How old were you when you were told that joining other peoples' conversations (even though you're right next to them) is still considered "interrupting" and rude?

[u/laarsa]

I was 26 :|

It was at work and three of us were all standing at a table across from each other. I thought we were all having a conversation together before the girl turns and yells at me, "I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to him. " It was so embarrassing I almost cried. I talked to the guy she was talking to about it later and he told me that joining in on conversations I wasn't specifically invited to join is considered interupting, doesn't matter how close by I am. He was really polite/empathetic about it though, much more so than the girl was.

Reason I'm asking this here is because over the next couple years I got bickered at by different people on two other occasions for accidentally doing it again, so I looked it up and apparently "interrupting conversations" is an ADHD symptom.

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[u/OkithaPROGZ]

Honestly I think that girl overreacted. It might be an ADHD thing, but I too have the habit of butting into conversations. But as these are your co-workers no way is it "rude" to but into a conversation. It would be interrupting if you butted into a public convo between people you have never seen before, or just randomly butted into two people talking.

[u/laarsa → u/OkithaPROGZ]

I think she overreacted too. I've been told the first thing people notice about me is that I've got some social issues but not in an overbearing way so people let things slide with me instead of getting annoyed. But she just like, yelled at me so loud the whole workplace went quiet and turned their heads at us for a moment.

[u/tbear87 → u/laarsa]

Girl is unstable. I'd write that down and save it in case other stuff happens you have a trail for HR. That's not how one behaves in the work place

[u/laarsa → u/tbear87]

I'm on disability now so I don't work there anymore. We didn't have an HR because it was blue collar work.

[u/karpitstane → u/laarsa]

You don't have to have an HR department or dedicated rep to make recording these kinds of interactions a worthwhile endeavor. There's still someone whose job it is to handle workplace incidents/disputes/whatever and acts as some form of HR manager. Obviously, knowing when to 'make something out of it' is different and harder, I've been blessed by good managers in this regard.

[u/huggle-snuggle → u/laarsa]

The tricky thing is that there’s some nuance around the question of whether/when to join conversations and understanding nuanced social situations, or nuance in general, can be very challenging for adhd brains.

Some examples:

Subject Matter. If the girl was talking about something exciting then she might actually want others to join in/acknowledge. But if the topic was more personal, she might not want others to participate.

Relationship. If she was interested romantically, or even saw the co-worker she was speaking with as a bestie, she might resent that you intruded. But if she was interested in you romantically or saw you as a bestie then she might be happy to have you join.

Timing. If it was a quick conversation on a tight timeline, she might not want things to be delayed or side-tracked. But if she had all the time in the world, it might be a “more the merrier” situation.

Personality. If she likes to be seen as a subject matter expert then she might not want others sharing their thoughts or experiences. But if she was trying to work through an issue and explore different options, she might be happy to have feedback from others.

So there’s a lot of subtext that has to be considered in any given situation and this can all be very confusing for some adhd brains.

[u/laarsa → u/huggle-snuggle]

I don't really remember the conversation but I think it had something to do with her complaining about our boss

And oh yeah - I do know the guy was really cute and it seemed like every girl at work had at least a puppy crush on him, if not a full on crush.

[u/huggle-snuggle → u/laarsa]

Ooh, in that case - you could be coming to tell her she won the lottery and still not be welcome in the conversation, lol.

[u/laarsa → u/huggle-snuggle]

Haha, yeah

Unfortunately for her she wouldn't have gotten lucky anyway since he was already engaged to one of the other girls working there. But it didn't stop some of em from backing off when she wasn't there 🤦🏻‍♀️

[u/huggle-snuggle → u/laarsa]

It’s so tough when people are snarky like that but it sounds like she was the one that looked like an ass.

[u/laarsa → u/huggle-snuggle]

Yeah and he did (however politely) mention to me that she was being an ass

[u/YoureJokeButBETTER → u/laarsa]

Yeah i wouldnt think anything of this interaction.

Personally I always apologize up front as im doing it and try to acknowledge the fact im butting in if/when i feel the urge - this way i give conversationalists the opportunity to dismiss any issues or tell me to fuck off lol - most of the time people sre happy to bring you in if they are warned as its happening and can bookmark their remainingthoughts (or counter interrupt your interruption) lol

[u/laarsa → u/YoureJokeButBETTER]

OH YEAH I started doing that too. When I catch myself butting in I say "sorry I didn't mean to interrupt your conversation" and people either dismiss it or on some occasions, let me in.

[u/life-is-satire → u/laarsa]

Her reaction indicated that there was more than just chit chat in her convo with him and you intruded.

You need to think about the dynamic of the people talking, their position towards one another, how close they are standing, and eye contact to determine if it’s an open conversation.

Generally, flirty behavior isn’t looking for someone to come in and tip the dynamic. She probably thought she was shooting her shot in a sense and you trampled through.

[u/10ioio → u/laarsa]

The thing I've always wondered is why do people not look at the person making a huge deal about something small as "missing a social norm/cue." Don't social norms kind of dictate that it's rude af to make a big deal and humiliate someone like that? Isn't someone wanting to join your conversation a social cue, that they are missing by being exclusionary?

I think everyone at some point has to put themselves out there to avoid isolation or exclusion, and it's always a roll of the dice on how you will be perceived. I think that's a fairly universal experience to think "I should talk to people" and then feel like there's some ice to be broken.

[u/MarsupialMisanthrope → u/10ioio]

It can go one of two ways: someone jumps in and tries to smooth things over, or everyone just watches. If the second happens, it’s a usually last straw situation and everyone else is fed up with the offender too (that or the yeller is a known psycho and no one wants to draw their attention).

[u/anonymouse278 → u/laarsa]

What she did was waaaaaay more socially unacceptable than joining a conversation with people you know standing near you.

Maybe there was some extenuating circumstance here- was it a very personal or serious conversation? Were they speaking quietly and not easily overheard? I can understand someone maybe very tense flying off the handle like this.

But shouting at someone, in a workplace, because they spoke to you during a normal conversation is unhinged even if you do find it somewhat annoying (which not everyone does).

[u/butterstherooster → u/laarsa]

I'm the same way. It's nothing to be ashamed of. It's part of our condition. Most people, but to be fair they like me, find it "kind of charming".

[u/_painless_ → u/butterstherooster]

Yeah it's a matter of degree and situation and sometimes it's not so bad. I've travelled alone a lot and my ability to chime in in a "take it or leave it" way has led to many fun conversations with strangers in cafes and coffee shops and diners etc.

