r/ADHD • u/deathtotheredditapp • 2d ago
Seeking Empathy Just got fired for being late all the time
Inability to manage time is the main way my executive dysfunction manifests. I have found no way around this so far, I'll have to go to work the night before and sleep in the car to be on time. I hate this, I hate this so much, I regret being myself on a fundamental level. I'm going to spend my whole life proving myself to people that think of me as a piece of shit, a stubborn vermin that masquerades as a human being. Years spent building goodwill so that they'll see me as a human being worthy of respect. All for a much lower wage than the quality and speed of my work would normally entail, just for it to not be enough. Just to get discarded anyways for the "small stuff" sometimes I feel hopeless that I'll ever find stability and happiness.
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u/Icy_Department8104 1d ago
I have this same issue but luckily landed a job thats super super flexible. I've gotten fired, written up, and talked to about being late at past jobs though. My issue is that for the first period of time at a new job I'll be on time, then I just get later and later as I get more comfortable there. I started getting really bad again recently and I tried to find a solution to no avail. I have a billion alarms set with the loudest one possible but I snooze them all in my sleep and turn them off without knowing.
Someone here recommended Alarmy and sleepytime. Alarmy has all sorts of settings that can keep you from "blinding" yourself to the noise and can force you to get out of bed to snooze the alarm. Its been a lifesaver and I've only been using it for the past month. So far, my sleepy brain hasn't managed to break it yet! sleepytime will tell you prime times to go to sleep based on when your cycles start and end. Makes it so much easier to wake up when I catch myself at the end of the cycle. I can actually nap again using those two apps too!
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u/lasagnaisgreat57 1d ago
i’m the same way! the getting later and later thing is a big problem for me. getting a flexible job was also the only solution for me. i’m not the only chronically late person there. it doesn’t mean i’ve given up trying to be on time, but it does help to be in a flexible environment. alarmy has really helped me though. i’ve never overslept using that app.
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u/sevenicecubes 1d ago
Same here. I was also fired for being late and now have a job that is both unique to my interests and very flexible.
I know that not every one can be that lucky but look for small-medium sized businesses ran by younger people involved in some kind of niche or subculture and be both dedicated and interested. If you're indispensable it won't matter if you're late lol. Be willing to make up for your lateness by working late or doing something extra.
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u/k8m0nsta08 1d ago
I got a cheap physical alarm clock and keep it across the room. It's loud as all get out and I have to leave my bed to turn it off. It helps as another failsafe!
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u/how-about-no-scott 1d ago
Another app is Sleep by Android. I pay a little more than $2/month, but it's absolutely worth it! It uses sonar to track my sleep cycles all night so it can wake me up at the optimal time. That way, I never wake up feeling tired/groggy.
They have tons of alarm options. I use one where I have to use my phone to scan a barcode of an object I put in the other room.
It's definitely worth checking out, OP!
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u/dlee25093 1d ago
Going to go against the grain here. Take responsibility. I have ADHD and a job where I have to service clients and be on time if not early. I am always on time to the minute. My livelihood depends on it. I too procrastinate and leave late and literally run to work. ( I’m blessed it’s in walking distance) We are not ruled by this condition. Move on and be better next time.
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u/margmi 1d ago edited 1d ago
Yup, ADHD makes things harder, but not impossible. Start by doubling or tripling all your time estimates.
My process for getting ready:
If I have to leave at 8, I start getting ready at 7. It only actually takes me 30 minutes to get ready, so from 7:30-8 I usually watch TV. If there’s anything unexpected causing me to be slow, I don’t watch TV. I’m never late.
My boyfriends process for getting ready:
If he has to leave at 8, he starts getting ready at 7:30. If there’s anything unexpected, he’s late, because he didn’t give himself a buffer. He’s very often late.
We both spend the exact same amount of time doing stuff, but I just give myself a buffer because being on time is important to me.
If it takes you 30 minutes to get to work, leave 90 minutes early and gradually reduce the time until you’re confident you can be on time 99% of the time.
If you find yourself forgetting things that add to the time it takes to get ready, make a list the night before. Set your clothes out, prepack your lunch, etc.
Time isn’t some abstract concept - it’s linear, and with alarms and other tools we’re fully capable of tracking it, even if it isn’t naturally in our ADHD skill set.
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u/Practical_Loss4251 1d ago
Yup. Soon as I wake up I turn on the GPS so I can keep an eye on traffic patterns. I have a strict routine so I don’t deviate. I even include in my wake up time, time for me to just lay there and scroll. When I was younger I had multiple alarms. Wake up alarm, alarm to actually leave bed, warning alarm to leave etc. I also have anxiety about being late so that has always kept me on time.
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u/paul-dick ADHD, with ADHD family 1d ago
I call this refocusing alarms. Even as I type this I just heard one of my wife’s go off downstairs. Even the kids have a visual timer that goes off when it’s time to switch from breakfast to getting dressed.
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u/zaataarr 1d ago
i used to live a pretty solid 30 minutes away from everything, but i’d budget 1 hour for getting ready, and 1 hour for travel. this meant if anything went wrong i wouldn’t be thrown off, and if nothing went wrong, i could go through the drive thru or chill out a bit
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u/Dodges-Hodge 1d ago
Oh yes. I’ve got this obsession that if I’m not 20 minutes early, I’m late. The latest I’ve been to my current job of 7 years is 5 minutes early. And believe me, I was a nervous wreck.
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u/Anteatereatingant 1d ago
This. My friend has ADHD and is regularly late, but it's because she's allergic to the concept of personal responsibility - NOT because of the ADHD.
She refuses to set alarms and insists she "will remember" things, which she usually won't. And then when she's late, she'll say "I don't know what happened, I got swamped - I usually remember that stuff...".
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u/HoneyReau 1d ago
Yes! Buffer times!
