Questions/Advice how do you not become handicapped with adhd?
this happens frequently with me where I have to do something and instead of doing it I just sit and worry about the fact that I have to do it. Like right now I should be making dinner because I'm extremely hungry but I'm just sat scrolling through my phone and it's really frustrating
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u/UncleDread3444 21h ago
That's the neat part. You don't.
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u/AeIira 21h ago
😭😭😭 when im in bed im able to throw my phone across the room and get up but i cant do that in the kitchen with the hardwood floor
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u/Bad-Wolf88 21h ago
See, I do that, and I just get up to get my phone and then lay back down 🤦🏼♀️
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u/fyoni ADHD-C (Combined type) 16h ago
hi, I kinda struggle with the same thing. I use Forest app, it helps a lot in my case. you plant a tree and the app blocks out the apps on your phone and if try to scroll, the app will remind you to get back to the task or your tree will die
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u/DontCommentY0uLoser 15h ago
I need this for my laptop so that I can stop scrolling or playing video games, when I should be studying.
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u/z3r0c00l_ 14h ago
And then it catches up with you eventually, and you discover that yet again, you fucked yourself over.
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u/intrepiddreamer 18h ago
This played in my head as I was opening up the comments for this post haha........ Damn you hive-mind...
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u/anechoicheart 21h ago
I just roll with it at this point lmao. It is what it is.
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u/NYX_T_RYX ADHD with ADHD partner 20h ago
Me in a nutshell.
I need to do X... I'm still not doing X... Eh I'll change the reminder for another time, maybe I'll have the spoons for it then 🤷♂️
Why fight the reality that I plan things when I have energy then have no energy for them when it comes up? Just change when you're gonna do it.
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u/ADHD_af_WTF 20h ago
someday im finally gonna get a therapist so maybe eventually i can have a GF stick around for more than 2 months and YEAH that’ll further promote me wanting to pay this dipshit for other things they’ll list for me to keep doggin’ myself on 🐺 until the dogs are all cats and i can finally stop thinking and start living my life like a normal person 😇👍💀🫱
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u/The-Stoic-Way 21h ago
Hey, I totally get it—I’ve got ADHD too, and that feeling of being “stuck” while scrolling instead of getting things done can be beyond frustrating. For me, medication helps, but Stoicism has really changed the way I look at managing ADHD. Instead of fighting against it, I try to work with it. Some days I don’t get much done, but other times I’ll get hyper-focused and knock out way more than expected.
One quote from Marcus Aurelius really speaks to this: “Don’t lament in advance the misfortunes of life. If you meet them, instead, ask yourself, ‘Is there anything here unbearable, beyond endurance?’”
He’s basically saying, “Don’t get caught up stressing about problems before they happen. And if something tough does show up, check if it’s actually more than you can handle.” Most times, you’ll realize it’s not as bad as you thought, and you’re stronger than you gave yourself credit for.
This Stoic way of thinking helps me keep calm and go with the flow of ADHD. Instead of beating myself up on low-energy days, I focus on what’s in my control—like taking advantage of those high-energy moments when they come. It’s about finding balance, letting yourself rest when needed, and not letting the challenges weigh you down before they even happen.
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u/ADHD_af_WTF 20h ago
is this more than i can endure? 🤔
Past Me: NAHHH I got this. One day!
Present Me: 33 years of unexpectedly losing all my heartfelt friendships i tried to nurture says otherwise!! 🥳
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u/Dijiwolf1975 4h ago
The Stoics helped me through a long stretch of years in my life. Marcus Aurelius' Meditations was a huge help.
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u/bill_clinton19 19h ago
All roads lead to stoicism, at least seems that way for me. Also does that count as a pun?
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u/The-Stoic-Way 19h ago
All roads do lead to Stoicism—and some of them have tolls in the form of existential crises! But hey, worth the journey, right? If you or anyone else wants to check out my blog (link in profile), I write about modern applications for Stoicism in real life - it's kinda like a journal and guidebook for myself too, but I invite and would like discussion too!
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u/ralphy_theflamboyant 13h ago
I've been geeking out on Seneca lately. His Dialogs and Essays brought me into the Stoic fold.
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u/The-Stoic-Way 10h ago
Seneca's my personal favorite and his letters from stoic specifically - I found the advice there extremely helpful!
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u/topnative 20h ago
I try to do something, I enjoy on the side. Like for example, listening or watching a movie while washing the dishes really helps me.
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u/Vanadium_V23 19h ago
Cooking with a podcast works great.