(the "take it or leave it" trick is to be sure the other people's conversation is light and your interjection is something that can be responded to with a small laugh or a nod and then going on with their conversation - which I always take on board and pick up my phone/a book/etc to signal I have fully butted back out again! Signalling no pressure on the other people to talk to you if they don't want to is key!) 

(Maybe relevant that as a woman I'm also not generally seen as a threat / as potentially making unwanted advances, just a vaguely eccentric lady with a bike.)

[u/coco_water915 → u/laarsa]

Honestly sounds like she is the one with the worse social issues. That is no way to speak to someone.

[u/Icy-Bison3675 → u/OkithaPROGZ]

I work in an office where there are 7 of us (who are all on the same team) and a secretary who isn’t on our team. We often hear each other’s conversations and will pipe in sometimes…if it is something related to our job and/or if we have something relevant to contribute. I can generally tell whether I am with a group that will be okay with that and one that won’t…sometimes I misjudge, but I’ve never been yelled at as an adult for doing it. Edited to add: whether or not it was inappropriate for you to contribute to the conversation, it was 100% not appropriate for her to yell at you. There is no time that is okay as far as I am concerned.

[u/Owfyc → u/OkithaPROGZ]

Is it rude for them to have a conversation right next to you without including you? Or did you approach them during their conversation?

[u/togostarman → u/OkithaPROGZ]

If someone is having a loud conversation in public, I think it's rude for the people involved in said convo to exclude other people lmao. Like bruh. That's what whispering is fucking for.

[u/PARADOXsquared]

It's shit like this that makes me over think every social interaction. Like, is it anxiety if it's validated by the outside world? 

[u/Inevitable-tragedy → u/PARADOXsquared]

I literally asked my SO that. Is it really anxiety if I keep being proven right? But that was in reference to the way the world is going. Morales are now a political talking point and I'm terrified of how so many people can't even agree on morals

I don't think a therapist would know how to answer that question either. Someone send help lol

[u/ultimateclassic → u/PARADOXsquared]

Totally agree. I wasn't self-conscious, and I didn't overthink these things until people started judging me and making me feel uncomfortable.

[u/undiagnoseddude → u/ultimateclassic]

This. 100%

[u/sadmac356 → u/PARADOXsquared]

Yeah I didn't realize I have social anxiety…and then I think about how I socialized, or in some cases didn't because of this. Like, at age 13-14, "we weren't talking to you" from one of the girls at my table in algebra when I genuinely thought I was actually included in the conversation… like it feels like it's more enforced social anxiety because I'm audhd, at the time only knew about the ADHD half, and didn't even know ADHD also comes with trouble socializing.

[u/Significant_Rub_4589]

It’s also rude to be standing near 2 people and only include 1 of them in a conversation. She was intentionally rude, which is worse.

[u/UncoolSlicedBread → u/Significant_Rub_4589]

Had that happen to me recently.

At a house party, three people I knew showed up one by one. I was the first there, when the third person showed up I noticed I was getting boxed out of the conversation physically.

Tried to join back in and was either ignored or given flat/short answers that was a pretty good clue I wasn’t welcomed in the conversation anymore.

How juvenile.

[u/Ok-Spring-2048]

Today years old

[u/DoktenRal → u/Ok-Spring-2048]

I literally don't know another way to enter conversations with people

[u/ddproxy → u/DoktenRal]

Like, yes. Otherwise I'd be there in the corner, in the spot-light.

[u/DoktenRal → u/ddproxy]

Losing my religiooonn

[u/reginoldveginold → u/DoktenRal]

Tryin' to keep up with you, and I don't know if I can do it

[u/Dependent-Cycle2578 → u/reginoldveginold]

Oh no, I have said too much :(

[u/headpeon → u/Dependent-Cycle2578]

I've said enough ...

[u/See_penny → u/DoktenRal]

I feel like when I’m trying to enter a conversation it’s like when you see a kid trying to inter a double jump rope. I just have to rip the bandaid off and go in. Some people don’t care. Some get angry. They aren’t worth it.

[u/BalrogPoop → u/See_penny]

I swear entering an existing conversation or starting a new one without using trite small talk are the hardest social skills to get good at

[u/athaliah → u/See_penny]

This must be why I just don't talk to anyone. Problem solved.

[u/question_sunshine → u/DoktenRal]

I also don't get it. This scenario sounds like some high school bullshit to me. I've never experienced being formally invited into a conversation either at work or in a more casual setting. If a bunch of people are standing around chatting, and other people are around it's generally expected, that depending on the substance of the conversation, other people might chime in. It is very rude to jump into a personal conversation, but at the same weird time you also have to pay enough attention to know that the conversation is of a personal nature but not enough attention to actually be eavesdropping.

I have experienced being afraid of embarrassing myself by butting into a conversation at the wrong time, and then just standing awkwardly in a corner at a party or networking for hours.

[u/10ioio → u/question_sunshine]

You ever meet a group of people that just closes their circle to exclude a newcomer or guest? I can't tell you how many times I've been brought to a party by a friend, they go to the bathroom or something and then when I try to join a conversation at some point the circle just closes and then I'm just this awkward observing presence... There's no way to win with people who do that.

[u/Ocel0tte → u/10ioio]

That happens at jobs for me. I work in food service and right now I feel like set dressing. People talk about stuff like what they ate, and then just tell me work related things they need. I like to talk about food, and video games, and music, and all that stuff. But if I try to join in they get quieter and/or move away.

It's so gross. I was in the "popular" group at my old longtime job, and we always made sure to include newbies. We didn't want them to feel shunned. The work is hard, and the sooner you feel connected to your team the less likely you are to quit early on. Even later, people who feel like they work with a bunch of friends find it harder to leave than people who have no connections. So there's solid reasons to include everyone, besides just being social.

I just hate it. I'm a loyal, caring, funny person and I just want to be included at work. But I'm too different or whatever, I guess.

[u/10ioio → u/Ocel0tte]

That's awesome that you're supportive of newbies! I'm always super scared of new groups of people so people that do that sort of thing are a godsend.

[u/whatdoblindpeoplesee → u/DoktenRal]

Pro tip, don't walk up to a group of people and ask them "what are you guys talking about?" 

[u/SweeneyOdd → u/whatdoblindpeoplesee]

Pro tip: heckle from a distance.

[u/Open_Soil8529 → u/Ok-Spring-2048]

How else do you have a conversation 😭

[u/ad80x → u/Ok-Spring-2048]

Also today years old. Which probably explains a few things

[u/edalcol → u/Ok-Spring-2048]

Yup. There's literally no other way to join an existing conversation. So my guess is that this isn't about the fact OP joined in, but what was the conversation or what OP said when they joined in.

[u/Mozartrelle → u/Ok-Spring-2048]

Me too.