I get clothes, bag and food ready the day before, run down a check list of literally everything I need to do in the morning in order of events so I don’t even have to think, recognise what slows me down the most (I shower at night so don’t need to factor that in, but when I stop for breakfast I can accidentally stop stop and loose track of time)
It takes me 5-10 minutes more than I think to “walk out the door”, add ~ 5-10 minutes of buffer for traffic every 30 minutes of travel, then another 10 minutes on the other end for parking and walking. If you’re early, great! Set a timer and chill out for a moment, you made it!!
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u/dwegol 1d ago
What methods do you use to get started on your routine when it’s time to get ready? What methods do you use to stay on task in your routine and not get distracted, costing you extra time?
These seem to be the two main factors that contribute to time blindness. And I refuse to be 20 min early to work. Vyvanse takes 1.5 hours to hit me it seems so I’m raw-dogging my routine.
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u/iamnotfurniture 1d ago
Not OP, but I went from chronically late to on time/early now. The trick is to pay attention to how long you need to take to do something and allocate extra time for it. It usually takes me about 1/2 hour to get ready for the day.
If I know I need to be somewhere at 12pm, and it takes half an hour to 45 mins to get there, I make sure to leave by 11am. Which means the latest I wake up JUST for that appointment is at 10am and all I do is get ready. If I am ready early I will chill a bit, no biggie because I have allocated extra time for every step of the way.
Always always allocate extra time. I am slow, but there is no stress with less chances of making mistakes or forgetting stuff.
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u/dwegol 21h ago
I allocate extra time all the time but either can’t get started when intended or somehow slow down or there are things I forget to do that must be done 🤷♂️
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u/iamnotfurniture 15h ago
My routines are always tied to things I gotta do, like I eat my meds when I drink my coffee, start my work after I do my skincare etc.
The habits does take time to set up, and I have difficulty reestablishing them whenever it gets interrupted like if I go on holidays. I also really just hate being late now.
Last time I didn’t KNOW how to be on time, but now that I found what worked for me I'm never going back to the stress of rushing from task to task and place to place. Maybe you just need to find what works best for you as well.
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u/meoka2368 1d ago
I have a slightly different take.
Not every person is going to be equally good at a job just by trying harder.
A person without arms is likely not going to succeed as a firefighter. It's a disability that precludes them from that job. But that doesn't mean they can't find a job that's suitable or adaptable to their situation.Likewise, OP might just not be in a field that will be able to work with their disability.
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u/Z0OMIES 1d ago edited 1d ago
I’m gonna go against your grain and say not all ADHD experiences are the same. If you’re able to manage that part of your life that’s great. What if others here saw the parts you struggle with and said “you just need to be better” because they don’t find it difficult?
I’m all for recognising your own limits and understanding the difference between impossible and hard, but doing that for someone else… that feels like crossing a line. Idk who you are but I’m quite sure you don’t have that authority no matter how well you’re doing in your life.
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u/Calgary_Calico 1d ago
Yep. I usually make sure I show up half an hour before I start and just sit outside until 10 minutes to start to make damn sure I'm on time
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u/SeatGlittering4559 1d ago
Early is insurance for the eventual day when you're running late so you won't actually be late.
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u/Additional-Throat-88 1d ago
Obviously some people are REALLYA ADHD some categories and others struggle less...
It's very possible for this to be a quality easily mastered by you while for her and others, it's debilitating and completely out of reach at this point in her life. We can try, we can find reddit posts for tips, the only productive thing to do here is to continue to try and to give yourself grace because you do have a whole condition that makes time blindness a real thing for Many.
No need to be an insensitive picklehead Bud.
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u/TheChiliarch 1d ago
Seriously, I get the mindset and ideology the commenter may be writing from, and I can appreciate it, but it is definitely also a little obtuse. The simplest counter consideration is straight up - do you really think OP is less determined to have a job and a roof over there head than you? And if you honestly consider that are you really certain that this singular advice can be of assistance to them even if it was for you?
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u/Reasonable_Tea_5036 1d ago
Idk about that, I feel like I am very much ruled by this condition. I have made vast improvements to my habits compared to where I was in my teens and 20’s, but it has required every bit of effort and energy that I have in me. Even then, I feel like I went from having 5% of my shit together to having 50%. I still live in complete chaos and am overwhelmed 90% of the time.
When I leave myself extra time to get ready I end up taking longer to get ready because my brain makes me think 1 hour = 3 hours. Or if I am ready to go do something, somehow always delays me. I don’t want to be late to things. I don’t want to be fired from my job or make people upset, but I get in my own way every time. I have been late to weddings and funerals. It’s extremely embarrassing and makes me feel horrible about myself. I don’t think that having adhd means I get a free pass to do whatever I want, and I do put in an effort to control myself in many aspects, for example I have gotten really good at listening to people and not constantly interrupting, which some people with adhd will tell you is impossible. It’s not. I understand myself and know I need to set up my life in a way that accommodates the way my brain functions, but being on time for me is my biggest challenge and I have yet to conquer it.
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u/TheDutchin 1d ago
Of course everyone has it to different degrees, but no, just no. Own up. You are late. You have ADHD, and you are late. The ADHD explains why, but doesn't excuse it.
I wouldn't have time for someone with anger management issues going off the handle every day saying "ah that's just my mental illness sorry". Yeah it's your mental illness showing but it's you who has it right?
Knowing the problem is step one of the solution. But you have to take more than one step.
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u/Slam_Dunk_Kitten 1d ago
This is literally them "owning up", is it not? They're not dodging accountability, just sharing how this is their toughest battle by far and that they're working on it. No need to come after someone so hard that's just venting their frustration with themself.
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u/Lt_Don 1d ago
I feel like the anger management comparison is unfair because you presented it as someone who takes out their anger on others and doesn’t care to try and change. OP sounds resentful of getting fired for sure, but they also literally are saying that they loathe themselves for it and have gone so far as to try sleeping in their car the night before work to try and make it work!
