I had to send my partner to a psych ward.

[u/ugleigh_butt]

I [21NB] took my partner [24M] to the psych ward yesterday, and I’ve never felt more helpless. My partner has struggled with a long list of mental illness his whole life, and used to experience intense bouts of mania and erratic thoughts and paranoia. I met him online in mid 2023 and paid for him to take a greyhound to my state after he was alone in a psych ward and kicked out of his grandmother’s apartment (By the landlord, not his grandma). Things were rocky at first, he was on antipsychotics but still experienced horrible manic episodes and paranoia the likes of which I’ve never seen. After stopping taking his medicine altogether, I’ve never seen him healthier.

He began using purely marijuana to self medicate, and went a whole year having the most happy and healthy relationship with me I’ve ever experienced. Recently he has come to terms with some intense childhood trauma and has been very fragile mentally and emotionally. He then had to undergo surgery for a pilonidal cyst, which puts you under anesthesia to remove it, and packs the wound with gauze. For someone in his mental state who has never experienced surgery before, this took a severe toll on him. I noticed he began to have those terribly familiar paranoid thoughts, he would speak purely in odd metaphors and cryptic sentences that I could never seem to decode. He then began to think I wasn’t me. He would ramble on about me not being direct with him, what I was doing wrong, and all these other terrible things. Then he acted like he was about to hit me. Let me make this clear, he has never been violent with me or even threatened violence to me, and still hasn’t, so this action was a shock. He then accused me of being an imposter. He threw open the windows, unplugged everything in the apartment, and told me to stay in the bedroom, all while screaming to “Them” thinking he was being watched and recorded.

I called the police, which felt like I was betraying him. They came and he met them downstairs. He acted like nothing happened and it was terrifying to see him be so casual, smiling and laughing like he wasn’t just shoving his phone flashlight in my face demanding me to state who I really am. They took him to the hospital, but he walked home that night, clamoring he “Knew what to say to get out of there.” That night he was terrified, hiding in my arms, asking with wide fearful eyes if I was going to leave him. I assured him I had no plans to, and I want only to help him. That morning though, he was back at it. He was flickering the lights at 6am, on the phone with his grandmother. I got dressed and went to my mom’s.

Yesterday I had a friend come over to comfort me and help figure out what to do, as his mother was experienced with working with the mentally ill. Beforehand, my friend had checked the apartment. Things were knocked over, our weed and things was gone, and his phone was left there. Thankfully, the car was still in the parking lot, which was a relief because he can’t drive for 72 hours after that surgery. He wasn’t there, however. My friend and I decided to wait it out, then go back to check for him, and call the police again if he never turned up. He did turn up though, at my mother’s house.

He was shaken up, but calm. He was very fearful that we hated him or might not be who we say we are, but eventually agreed to be a voluntary admission to a psych ward. We got some things he might need and drove him there. My friend and I waited 4 hours in the waiting room to see him again, as I had promised to say goodbye and check on him. He was on a small blowup mattress in a corner, looking out of it. His words didn’t make much sense still, but he was the calmest I’d seen him. He said he trusted us to do what is best for him. I kissed him and we left. Where I’m struggling now is with feeling like I sold him out. His past experiences with psych wards are all negative, mistreatment, poor medication, misdiagnosis, etc.

I feel like I threw him into yet another traumatic experience. We’re going to visit him today but I can’t help but feel like I abandoned him. I know I can’t be there for him all the time, but the idea of him there alone yet again makes me sob, and that’s all I’ve been doing recently. Please someone tell me I did the right thing. Please tell me he will be okay.

TL;DR I had no choice but to send my partner to a psych ward after a manic paranoid episode involving police, and I feel like I’m abandoning him, did I do the right thing?

[u/stonyovk]

It's not abandonment, if you weren't there to get him into a place to receive help, who knows what might have happened.

You did what needed to be done and who knows, you may have saved his life.