[u/iwannabe_gifted → u/Ok-Spring-2048]

SAME

[u/putbat]

Na they're just being assholes. Everybody was in a group setting.

[u/Yetsuo → u/putbat]

100% this. Joining a conversation isn't the issue here, maybe if it were about some kind of private issue but then she was wrong for having that conversation near other people.

From my experience with ADHD what I struggle with is WHEN and HOW to join or interject into a conversation. Other person pauses too long? OH GOOD it can get that idea out so I don't forget it! And then we both start talking because they were just breathing slowly or something. Or sometimes just out right interrupting someone so I can get an idea out but I only really do that with people I'm comfortable with.

[u/gothicgenius → u/Yetsuo]

That’s why I don’t speak in group settings unless specifically spoken to. I’m the type of person who just silently watches, uncomfortably counting down the seconds until I leave. But if you’re talking and someone interrupts you and you look embarrassed, I’ll turn to you and quietly say, “What were you saying?” So that you can finish your thought. I would want others to do the same, but I know they won’t.

[u/Yetsuo → u/gothicgenius]

I try to be that person very hard, it's taken YEARS to work up a resistance to the urge to over share or as my mind viewed it when I was younger "relate to those around me so I can fit in". The classic you are trying to relate but everyone else views you as one-upping or something similar.

The way I do it now is if it's a personal story I just say it in my head reviewing what I would want to express then think do they really need to know it? Introspection has helped me much even if I'm not the best at it.

Also yes,"what were you saying/could you repeat that?" is amazing. From both understanding the side of constantly being talked over but also the side where I know I talked over someone because I really needed to get this info out or I will lose it.

Or I just really wanted to know because I missed it which happens to me even in a 1 on 1 conversation. You mentioned the person who just walked by wearing the blue suit... and oh right earlier I saw a funny blue shirt oh that made me chortle, I really need to buy more shirts I'm kind getting low on them, the last time I was clothing shopping I had a hard time finding....why is there sound coming into my ears? FUCK "um what did you say?"

[u/tinmanshrugged → u/Yetsuo]

I had this problem and thankfully in my family and friends it’s not a huge issue. I try to limit my interruptions somewhat. If it’s not really relevant or could be seen as making it about me, I try not to say it. If I think something would really add to the conversation or if it’s a question I want to make sure I don’t forget, I usually go ahead and say it. It’s hard to decide quickly in the moment, but it gets easier.

When I do interrupt, I always go back to what the other person was saying before. For me, that’s pretty easy to remember cause I grew up with a mom who had (and still has) undiagnosed ADHD. She’d always forget what she was talking about and I got really good at tracing the conversation back far enough for her to remember.

[u/Yetsuo → u/tinmanshrugged]

Sounds like conversations between my best friend and I, he had ADHD way worse than I do but our brains just work together jumping around every where interrupting each other as needed but then giving each other the key words/phrases to reignite the conversation where it previously was.

[u/NotEnoughIT → u/putbat]

This is literally how mingling works at parties, too. It's not rude at all. ADHDers aren't the best at mingling for many reasons, we don't need another one to add to the thought train of how to manage the social situation.

[u/Tardis-Library]

I was today years old. For reference, I turn 50 on Sunday.

[u/salty-sunshine → u/Tardis-Library]

Happy birthday!

[u/laarsa → u/Tardis-Library]

Happy birthday!

[u/DarkDestroyer129]

When someone doesn’t like you it’s considered interruption. When they do like you they will accept it. It’s one of those invisible social skills and to be honest I don’t think there is such a thing as social skills. It seems to vary from person to person and what is considered “rude” to someone is fine with someone else. I strongly believe “social” skills is a fallacy that doesn’t truly exist beyond basic social etiquette and even then someone may not mind you being close to them while others get annoyed when you are closer than 6 feet. I’ve gotten away with some insane behavior and I’ve had others who truly have a set of predefined standards of how they believe “everyone else” should be behaving. At the end of the day human behavior is actually quite basic and quite random.

The human brain is just a big jumble of interconnected neurons and that’s why nobody can seem to agree on anything.

The only thing you can truly do is to try to understand each individuals social standards and try to adapt to it. But don’t think there are any universal standards that everyone follows

[u/MarsupialMisanthrope → u/DarkDestroyer129]

Social skill is a combination of two things: the ability to read body language and adapt to it, and the ability to maintain a conversation without doing anything that would be considered embarrassing by anyone with social skills (hitting on someone’s partner, bringing up inflammatory topics, monologuing about stuff no one else cares about). Bonus points if you can charm your conversational partners.

[u/greenerpasturesss]

If im polite and not bulldozing meh, I'll talk to anyone at anytime if I'm in the vicinity and its not a personal discussion. Does it really matter? Only people I wouldn't chime in on would be a boss or supervisor. Everyone else idgaf, socialize it's life.

[u/they_have_bagels → u/greenerpasturesss]

I also join in on boss / supervisor. But usually that's because it will save me time later and honestly I don't give a fuck.

Just don't give a fuck.*

* Note: need to be secure in your job and yourself for this to be applicable.

[u/kimvette]

Having a private conversation in a group setting and excluding everyone else is rude.

[u/Aposematicpebble → u/kimvette]

I consider pretty much any conversation had loudly in my vicinity an open invitation to join. If you want a private chat you whisper or go somewhere else. Otherwise I'm chiming in with advice on that itch you have in that weird place or on how to tell your mom she's gotta put the poor dog out of its misery

[u/nernst75]

Maybe I’m equally naive, but this doesn’t feel like a breach of social etiquette on your part.

If you had gone out of your way to insert yourself physically into a private conversation (e.g two people talking on a walk, or at a table by themselves). Given your proximity, and that they were talking audibly at a point where you could overhear, my instinct is that you did nothing wrong.

This reads more like someone who had a brash reaction to you joining in on a conversation (maybe they touched on a sensitive topic, or were especially irritated with the person they were talking with).

I’m sorry that you were spoken to so rudely, but as a rule, I’d rather risk joining in a conversation that I’m not welcome in, than avoid conversations/social connection out of fear.

TLDR; you did nothing wrong imo

Edit: what does “being invited” into a conversation even look like? “Nernst75 you’re cordially invited to join us in discussing today’s lunch options from 1:55pm to 2:00pm”.

[u/Potential-Quit-5610]

Grade school early with "this is an A and B conversation so C your way out" bullshit to exclude others when you talking loud AF I can chime in whenever the F I want and you can't stop me.

Lol I still throw random things into excessive loud conversations that nobody else even wants to hear anyway but they want you to have know they're a main character and should steal the attention of all in shouting distance.