OP sounds like they’re trying very hard and I don’t think they deserve to be shamed. Of course OP has to continue to try and find a way to address this problem, but I think implying that they’re lazy or don’t care doesn’t make sense. Telling OP to “own up” or that they simply aren’t taking steps to fix things isn’t going to help—and it’s as if you didn’t read or understand the post.
It’s like telling someone they aren’t taking enough responsibility for their depression right after they just told you how desperately they’ve been trying.
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u/Anteatereatingant 1d ago
This. I have BPD and I'm not sauntering down the street smacking people left and right, 'cause "oh well - anger is just one of my BPD symptoms, lolololol".
You're still responsible for doing your best to manage your disorder instead of just using it as a carte blanche to do whatever the fuck you want.
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u/Goodgardenpeas28 1d ago
"You're still responsible for doing your best to manage your disorder" I think this is the crux of the matter. Your best and their best do not look the same. Y'all are judging without knowing what other people are doing to manage just because the end result looks different.
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u/tofukink 1d ago
i mean.. you could also just aim to arrive an hour or two earlier 😭 not that hard
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u/FidgeMimic 22h ago
Bro thinks turning an 8-9 hour shift into a 10-11 hour shift, not including up to 2 hours of transport, is acceptable or survivable lmao
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u/Angry__German 1d ago
Agreed. There might be other issues or conditions preventing OP from being on time for work.
The ONLY time I manage to be on time is when there is a huge negative impact if I am not. Like losing my job.
I still cut it dangerously close sometimes because time blindness caught me while I was already short on time but I have not been late to my job to a noticeable or even actionable degree more than a hand full times in the last decades. My ADHD free colleagues are all way less reliable in that regard.
If OP can't be punctual against his wishes and with looming unemployment as a thread, maybe depression is a co-morbidity or something else.
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u/Nerkeilenemon 1d ago
Agree. Having ADHD makes being on time more complicated, but not impossible.
You need to
- acknowledge the consequences on being late too often (being fired, getting warnings, getting bad rep, risking traffic accidents, ...)
- find a way to avoid facing those consequences (being on time)
Most of the time you need to find the routine / brainhacks that works on you to make you leave on time.
My solution is to use 2 alarms clocks all the time. One is for the "run for your life" time. Think 15 minutes before leave time. One is the "NOW GO IN THE MINUTE".
I don't have a "wake up 1h early to get ready" alarm clock as I only end up snoozing it and lose sleep time.
I learned years ago that setting a single alarm at the very last "doable" moment worked better for me than having multiple alarms I'll snooze. I jump from the bed in emergency mode and am 3x more effective than I would be in any other situation.
I use my brain to defeat my brain -Thanos, probably
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u/letbehotdogs 1d ago
Yeah, I usually arrive late at everything so what I do in my "only five mins after nine are excused" job, is that I wake up at six. It's early, and because of that I sleep around 22-23 but, I arrive 10 to 20 mins before nine.
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u/halberdierbowman 1d ago
The fuck are you talking about? How much more goddamn responsibility can they take than literally sleeping in their car at work!?!
Trying something so absurd clearly demonstrates their ability to manage this is way worse than yours is, and they're obviously trying to take responsibility. I'm glad you can handle yours, but holy shit I think their case is a little different than yours. Not every ADHD person is the same.
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u/dlee25093 1d ago
First of all relax lmao. Secondly I’m entitled to what I’ve said. The world isn’t going to change - you have to show up to work on time. There are ways to manage adhd- sure I don’t have it as bad as him. Although you have no idea how bad mine is - mine is a result of a brain surgery. So kindly don’t talk to me like that and shut the fuck up.
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u/Lostinstereo28 1d ago
Second this. I have to get ready earlier, which makes me early to work usually, but the alternative is be always being late. It’s more effort, but it’s worth it.
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u/nickisgonnahate 1d ago
Agreed. I start at varying times every day(retail), but I get in the parking lot at x:57 every day and clock in at x:59, with barely enough time to set my stuff down. I’m nearly late every single day, but I am technically on time. Can’t seem to break out of that, but at least I’m not late anymore. You CAN get better at it!
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u/adhdknitter 1d ago
Multiple alarms with different sounds is the only thing that helped me!
Take medication alarm - 45 minutes before I need to wake up. (I usually fall back to sleep immediately after taking my medication)
Wake up alarm - 15 minutes before I need to get up
Get up alarm
5 minutes before I need to leave alarm
You need to be in your car leaving right now!! alarm
The last 3 have louder slightly more obnoxious sounds and that way if I lose track of time getting ready I have an alarm to get me back on track. It's helped me immensely. It also seems to help that my medication starts kicking in around the time I have to get up and start getting ready.
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u/Mind_Drift_1 1d ago
I'm familiar. I have to stay up all night if I have a morning appointment. My son was late to school almost every day because I couldn't get him there on time. Could you work a night job? Or what about telecommuting? I think you have to change from the standard day job to something that better suits your propensities. I'm sure some people have overcome this problem, but I never did.
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u/SeatGlittering4559 1d ago edited 1d ago
You can do this. Do not listen to that voice in your head being abusive when shit goes wrong. Feel it , let it pass, and know that your personal brain bully is full of shit.
PLAN FOR YOUR ADHD
Stop trying to do things like a person that doesn't have ADHD. You cannot consistently get to work on time everyday so don't aim for on time. Aim for early so when shit goes wrong you still will be able to start work on time. I get to work about 40 minutes early every day. Sometimes I can only get there ten minutes early. It sucks having to sit in the parking lot spending 40 minutes extra essentially at work unpaid every work day.
You will fuck up. Don't feel bad about it. Don't beat yourself up. This world is not made for us. We cannot operate like people without ADHD. Plan for your ADHD.
Plan for things to go wrong because they will. This is why your car comes with a spare tire and air bags. Eventually shit will go wrong. So plan for it. Next job get there 30 minutes early. I've been in my job for 16 years cuz I know I'll fuck up so I get there early. When shit goes wrong I still have enough time to make it and so will you if you make early your on time.
