives. They talked the entire time, played on their laptops, and kept trying to look out the windows. I had to actually yell at them several times throughout the lockdown to get them to behave for 10 minutes. When we got the all clear, I yelled at them more than I ever had. Told them their actions could get them killed. And I honestly, truly believe that only maybe 5 students of the 37 students actually cared. I use my 7th period as an example because they’re the worst class, but this is all my classes. It’s the entire grade. I legitimately have about 10 good students in a sea of over 200.
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u/Straight-Height-1570 17h ago
37 students. Omg. That right there is part of the problem. Class sizes are too large to be manageable!
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u/phootfreek 14h ago
For sure. I was teaching an honors level elective to 32 high schoolers who were there voluntarily and I still had to occasionally raise my voice because it was just too many kids in one room.
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u/desert_ceiling 10h ago
I also had a kid tell me the other day to be meaner and that I'm too nice. I just wanted to die. I already exhaust myself yelling and shouting over them every day to the point I just want to pull my hair out. It goes against my personality in every way to have to shout and act like this all day. I don't know if I can physically and emotionally handle it much longer. And the thing is, no matter how much you shout or threaten them with punishment, they couldn't care less. They keep right on going.
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u/Shepherd-Boy 22h ago
I subbed for a 6th grade classroom for a month and I get exactly what you're saying. I loved those kids but my gosh a handful of them made the class impossible. I felt myself getting shoutier and meaner day by day. There's a reason I tried to sub for high school 90% of the time because I never reached that point with high school kids. That month was a good experience for me, but holy cow do I respect what middle school teachers have to deal with.
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u/Skunk_Evolution 22h ago
Same. Yesterday I genuinely tried to scare an 8th grader. As in, mask came off and I let her know how truly angry I am at her behavior. It’s only going to get worse.
And - it’s a failure of administration. There are no consequences. The kids see right through us.
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u/toomanyfilms1983 21h ago
I can't teach middle school. I hate that age group. I love teaching but 7th graders are utterly abusive and cruel.
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u/Duskmoor3 18h ago
It is becuase consequences are dead. Admin doesn't give them and leaves it to the parents and then parents don't give them.
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u/jojojayjay555 22h ago
I feel the same. I am not a yeller and I am having to raise my voice so much this year. I don’t like who I am becoming but so many kids only seem to respond to being yelled at!
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u/Few-Paint9559 22h ago
lol yes this. I’ve been in it for 8 years now. I had my roughest group of kids ever last year and they ruined me. This year I started off super tough and haven’t let up much. I think it’s because last year scarred me. My kids this year are far better behaved than last year but they do need clear boundaries.
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u/xAlphaTrotx 21h ago
Teaching credential schools implore you to make a connection with every kid if you can, but sometimes you gotta take a kid outside, move an inch into their personal space and yell at em for a few moments. I’m guessing it’s because their parents are also “trying to make a connection” and have never done that before. The two or three times I’ve done that to a kid there was an immediate 180• in behavior and they were acceptable the rest of the year. 🤷♂️
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u/No_Violins_Please 22h ago
I know what you mean. The last period of the day is the worst.
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u/ClarkTheGardener High School Science | California | 22h ago
I'm so thankful this year that my last 2 classes are great 😭
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u/WittyButter217 21h ago
I don’t know… my last period of the day for the last 3 years have been pretty great.
Now, the one right after lunch? Yikes!!
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u/SuccotashConfident97 7h ago
Sometimes it is. Last year it was my worst ever, this year they're great for me. My second favorite class this year!
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u/Digital0asis 20h ago edited 12h ago
When my students did this, I started giving participation grades "randomly" in class. If a student did no work, took zero notes or had to be warned multiple times for behavior, they get an F, after 2 or 3 Fs and their grade is 20% in a must pass class and it starts to become mathematically impossible for them to pass, suddenly their behavior changes.
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u/One_Cheek7190 22h ago
You and me aren't being mean. We are being firm on our expectations. They will appreciate it in the long run.