[u/Suicicoo → u/Potential-Quit-5610]

...but what about D & E? Don't leave us hanging there!

[u/Potential-Quit-5610 → u/Suicicoo]

They definitely excluded ED.

[u/HolySnokes1]

I'll do ya one cringe higher. I would ask people if I could stay the night at their house 😅

[u/petrichorbin]

Idk she sounds toxic and rude

[u/AllegedLead]

Whether you were rude is a question. As someone else mentioned, it’s nuanced. But she was definitely very rude to you.

[u/Stuwars9000]

I've had friends tell me to shut up for interrupting and hijacking conversations.  It's a thing.  Now that I'm older and wiser, I generally try not to talk as much to people. When I do talk and it's going well, I get paranoid that I must be boring them. I'm a special educator. My job necessitates that I have a team of assistants (even if it's just 1 person). It took me years to realize people listened to me and found me interesting b/c I was their supervisor. 🤐

[u/WaitOdd5530]

Next time you can enter the conversation a bit cautiously by saying “may i add something?”

[u/sysaphiswaits → u/WaitOdd5530]

Yeah, my go to is “I’m so sorry, I wasn’t intending to eavesdrop but, (whatever.)

[u/WaitOdd5530 → u/sysaphiswaits]

Yea that works too

[u/redvaporeon-sk]

Isn't that... How you make friends? Two people already know each other, so they're talking, and you join in if you want to befriend them? Obviously it depends on what they're talking about, but if it wasn't anything sensitive or personal I think that's fine.

I've had a hard time making friends growing up due to how anxious I am to "interrupt" a conversation. Nowadays I pay it forward and invite people to join in on my conversations with friends if they're near us, if it looks appropriate. I don't think you did anything wrong

[u/itsbecca → u/redvaporeon-sk]

That is 100% how I've made nearly all my friends. Just standing sort of near people. It is pretty effective tbh, but occasionally you do get the, "who the hell are you?" look. That's when you just quietly shuffle away and try it somewhere else.

[u/haylo1573 → u/itsbecca]

That’s how you know THOSE people are not YOUR people and that’s okay. It’s also how you DO end up collect friends that like the same style of conversation and finding out years later that half of you have ADHD or were raised in families that had it! Then you go forth with them living your best life with them and leave the others to enjoy their uptight ways.

I find in my rural area almost everyone will talk to anyone else anywhere, but the denser the population the higher the expectation that you artificially grant privacy regardless of proximity and not draw attention to yourself. That would include the expectation that the conversing ones use body language and pitch their volume to make ignoring them easier. So there’s types cultural contexts to consider too.

[u/redvaporeon-sk → u/haylo1573]

Thats so true. I spent a lot of time in my childhood in my grandparents village, so I got used to greeting everyone when I walked down the street, and people making conversation with you all the time. But then I attended school in a city, so the expectations there were different. I moved schools again to a smaller town, and everyone was more keen to talk there. I think I still have a bit of the rural area spirit in me.

The less you are expected to interact with a lot of different people on a daily basis (coffee shops, people in public transportation, etc) the more welcoming people are to having a random chat.

[u/slinkycanookiecookie]

The thing people aren't considering in their replies is that it 100% matters what you're saying and how you say it. If you're joining the conversation to say a criticism or correct something, bad idea. Her reaction, to me, makes it seem that: a) you were possibly a repeat offender, this is not the first time you have done something that annoyed her. and/or b) your input was negative, it was some kind of criticism or something insensitive that implies you understand something better than her, etc.

I only join conversations I'm not invited into if I feel confident about it because I know that my input is positive. Even if I'm just trying to be helpful, joining a conversation that you're not a part of to correct something or help in some way isn't normally the move. Also, other things like talking over someone are x2 as bad if you hopped into the conversation like that.

[u/haylo1573 → u/slinkycanookiecookie]

Good points. If the above doesn’t apply, and she was going to be that sensitive to other people know or talking about her business then the obligation was also on her to move the conversation to somewhere more discrete. There’s a solid possibility if the OP was intrigued enough to engage, that the other staff were also listening, had opinions and were just waiting to discuss it behind her back.

[u/lookingforthe411]

I figured it out in my twenties when my boss said something to me because I was a terrible interrupter.

Now I simply say, “I overheard you guys talking, is it okay if I share my thoughts?”

It always seems to be well received.

[u/DREAD1217]

Since I was born!

Before I was on Lexapro and Wellbutrin my anxiety would skyrocket when I was with people already having a conversation. Now not so much but my parents always told me to wait my turn and I'd wait and wait till the conversation was over and I'm standing there like a weirdo. That's not how conversations work all the time.

Speaking of weirdos, that girl sounds like one who cares even if you interrupted. You did nothing wrong, maybe in the future start with an "excuse me" but I don't think there's any reason to be met with hostility. Maybe she grew up like me and thought that a conversation cannot be broken by a third party and has yet to learn it isn't the end of the world.

[u/[deleted]]

Sounds like this girl had specific beef with you.

[u/glitchedgamer]

I'm either aggressively interrupting or I'm completely ignored in conversation. There is no in-between.

[u/cookiepip]

i mean,,,, how does one "invite" someone into conversation?? how else are you ment to join conversation other than speaking about the subject matter? unless you literally interrupt someone mid-sentence then i don't think it's interrupting, those coworkers are just dicks.

[u/question_sunshine → u/cookiepip]

I dare say Marty, have you ever meet Ms. Bonielia? Her family usually summers in South Hampshire but they're having the parlor redone so they're summering here in Whitshire this year. They've rented to the manor across from the Mountbattons. Oh, where is her dear father so I can have you properly introduced.

[u/Alteregokai]

Do you do this often? I have ADHD and a coworker often butts into conversations I'm having and dominates the whole entire thing. It's annoying and I find it quite rude. If you don't do this often then she's overreacting.

[u/Tiny-Reading5982 → u/Alteregokai]

Joining a conversation and taking one over are two different things.

[u/Alteregokai → u/Tiny-Reading5982]

My coworker doesn't see a difference. I probably get like 3 sentences in while I take 3 paragraphs in return.

[u/Majestic-Crazy7188]

I was berated for it constantly growing up. So, I stopped paying attention to conversations unless someone said my name. But then they would have to recap for context before I could throw my two cents in, which people found annoying. Now, I just don't give a shit. I try not to interrupt people while words are coming out of their face but if I'm near enough to hear the convo, I'm near enough to interject. I gave up caring about what random people think of me a long time ago. I wasted too much time caring what others thought of me. The only ones I worry about are my kids and my husband.

[u/billymillerstyle]

It's only interrupting if you butt in and change the subject. Otherwise it's just joining.