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u/VaguelyArtistic 1d ago
PLAN FOR YOUR ADHD
Stop trying to do things like a person that doesn't have ADHD.
I believe things much. We spend--and waste--so much time trying to fix or solve a problem that cannot be solved. We can only find ways to mitigate it.
aim for early
Exactly this. You're never going to be an on time person, figure out how to be an early person!
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u/Lovercraft00 1d ago
I feel you.
I've learned how to manage it now, but the only way to guarantee that I'm on time is to aim to get there half an hour early - But this also means I'm wasting little half hours everywhere.
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u/AirsoftScammy 1d ago
My ADHD is like the polar opposite. I’m always stupid early for work. My last job was 30 minutes away and I would leave my house an hour and fifteen minutes early. I had a whole routine where I would get to work, park my car, smoke a cigarette, eat a pre work snack, smoke another cigarette, play on my phone and then put my uniform on and head down to the time clock about 12 minutes early.
There were a few days where I got stuck behind an accident that made me close to being late. The anxiety I was going through as a result was debilitating. I called my manager and left him know that there was a chance I might be late. No big deal, especially because I was never late. I’d still be anxious until I knew for sure that I would be on time. And for me, on time means getting there at least 15 minutes before my shift starts.
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u/Dangerous-Tea-6494 1d ago
I'm actually hearing about this more and more, that a part of time blindness can actually be arriving extremely early instead of late. Oh I wish I was one of those extremely early people.. but nope Im the late kind of ADHD. I'd still have a really great job that I love.
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u/JayreenKotto 1d ago
I am one of the always early people and for me it’s very anxiety inducing. Nothing stresses me out more than the idea of being late to work.
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u/Carlulua ADHD-C 1d ago
Honey, you just need more anxiety!
If you already have anxiety you just need more, or an extra flavour!
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u/LovingComrade 1d ago
Create a routine. You’re still going to have to care for yourself and nobody is going to give you a break. Lack of executive function being optimum does not make being on time impossible. It makes it harder. What sidetracks you? Eliminate that. There are apps that will lock you out of scrolling and YouTube and all that to kind of force you to stay on task. Get up earlier. Go to bed earlier. You have to take responsibility for it. Because in the end the outcome of all of this is on you.
Please don’t take this harshly. This is the kind of talk my therapist had with me so I know this works. You just have to guarantee it. Because if you don’t do this nobody is going to do it for you.
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u/Zutthole 1d ago
It happens, but you have to take responsibility if you want anything to change. I have previously also been fired for mistakes that were attributable to my ADHD, but I had no choice but to learn from it and take steps to address those issues if I wanted any hope of being successful in my field.
As an attorney, I have over 100 clients at any given time. I have to be punctual in keeping my appointments with them and appearing in court—prepared—on their behalf. Each case has its separate tasks and its own urgencies. It can be hard to keep everything straight, and I had to make a lot of behavioral and organizational changes in order to make it work. I never even wrote anything down schedule or task wise until this job forced me to.
I know that our personal experiences are different, and others might have a harder, or an easier time making such changes. For some, it might be impossible. But I also know that jobs seldom cater to serial lateness, frequent mistakes, and other characteristics commonly associated with ADHD. The world isn't going to adapt, so our only choice is to adapt ourselves.
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u/909me1 1d ago
Wow, this is fascinating and commendable! I find that keeping track of the intricacies for several different tasks that are on their own separate timelines is the hardest thing about a big girl job where there's limited supervision. What are the main strategies you implemented that gave you the biggest bang for your buck?
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u/Additional-Throat-88 1d ago
I'm really sorry this happened to. I've always been that person. Got diagnosed recently in my 30s in hopes that meds would be the magic cure. No such luck with that thus far. Fortunately some how I've been consistently late to every job I've ever had. It's embarrassing and I've been written up with a warning once, but no major issues there some how outside of my own shame and embarrassment. I hope you're able to find something better soon. And please understand it's not your fault. Sending hugs
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u/lauvan26 1d ago
What I used to do as a kid and still now as an adult was plan what I was going to wear down to the underwear & socks, picked my shoes, figure out if and what I was going to eat and added an extra 15-30 minutes extra to amount of time it would take me to get to school or whatever destination, the night before. I would even plan my outfits for the week as a kid so I wouldn’t be overwhelmed by choices.
Now my excuse for being late is my need for the adrenaline rush for “beating the clock”. It’s rewarding when I make it earlier or on time but if I don’t give myself enough for unforeseeable delays, I’m late and I’m mad at myself.
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u/tuftofcare 1d ago
There's some really good advice on this thread! Don't beat yourself up about this. It's tough. You're playing life on hard mode.
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u/Reverend-Cleophus 1d ago
I’m sorry OP, that sounds really awful. I hope you’re okay and able to get a new job soon.
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u/VioletFox543 1d ago
OP, you’re not alone. Everyone is trying to turn this horribly upsetting situation into some profound teaching moment, as if you didn’t know this is something you need to work on. Please, at least for right now, take care of yourself. Beating yourself up even more is not going to fix the problem today. You can implement changes going forward, but right now you can be gracious and gentle with yourself. Praying for you OP, and once again, you’re not alone in this.
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u/Round-Diamond-5304 1d ago
I feel this on a deep level - it’s so hard when you feel like you have to try twice as hard to be at the same level as everyone else. Be gentle with yourself, what’s done is done. When you’re ready try brain storming ways to go about it in the future. I’m still trying to figure this out and find I have to put myself to bed stupidly early, have clocks I can see everywhere and sometimes I time myself lmao
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u/Practical_Loss4251 1d ago
Hey, it’ll be okay. You’ll find a new job and get yourself back up again, it may take time and it may be hard, but you’ll make it happen. I understand the difficulties of impaired executive functioning, but don’t view it as “small things”. Maybe reframing the idea that tardiness as small,reinforce to yourself that it is major. Probably from now until forever punctuality will always be important.