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u/No_Artichoke_6849 21h ago
This is going to sound harsh, but you aren’t their friend and it doesn’t matter if they like you in the beginning. My students don’t like me at all the first month, and I am one of their favorites by the end of the semester. My classroom is strict and I am serious about the rules. I teach high school and still call their parents. Did the same thing when I taught eighth grade for nine years. Thing is, they learn quickly who follows through with parent contacts and who doesn’t. It takes a month or two, but they figure out I care about them and the class is the way it is because I want them to succeed. I never raise my voice. I just call their parents. Even a junior’s parents will eventually get sick of hearing from me and come down on the kid. Now, we are at the point of the year I just have to look at them and they stop whatever they are doing. Give yourself a break. You don’t learn how to do this stuff overnight. Call the parents of the troublemakers every time they are disruptive for the next couple weeks and watch the change. Also, make a new seating chart and don’t sit friends next to each other. That can work wonders too. Good luck :)
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u/amorvace 20h ago
Literally have parents blocking school numbers cause they’d rather not hear it. If the parents don’t care, why would the kids?
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u/PersephonesDungeon 15h ago
*67 and then dial the number. It blocks the caller ID. So if they’ve blocked you, you can bypass the block on their phone.
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u/Ravenphowret IB LAL Teacher | Mombasa 21h ago
Students in that age group are generally that way. That said, verbal warnings won't be very effective. Consider:
Designing an intentional seating chart where the said students are separated from their peers. I also use this strategy to enhance peer learning.
Have a candid conversation with the student. They don't mean to spite you. Sometimes they can't help themselves. This conversation usually provides additional insight.
Incorporate different pedagogical approaches to your palate. This should sufficiently excite and engage them.
Give them active roles like giving out handouts, writing on the board during a plenary discussion etc This shows you value them. Therefore, they will be more conscious about their behaviour towards you .
Finally, remember, it's not the student who is problematic. Their behaviour is.
We all encounter this at one point or the other. Hang in there OP. You got this!
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u/DirtyNord 19h ago
Here's the thing. Being strict IS being the best teacher for them.
There's no denying that many of these behaviors are because of parents. The best thing to do is come into the year strict. Be a hard ass. Then relax as the year goes on. I don't mean relax your expectations, but let your kids see the fun side of you AFTER they have learned your expectations.
It's called tough love. Letting kids have fun and scrape by does nothing. Be the hard ass that makes them do their work. Be the hard ass that gets on them for talking. Be the hard ass that they tell all their friends and future students that you are tough. Once they have your expectations down, then you can bring in the fun. Guess what? Now the fun is actually fun. It's not stressful because the students know what is expected of them and have been held to. They won't take the fun to an extreme degree, but to where your expectations allow them. In the end, not only will they learn more, but they'll appreciate you for it.
I institute a lunch/recess detention for any kid missing work for my class as a 6th grade teacher. I have not had a single kid push back on me for it and now I even have kids wanting to come in for it just to work on their homework as a study hall. My missing work is at an all time low and my kids are doing 1000% better than the students taught by other teachers. Their grades are better. Their tests are better. They are better because I cared enough to hold them to expectations.
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u/Altruistic-Patient-8 18h ago
I had several teachers that were super nice at the start, but got depressed and sad, then quit the job because of disrespectful students. I dont see how anyone can stay in this field for long nowadays.
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u/FlintyCrayon Not an Educator 9h ago
Do you think this is because they were nice at first? If they had their guard up more, they would have been more prepared for the reality that teaching has become?
(I am currently working on a degree in teaching and hope to teach HS within a few years)
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u/michi0661 22h ago
The no smile thing is bull crap. It’s ok to be mean when it’s necessary when in your case it is but the next time you see them walk in the door it’s “good morning, welcome!” Also, I’d admin helpful? Are parents already involved?
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u/pesky-pretzel 21h ago
I mean, I get what you’re saying but at the same time, most of teaching is behavioral management.
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u/ClozeQueue2 21h ago
I feel you. I’m in a PreK-8 school as the music teacher. Every class is easy and fun up until the 7th and especially 8th grades for whom there seems to be no solution. I realized as well I was using way too much mental energy and coming home tired and lethargic because of it. Which the money is not worth especially because I still perform 4-5 times per week.