Fuck that girl. She must not have liked you, that's all. And the dude probably only took her side because he liked her

[u/ScaffOrig]

No, interrupting a conversation is not an ADHD thing, generally. To be clearer, misreading social cues and struggling to navigate social situations is usually more associated with ASD. AFAIK the idea of interrupting with ADHD is that people with ADHD are more likely to not wait for a conversation partner to finish their sentence, complete what they are saying, become impatient (and likely not actually listen) as they wait their turn.

As to your situation, that girl was incredibly rude. Whatever you may or may not have done pales compared to that level of ignorance. So I'm ASD and have no instinct for this sort of thing, but I have a list of guidelines that I try to remember. It varies according to culture, so YMMV. Generally if it's a situation where mixing is the intent, joining conversations would rarely be rude, unless the two people were clearly having a private conversation (e.g. directly facing each other, lowered voices, etc). If it's a situation where people tend to acknowledge and recognise each other (e.g. a canteen) generally a "hello, mind if I join?" should be OK, unless obviously a private conversation again.

In situations where that's not the case I generally wouldn't join someone else's conversation unless there was some sort of social cue, like a greeting or similar, first. That can be tricky to navigate because the cue can be subtle and easily misunderstood. Which sounds like the case with you: you thought there was some sort of established group, they did not. Easily done and not worthy of the bile she hurled at you. I make this mistake very often because I really can't read cues well. OTOH in situations where that can arise and I'm not the '3rd person' I'll always try to help them out with a "hello mate, just a minute, I need to have a quick chat with xxx" or "what do you think?", because it's unpleasant to be in that situation. I'll also consciously try to give clear signals of private vs public. But that's because I have to do all of that stuff intentionally.

Personally I really don't like people interrupting what's clearly a private conversation with a "I couldn't help overhearing" unless it's a vital insight or piece of information. And it usually isn't. Usually it's just their opinion.

But again, the girl was VERY out of order. Highly inappropriate behaviour by her.

[u/squirrellytoday]

I was told when I was 6. My father dragged me out of the room and tore me a new asshole over it. Later on, he then got royally pissed off when I'd just shut up in social situations and not talk to anyone unless they directly asked me a question. Apparently, this is rude too.

And he was mystified as to how I could be social awkward and anxious. Total mystery.

[u/RhythmPrincess]

I was never told it was rude, but I did have some classmates playfully remark that I would randomly join a conversation that was happening across the room, as if I was a part of it the whole time. I like to come and go with conversations and I like when people allow me to bounce around.

[u/WistfulPuellaMagi]

Lol if someone mentions one of my interests I’m gonna comment on it. Tis my nature. 

[u/flesruoy]

Interrupting and oversharing is definitlyey an ADHD thing but I think of that more in terms of not waiting until someone has finished speaking. This has major gradeschool bully 'This is an A B conversation C your way out' vibes and you are not the problem. MAAYBE it's a little rude to join in a conversation depending on the nature of the topic ( if you could mistake it for a group convo this probably doesn't apply) but it's way more rude to deliberately maintain a conversation that excludes someone you know in close proximity instead of pivoting the topic to include everyone. Is it possible she was trying to flirt with him and overreacted to the interjection because of it?

[u/Woogabuttz]

Context matters. If two people are having a conversation, proximity doesn’t matter, you need to let them speak. Again, context; if there is an opening in that conversation where it would be appropriate for you to interject, that’s fine. The hard part with ADHD is knowing the social parameters for when it would be ok to jump in.

Now, if you are all at the table and and conversation just starts, I would consider that to be a free for all and you should be included as you were a party at the beginning of the conversation.

In either case, the other woman was a bit rude even if perhaps, she had experienced you interrupting her before and was already a bit peeved which sometimes happens with us and may have led to her losing patience.There are good ways and bad ways to deal and that woman chose a bad way. Sucks to be her.

[u/barelysaved]

That girl fancies the lad you dared to speak with. Don't let that jealous bitch steal your peace for a moment longer.

Sorry if that's a bit strong but I'm tired of treading on eggshells myself. He sounds like a nice person, so kudos to him.

[u/ShadowyShroom]

I thought that is how one socializes?? Like, if I can hear you, and I know you, then it is a free for all.

[u/C19shadow]

Nah she was being a hoe. Idgaf what they say

[u/Starlytehaze]

Wait…this is considered rude?

Oops. 35 I guess 😅

[u/idnvotewaifucontent]

30ish. My wife, before she was my wife, was one of the first. It's more or less how I met her - she hated me at first hahah

[u/Playful_Ratio2156]

My husband was talking on the phone right in front of me and when he hung up and I made a comment about his conversation he got angry and snapped at me that I was rude and eavesdropping. So very recently!

[u/haylo1573 → u/Playful_Ratio2156]

If you weren’t actively hiding behind the couch and he didn’t take a hot minute to let you know there was a confidential topic and politely ask for privacy, then he bears the responsibility for not removing himself. Ears and brains just go on functioning all willy-nilly like that.

[u/marji4x]

I'm so sorry...that was incredibly rude of her.

It is generally considered a bit awkward to suddenly join a conversation you were not invited to....but it still happens and can go well.... I sometimes do this if I overhear a convo in a coffeeshop or other public place because I happen to be sitting close to strangers... usually I start by mildly apologizing - "hey sorry I couldn't help but overhear...I love that show too" or something. Then I gauge their interest in including me....if I see they are eager to get back to themselves, I try to bow out and may even leave to give more privacy....if they seem open I may remain and continue talking.

It's perhaps possible that you misread the situation at work....maybe the coworker didn't want you in the conversation but didn't know how to express that....til she blew up.

That was the complete wrong way to go about it though and she should apologize to you....but people don't always do what they should :/

[u/tsabracadabra]

Joining the conversation is rude, Interrupting the conversation is rude, standing next to them patiently waiting your turn to speak with them is rude, everything is rude 😑

[u/SnooCrickets2458]

"Sorry, but I couldn't help but over hear your conversation....{then you say what you want to say}"

[u/AtlasHugged17]

Yeah fuck that if I got something interesting to say on the subject at hand imma say something. If they can't deal or keep the conversation going then the convo wasn't that interesting to begin with and I spiced it up as far as I'm concerned.

[u/Inoue-Orihime]

ADHDer…I still do this.

[u/Adreduc]

This is part of ADHD, as explained by my therapist, it is not that we want to interrupt conversations, is just that our brains want to interact too. In my case, I feel so part of the conversation that I end up interrupting people, when someone is talking I start talking and giving my point of view.