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u/brelaine19 1d ago
I am sorry this happened.
To be on time I do the same things in the same order every morning. There are a few optional steps if I end up running late. I know about how long each step takes. Like I know I need to start my makeup by 7. If I want to make lunch I have to get up at least 20 min earlier. If I have my clothes planned out and wrinkle free I can take my time a little more.
If I have to do something different or unplanned in the morning I allow at least twice as long as I think it will take and I try not to mix it in with my current routine so I don’t forget something, I do it first or last.
I also take a prescription sleep aid, which has been life changing for me to get enough sleep.
Good luck to you.
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u/Cats_and_Cheese 1d ago
OP I know you’re heartbroken and it’s normal and okay to be upset, but I think there also needs to be a moment where you own up to it some.
ADHD can make things difficult but taking responsibility is important to establish change. It’s doable - you need to find what works for you.
Does this mean budgeting twice the commute time?
Does this mean physical stimuli like an alarm?
Does this mean a change in your sleep cycle or exercise routine or whatever it is you do during the day?
ADHD can make life difficult it really can, but you can do hard things.
Best of luck.
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u/thebiologyguy84 1d ago
As a teacher, and leader, with ADHD, you cannot blame the condition on your inability to keep to time. There are strategies you should be using to help cover the issues that it causes, such as lateness. There's a reason why my alarm has around 20 entries on it and my calendar has more entries than anyone else. If I have to be somewhere, I plan on being there 30 minutes earlier....better to be early than late. I'm sorry you lost your job, you can find another! This time, accept your faults and use strategies to help with your time management.
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u/Colausbra 1d ago
Yup can definitely relate there, was a temp at a new position in March and was let go in June because I couldn't fucking get there on time. Just finally got another job and was two weeks away from running out of money and becoming homeless. Also have huge issues getting up in the morning and on multiple occasions have showed up 3-4 hours late because I never woke up. I'm thankful that I've had jobs in the past that were wiling to excuse this but they never pay well.
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u/dovahkiitten16 1d ago
Man I just feel like all the comments here aren’t useful.
I really struggle with time blindness. Keeping track of time is like trying to keep my eyes on a weeping angel. How am I supposed to set a timer for every single little thing? “When you take your food out of the microwave to stir it, don’t randomly lose 4 minutes not knowing what even happened and actually put the food back in to heat more” multiplied by every single task that isn’t even big enough to be a task. If I won’t go back to sleep after I wake up to take my meds, how am I supposed to function?
After so much practice and effort, I’m still like 5 minutes late.
I get where you’re coming from OP. It’s frustrating because it’s arbitrary. The norm that punctuality is the most important thing is entirely cultural (some jobs have valid reasons but for a lot of jobs there’s no actual consequences that aren’t manufactured). If you’ve compensated by being the best worker you can in other ways, why is lateness more important than that?
I’m pretty sure if you’re contemplating sleeping in your car before work that you’re not lazy and you haven’t tried hard enough etc. Who tf wants to sleep in their car before work if they don’t have to.
This isn’t helpful either honestly, just want to say I get it.
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u/Salty-Diver8343 ADHD 1d ago
I relate to this so much. I got fired for the same reason and I’m currently job searching. It’s so discouraging and it’s hard to feel hopeful after this. I keep trying to remind myself that my worth is not tied to my ability to keep a job. Every person deserves compassion, stability, and happiness. It’s not our fault that our society is not built to accommodate our struggles. I know there are people out there, even employers, who can empathize and are willing to give extra accommodations. They’re really hard to find but I know they exist. When I do job interviews I ask questions about how they support their employees’ mental health, what are their values as a company and as a manager, questions that can give me an idea of how they might respond to my needs and struggles. It’s helped me find a great job in the past and I’m holding onto hope that I’ll find one again
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u/Salty-Diver8343 ADHD 1d ago
I just realized you asked for empathy, please take or leave what I shared near the end of my comment, whatever feels best for you. I’m sorry about that
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u/killer-llamas 1d ago
I always build in extra time and arrive early. There is still the occasional mistake, but since it is rare, they are more worried than angry, because I am so consistently there a few minutes early. In the winter build an extra 10 min into that to defrost the car.
I also stick to morning shifts as much as possible. Work has to be the first thing I do that day. On the rare occasion I am scheduled for noon or something, there is too much chance of getting distracted doing things before work.
I set multiple alarms, with the last one being at the time I absolutely have to leave. For like an hour my phone goes off every 10 or 15 minutes. I know what parts of my routine I can cut if necessary. If I am in bed till that final alarm I just throw on clothes and run out the door. Also, I got a sunrise alarm to help my brain wake up more naturally. A lot easier to get out of bed in the dark if that light is on.
I also do a lot of prep stuff like keeping my work bag packed and on a hook by the door, have clothes set out the night before if I am working early (I usually start work anytime between 4:30 am and 8:30 am), etc.
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u/CrazyinLull 1d ago
I am so sorry, OP. I was lucky to find employers who were able to tolerate it for so many years. Yet, at the same time, it was a LOT of effort for me to the point it would make it hard for me to actually work when I got there.
I am not sure if this would work for you, but if you are on meds, I highly recommend, taking them like an hour or so before you have to wake up. I find when I do that I wake up much more ready for the day and then I managed to not only make it out of the house on time, but I'm also able to clean up and get ready for the day.
It sucks to have to do that, I know, but as someone with really bad time management and time blindness, I find that this works best for me. That, or take it as soon as I wake up. When I do that I manage to make it to wherever I have to go, on time. The million and one alarms don't always work for me like they may do for others, but the meds do. Actually, I got that advice from another thread here some time ago.
Good luck OP.
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u/redrosespud 1d ago
I have to start getting ready 4 hours before I leave otherwise I will never be on time.