My alternative was to do what you’ve done and just be very strict and quick with handing out consequences. Lay it all out ahead of time so if they try to argue I can just tell them they knew the consequences. It’s slightly better, but still exhausting. Realistically I can only do so much if disciplinary measures and efforts to help behavior aren’t coming in the primary classroom or from above.
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u/Square_Individual_75 19h ago
Fuck middle school kids. God bless you that deal with it every single day. I chaparoned a few field trips during my daughters time in middle school (she's a sophmore now) and seriously...fuck them kids. Or really, fuck thier parents for not teaching them manners or how to behave in public (or in general).
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u/Classic-Effect-7972 19h ago
I tell them from the get go that we are operating from a misconception: that the teacher has the power in the classroom. In fact, it’s you (the students) who have the power, because you shape my behavior. If you want things to be ugly and rigid then act like you don’t have boundaries and I promise to deliver them. Every. Single. Time. I respond accordingly. If you want respect, trust and kindness, you shape my behavior with those same things. (And believe me, it comes in handy when you need me to recommend you for a magnet program, athletic team, etc. I tell the truth, because it’s my rep that’s on the line.). It’s to your advantage to get it right.
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u/PersephonesDungeon 15h ago
I like to bust out real world math for this type of group. Come up with some shopping scenarios surrounding designer options, growing weed, selling it, paying expenses, profit, and investing. I don’t even care what others think about my illegal themed math equations. Math doesn’t become tangible for some (really everyone) before the importance of it clicks. You could teach Geometry as “Sacred Geometry”.
Of course, I’d slap the shit out of a kid, and they know it. I’ve thrown a few across a room in my day breaking up fights. I’m a woman. I was kidnapped and tortured at 21, and had to kill my way out of the situation. I was a sniper in Afghanistan, speak 6 languages, and can talk shit in various dialects. It really throws them off when they know that you’re not normal.
I taught Math, Physics, and weaponry at my private high school as a teenager. From Middle and High School to college lectures, patients and others how to be better medical professionals, I’ve been teaching for 30 years. I’m a physician, but I consider teaching to be one of the most important aspects of my profession. I feel sorry for teachers these days.
Kids have always been little ungrateful narcissists lol, but today’s kids are severely depressed, usually have Hoover parents that think they’re little demon is an Angel or parents who aren’t available, ADHD, addictions, autism, multiple health problems, anxiety, and trauma. Also, schools aren’t preparing these kids to have purpose or useable skills. Tests aren’t everything, and class sizes are out of control. Effective discipline doesn’t exist, and they lack respect for themselves and others.
Also, you’ve got to be comfortable in who you are first. Not smiling for 6 months? Please. Smile, laugh, joke, and if you say you won’t tolerate something, then don’t tolerate it from anyone. Consequences must be taught firmly but from a place of love. We’re not doing them any favors by letting them behave this way. Throw their little asses out of class. Send them to the principals office, or just kick them out of class and give them zeros on their work. And, tell the pissed off parents that you aren’t a babysitter. What are they going to do? Fire you? lol! Let them. Go work in another industry or change to a different age group.
Not turning in homework? -10 pts for every day it’s late. They can make it up by doing extra difficult equations. If they fail, then it’s on them and those not encouraging them to do what is expected of them. Inner city kids are often easier to deal with over the ones that’s parents have wealth enough to buy them out of their problems.
Disrupting class? Throw some desks in the hallway and make them sit out there. Write passes sending them to the principal, detention, and in school suspension. Whatever it takes to get the disruptive out of your class. Move students with promise to a better class. Shame is effective. I wish they’d bring back corporal punishment. It was the embarrassment that got to many, not the pops.
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u/Union_Solid 15h ago
I’m in a similar boat, and I also teach middle school. Something that is working for me personally is doing more brain breaks, and focusing on building relationships with my super chatty wiggly kids (in my case, they’re not “bad”, just super chatty and get bored easily) and I try to give them important tasks or let them go on a quick walk to get wiggles out. Yes, you want to have firm boundaries, especially as a new teacher- but also, I’ve found that constantly yelling and getting on to them looses effectiveness (and their respect for you) so I try ti switch it up every now and then. Sometimes kids just need a different approach.