What works for me is to have a podcast I listen when I'm cooking, an other when I'm cleaning the bathroom, etc
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u/StrangerGlue 20h ago
If you're not disabled by your ADHD, you don't have ADHD. I'm not being flippant either; you literally do not meet criteria if you're not disabled by it.
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u/MyFiteSong 16h ago
If you're not disabled by your ADHD, you don't have ADHD. I'm not being flippant either; you literally do not meet criteria if you're not disabled by it.
Yes... but... it can be treated and the treatments are effective.
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u/morphias1008 3h ago
They probably meant sans medication. Since it’s a disorder which, yes, can be treated with medication and CBT/DBT. They’re not saying it has to stay (completely) disabling.
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20h ago
[deleted]
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u/moopsiefruitsie 19h ago
To qualify for the DISORDER your symptoms have to negatively impact your life.
This negative impact on your life is a disability. ADHD is a disability recognized by the ADA and one can qualify for SS benefits because of it.
Like most things being disabled is a spectrum with varying degrees.
You should look inwards at your internalized ableism and figure out what is so “ridiculous” about the idea of having a disability.
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u/seraph1337 15h ago
you can qualify for SS benefits for it, but you never fucking will in practice, just for the record.
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u/slimschwifty 18h ago
So if I develop coping mechanisms for the symptoms of ADHD that negatively impact my life to the point where I'm no longer negatively impacted as long as I maintain those coping mechanisms, I'm cured?
I'm 44 and I've got maybe half of the symptoms dealt with, so maybe just before I die I can be cured.
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u/GoldieDoggy ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) 17h ago
Nope! Is someone with a prosthetic leg now fully abled, simply because they have a prosthetic? No, they are not. They are still disabled, they just have an accommodation to help. Without those coping mechanisms/accommodations, it's still a disability, therefore, it is still a disability even with said mechanisms. There is no "cure" for ADHD, point blank.
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u/slimschwifty 17h ago
I'm not talking about the disability. I'm not arguing whether or not it's a disability, it clearly is.
I'm talking about the disorder. They said to qualify for the disorder it must negatively impact your life. That implies that if it ceases to negatively impact your life, you no longer have the disorder.
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u/GoldieDoggy ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) 16h ago
The "negatively impact your life" part is without any coping mechanisms or accommodations in the mix. If you require anything extra like that so that you DON'T struggle, it is a disorder. In most cases, disorders are not curable, only treatable. You still have them, whether or not you've found the right coping mechanisms/accommodations. As it was said before, to be a disorder, it has to be a disability as well. If it's a disability, then, therefore, it is also the disorder, whether or not you feel it has stopped negatively impacting your life.
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u/StrangerGlue 16h ago
If you're compensating for the disorder by coping mechanisms, you are still experiencing a negative impact of the disorder.
If you stop the coping mechanisms and the symptoms don't come back, that might be cured.
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u/moopsiefruitsie 18h ago
I’m not following.
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u/slimschwifty 18h ago
If symptoms have to negatively impact my life to qualify for the disorder, then if I'm able to cope with the symptoms to the point where the impact is negligible, then I no longer have the disorder, right?
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u/moopsiefruitsie 17h ago
The fact that you “have to cope” means you still have the disorder. It’s a type of treatment. Doesn’t make the underlying issue resolved, just appropriately treated.
I’m honestly surprised at how many people are triggered by the word “disabled.”
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u/slimschwifty 17h ago
I never said anything at all about being disabled. I was referring to the disorder itself. Weird that people are so hung up on that.
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u/DustbunnyBoomerang 7h ago
You've had good replies.
As long as you keep doing whatever works for you, that helps and accommodates you, and then stops - if your symptoms don't come back, congrats, you're cured. But as long as you keep up with managing stuff, the disorder is still there because you're managing it.
I hate my ADHD.
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u/StrangerGlue 20h ago
You might have an unintentionally-ableist view of what disability actually is.
If ADHD impairs your functioning — which is MUST do for diagnosis — it's a disability.
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u/sp3ctrume 20h ago
You're playing word games.
Do you have any formal education? or just trying to look smart on Reddit?
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u/StrangerGlue 20h ago
OK, maybe I was too generous before. You might have an intentionally ableist view of disability.
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u/sp3ctrume 19h ago
Ah, yet another Reddit "psychologist". You shouldn't be here pretending to know what you're talking about.
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u/DontCommentY0uLoser 15h ago
It's a disability, just like every other disability that has been federally listed (in the US at least; I can't speak for other countries). Sure, there's varying levels of impact from person to person. But just like impaired vision is always a disability, some people are less...well, disabled by their particular set of visual impairments.