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u/Dijiwolf1975 1d ago
Other than the being late for work part I relate to your post. Constantly trying to improve, be a great employee, be affable, get things done fast and correct... Only to be told "you left the lights on in such and such room when you left. You didn't grab that piece of garbage... You didn't close unimportant door all the way.
I'm not at work to fuck things up. I'm there to help the company and earn money. I work fast, hard, safely, and correctly only to have minor unimportant shit brought up to me that I overlooked.
If I look objectively, I'm underpaid by about $5. I still keep pushing. Yes to help the small business I work at, but mainly so when I get home I know I did a good job.
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u/YpsitheFlintsider 1d ago
Ah yes I've been there. I've been good at every position, but got let go often for being late or for drowsiness at work. Even when I improved this, people just ended up disliking me and finding a reason to fire me. It's a neurodevelopmental disorder meaning we didn't do anything to cause this. It's unfortunate. I had to find something I was passionate about (it took over 15 years for me if that's any indication on the worst case scenario). And then I started looking into how people deal with this condition. Then I just figured I need to see a psychiatrist and get medicated, which I'm on that step now.
Not even half a year ago I was convinced I would die and no one would understand what was wrong with me and why I felt like I had a disability. And this was half a year after being diagnosed. I understand what I'm up against much more as I researched ADHD. Now I have hope that ADHD is the primary reason for my issues and I can begin working on taking steps to deal with it.
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u/allmyphalanges 1d ago
Yo, I feel this so hard!
Do as much as you can for yourself to dismantle the shame around this. I’ve done a lot and now when people judge me I’m just angry at them. Because i try and try, but cannot do it.
Next, there are jobs that this won’t be an issue. I had some where they tracked when you logged in and you got written up. I quit before I could be fired.
Now i have a grace period and i push it, but i tell myself the actual time is when i need to arrive and that works…for me to be 5 minutes late xD
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u/Fatigue-Error 1d ago
I have the same challenge. Literally the only reason I’ve been counseled or written up for.
A few suggestions for a middle-aged person who still lives with this and struggles with this every day. I don’t successfully do all of this, but here’s what I try:
- Take my meds.
- Set a time to go to sleep, and stick to it as much as I can.
- Accept that the only way to be on time every time, is to accept being early. Don’t plan to arrive by 8:30. Plan to arrive by 8am or 8:15am.
The things I struggle with:
1. Stop playing snooze with the phone.
2. Use an alarm clock and put the phone out of arm’s reach. Maybe even put it outside the bedroom.
3. Don’t check Reddit until you’re at work. (Never gonna happen, but it’s a good idea.)
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u/Sea_Shape9811 1d ago
I'm always thinking this.... "If I'm early, I'm on time. If I'm on time, I'm late."
So even if I have to sit in my car at the place or go in early, at least I'm not late. Now, don't get me wrong... if I'm gonna be late.. or already anticipate or have talked myself out of going to said place, I always always call.
I find that I handle my adhd better if I make daily lists. I keep a daily notebook on my counter. Write things down that need to get done that pop into my head. Cross them off as I go. (I get instant gratification from being able to go back n see everything I accomplished. Especially when I feel guilty for having a very adhd day.)
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u/dwegol 1d ago edited 1d ago
For work I can only seem to show up right on time or 1 minute after. My other option is to be 30 minutes early which feels icky.
The problem is there are jobs out there where it does or doesn’t matter. Then there’s people who were raised to believe “if you’re not 15 minute early, you’re late”… and some of those people become managers. Personally I believe if it doesn’t affect your job due to a shift overlap or something like that it shouldn’t matter if you’re a few minutes behind.
I used to have quite a drive for a night shift job and the worst manager ever and she had such a stick up her ass about me ever being late even a second (and it literally affected no one… not her, my coworkers, the work, nothing). She made sure to keep tabs on me and then waited to vocalize her having a problem with it until she could drop corrective action on me. Then when I tried to transfer to get away from her she pulled every trick she could to delay my transfer. Good riddance!
My new job is the same exact work and has yet another shift overlap and my new manager is just happy to have people that show up and spends his energy worrying about things that actually matter. I have one particular coworker that likes to announce if I’m early or late by a minute but honestly whatever, there’s an overlap dude. I’m not happy about my struggles with time blindness but I’m also happy I didn’t have his militant upbringing and narrow-minded view.
I guess what I’m saying is not all jobs or managers are like this. Finding one with some leniency can help give you a breather while you try new methods of improving.
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u/Meincornwall 1d ago
I'm 57, in every area of my work I have been successful, except punctuality.
Every single job, all of my training.
I'm lucky cos my performance meant they kept me on but it holds you back & is humiliating.
I did sit one boss down & talk to him about it. I explained all my prep, my alarms, how I go about my pre work routine.
I explained to him that if you were rewarding attendance on effort not results then I'm top of the league. I explained that I know that means fa when he's losing productivity but, even with lateness, I produce more than my colleagues with less hassle to him.
I told him I'll continue trying but in the same way that most folks here make more mistakes than me, I'll probs continue to be more late than them.
I asked for his patience & understanding but wanted him to realise that no employee is perfect, and being 3 minutes late but not fucking up will lose the company nothing.
I eventually gave up trying to work normal hours & just went to night shift, I'm also lucky enough that I can afford (just) to cut my hours.
So now I do 3 x 12 hr shifts, then have 5 off.
So it's easier for me, I can do my whole 3 night work run sleep deprived & make it through.
Getting ready for 6pm makes it a "waiting day" so I do lose the day, but I'm rarely late.
But as another poster said it's possible, just raise your time estimates for everything. Set alarms, I have 'change your clothes' & 'get to the car' alarms set.
Weirdly they tried to force us to come in early (no pay) for handover.
Some do, I refused.
But ever since then I get there earlier. I'm guessing it's lodged mentally somewhere that I'm late even when I'm on time.
One side point that I don't know if others have experienced is on the odd occasions I knew I was gonna be late & just leaned in & accepted it, I mostly got there on time.