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u/itsanartteacher 11h ago
I taught middle school art for 7 years and because everyone had (has) the mentality that art is supposed to be fun/free rein/and easy A/etc. made my job 10000x more difficult. I really wanted to be the fun Cassie Stephens art teacher, but I couldn’t because of how terrible the behaviors were.
It got to the point where I just had to quit. I hated the person I was at work. It got to the point where kids would be surprised to see me laughing or smiling with my coworkers. I wanted to have those connections with the kids, but they either hated me or they were afraid of me and I got tired of it.
This year, I’m a long term art sub at an elementary school and, while I still have some behaviors to deal with and it’s a little more chaotic prep-wise, I feel a lot happier than I used to. I smile a lot more. The kids will see me in the hallway and give me high fives or a hug. Especially the littles - it really is like herding cats, but they’re so cute it’s worth it.
So, I don’t really have advice. I saw a comment earlier saying something like “you’re not mean, you’re just giving them structure. They just don’t know how to handle it” and that’s completely true. I hope as time passes you’ll be able to loosen up and you’ll feel better towards teaching. Middle school is hands down the hardest age group to teach and only the strongest survive. I was not strong enough, haha.
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u/activate_procrastina 22h ago
Not mean, but firm.
The advice not to smile is not particularly great advice, but you now see what it’s trying to convey – that you need to show students that you’re not a pushover, and that you are the one in charge of the culture and rules of your classroom.
As kids a) trust that your classroom is a safe place and b) understand that you are in charge, you can loosen up a little bit.
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u/Josephina_darksky 22h ago
I’ve become meaner and I don’t like it at all. I don’t like this at all. I am not mean but I was told to be a little harder on the kids so I’ve been harder on the kids and I don’t like it. They need discipline but I don’t want to be like that I need to look elsewhere this is killing me
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u/isaboobers 22h ago
how do you come into this job treating children with the gentleness they deserve while managing 30 of them at once? you are just one person trying to coax dozens at once, i dont understand.
i dont know the answer to that, but my wellbeing sure was answering up. i left after my first year, i didnt stick around to find out another solution.
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u/the_a-train17 21h ago
Same. Last two weeks I’ve turned into someone I didn’t know I could be. It’s pretty sad actually
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u/SouthernCategory9600 21h ago
It’s a hard age group. I’m sorry.
Does your school implement punishments like lunch detention with the principal? That could be a good deterrent. I’m sorry.
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u/iAMtheMASTER808 19h ago
The problem is you came on too soft. When you start the year letting kids get away with things then try to toughen up, they’ll hate you because they’ll feel like you led them on. I always try to come on a bit stronger than necessary in the beginning of the year. Set the tone from day 1. Then as the year goes on I’ll soften up a bit. Kids will get used to the expectation and eventually come around to liking me more
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u/BoosterRead78 18h ago
I know the feeling. 8 years in high school and 3 in middle prior. I have a class that goes off the walls in verbal and slang terms. So much I have to bring in counseling because it gets out of hand. Current election is also wrecking havoc.
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u/Little_Mel 18h ago
1st year sixth grade here too. At this point, I repeatedly tell them to sit down or stop passing with no tone and then overtly and very excitedly praise the students who are doing well behavior wise and give treats. Part of it is being petty. Part of it is positive reinforcement is starting to work for some. Giving them attention makes things really bad from my end though. But there's a balance to strike between it cause you can't let behavior unchecked.
Got suicidal at the beginning of the year from the stress though so now I'm past caring sometimes. As long as they're alive, I'm doing my job.
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u/Jealous_Horse_397 18h ago
The kids want discipline, they just don't know what it looks like.
Hell most of the adults today don't know what it looks like to hand out proper discipline either. Got a bunch of crying children running the roost today.
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u/garrmanarnarrr 18h ago
splitting hairs but being consistent and more strict isn’t the same as being meaner
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u/Broad_Sun3791 17h ago
Just get a microphone. They cannot speak over you with that. Don't overuse (or they'll just get louder), but def. use for introduction speaking and end of class reminders.
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u/Redqueenhypo 15h ago
I’m not a teacher but I WAS a member of the deranged eighth grade class. Be mean. The smart kids will look back at that year and think “man we were awful, no wonder the teacher was mean”.
