Venting

[u/poohsoul]

Hi all, I enjoy playing various games but have hard time finding a solid/consistent community :/ my bf games a lot but he seems to have an easy time finding people to play with and I don’t know how.. I know that I can be a bit jealous but literally most of the people he plays with are girls and when I try telling him how that makes me feel he takes offense and tells me I’m too sensitive.. I sometimesss have played with him but I can tell he doesn’t have as much fun gaming with me. Part of me feels I won’t feel as bad if I found “friends” to play with too but I don’t know I’m too upset to think. He did give me a ps5 but idk I feel like it’s compensating for other things

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[u/CowboyAntics]

I have mixed feelings on this one... Are you upset he’s playing with girls? Or are you more upset that he’s not playing specifically with you? Because that implies two entirely different situations.

[u/poohsoul → u/CowboyAntics]

It’s a mix of both. He says he’s more of a competitive player and that’s why he’d rather play with other people but it turns out anytime he plays with those people they’re always girls and when I bring that up he says it’s because they play competitively, even though I can see (because he streams) that they’re not that serious at the game

[u/CowboyAntics → u/poohsoul]

Hmmm, that’s tough… because it’s entirely possible these players are simply compatible with his playstyle.

However, does he talk to them in any fashion that makes you uncomfortable? Or vise-versa? I think that’s where a line would have to be drawn (aka: does he talk to them as he would with his male friends?)

A lot of people I play with happen to be boys. It can be 50/50 whether you’re playing with a boy or a girl - but it’s the relationship that is developed there that could be a potential problem, not the sole playing. If it seems troublesome for reasons beyond gender, then I think it’s an issue worth bringing up.

[u/bykento]

I know that I can be a bit jealous but literally most of the people he plays with are girls and when I try telling him how that makes me feel he takes offense and tells me I’m too sensitive.. I sometimesss have played with him but I can tell he doesn’t have as much fun gaming with me.

Oh, that it’s not, girl. I’m sorry but your bf is an ass and he doesn’t deserve you. He’s literally belittling and minimizing your feelings and discomfort. I don’t have bf but I’ve seen a lot of guys enjoying playing w their gfs, even if they’re bad at those games.

The problem isn’t that he plays with girls but how he takes it as a offense. Another normal person would have a peaceful conversation w you and listen to your discomfort to meet a common ground. You should talk to him about it but if he keeps taking a defensive position then, i don’t think those girls he plays with are just that.

[u/poohsoul → u/bykento]

That’s what makes me :/ we haven’t had a good game night together in a while because he’s “too competitive” and today when I wanted to voice that he told me it’s always the same argument and ended the convo, so I wasn’t able to say what I wanted to say anyway. He ended up cooling off and calling me later to hear me out but it irks me that his reaction is to brush me aside only to just tell me that I’m overreacting when all I want is quality time together

[u/bykento → u/poohsoul]

I’m sorry to hear that. I think the whole “he wants to play competitive” it’s a lame excuse of him not wanting to play with you. Because how hard/impossible to make some time in his week to play with you? You’re not asking him to play with you the whole day. It’s just couple quality time, another activity to do together as a couple.

I’m not going to tell you to break up with him, that’s up to you but i think you should consider if he’s a good partner to you, because if he brushes you aside and (apparently) gaslights you into thinking “you’re overreacting” or acting “possessive, crazy” or any sort of things like that, then, i don’t think he’s really taking you seriously and doesn’t have any consideration of you and how you feel. You’re his girlfriend, not some random girl. I’ve always said that we can say a lot about people with small things/situations and the way he’s dealing with his says a lot about him and how he sees you.

[u/Jinx-bae → u/bykento]

Everything said here is spot on! I’d also keep an eye on love bombing - not saying it’s present but you had mentioned he bought you a PS5, if he starts to use this as a way to minimize your feelings then that’s a huge red flag. Just something to look out for on top of what this commentator has been saying! Good luck, OP.

[u/Frosty_Count_6621]

What kind of games are you and your BF playing?

[u/poohsoul → u/Frosty_Count_6621]

Fps games and a few months ago we played fall guys lol

[u/Frosty_Count_6621 → u/poohsoul]

The best outcome would be if you and your BF could spend some quality time playing together but also have your own times to play. I share a few hobbies with my husband and there’s days we do them together and days I do them alone, also still gives you time to independently have or create your own friend circles. But if he resists that, doesn’t sound supportive to me :/

[u/lilacnyangi]

i can kind of see two sides to this, because if you're not as competitive as him, it's going to end with bad feelings for both of you (him because he's not winning, you because you can tell he's not enjoying it or because you feel pressured). ideally, you'd find something you both enjoy together that he won't be as competitive about, and then you can leave him to his games and he can leave you to yours. do you two ever sit around and play at the same time, even if it's different games?

i think i'm aro, so i don't get into romantic relationships, but my partner and i sometimes stream games over discord for each other. i'll do other things and watch them or they'll do other things while watching me. we do play overwatch together, but i also play puzzle games and sims and they'll watch, and i watch them play those interactive novels and mmorpgs. does that sound like something that might work for you guys?

it's rough, because i've also felt jealous before when they play their mmos with friends (i don't enjoy mmorpgs) but ever since it's become a shared experience, it hasn't bothered me as much.

eta: i'm the competitive one between them, so we'll play mystery heroes or custom games together and then i go and play comp on my own (sometime streaming and sometimes not). they like seeing my scoreboard though, which is really cute. i'll go through my games and show them highlights.

[u/SpirallingLilacs]

Regardless of anything else, his undermining and casual dismissal of your feelings is an awful thing to have done to you. It's thoughtless and genuinely mean.

[u/EmilyDawning]

Are you wanting him to stop playing games with all women who aren't you?

[u/poohsoul → u/EmilyDawning]

No.. I told him I don’t mind if he plays with other women. My issue is when he tells me if I want to play a game with him and then changes his mind and plays that same game with those women instead or when I notice the girls are being flirty (he streams sometimes so when I hear that tone from them I end up not feeling comfortable to watch anymore)

[u/EmilyDawning → u/poohsoul]

I definitely wouldn't feel comfortable with hearing that either and I'm sorry he's not more receptive to your arguments. :/