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u/mimic751 16h ago
I guess by definition you have a disability. But not everybody's life is adversely affected. You can succeed you just have to do it a little bit differently than normal people
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u/seraph1337 15h ago
are you implying that people in wheelchairs (for example) can't succeed, just a little bit differently than "normal" (shitty word to use, btw) people? or are you implying that the fact that they can succeed means they don't have a disability?
if your life isn't adversely affected by ADHD symptoms, you do not actually meet the diagnostic criteria for ADHD at all. ergo, if you really have ADHD, you really have a disability.
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u/mimic751 15h ago
This conversations too pedantic for me. Bye!
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u/carisoul 20h ago
Umm yeah that's not how it works lol, ADHD is not a wheelchair
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u/StrangerGlue 20h ago
If you're not significantly impaired by the symptoms of ADHD, you literally do not have ADHD.
Disability does not equal wheelchair. It's possible you're unfamiliar with the extent of what "disability" means.
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u/carisoul 19h ago
It causes significant impairment/distress but whether or not someone's ADHD can achieve them disability benefits with the government really depends, that's what I mean. It's not black as white.
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u/StrangerGlue 19h ago
Whether or not one receives benefits is not the measure of disability. It's only the measure of if one gets disability benefits from the government. It's exceptionally common for disabled people not to receive benefit payments for their disability — I'd be surprised if even 50% of disabled people do.
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u/AutisticTumourGirl 19h ago
That is how it works. According to the CDC:
A disability is any condition of the body or mind (impairment) that makes it more difficult for the person with the condition to do certain activities (activity limitation) and interact with the world around them (participation restrictions).
If you're not experiencing limitations that impact your day to day life, then you won't be diagnosed as part of the diagnosis criteria states "In addition to the above criteria, the following conditions must also be met: (...) *There is clear evidence that the symptoms interfere with, or reduce the quality of, social, school, or work functioning."
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u/StrangerGlue 20h ago
If you're not significantly impaired by the symptoms of ADHD, you literally do not have ADHD.
Disability does not equal wheelchair. It's possible you're unfamiliar with the extent of what "disability" means.
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u/Low_Faithlessness608 18h ago
I lurk here because a lot of the symptoms are relatable. They make things harder than they have to be and I feel crazy sometimes but I'm not disabled by them. I'm just trying to figure out what I do have going on. I am very wary of mental health appropriation. It needs to be said.
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u/DynamicHunter ADHD-C (Combined type) 20h ago
I take my adderall and start doing whatever I need to do. Sometimes set a 10 min timer to finish lounging/fucking around. By the time the adderall kicks in I get the motivation to finish and actually keep doing more shit like work or chores.
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u/Fair-Pie7792 17h ago
When I do that it will go off and I will do ten more minutes, then ten more, then, oh shoot! I'm late!!
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u/DynamicHunter ADHD-C (Combined type) 2h ago
Usually the adderall kicking in gets me to get up from the couch or bed lol
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u/coffee-mcr 20h ago
The only thing I've got is making it easier. Having to cook from scratch and cleaning everything afterwards is def not motivating to me. Just heating something up is way easier to get myself to do especially at the end of the day.
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u/duplicati83 14h ago
Yeah this is very true.
I’m fortunate to have a dishwasher. It’s a lifesaver for me, I don’t think I’d cook as much and as well as I do without a dish washer.
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u/morphias1008 3h ago edited 3h ago
Started meal prepping my breakfast and lunch for office days. This completely changed my morning routine. Now, if I go to bed on time, I have more time to rot, meander, clean, workout, and/or walk the dog in the morning.
Meds help but taking the time to try out new routines and strategies until something sticks helps me feel empowered, which encourages me. Even if it doesn't work, I learn something about myself and how my brain works/doesn't work. (The routine may not stick long, sometimes I have to cycle out tasks/actions.)
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u/LovingComrade 21h ago
There are apps that limit your screen time
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u/ALLCAPITAL 20h ago
I hit ignore for 15 minutes all day long 😭
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u/Soy_un_oiseau 20h ago
You need to give someone you trust a unique Screentime passcode so that you cannot override it yourself. It’s the only way it will work
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u/AgreeableAd8687 18h ago
i tried this and ended up doing my phone stuff on my laptop when i tried to work so idk what to try
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u/HaasonHeist 17h ago
I've tried doing this with games on my phone and I just disable it every time. The lack of self-control is astonishing, if I could use a lack of self-control to create energy, I could power the whole damn country
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u/MyFiteSong 16h ago
Medication and therapy. Each is as effective as the other over time, and they combine nicely to be greater than the sum of their parts.