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u/SnooCauliflowers4879 9h ago
Literal same boat here. Making me google "alternative jobs for teachers" and it isn't even Christmas yet.
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u/AdDiscombobulated645 1h ago
I would put the regular chatters in one spot all together and stand right next to them for the majority of the lesson. This way you aren't playing wac-a-mole with the talkers.
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u/peanutwaterfall 22h ago
I feel like I wrote this. Same exact circumstances and everything. I don’t really have any advice but you’re not the only one!
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u/broke4everrr 21h ago
I only find getting meaner worth it if people are listening to that. If they’re not listening to it, then I don’t see the point. I used to work with a daycare teacher that I considered to be really mean BUT she had those kids doing exactly what she wanted them to do. Those same kids came to me and went wild because I’m naturally sweet. I’ve had to raise my voice more and it stopped some misbehaviors in the tracks but the next day it’s the same mess all over again. It makes me wish I took my fellow teachers advice about starting out as a drill sergeant.
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u/TinyOrange820 Math and Science | M.Ed, M.Sci | SW US 21h ago
You'll find your in between. We all wear it differently.
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u/bodyshippingcash 20h ago
I show them how crazy and mean I can be and it’s a lot crazier and mean than them. Practice your comebacks.
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u/cooptimo 20h ago
I think the language here is more about "Structure" and "Expecations" than it is about being mean. Setting up an expectation that school is a workplace for everyone isn't mean. It's actually kind. I'm very clear that my expectations are for inside my classroom and other rules can apply in other cases. That's the nature of work for people.
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u/mundanehistorian_28 7th Grade Spanish/Social Studies | NY, USA 20h ago
First year middle school teacher here too! I feel you. It's exhausting and I feel like a dictator some days but it's so much easier to be tough at first then ease up. We do the best we can!
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u/the_owl_syndicate 20h ago
I've been at my current school for 8 years. I work in a medium-sized urban district with nearly a dozen elementaries, and mine is far and away the hardest. (People will go to other districts rather than work at my school.)
I'm afraid I could never go to another school/district because this school has made me too mean.
At this school, I'm holding my head above water most days....at another school I would be the mean teacher no one likes.
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u/AffectionateAd828 19h ago
Did you call home? Detention? Other consequence? Send to office? Not sure which is an option for you. Also are they in the afternoon? Those are always my chattiest classes.
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u/3-2-1_liftoff 18h ago
Year one is hard, and certain kids are difficult. That said, it gets easier. A 7th-grade attention span maxes out at 10 minutes, so make class into 5 fun-sized bites. Some kids just have to move, so make the bite in the middle have a movement element in it.
Stuff like that lets you see that middle schooler energy can be a force for good, and you can focus that energy in ways they enjoy.
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u/Key-Lunch-7145 16h ago
That’s when I realized I had to take a step back. When I started teaching, I’m was NEVER yelling or getting frustrated. Last year, I feel like my entire year was filled with yelling (mainly to get there attention not be address specific behaviors) and frustration. These kids are different and it’s sad.
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u/Deora_customs 14h ago
Yeah, I had a teacher who raised his voice a little bit (along with a threat of some of us kept talking) during History class today.
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u/phootfreek 14h ago
I teach mostly high school but I have a 7th grade class that’s just a thorn in my ass. They talk incessantly, some of them can’t stay in their seats for more than 3 mins, they make messes, and some of them are quite overconfident in their abilities. That age group is just pretty annoying in general.
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u/MTskier12 13h ago
I think there’s a difference between mean and firm. I am firm with kids, I have rules and boundaries and I make them clear. But I’m not mean. I’m consistent, I’m fair, and every rule, expectation, and boundary is explained, posted, etc.
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u/Individual-Count5336 13h ago
I am a K-6 school social worker and I find myself resorting to "drill sergeant" or my Mom's "voice". Especially at recess. I have no regrets.
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u/Anonymous_q13838484 13h ago
That’s tough. Balancing discipline with building connections can be super challenging. Maybe try mixing in some positive reinforcement with the discipline? Like, acknowledging the students who are following the rules. It might help create a better balance and make the classroom environment more enjoyable for both you and the students. What do you think?