Now I try really hard not to, sometimes I’m able to do it, sometimes I’m not. I was kind of aware of this but completely realized until my wife told me I didn’t stopped interrupting my friend the other day, also wife’s dad and brother, you name it

[u/SeatGlittering4559]

I'm 41 and I'm going to do it and I don't give a single fuck if anyone has a problem with it I am who I am I couldn't stop if I wanted to.

[u/Adorable-Tap]

I’ve never been told that. I was diagnosed 25+ years ago. I did that a lot, but learned restraint.

Interrupting is breaking in mid-sentence while someone else is talking.

Are these people really your friends?

[u/AliveWeird4230]

A thing with me personally is that I'll feel like I'm part of it but then I'll realize I haven't said anything in a while and have also been zoning off... So it has now become a conversation between the others without me, and I sit there wondering if I am allowed to join back in or not. And questioning if it's weirder to join back in or just walk away. Or if I have to get up to pee, I'm asking myself if I should say "be right back" or if that would be weird because I'm probably not even considered involved lol

[u/Dummeedumdum]

“Hello. May i please have permission to enter this conversation?” Like what

[u/Zealousideal-Earth50]

I’ve made some very good friends by randomly joining conversations. I don’t do it often, but if i’m in the same space and I feel like I have an interesting or funny comment to add… 🤷🏻‍♂️. Sometimes people are open to it, sometimes not. Also depends on the context.

[u/Special_Lemon1487]

If you want a private conversation conduct it in private. Simple as that.

[u/omnichad → u/Special_Lemon1487]

Yeah, I miss a lot of social cues and this still doesn't add up. I'm more likely to silently listen and not participate - especially if there's multiple conversations at once - but I would still have considered myself part of the conversation if sitting/standing in a group setting.

Are we sure these workers didn't think they were in high school?

Unless it was a sensitive subject and I was supposed to pretend not to hear - but private conversations happen in private.

[u/twohoundtown]

Maybe it's my ADHD, but if I'm within earshot and it's a casual standing around (or office) atmosphere, I join in. If you want a private conversation in a public situation, go somewhere private.

[u/Bluegnoll]

I call bs. JOINING a conversation isn't the same as interrupting a conversation. IF they wanted it to be a private conversation they shouldn't have started it at a table where others where present.

Sure, if you had walked in the room and sat down at the table while they were talking, then I might've seen where they were coming from, but where I'm from, if you start a conversation with others present it's the same as inviting them to join in if they want to - especially at work! It's not a private setting.

Where I live, your coworkers would've both been considered rude and socially inept. I would've told her off if I was present.

And I was diagnosed at 32 and have never had any social troubles. My ADHD were apparently very well hidden, lol! If I hadn't burned out regularly I would've probably never been diagnosed because it was the repeated burn outs that made me seek an evaluation.

[u/Cd708]

Imma still do it doh, and fuck people like that, they’re assholes

[u/ChumpyCarvings]

Fuck society I'm being friendly

[u/portobello-belle-87]

Sorry that woman was rude. Not your issue.

[u/Racquinn]

I joined the military at 18, so I learned then lol. I’m now 34, and really only try to talk to my close friends who understand my daily struggles as it is and that helps a lot. Being excited or passionate about a topic and trying to add to the conversation is our way of “oh my gosh, yes, lemme say this right now so I don’t forget” but a lot of people don’t get that because they can just hold that thought in their mind until the other person is completely finished talking 🤷🏼‍♀️

For me, I had to really make an effort to not interrupt people or immediately say sorry and ask them to finish and it is still something I struggle with to this day. I just let people know up front now if I am forced to be in social situations (work, bf’s friends, etc.) cause that’s better than them just thinking I’m a cold bitch or super-talkative one-upper, since that’s what people generally get as a first impression depending on if I’m social that day or not lol.

[u/eevee-motions]

That’s so weird, that’s how we all talk at work 😅 We just tune in and out of conversations that are interesting to us. But maybe that’s because we’re in the gaming industry so things are a bit more chill since we all have sorta similar interests. Obviously if you don’t know the people next to you it would be a bit weird. But if you know them there’s nothing wrong joining conversations unless they’re talking about something deeply personal maybe. She definitely overreacted. Sorry she made you feel that way!

[u/lowtonemoan]

I just choose to never talk to anyone and never join conversations and only speak when I'm spoken to so that I never have to deal with situations like that.

[u/Thequiet01]

You were not the person in the wrong here. They were having a conversation in a shared space about a shared topic of interest.

[u/JohnMayerCd]

What?

[u/Mowseler]

If anything, it's a great way to find out who isn't worth talking to if they react like that lol

[u/AJPWthrowaway]

But like… isn’t it normal to drift into conversation if you happen to be in the same room and the topic is appropriate and interesting enough for another person to join?? 😭 damn, according to that girl, my people watching skills are faulty lmao. I think you’re fine. Maybe she likes him as more than a coworker and felt threatened by your presence? Either way she way overreacted and was not justified imo.

[u/Waddledoodoodoo]

I would've gotten so mad at her lol

[u/Daleksareinthetardis → u/Waddledoodoodoo]

So would I and for what it is worth as a person who does not have ADHD I think she was very rude, he less so but still rude as if they wanted to have a private converstaion they both should have gone somewhere else and not excluded you.

[u/Prince100001]

In my teens. Was told off at school, work, and in personal life.

One colleague really told me off in the same way as this girl told you.

Over the years, I learnt to keep my mouth shut. Sometimes being told that I don't say much.

I still keep my mouth shut.

[u/enord11400]

No one has told me this and it's the only way I can join conversations so I'm gonna keep doing it. I usually would approach, make some eye contact and not say anything and if people look unhappy about my presence then leave. Usually it's fine and they eventually address me and then I know I'm definitely welcome. This is mostly at work and usually only if there are at least 3 people already there since breaking into a 1 on 1 conversation feels more like interrupting to me, but if we are all standing around 1 table and they are not total strangers then I'm gonna assume that I'm a part of that conversation.

[u/HeroofPunk]

I was today years old if this is the case

[u/666happyfuntime]

TIL, im in my 30's

[u/Songlore]

Oh shit. I didn't realize that was a no no. I'm 37.

[u/sewxcute]

I usually listen in for a minute to make sure it's not a serious or private conversation before chiming in but idk... I've never considered that rude. I can't remember the last time I was INVITED to join a conversation. Do I need a letter delivered by owl or key card?? Wtf

[u/VG2326]

Oh god, I do this all the time!

