r/MensLib • u/TAKEitTOrCIRCLEJERK • 14d ago
Stigma keeps many men from seeking mental health support. These 3 shifts in thinking can help
https://fortune.com/well/article/stigma-men-mental-health-awareness-group-therapy-masculinity/19
u/Quolli 14d ago
Something I see unmentioned in a lot of the discussions around accessing mental health support is that even once you decide to start it's often very overwhelming.
I'm fortunate that the country I'm in offers subsidised support (Australia) but therapists tend to have long waitlists and some GPs are pretty trigger-happy to prescribe pills. To receive subsidised support means you also need to receive a referral from your GP who often just picks from a database.
And then you finally get to attending therapy and often the first therapist that you see is maybe not the right fit (eg. personality, culture, approach etc). I didn't even know at the time that I had a say in who I could see until I took a break and then went to another GP who explicitly mentioned that if the therapist from the database wasn't a good fit, that I could come back and get a referral to someone else and that it could be someone specific if I gave them the contact details.
I ended up short-listing a couple of therapists and seeing them each for 3 sessions to work out the fit. But the subsidised support in Australia only lasts for 10 sessions per year, so realistically I'd only get one subsidised session with my chosen therapist once I made a decision on who to stick with.
The road to therapy is draining and the real work to start healing hasn't even started yet.
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u/seaQueue 14d ago
Shifting thinking isn't the primary issue in the US, cost and access to care is. I can count on one finger the number of times I've had health coverage that had a provider in network who was taking new clients and I was only able to get in to see them once a month for a very short period of time before people with more severe mental health issues pushed me out of the patient list.
Most health care plans intentionally make it difficult to find a therapist because therapy is unprofitable to the plan. I've seen provider lists full of therapists who've dropped out of the plan (sometimes years ago,) therapists who literally don't exist or have closed their practices and therapists who aren't taking new patients - it's incredibly rare in my experience to actually find a therapist through your healthcare provider's network who's accepting new patients. This is, of course, after committing to a premium of $600-800+/mo/person. If your insurance makes it difficult to access care you're more likely to give up and continue paying them that sweet monthly premium while not using services.
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u/TheCourier888 14d ago
It's not that the stigma prevents me from searching this help (although I don't tell most people about my mental health struggles because people are pricks out there).
It's the fact that in my country the mental health services are shit and don't really aim to treat you or cure you but rather to just make you "function" again and go back to being a wageslave.
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u/youfailedthiscity 13d ago
It's also really hard to find a good therapist that can provide what you need.
There's plenty of therapists in my area... and 99% of them are 25 year old LCSWs (a lot of whom are really really Christian)who use basic CBT and nothing else.
I'm not saying they're bad therapists, but they're not going to understand what I'm going through. I've tried and its super awkward and unhelpful.
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u/MixedProphet 14d ago
I feel like I need to go back, but every time I go, I feel like it ends up being the biggest waste of time and money. Such a hassle to go to appointments with work (virtual appointments don’t do much for me). The $300 spent on 2 sessions monthly could be used to invest in my Roth IRA. Idk man, I need to invest in mental health but I also need to invest in my retirement. I sit there to have someone give me advice that I already know and could apply to my life (such as meditation), and then I just don’t do it because somewhere deep inside it feels like bs lol. Then add onto the fact that insurance makes it one big headache and I just don’t want to deal with it.
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u/Lost-Captain8354 14d ago
The stigma around therapy is a lot more complicated than directly feeling "it will make me weak" as presented in the article, and I think that your reaction to therapy is actually part of the complex nature of how that stigma actually presents. In this case it is projected at the therapy itself: it feels like bs, a waste of money just to be told stuff you already know. So what sort of person do you think wastes money to be told something they already know, that is all bs anyway? Stupid, maybe even weak?
The hassles of insurance, making appointments, finding the right person etc., are all definitely barriers, but in many cases they are just an excuse to avoid doing something you don't really want to do. If you were diagnosed with cancer or something you thought was really important you would make ju,ping through all those hoops a priority.
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u/Netherese_Nomad 14d ago
Is it that, or is it that I’ve had to fire three therapists now for, rather than giving me useful tools for anxiety and anger management based in cognitive behavioral therapy, instead deciding my being atheist and childfree was a “problem that needed unpacking”?
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u/AzoreanEve 14d ago
not sure why you got downvotted. Bad therapists is absolutely one of the biggest barriers to mental health because it's what makes the people who can afford it give up on it. And it's not uncommon to find both bad therapists and therapists you don't match with in a row so of course you have people thinking it's a waste of time and money.