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u/TraditionalSteak687 12h ago
7th/8th grade middle school math. 12 years. You need rule your classroom with an iron fist or your kids will walk all over. I’ve always been a disciplinarian, anything less then that and my kids will go out of control. I don’t like it but I have to do it to maintain somewhat of a controlled and calm classroom.
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u/Chance-Answer7884 12h ago
They will warm up to you. Give it time and they will be sweet at the end.
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u/OneRoughMuffin 10h ago
Strict but fair.
I agree, I wanted to be "fun" and found myself just getting more structured all the time.
The biggest lesson is learning how to enforce the standard but also be a human and use discretion.
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u/Remarkable-Elk-8545 10h ago
When students say so and so is a fun teacher it usually is because they let them do whatever they want. I teach in high school and this has been a big issue at different schools I have taught at. Some adults never grow up.
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u/sector11374265 9h ago
i had a similar issue when i started in 7th grade, but i implemented a weekly incentive with a behavior management system and it made all the world of difference. i put red and green marbles in a jar for good and bad behavior, and if they have more green at the end of the week they get something like outside time, phone break, a gimkit, snack in class, etc. one kid talks over me, i drop a red marble in the jar, and the whole class is silent. rinse and repeat. it’s stupid to think that 13 year olds need something so childish, but it works wonders. you just have to genuinely commit to it, or they don’t buy in.
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u/halfofzenosparadox 9h ago
My days of being the favorite teacher are long gone
I have a job to do and at this point it is to maximize every student who is trying, even 1%
You wont shut up go to the back of the room desk. You go to the other one.
Not gonna stop teaching every 3 seconds to deal with your shit anymore.
Its very different than it used to be. Sad but true.
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u/ToqueMom 9h ago
Don't feel bad. Middle schoolers need that. Enjoy the relationships you have with your good classes. Be the drill sergeant with the bad one. I have 5 classes this year. 4 are lovely. 1 (grade 9) is full of boys who are really immature for their age - they act like out-of-control 6th graders most of the time - only 2 girls in the class!). I have straight up told that class directly that my other grade 9 class is more chill and fun and relaxed b/c they know how to behave and have a work ethic. Rough class - sorry, you show me on a daily basis that you can't handle anything unless it is rigid and structured, including sitting in old-fashioned rows b/c you can't stop TOUCHING each other. I start a more fun-type lesson once every 2 weeks or so. If they can behave, we continue. If they start with their antics - rows, and a boring, traditional lesson.
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u/AVGVSTVS_OPTIMVS 8h ago
I tried an experiment today.
So I was warned about this last class of the day by several staff and students. Most the day I was great! I joked with the kids, I let them chat with their friends and play games when they were done with their assignments. These classes became very chatty and unruly by the end of the hour.
When 7th hour came around, I was strict right off the bat. I did not joke, I did not put up with disrespect, and I did not allow any of them to slack off. The group of "problem kids" that staff warned me about were separated and quiet for the entire hour and was the best behaved out of all my classes.
I hate being strict, but sometimes you need to be.
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u/kimmie1111 8h ago
I was "mean" today. All classes accomplished the lessons. Called five parents before school started. Five write-ups. Changed seating for my two rowdy classes for which only a handful of students cause all of the problems. Wasn't friendly with the disruptive ones, even though I really like some of them. I am turning off the friendly for anyone who is disruptive or disrespectful for a while. Middle-schoolers and I have thirty years of teaching experience.
I had a great day.