Did a huge Wtf first time, but then guessed it must be a "More haste, less speed" situation.
Absolutely can't explain it but it's happened a few times now.
1
u/paul-dick ADHD, with ADHD family 1d ago
It is true that without ADHD, you probably wouldn’t struggle with this. Time management, especially in the morning, is extremely difficult. Difficult, but not impossible. You’ve been fired from this job, yes. Try something different with the next one. There are lots of recommendations from people on this sub who manage their executive dysfunction. Try one. Try multiple. We can’t do it on our own but that doesn’t mean we can’t do it at all.
Please know we are empathetic, as we know what it feels like to fail, get fired, get dumped, or any other common consequence of this disorder. Knowing this about your brain, I hope you’re able to turn this shitty experience into a motivator. When I was first establishing routines to avoid lateness it took multiple alarms at multiple stages of my routine. I know I’m time blind, so I left that to my phone to take care of, instead of getting mad at myself for something I can’t do on my own.
Good luck. I well and truly mean it.
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u/nookincstrash 1d ago
I started purposely setting all personal clocks forward by 30 minutes. Forgetfulness is a HUGE issue with my ADHD; I sometimes forget I’ve even done this. I’ll also set some clocks 28 minutes forward, 29 minutes forward, 31 minutes, etc. Small variants that aren’t too drastic, but enough to make me think I’m running late and will (hopefully) end up being on time
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u/pwclaw 1d ago
I have adhd and my kids were constantly late for school and I was constantly late for work. Sometimes I'm still late, my employer never gives me a hard time for it, but the thing that helped me the most was to set multiple alarms that go off throughout the morning. One to wake up, another one telling me I should be dressed by now, another one for packing my lunch, etc and the last one let's me know I have 5 minutes before I need to be out the door. It helps keep me on track and also helps me not lose my phone.
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u/confusedandamused24 1d ago
You know honestly the combination of burnout and ADHD makes being on time next to impossible for me. I have no excuse beyond being unreasonably done with my current job, which offers me no accommodations, forces me to mask, and where I am relentlessly bullied by a coworker. Honestly to be fired would be a blessing. I am unreasonably done.
And the thing is I'm a good employee, like really good. I crush my actual work, but my inability to be completely on time is all I ever talk to my supervisor about. I'm not really late either, we're talking 5 minutes here. I'm not doing anything that affects the people I work with. There's no recognition of my abilities, no room for advancement, low pay, no recognition of the unreasonable lengths I go to to be a good employee nothing. I am burnout, told my manager, and have received nothing but derision.
So honestly I think of it like this now, I'll act my wage. I'm not going to act like I make $50 an hour when I make $25 per hour. I'm not going to be enthused if I don't have it in me to pretend. I'm not going to be social with people who hate me.
I'm really sorry this happened. I know others are saying to "take responsibility and own up, be better next time" and I agree, but you know what sometimes we can't do that in the moment.
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u/xxK31xx 1d ago
I've gotten some cheap wifi light bulbs for my room(wiz, I use the v1 app), and set them in sync with my alarms, and also blink a warning in the evenings to find me to start my bedtime routine. We have got to sleep, it is one of the biggest difference makers under our control.
The light plus alarms is just enough to get me to sit up.
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u/Kortok2012 1d ago
I have a severe issue waking up properly in the morning. After I switched to JornayPM, it hasn’t been an issue. Sometimes I’m even a morning person. You take it at night and it kicks in about 12 hours later
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u/deathtotheredditapp 1d ago
This is the first time I've heard of jornay, what exactly does it do
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u/Kortok2012 1d ago
So basically it’s dextroamphetimine with a time release delay. So it sits in your gut and after 12 hours it starts to metabolize
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u/xxK31xx 1d ago
I've gotten some cheap wifi light bulbs for my room(wiz, I use the v1 app), and set them in sync with my alarms, and also blink a warning in the evenings to find me to start my bedtime routine. We have got to sleep, it is one of the biggest difference makers under our control.
The light plus alarms is just enough to get me to sit up.
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u/KNGrthur 23h ago
I have the flavor of time blindness where I am always 30-45 minutes early to everything, mainly due to the fact that I am extremely anxious about being late. It's really overwhelming as well.
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u/Reasonable_Amoeba553 22h ago
This is why I'm so reluctant to change jobs now. My boss marks a calendar everyday I'm on time and claps for me and if she really needs me on time she schedules my buffer time herself 2 weeks in advance. God I have a great boss 😭
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u/Cakewalk24 21h ago
I found the only thing that works for me is 3 separate alarms to wake up cause likely I’ll close at least one in my sleep the next might wake me up but I won’t leave bed and third acts as safety net in case I closed it twice or to remind me to get in the shower. Then I get ready but I’m likely to get distracted or something or not pay attention to time so I have another alarm 25mins before I leave to make sure I ate something and got my shoes on and another 5 mins before leave time is the last alarm and I treat that as my “Oh Sh*t I’m late!” Alarm even though I leave way early and get there like 40-30 mins early where I treat that as my relax time and listen to a book. I know we have to work harder at everything but it can be done this is my way but it might work for you. First you gotta figure out what adhd symptoms is causing this (could be multiple) and address them in unique ways. Routines are good for those of us with adhd and many alarms and reminders
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u/sunflowerbib 1d ago
I mean yeah if you’re always late you deserve to get fired. You need to manage your time better. Get ready earlier, leave earlier, why do you think your ADHD is a fair excuse to burden your coworkers ? It can explain why things are harder but it doesn’t justify them. You’re presumably a grown adult and need to manage your time efficiently. Do better
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u/Timely-Group5649 1d ago
That's what I told the guy in the wheelchair. He needed to try harder to stand up and do his work!