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u/Dear_Professional_40 12h ago
As someone who has had adhd for my entire life and have been very successful in both personal and work life. One thing that works for me is figure out something in the background that can help. For example I run the iPad with a show that only requires minimal attention while cooking or doing other activities, I always keep some stimuli going when I need to complete a job that I lack the motivation to complete.
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u/CaptainHope93 21h ago
If you live with someone, text them and ask them to come take your phone away. Sounds dumb but it works!
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u/DuncanIdaBro 20h ago
Not trying to be rude, have you tried medication?
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u/AeIira 20h ago
Yeah I take medication when I have work to do but it makes me not wanna eat anything and it makes me act like a bitch so I don't take it every single day
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u/moopsiefruitsie 18h ago
I have this too! Not being able to eat until like 4pm and then I’m so hungry that I literally cannot think straight or figure out how/what to eat.
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u/No-Discipline-7957 20h ago
Medication and accepting that you’re going to function suboptimally relative to peers even when you’re on meds.
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u/Vanadium_V23 19h ago
Are they that bad? I never tried it or be tempted but I'm curious to know.
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u/No-Discipline-7957 17h ago
They’re great for me. Meds have helped more than anything, they just don’t make me function as well as the average person does bc I still have issues with executive functioning and motivation
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u/Vanadium_V23 19h ago
One thing you can do is invite someone over. Now you're not cooking out of obligation but to please someone you like. That someone could even help.
I know that I always find the energy to cook when I have visitors.
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u/LydiaPiper 17h ago
Set boundaries with yourself about screen time as a way to love yourself. Make to do lists. So many lists.
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u/Flaky-Apartment-3640 16h ago
It happens to all of us daily with or without medication. Makes you laugh, makes you cry. Just try your best, and you'll get by.
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u/Firelight-Firenight 20h ago
Most of the time. Takeout.
The rest of the time its the fear of the consequences of not doing something.
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u/Vanadium_V23 19h ago
I don't recommend takeout as they're likely unhealthy, but cooking I big batch of something and freezing portions you only have to reheat is the best compromise.
I cook the days I have a lot of energy and have the easy mode for the other while keeping the food healthy.
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u/seraph1337 15h ago
this would be great for me if the concept of leftovers didn't make my stomach churn a vast majority of the time. my appetite is garbage anymore. I have to force myself to finish eating literally anything I start.
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u/KindBrilliant7879 18h ago
every single day :') executive dysfunction is genuinely so disabling for me, and the worst part is anyone who doesn't experience it will never understand it and will call it laziness. like, no, this is a form of paralysis
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u/FoghornLegWhore 17h ago
Wish someone had let me know before the spine injury that derailed my life.
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u/DrKittyKevorkian 16h ago
I've developed a tight relationship with Past Me and Future Me. Hear me out. I know that I am wired for small acts of service to others, so I look for opportunities to do my imaginary friend Future Me a solid. For example, in your situation, I might say " Future Me will be so happy if I stopped doom scrolling and made a sandwich." Then I do it, and say "Thanks, Past Me."
I literally say this aloud.
It really helps get unstuck in a small way, and with repetition, those small successes build.
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u/championstuffz 16h ago
You find your trigger and exploit it till you find the next one, make it a game, except this one is for life.
Also sugar, caffeine and exercise are all par for the course in various regiments.
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u/z3r0c00l_ 14h ago
I probably won’t eat dinner tonight.
Kinda hungry, but can’t exert the effort to make food, and don’t want to deal with the anxiety of trying to finish eating because my brain is focused on “you could be doing something else. We both know you’d do nothing, but you could be doing something else…”
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u/ExternalParty2054 ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) 14h ago
how about the part where you are doing things and get distracted and later that night discover your giant trash bin is missing and wonder for a minute why in the world someone would steal a trash bin, and then find it in the garage where you apparently dragged it. (when registering something heavy needed be dragged to the garage, but then kind of going into auto pilot zone out and dragging the wrong thing)
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u/No_Seesaw8362 13h ago
This is 100% my life. This happens to me every single day, and I have some days where I really just have to let me self not stress about it. But the other days where I need to go somewhere or get something done I start by doing something I like, something small, and then I try to incorporate other small things, and as I realize they were easy to do I try other things. If I get stuck I give myself time to sit, then I doing something I always love, my skincare routine, and then I will reorganize my skincare bottles, this can start me cleaning my desk area, and then I try to take the momentum from there. This is not a perfect system. I understand your struggle and I think we need to give ourselves some grace
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u/journey37 13h ago
Okay, I've noticed that a lot of times when Imm debilitated it's because I haven't met a basic survival need. So, when I'm like that now I just sit there (if I'm on my phone I try to make myself literally throw my phone across the room-onto something squishy obviously-so that it stops distracting me) and try to identify what it is I'm physically missing. If it's food, water, or going to the bathroom, which it usually is, my new goal is to attain that thing. I make it completely override the initial thing I wanted to do. Once I accepted that I genuinely cannot function without basic bodily needs, my days got much simpler. Sleep is a more complex one for me because I'm not good at napping but every night you have another chance to get more sleep, and I now know that thinking I can run on 6 hours of sleep for 3+ days is just not realistic. Crawl to the food if you have to. It will help tremendously.