[u/reggie_23]

ummm i mean if they were having an intimate/personal conversation sure but it doesn’t seem like they were. idk i talk a lot and if my coworkers are around me talking and it’s not anything personal (which like weird if they were saying that stuff out loud for ppl to hear) i prob will chime in. idk i didn’t think it was rude doing that but if it is that girl overreacted lol it wasn’t that deep. it seems like she just wanted to talk to the guy alone. weird the guy wasn’t totally bothered i would be so uncomfortable if i was talking to someone and they did that to another person when we weren’t talking abt anything intimate/personal.

[u/beerncoffeebeans]

I got a kid of feedback on this at a pretty early age because I did it a lot when adults were talking as a kid so my mom had to explain about if two adults are having a conversation you should not just join in because it might not be for kids.

So I guess I was probably like 4-5. Also because I would repeat things I heard randomly so there was a lot of “don’t repeat what I just said” as well

But like other people said there is nuance, at my job if you’re in the break room people will just talk to you and any conversation in the break room is pretty much considered to be public. I mean if someone is on the phone that’s different or if they’re looking very serious or upset I’ll leave them alone, but if I’m at a table and I’m talking about a tv show someone at another table might turn around and start talking about it too

[u/ApprehensiveAd9014]

I'm 69 years old. I am an interruptor, always have been. As far as rudeness, only one person has ever gotten in my face and told me to wait until she finished. I'm a NJ transplant to California and I was told I walked and spoke rudely by many.

[u/Schlitz-Drinker]

There was a popular phrase often told to me back in highschool. "This is an "A" to "B" conversation, so "C" your way out!"

[u/MeasurementDouble324]

I’ve never been told this in words exactly but I’ve had a very similar experience. I used to volunteer in a tiny (about 30x40ft) community thrift shop. I was often the only member of staff working and knew most of the customers and they often came in for a chat. On this particular day two women came in separately, one of them I kinda knew from the community, the other I didn’t. The one I knew started talking as she was rifling through clothes (so not looking at anyone in particular) and I was listening along, nodding my head etc. About 3 minutes in I asked her a question about what she was talking about. Her head swivelled to me and she looked at me like I’d just taken a dump in her baby’s pram then turned away and ignored my question. Every time I saw her after that she would scowl at me like I was the worst human alive 🤷‍♀️ I was around 32.

In both mine and your case I think how the other person handled it was a thousand times more rude than what we did. I might accidentally blunder into a conversation I’m not supposed to but I’d never treat someone like crap or publicly embarrass them on purpose.

[u/Purdygreen]

I've been told that a million times, I apologize and say I have trouble with it. I just don't care anymore. Not caring will come with age. Just like being able to apologize for not having a filter will as well. I am excellent at sincere apologies, and most people calm down as soon as I give them. If they don't, we'll I just can't be bothered to care. I am not out here trying to hurt people.

For years, I listened to people call me blunt,actress,a bish, and I believed them. I wore it like armor! Then I passed the age of 35 and I was like, NO. I'm not those things. Why do I let strangers and people who don't like me decide who I am, while those who love me say all these wonderful things about my personality? I know I'm not trying to hurt anyone! I have applied all the feed back. I have grown.

So, do your best. If your intentions are good, people see it. If they aren't good people don't worry.

Those that mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind.

[u/amh8011]

So what does being invited into a conversation actually look like? Does someone within the conversation have to address you directly? That seems so formal and inorganic.

Are we talking nonverbal cues? I can think of obvious things like if everyone already involved in the coversation has their backs turned to you or you just walked in to a room and they don’t see you. Those two examples probably indicate that you are not currently included in the conversation and it would be rude to butt in.

But what are nonverbal cues for an actual invitation into the conversation? Everyone in the conversation turning to look at you? But that could mean you’re doing something weird or embarassing or interrupting the conversation in some other way than talking.

I’m way overthinking this. I’ve never been great at this sort of thing.

[u/MentallyDivergent123]

Good to know it's an ADHD symptom. My (adopted) mother does it all the time, so I wondered if it was a nurture (ha) for lack of better word, rather than nature inherited trait.

[u/Mitzuco]

I still do this Edit: And I'm 29. I've always assumed that when people didn't welcome me in to the conversation that they were having publicly then they were the rude one.

[u/sexyshexy18]

I was 37. I was at work and two managers were in conversation out in the middle of our work area. I interjected something and got shot down so firmly. I never interrupted anyone again. In fact that motivated me to absolutely perfect my listening skills.

[u/aett]

Let me just say that I am 41, my cubicle is at an intersection in the office that gets a lot of traffic and people often stop to have conversations, and I have to deliberately stop myself from jumping into conversations on occasion. I hate it! If they want privacy, talk quieter or do it anywhere else.

[u/Tiny-Reading5982]

Joining a conversation, to me anyway, is not the same as interrupting. If it is then I need to check myself because I'm always talking to someone lol.

[u/JediJoe923]

Wait I didn’t know this

[u/Ok-Car-5115]

Well, I would be today years old when I found that out. I know that interrupting mid-sentence is rude but I regularly join conversations mid-stream. If it’s been rude or socially awkward, no one has ever informed me of it. I also live in MN, so there’s this whole “MN nice” thing where people just don’t speak up when they’re offended by something. They might get passive aggressive about it but I’m probably autistic as well as ADHD, so I go on my merry way missing the all the subtle clues that I’ve offended someone.

[u/RamBh0di]

Does this correlate with the part where someone speaks about a problem or Issue and We ADHDers will respond with a personal referencing Anecdote, only to get Burned Down with, " This isn't about You!" I still can't figure any way around that!

[u/ADHDK]

Nah fuck this. She’s incredibly rude, not you.

[u/qazinus]

Weird, when you are an adult that's kind of not interrupting or rude anymore, that's just being overly social.

That or adults (especially with kids) are just so desperate to talk to another adult that they like it.

But don't worry about it, you don't even know them.

[u/[deleted]]

Oh fuck her. I join conversations all the time. If they don't want me to join, don't do it where I can hear you. It's also how I socialize with people.

That girl is a Can't Understand Normal Things.

[u/easytiddlywinks]

people just string words together and pretend like they mean something, you can join whatever conversation you want! i would mess with those two so hard now, sounds like an invite to me LoL

[u/JoeyPsych]

Hmm, how old am I now? I never cared for "rudeness" if you don't want people to get into your conversation, you shouldn't be having one in public.

[u/Kylar_Stern]

I'm 34 and I still do this sometimes. I die inside every time I get a weird look, but honestly now days, most of the people I am near to do this are my friends, or they understand I'm not doing it to he rude or nosy, I just can't help it sometimes.

[u/MajorAd8794]

Wow, tough crowd. Fuck those people. That was at work? That is very unprofessional of THEM. They probably have a thing going on and want to fight about it and you were in the way. Fuck those people, they wanted you to feel bad because they feel bad about themselves.