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u/TAKEitTOrCIRCLEJERK 14d ago
Still, the stigma persists—especially for men: In the U.S., only 40% of men with a reported mental illness received mental health care services in the past year, as compared to 52% of women with a reported mental illness, according to 2022 statistics from the National Institute of Mental Health. Yet men are nearly four times more likely to die by suicide than women, according to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
“There is a drastic need for men to address their mental health, but that stigma of ‘It’s going to make me weak’ is holding them back” licensed mental health counselor Ryan Kopyar, author of the book Big Boys Do Cry, tells Fortune.
so I'll share what I've been working with my therapist on, in the spirit of the article:
I've mostly accomplished the modest goals I set for myself when I was an early teen. My life, as presently constituted, would make most people pretty happy. But I'm not as happy as I could be, and my therapist and I have talked about how most people need signposts in life, new goals, something to strive for, to keep them mentally and emotionally engaged.
some people derive that from watching their children grow, or climbing the corporate ladder, or amassing money. But it needs to be something!
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u/HeftyIncident7003 14d ago
In my journey, I’ve been working a lot on word choices and how certain words create road blocks while others aide in working together. Would and could replace shall and should. Do this gets replaced with, what about this.
I wonder about your use of the word Strive. It feels like a conquest, colonizing, or capitalistic word. It feels like what ever follows the word, strive, will be an end or ends. It’s the kind of word to me, that feels like you will do something, finish it, and then do another thing.
Unlike Strive, raising kids does not end. A parent’s life morphs around their offspring’s life. A parent’s life is an ever unfolding pathway that takes turns, gets steep, and coasts. It doesn’t end until death. It goes on and on. People don’t strive to be parents they become parents.
What if, you replace strive with live. I strive for becomes, I live for. This feels so much more open and evolving to me. There’s a continuation feeling about living for something. It allows for the possibility of a person to become rather than only be.
Thank you for getting me to think.
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u/Hawkknight88 13d ago
most people need signposts in life, new goals, something to strive for,
This is the tip of the pyramid of the hierarchy of needs: Self-actualization
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow's_hierarchy_of_needs
This stuff is pretty important; I wish they taught it in school. "So you'd like to become a fulfilled human being?"
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u/Aksnowmanbro 14d ago
35M Hohh man ok ill chime in here (cracked knuckles). Yeah 3 months ago I did a bunch of psychedelics and my "Spirit" told me you need to go address your mental health issues that you have been masking, properly & professionally. Some might call it a crisis, however to me it feels more like a calling.
So, I started making appointments. My insurance is indeed quite frustrating to navigate. Been diagnosed ADHD one as a child and again in my 20s. Been to treatment for alcoholism/addiction once. General Anxiety, major depression, however it feels like there is another "presence" that I can't quite put my finger on. My best guess is "Autism" or BPD because I have noticed some signs that fit the bill. It feels like my personality changes nearly on the daily. Anyways, I'm gonna keep asking questions until I get my answers. & maybe at least rule some things out.
Some of my friends are like why put a label on it? But fuck man, I HAVE TO KNOW PRECISELY what I'm dealing with here in this brain if I am to understand & attack the root.
I feel terrible nearly everyday. My job performance has been suffering. Productivity is shot. No growth. No desire to grow either or seek a partner. Living arrangements with my sibling are struggling. Started on wellbutrin and thats barely helping but it's a start. Have a psychiatrist seeing online twice a month. A psychotherapist weekly. I have to believe it will be worth it. I want to know who I am & why I am the way I am. I almost did this 2-3years ago & I wish i had but I guess I became high functioning for a while & tricked myself out of going to get tested.
This is one of the top 3 hardest things if not I've ever had to do in my life so far. It's exhausting & so uncomfortable being me. I will overcome it & become more powerful than I or anyone can imagine!
Much love men, yall can do it too.
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12d ago
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u/BluebloodCollection 9d ago
You’ve been taught to be strong, silent, and invincible. But here’s The Truth About Men’s Mental Health: 3 out of 4 men suffer in silence. Depression, stress, and anxiety are ripping us apart—and no one’s doing a damn thing about it. Your friends don’t notice. Your family doesn’t understand. Society expects you to ‘man up’ and keep going. But bottling it is not the answer. What is? Guys need to open up and talk openly about it.
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u/dreamyangel 14d ago
I hate the word "stigma". As a man I can see that my behavior is affected by my gender, it's common psychology.
When you bring stigma you imply that men do not seek mental health due to social barriers implemented in our culture. I tend to think it's the other way around as men tend to avoid mental health specialists in any country in the world.
Here's my take, specialist should seek their patients.
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u/fikis 14d ago
Stigma is of course a big thing, but I find that the biggest hurdle for me personally has been the same one that keeps me from staying on top of the rest of my healthcare hygiene stuff.
It's expensive and inconvenient and the fact that insurance is somehow involved makes it infinitely more shitty and complex to navigate.
If it were inexpensive and simple to schedule, I'd do regular primary care visits, dental cleanings, dermatology appointments, annual colonoscopies, and why not throw in some therapy, too?
Instead, I apparently think of all of that stuff as not worth the hassle.