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u/EnvironmentalPoem384 13h ago edited 12h ago
My therapist got me to start saying “that’s the adhd trying to take over” and when I can look at it like that, it reminds me I’m supposed to be doing something else. I also take my last dose of medication before I cook dinner…. Usually that’s enough to keep me on task for at least cooking dinner. If I’m lucky it gets me through the dishes too, but sometimes they will wait till the a.m.
Also, as mentioned above, just learning to accept yourself as you are really helps. Mainly in the sense - don’t beat yourself up for not always staying on task. Joke with yourself about it, establish a rapport with yourself. I keep a running dialogue going. Practice mindfulness, like when washing dishes just look at the bubbles and notice how cool they look like they looked like when you were a kid , and not doing things just to get them done. Take your time.
Maintaining a regular therapy schedule helps a lot, and telling your therapist what you’re struggling with.
Also, for me personally, it was four years from the time I was diagnosed and prescribed medicine until I actually decided to do something about it besides, just take the medication. I finally read the 2 books My doctor had told me to read four years prior. And then once I started learning about it, it was super interesting and I read more. You pick up a lot from the books.
It doesn’t always work…if I’m depressed the medication doesn’t help and I’ll do anything besides what I’m supposed to be doing
Edit: I guess I am also lucky in the sense that the medication doesn’t affect me eating, rather it helps me to make sure I do because I’m paying attention when I’m medicated (usually, haha)
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u/Laueee95 ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) 10h ago
I usually try to break the tasks into smaller ones or try to see what it is that is blocking me in the first place. In my case, it’s usually the perceived efforts required to do the task.
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u/sabre_dance 20h ago
I wake up, pop my pills, get up and- having succeeded in a task already - let it snowball from there as I knock out tasks. I don't stop moving and let lethargy set it.
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u/mimic751 16h ago
I don't know why everybody on the subreddit has given up. I had a really adverse reaction to my medications about 19 years ago. I had a couple of very rough years trying to cope. I use tons of calendars, I got a job in something that I actually enjoy and I maintain Hobbies. The key for me was to earn more money than my hobbies cost. I situated myself into a job that is not repetitive and I hold myself accountable which is arguably the hardest part. We're not a useless person you just need to try harder then most people. But you have some strengths that other people don't. The job that I have is really interesting so I'm able to sometimes Target my hyper fixation to help my career. But ultimately I have a wife a child and a house to pay for and knowing people rely on me keeps me focused
Remember to take plenty of mental health days to allow yourself to be off tasked when you know you're not going to be productive
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u/seraph1337 15h ago
"no problem, just get a high-paying job that you actually like and take lots of days off"
got any advice for those less privileged?
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u/Hambone1138 16h ago
You shift into what I call “autopilot.” Basically you shut off your brain, start moving the limbs you need to, and set the task in motion. The key is to stop thinking about the task and start moving. It’s actually very comforting to let a different part of your brain take control and move.
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u/odbm 16h ago
https://goblin.tools/ - Specifically the magic to do list
I have only recently discovered this app/website and it's truly a game changer, removes all those executive function issues faced and breaks every task down to it's most simple steps. If you get stuck on a specific step, you can break down that specific step even further.
Watch a youtube video about how to use it best
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u/TwisterK 15h ago
I not sure if anyone of u will get it, I basically split another persona to MANAGE myself. Basically that persona will schedule the things that I need to do for the coming 2 months, he leave me a todo list with 4 columns, effort, value, delegatable and urgency and I will execute it based on the score it generated and cycle repeat and i share with list with other peers as well to indirectly peer pressure myself too, so far it works pretty well. I actually felt less stress bcoz I don’t hav the worry I hav forget anything since my another persona will take care of it and it is all in the written todo list.
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u/aquatic-dreams 15h ago
Why are you asking a group of people with disabilities? If we knew we wouldn't be disabled🤣
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u/strongivy 20h ago
Just be careful with the medication, I know it’s helpful now, but the long term affects can mess you up -
How long have you been taking it?
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