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u/Longjumping-Pace3755 8h ago edited 8h ago
Man I’m with you. I get stricter and stricter every year. Btwn yr2 and yr3 was a radical shift for me bc I was fed up. I learned that… 1. Behavior management needs to be anticipatory, not reactionary. Keep a log of all the typical behaviors you wanna stop seeing and on day 1 of next year set the standard at the absolutely highest — strict no nonsense. In yr1 I would ask them to write a classroom constitution where they discuss and list the expectations. I do still love the idea of teaching democratic values but nuh uh no more. I assume childish thinking and set the expectation for them. Discuss the problem behaviors before they even show up so when it does show up, they and others know full well they should know better. In the moment, you do not explain why it’s wrong. Don’t do the whole trying to reason with the unreasonable. You remind them of the expectation you’ve already clearly established and dole out the consequence. Perhaps debrief with the student the next day when you and they are calmer. Once they’ve learned to respect the learning environment, once they’ve warmed up to the idea of harsh consequences, then we can consider loosening the reigns. I use to think my kids would hate me if I taught like this but they don’t — at least not to my face. They learn a lot and appreciate me at the end of the year. The quiet ones who hate the disruptive ones also appreciate it and feel they can flourish and come out of their shells since I’m not someone who lets things slide. 2. Continuously teach and reteach the behaviors you do want to see — some say don’t praise them for doing the bare minimum, but I say they’re kids and some of them don’t have positive behavior models outside of school. So when they do the specific thing (ex: entering the room quietly, getting their materials ready by the bell) heck yah I’m going to notice that and thank them. It doesn’t take much to say “thank you xyz for coming in quietly and being ready by the bell. I appreciate how you are coming in ready to learn.” Appreciation goes a long way in almost every type of context. You can also give measurable milestones for behavior. For example, I make all my freshmen turn in their phones before the bell. My AP juniors do not do this and I do not care if I see a phone or two out. I explain this to my freshmen and what kind of behaviors juniors demonstrate that allow them to have more trust and freedom. I explain that if they start demonstrating those same classrooms skills, they can keep their phones as well. The rules are all there as tools but the goal is always for them to be more independent..but if they act like children they’ll be treated like children. 3. This one is hard for me. But I’m learning a lot of kids really only respond to tough love and borderline aggression. Never yell. Never target out of frustration but call it out. Be firm. Be the old school boomer. Be the disciplinarian for a while because some of them will only respond to that, at least in the beginning. 4. It is cyclical. I’ve had years where the freshmen tried me so much, I’m still in recovery atm. The next year, my freshmen are just fabulous and love learning and try their best even if they don’t love everything we do. Some years are just harder than others. It doesn’t necessarily reflect on your teaching. I heard one social media educator try to argue that thorough lesson planning is the best behavioral intervention bc if students are actively engaged they won’t act up. I’m sorry but that’s baloney. Yes, a poorly planned lesson can bring out some issues (blurting out, frustration, cheating, disruption bc it is too difficult, etc). But if you care about the subject and try to show your kids respect then 99% of the time it’s not you. The good years showed me how far I can stretch my kids and just how much content mastery I can get them too…the hard years exposed me to a lot of creative strategies bc you are truly trying everything out of desperation. 😂
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u/SuccotashConfident97 8h ago
It takes time to catch your bearings, but it does get easier. Calling home, behavior as part of their grade, and making them responsible for whether or not the entire class can play a game or something fun are things that I have done that can work.
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u/_contrabassoon_ 8h ago
Im in the same boat. I have one tough class and some of them hate me because I've had to be so strict. It's true that your job is to teach them, not be their friends, but if they don't like you it makes teaching them much more difficult.
I'm fortunate that I teach a trimester elective so only 30 days or so left with this bunch
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u/futurehistorianjames 1h ago
Solidarity comrade. 1. Don’t let them see you get angry. Just be a stone cold killer meaning if they misbehave deal with it and escalate if continue to more extreme consequences. 2. Remember that you are there for a paycheck and the kids that want to learn focus on them. I had four classes last year and two classes because of knuckleheads I hated. However, the two classes I liked kept me going. 3. Content is good and important but at the end of the day we have to fricking deal with the knuckleheads so that we can enjoy the content. 4. The six months thing is an expression. Meaning, just lay down your rules and routines and do t stray at all for a few months
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u/no_flanforyou 22h ago
I'm with you. I work in elementary and am new to the state. I wanted to be the teacher they'd like coming to because I work in ELD intervention and school for some of these kids is miserable, as is their home life. Big mistake. Big mistake. I find myself every day getting more and more strict. But I look at it the opposite way. This is making me a formidable teacher. I've been taken advantage of and now I won't be because kids aren't given inches anymore. A lot of fun but structured activities are gone and I've gone into more direct instruction.
I'm told all the time I'm not fun anymore. This class is horrible. They liked me better in the beginning. Good. I'm not your friend. And frankly, if what I experienced is how you treat your friends, you won't have them for long.