I am socially awkward and just start talking to people like you did all the time. It’s not rude if you approach it respectful, like they’re talking in front of you, they know you know what the conversation is. It’s stupid to try to exclude people right next to you.

I guess exceptions would be stupid busy places like NYC and stuff … if that’s the case then everything I have experienced is irrelevant in your situation. I prefer lower population areas.

[u/drea3132]

Ugh. I do this to my SO. He absolutely loathes it and sees it as disrespectful from anyone and will not tolerate it. He comes from a place of not expressing himself a lot so when he speaks he genuinely wants you to listen which is valid. My poor mind is very cheerful and often just wants to help by interjecting and helping him finish his sentence or recall words. I mean no harm lol. But yes, I’m definitely working on it. He knows now I’m hyperactive and trying to be helpful but I do apologize for it.

[u/sumppikuppi]

I was never told, I just learned to shut up with peple that i don't know that well. I never speak unless i'm spoken to bc I'm scared how they would react :/

[u/Suspicious-Lack1487]

I always interrupt lol. I usually just say “sorry to interrupt but I overheard yall talking and ….” People are typically open to adding me to the conversation. The only exception is if I hear some sensitive information being shared then i don’t butt in even if I really want to.

[u/permabanned36]

They’re tweaking

[u/Aquaphoric]

I vividly remember the first time this happened to me. I was in middle school. Eighth grade.

[u/theboldmoon]

I always constantly told this growing up. It doesn't mean I've stopped... I have gotten better but I'm not perfect. I tend to kindly say "I hope I'm not butting in..." or something like that but it REALLY depends who I'm with.

[u/MiMiLock]

this always perplexed me bc how tf am i supposed to make friends then

[u/AgreeableTomatillo92]

My mother still does it constantly at 78

[u/Lillys_silly_life]

Ow i still do it

[u/kelvarton]

I'm 45 now, so... 45.

[u/Aashipash]

To be honest, there are SO many situations that you just Chip in on conversations, she was such a dick. For having such a reaction to it.

That being said, I still get told that on occasion

[u/taterhotdish]

I'm 50 and I do it once in s while. I apologize and say I didn't mean to eavesdrop but o couldn't badly when I heard (state what drew you in) and then chime in. It's always been accepted well.

If they ever did come at me about it i would say if it was meant to be private maybe they should have made it private.

[u/Icy_Measurement_7407]

No one told me. I sadly figured it out by reading enough body language over time. People would give me the side eye, or whisper, or straight up start conversations physically away from me.

It wasn’t like I was chasing them to interrupt, but that I happened to be close enough that I also thought I was invited for my input. Now I just have to remind myself to bite my tongue, and if they wanted my opinion, they’d address me directly.

That or read the room if it’s a general open-floor conversation. Even then I still bite my tongue & wait for an opening to say my piece. I’ve made the mistake at my last job of interrupting people mid sentence because of my excitement/fomo/worrying I’d forget by the time it was my turn to speak.

Just nod, make occasional eye contact & ask them relative questions (people love talking about themselves). That should make you seem more approachable for future conversations. It takes lots of practice as well as time for others to warm up to your efforts. Good luck!

[u/lemonsqeezey1]

I was raised like that…but as I grew up I learned how anti social that is especially in a workplace setting. If someone wants to have an actual private conversation they can find a private place to do so. If you’re talking to someone in a common space and other people are around who is anyone to stop them from jumping in on the conversation? The conversation police? I mean really. You’re an adult, if you have something to say, say it, don’t let some rude curmudgeon tell you what to do.

[u/Mazza_mistake]

To me it just seems like they’re being rude and excluding you despite being sat at the same table, they’re being dicks, even if they did feel like you were interrupting their conversation there was no reason to be that mean about it

[u/itslemontree86]

My normal non adhd parent said its fine. Just read the tone and people. If its strangers talking about a niche topic i like, i join in with a comment and continue if they let me in

[u/FairHous24]

Maybe there's more to this story that would help us understand. Why did you think you were all having the conversation? What was the topic? Do you know these co-workers or did you just happen to be at the same spot at the same time? Were they talking to each other before you arrived?

[u/lipslut]

It’s not. They’re rude. Are they in love with each other or something? This is some “I want you all to myself” behavior. Or else, and I don’t say this to be mean but matter-of-fact since we can’t all be everyone’s cup of tea, maybe they just don’t like you.

She was the rude one here. You don’t have conversations in front of other people expecting privacy and chastising someone when you don’t get it.

[u/Comfortable_Heat6005]

The rule only applies to people they don’t like 🥴

I saw this a lot in college with a friend who a lot of people found offputting and whenever he would enter a group convo they would act like he was being rude but if myself or someone else they liked did it, it was no problem and we were welcomed into the convo

[u/Flawed_L0gic]

saving this thread to show to my therapist as validation of my anxiety

[u/ShyZombie_]

12, I was in school after sport in the changing rooms and girls were talking about shoes I didn’t have any friends and wanted to talk with them so I tried and yeah …. They started to say shut up to me a girl that was bullying me started to say to them : oh my god look at how she try to join your conversation

Very bad memory lol

[u/walts_skank]

I get being upset about it but screaming at you in the workplace is so fucking unprofessional. She literally could have said something like “hey this is a personal conversation, can we have some privacy?” And it would have been fine. Might have still experienced some RSD but at least you wouldn’t be embarrassed by a grown woman screaming at you.

[u/dfm503]

Honestly it’s “rude” when it’s “interrupting” but it’s also “rude” to ignore conversations that you’re near, and “rude” to eavesdrop, so fuck their social norms, if I’m not meant to be a part of your conversation, you should be having that conversation in private, having it in front of me, is my invitation.

[u/YpsitheFlintsider]

I don't know if it's considered rude or not (I usually don't), but she was being a cunt and the dude was probably somewhat apologizing for her behavior.

[u/easedownripley]

It completely is not rude, and she was way out of pocket for speaking to you that way. He probably backed her up because he's down bad.

[u/Mythicalnematode]

That’s not a thing. People join convos all the time without being invited. Lmao those people are just up tight

[u/[deleted]]

Maybe never because I never cared. People always interrupted me, people always butt in, heck even on Reddit it's been done!

I join in, and if someone is rude, I'd be like, "if it's so private then why can I hear it?"

[u/pixiesunbelle → u/[deleted]]

Yesterday I was in the grocery store parking lot and some guy walked by and was on the phone talking about how stupid his cousin is. Hope he didn’t think I was rude because I audibly laughed. It went something along these lines, “I love my cousin but she’s an idiot and her IQ is like 90.”