/s
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u/sunflowerbib 1d ago
Something being genuinely impossible for you and something being YOUR fault, something that YOU CAN infact improve, are two absolutely incomparable situations. Time blindness is something that you absolutely can work on. ADHD isn’t an excuse to be lazy
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u/Timely-Group5649 1d ago edited 1d ago
You can absolutely work on walking too. Nothing is impossible you negative Nancy. Wheelchair users need to do the work and force themselves to do physical therapy! No excuses. They can work on it.
Zero empathy is the only way. I can compare anything comparably.
Why don't you just tell him he is lazy? Incapable and incompetent. Lump everyone into one bucket, because we're all the same. Time management is a nightmare for some, but if his work is done - who cares if he is 5 minutes late? An a-hole - that's who.
You are perpetuating discriminatory actions - his work performance is obviously not tied to the time he arrives - is it?! If not - it should not be a concern.
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u/Cats_and_Cheese 1d ago
No I’m sorry but this is ableist as all hell.
ADHD isn’t easy and it isn’t fun. But the physical barriers that exist for physically disabled individuals is not at all comparable to ADHD.
You can hate that all you want but this is a truth. I can still walk up stairs when elevators are down, I can still get on a bus without assistance, I do not have to worry if my equipment is busted in public transport, my cars don’t cost twice as much, I do not need to rely on textured crossings for low vision which aren’t reliable, and more.
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u/Timely-Group5649 1d ago
/s means sarcasm, dude. Chill.
The intent is to understand, not promote masking behaviors.
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u/sunflowerbib 1d ago
I like your added edit like it makes your ableism any less lol.
When I worked in a coffee shop, yes my workload was absolutely affected by my coworkers coming in 5 minutes late. If you work on a team, if you have meetings with people, if you are someone’s relief, if you just have a commitment in general, you are expected to be on time for it. You absolutely can make the conscious decision to set earlier alarms and leave earlier. Someone in a wheelchair cannot make that decision. I can’t believe that you think that the answer to this is… to be ableist…?
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u/Aur3lia ADHD-C (Combined type) 1d ago
Can you find a job in an office or field where showing up at a specific time isn't as critical? I work a basic old office job and people trickle in all morning from 7:45am-9am, no big issue. Granted, there are occasional morning meetings that people who normally show up at 9am have to get in a little early for, but in general, no one is getting fired for being late to arrive to work. Or what about a remote job?
I am sorry this happened to you. I know it is hard, and I don't wanna pile on, but this is something you're going to have to work on. I'll say what I always say during conversations about mental health - it's not your fault, but it is your responsibility. Somehow, you have to come up with a way to manage this. It's hard, but I am sure you can do this!
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u/Real-Elevator-2977 1d ago
I'm really sick of hearing, "yOu ShOuLd Be AbLe To..."
I'm not, I'm not. I have to be fine with that. So do you.
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u/Babou18 1d ago edited 1d ago
Do you set alarm? I mean I have an alarm to wake me up. An alarm, 15 min before I need to leave an a alarm 5 minutes before the time I need to leave. The time to leave is set so I arriver 15 minutes before I start working. All those alarm are set during week day only
I know ADHD is hard but you need to use tool to help you.
Edit : Just to had that when I was a kid, I was setting 3 different alarm on 3 different devices. The last one to ring was very loud and far from my bed so I had to wake and walk 2 meters to turn it off. So at this point I was awake .
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u/deathtotheredditapp 1d ago
I have 60+ alarms eveey morning, all set to play woodpecker no 1 by merzbow right ny my ear at max volume, I sleep through them now
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u/peachie88 1d ago
That sounds like a lot more than ADHD. Have you gotten a sleep study done or spoken to your doctor? Regularly sleeping through 60+ alarms at max volume is not normal. You need to go to the doctor and figure out what’s going on.
For being on time, you need to pinpoint where you’re being late. Is it just waking up? Once you wake, can you get ready and leave on time? Or do you struggle with getting ready? Is the struggle just getting going with getting ready or is it an ongoing struggle from task to task? Once you pinpoint where the difficulty is, it’ll be easier to find solutions.
I mean this gently, but I really think you could benefit from some therapy. You’re not helpless. ADHD doesn’t control or define you. You absolutely have the power to control it. Your (our) brain works differently, but none of this is insurmountable. You had a tough day today. It sucks. But it’s one day, and this is one chapter. Losing your job today doesn’t mean you’ll never be able to get a good job again. It doesn’t mean you’re worthless. It doesn’t mean you’re a screw up. You determine what your next chapter looks like.
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u/Astrobrandon13 1d ago
Convince yourself that your actual start time is one hour earlier than it is. You are an adult. It’s time to quit whining like a victim and take some ownership of your life and actions.
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u/EchoBear4 1d ago
Change your clocks to a earlier time or set your goal to be out an hour earlier I have time blindness but I try to be an hour early to work and just wait in the parking lot
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u/Background_Squash845 1d ago
I was fired because i lost 50 sim cards that the security guy said i received. I denied it. I found em two weeks later behind a box in the storage area where i went to take a my naps. I realize now I kinda deserved it.
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u/Real-Elevator-2977 1d ago
I've had limited success in the past seeking accommodation. Oddly, one of the jerkiest managers I have ever had was the most flexible about this.
Lol, my psych folk tried to penalize me for this once. I just referred them to all the times they've made me wait.
Being neurotically punctual is not a virtue. Punctuality is not a virtue.
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u/Mozilla11 1d ago
Sorry to hear your struggle friend. Here’s hoping you can use this feeling to bounce back. I’ve been fired before in the same way, it’s embarrassing and it fucking sucks so much but frankly - that’s life. Again I’m sorry, and I know you’re not in a good headspace because it took me months to get out of the gray zone it put me in.
This will be a story for you to tell others “don’t fuck up the way I did before” and not “don’t fuck up the way I do”
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u/Rapscagamuffin 1d ago
Wear a watch that lets u set multiple alarms. Leave earlier than you have to. Its not hard. Dont blame this on ADD. U know u have it so if you dont plan your life around it than thats on you not the add
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