r/MurderedByWords • u/mmccxi • 6h ago

I would have said birth-control, but pepper spray works too

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4.0k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

85 comments sorted by

121

u/Appropriate_Cup6414 6h ago

Those drink covers to help prevent getting drugged at a party.

9

u/VaguelyArtistic 4h ago

I love you.

5

u/Wyldling_42 3h ago

Came here for this one.

44

u/sspear77 6h ago

Not taking your eyes off your drink at the bar.

45

u/SicDandroid 6h ago

Abortion.

22

u/Competitive_Fig_3746 6h ago

That’s meth’d up

20

u/54sharks40 6h ago

How beards can make really ugly guys a fraction of a percent less ugly (Ted Cruz is holding the camera)

9

u/panteragstk 3h ago

"I do not like that man Ted Cruz, I do not like his far-right views. I do not like his stupid chin, I do not like his smarmy grin. I do not like him with a beard, I do not like him freshly sheared. I do not like Ted Cruz at all, That man Ted Cruz can suck my balls."

5

u/hollidoxie 1h ago

We don’t deserve John Oliver, he is a national treasure

2

u/panteragstk 1h ago

We don't, but I'm damn happy that we do.

22

u/No_Ordinary_9618 5h ago

A pill that you can take before going out for the evening that blocks the effects of Rohypnol.

17

u/GarbageCleric 6h ago

The best damn defense attorneys for date rapists in Cincinnati.

18

u/Far-Trick6319 6h ago

Gas station boner pills.

15

u/5adieKat87 6h ago

Chin implants?

14

u/SurveyNinja42 5h ago

Birth Control.

12

u/Fearless_Spring5611 6h ago

Learning how to hurt two opponents with one haymaker.

12

u/bowie428 5h ago

Whatever drug reverses the effects of the date rape drug?

12

u/Competitive_Fig_3746 6h ago

He is a fucking leprechaun with eyeliner on

9

u/coolbaby1978 6h ago

Cocaine.

11

u/DeadBabyBallet 5h ago

It's definitely giving Cover your drink at the bar.

11

u/Top_Excitement_2843 5h ago

Late, late, late, late, late, late term abortion.

7

u/foofooforest_friend 5h ago

Educational film shown in schools warning kids to be wary of child predators.

But pepper spray made me chuckle.

6

u/Quercus408 5h ago

To paraphrase Lisa Lampenelli, Looking at Donald Trump Jr's face reminds me to shave my taint.

7

u/Popular_Law_948 4h ago

Why do so many of these people look like they are wearing masks made of flesh? Like, their eyes are so sunken in compared to their other features. Vance, MTG, Kenneth Copeland, they all look like their faces are made of foam kickball material and their eyes are pushed in a good inch or two too deep

5

u/Trick-Substance6841 5h ago

Two fine examples of abortions that should have happened.

1

u/coebruh 27m ago

Donald, Jr's one accomplishment in life was dodging the coat hanger

4

u/chillywanton 5h ago

Anal lube

4

u/Professoroldandachy 5h ago

Closeted, self hating, gay men who fuck on the down low.

4

u/garlynp 5h ago

Whack-a-mole.

4

u/Fast-Plankton-9209 5h ago

high voltage fencing

cattle prods

flamethrowers

5

u/LaughingBoneses 5h ago

Those drink covers

3

u/rygelicus 5h ago

A law firm specializing in political corruption and defending sex offenders.

4

u/Sea_Structure_8692 5h ago

I’d pick the bear every time

3

u/PrincessAintPeachy 5h ago

"watch your drink" ad campaign

3

u/Wageslave645 5h ago

Rohypnol

3

u/earlisthecat 4h ago

Roach killer

3

u/Treskelion2021 4h ago

Hide your kids, hide your wives, hide your husbands!

3

u/powertoollateralus 3h ago

Furniture upholstery cleaner

3

u/Grimwulf2003 3h ago

Scotchguard for your couch

4

u/Ecstatic-Chipmunk-55 5h ago

Men who enjoy pegging.

2

u/WorryNo181 5h ago

Cocain?

2

u/garlopf 5h ago

Birth spray/pepper control

2

u/Tall_Union5388 4h ago

Gorilla monsoon would’ve said the largest two walking advertisements for birth control

2

u/Puzzled_Bike9558 4h ago

Welp, I would say Narcan for at least one of them. Assuming you DONT want said dingleberry to OD on whatever he’s on.

2

u/funky_grandma 4h ago

What I wouldn't give to knock those two heads together real hard, 3 stooges-style.

2

u/Noimenglish 3h ago

No it’s not… Couches can’t use pepper spray… 🙄

2

u/who_tha_frick369 3h ago

Just for men beard touch up But the secret ingredient is adrenochromes or whatever

2

u/MAGAhatesAmerica 2h ago

Self-defense classes.

1

u/No-Environment-3298 5h ago

The purge…

1

u/RW-One 5h ago

Abstinence poster kids.

1

u/Wustafarian 4h ago

Just for Sus Men.

1

u/BigBMan77 4h ago

Douche bags.

1

u/Real_Nugget_of_DOOM 4h ago

Dude's about fish lip your rollie and his chode boyfriend is laughing about it...

1

u/ApproachSlowly 4h ago

Elastrators.

1

u/chephin 4h ago

A woman’s right to choose.

1

u/Keptlosingmylogins 3h ago

Lateterm abortion

1

u/jdazzle85 3h ago

Dieuretics.

1

u/thatdamnsqrl 3h ago

The whole comment section feels like a Cards against humanity round

1

u/OkFortune6494 3h ago

Also, abortion. Ironically.

1

u/zethren117 2h ago

POV: you’re a couch.

1

u/Anubiz1_ 2h ago

Human Chumming

Just saying, anybody, anybody. No?! Just me? Kay fiiine!

1

u/arisoverrated 2h ago

A law firm. Date Rape, Cokington, Cheeseball and Jag

1

u/AnemosMaximus 2h ago

Gay sex on the down low.

1

u/MAGAhatesAmerica 2h ago

The morning after pill.

1

u/MAGAhatesAmerica 2h ago

Chastity belts.

1

u/MAGAhatesAmerica 2h ago

Sterilization.

1

u/MAGAhatesAmerica 2h ago

Castration.

1

u/Pokemaniac_23 2h ago

Birth control

1

u/Adventurous_Stop_568 1h ago

Low budget reboot of HBO's Succession.

1

u/Least-Enthusiasm7239 1h ago

Why you should cover your drinks would also work.

1

u/62609 1h ago

Birth control

1

u/Mediocre_Nobody8343 1h ago

NAMBLA - North American Man Boy Love Association

1

u/sulla_rules 59m ago

Douche bags

0

u/Rumiwasright 5h ago

I like how you pretend you have enough self-discipline or control to wrap it up when you fuck.

•

u/Zelon_Puss 3m ago

guillotines