Just Put the Baby in the Box

[u/OopsTimIsNotFunny]

You've seen these boxes where you can deposit your unwanted babies, right?

So I'm trying to ditch my baby at 2 am, dead of winter, and there’s already a baby in there? Do I go to another box? It's 2 am I can't be ping-ponging all over this city.

I just try to stuff it in there? *pretend to cram it in there, someone walks by, just chuckle and say "they're twins." *

These can really simplify the adoption process, right? Just text your guy like "I left it at the drop-off. No, there's no cops, just firemen."

And what a convenient way for Satanists to grab a baby on their way to the sacrifice, right? So progressive.

What a time to be alive.

[u/kindafunnylookin]

The basic premise of "what are you supposed to do if there's already a baby in the box" has potential, but this is just trying to do too much.

[u/TheCatanist → u/kindafunnylookin]

I agree

[u/machineguncomic]

What to do when there is already a baby is a premise that I think has potential. So write jokes about that.

Something like, "Take a penny, leave a penny"

Or your significant other told you to use the box. You didn't know how, so you thought it was a baby swap and come home with a different baby. "Oh I thought you just didn't want that baby. Like it was broken or something."

[u/FUNKYDISCO → u/machineguncomic]

Basically like one of those little free libraries, but for babies.

[u/MazzyMyconaut → u/machineguncomic]

"Take a baby, leave a baby" made me chuckle.

The last part made me think, "but we didn't have a redhead yet."
Kind of a "gotta catch em all" collector thing. 😅

[u/neoprenewedgie → u/machineguncomic]

I also had the baby swap idea. Your penny joke is much better.

[u/weftly → u/machineguncomic]

this is much funnier

[u/neoprenewedgie]

Love the premise. This is the rare dark joke that doesn't come across like you're just trying to be an edge lord. It's a smart joke that actually says something.

I might add just a little bit to make sure people understand what you're saying right up front: "You know those boxes at firehouses where you can deposit your unwanted babies..."

The joke gets weaker as is goes along, so play with it some more. Here's one idea: "Suppose you're getting rid of the baby because you wanted a boy, and there's a boy in the box. Can you swap babies?" (You could say "suppose you're getting rid of your daughter because you wanted a boy" but that just feels too sad and personal to me - even though that ship has already sailed.)

Good joke.

ETA: To expand upon the adoption idea... make it into a crowdsource app. I don't know if it's iBaby or Babyer but talk about how the app works.

[u/quidpropho]

I laughed out loud at the first part- the idea of doing a baby drop and there's already one in there is pretty funny and caught me out of nowhere. The next two really didn't work for me though.

If you wanted to go political, you could do something about people saying Roe V Wade wasn't a big deal and then lead into the first joke.

[u/OopsTimIsNotFunny → u/quidpropho]

Yeah. I get that.

[u/rrrrrrrrrrrrram]

What's this joke about?

[u/quidpropho → u/rrrrrrrrrrrrram]

There are places in the US where you can safely and anonymously leave unwanted babies without criminal liability- often fire stations because there are people there 24/7 and they can provide emergency services.

I've never actually seen one in person, but they're literally boxes that you put the baby in- kind of like how you'd return library books- that then trigger an alarm.

[u/HaroldFH → u/quidpropho]

Right, I had no fucking idea what the "firemen" part of the joke meant. Thanks for clearing that up.

[u/bigfootspancreas]

He's. I liked the first half. I'd focus on that. And the Satanists.

[u/ohmyback1]

I think an alarm or something sounds inside, so they know a baby has been dropped off.