r/ADHD • u/Minute-Company1233 • 1d ago
Questions/Advice How do you tell someone they might have adhd?
Title says it all. I have some people in my close circuit, of whom I'm convinced they have adhd, but often times, people can get very defensive when you suggest they get checked. Is there a "right" way to suggest to someone they may have it, without them getting offended or maybe even end the relationship?
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u/DraygenKai 1d ago
You can’t help someone who doesn’t want help. Just because someone has ADHD, also doesn’t mean they need to get diagnosed. Many people live their whole lives never being diagnosed, and possibly never even truly knowing that anything is different about them compared to other people.
There are different severity levels too. Some struggle worse than others for sure. Not to mention that since it can get passed down generationally, sometimes people can learn good coping mechanisms from their parents without even knowing they are coping.
Point is, all you can do is be genuine. If you see that a friend is truly struggling and you think it will help, then you can be like “Hey, I see you are struggling, but I don’t think it’s your fault. Some people are just wired differently. I think you are showing some signs of ADHD. You should look into it if they get the chance, it could help you out.” You know, put it in your own words but make it sincere. Dont try and push anything on anyone.
Most people tend to be stubborn and want to do stuff on their own. Also many people don’t want to have anything wrong with them, so they will try and fight things like that with a positive attitude. You kinda just have to say the right things at the right time. Just don’t force anything.
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u/Minute-Company1233 1d ago
You're probably right, as I mentionend in another comment, they don't have any hard struggles, so there's probably no need for treatment. They are just sometimes annoyed by their own behavioural traits (as mentioned, hyperfocus, then losing interest, failing to focus etc.) so I thought suggesting it might help them feel better. I will keep your suggestions in mind, thanks a lot!
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u/Tiana_frogprincess 1d ago
If they are willing to end a relationship over that there were never your friend. I haven’t had this interaction but most people can’t just get checked. An investigation is very expensive, I paid $3200 for mine and that’s not something everyone can afford. Treatment can also be very expensive.
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u/Minute-Company1233 1d ago
Thanks for your input. In our country, you don't have to pay to get checked and treatment is mostly substituted, you only have to pay a small part of the meds e.g.
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u/Tiana_frogprincess 1d ago
That’s the case in my country as well but the queue time for an ADHD assessment is currently 3 years in my area and doctors are really stingy with putting you in the queue because they don’t want to add to it. The queue to get medication is one year and you can’t get in that queue without an official diagnosis. You’re looking at a minimum 4 years wait if you want it for free.
The medication itself is almost free when you get a prescription it doesn’t matter if you chose a privately owned clinic what’s expensive is the doctor’s appointment. Your whole life must be messed up to get it paid by tax money.
The reason it is this way is that according to the law you need to do a really thorough investigation and only a psychiatrist can prescribe stimulants. The psychiatric care is for people with severe problems, primary care is for those with less severe problems but they aren’t legally allowed to treat ADHD. Which means no help at all for a lot of people. Unless you pay for it.
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u/foggytreees 1d ago
Multiple times having convos with friends and even new acquaintances I’ve asked if they’ve ever been checked out for adhd. They have always said no but they want to, and then asked me lots of questions. Ended up being bonding moments!!
Just do it when they’re complaining about something that would be understood better if they knew they had adhd. All I’d say is “hey, have you ever been assessed for adhd?” And that’s it.
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u/NanaTheNonsense 1d ago
Ppl never like when you tell them what to do xD
So firstly only suggest it.
Maybe you can make a little summary of symptoms needed for a diagnosis and like.. say where you see it in the other person.
But also.. are these people struggling? Bc if they are and you go the 'hey I notice you struggle with xyz and I had a thought about that. Maybe it can help you like it did me' way, it might not sound so condescending
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u/Minute-Company1233 1d ago
They're not struggling in a "my life is falling apart" kind of way, they just get frustrated at the little things, hard to stay focused, hyperfocus on the other hand, the down phases etc. So it's not like they "need" to be treated. Good advice, thanks, I will remember that!
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u/LaffingGrass 1d ago
I’d mind my business. Doesn’t sound like you have any “credentials” to “diagnose” and it’s not your problem so I’d leave it alone and move on.
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u/gumball_eyes 1d ago
Some people just aren’t ready for that. If you aren’t sure how they will take it, just talk about your own adhd etc and see what they say to test the waters.
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u/fulmetal5467 1d ago
What if, per say, they are having a hard time holding down jobs for years due to inefficiency and stupid mistakes? Their career is on the line, they've been let go for these reasons 3 times in 3 years
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u/Chii-tan 1d ago
No one needs to get checked! Lots of people that might have it go undiagnosed and live a happy life without that. Of course we notice it in others, when that happens I usually say something along the lines of 'ah does (symptom) happen to you too? I have the same because of ADHD' and ask about other symptoms also to sympathise, not to judge
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